Morning came around too soon. What little sleep they had managed to get was finally disturbed by the ringing of the phone by Brian’s head. He automatically reached out and answered it with a gruff “’Ello?”
“Hey, Rok, wakeup call! Busses are out in thirty.” Howie said cheerfully into his ear.
Manners kicked in enough that Brian didn’t snarl or sigh the way he wanted to. Instead he just said “Thanks, D.” And hung up the phone. Awake now, though he really didn’t want to be, Brian looked over at the body curled against his side. Amazement slid through him, followed quickly by mortification. What had he done? Not just once, either. Not even just twice. He lost count of how many times they had been together through the long night, and it how many different places in the room.
It had been like an animal inside of him had been set free. Once he’d let it out, there was no bringing it back in. Not one time had they been sweet and gentle with each other. Always it was hard and hot with just that slick edge of violence to make things even more thrilling. The things he had done…! Things that had made him moan and write and thrill now left him with shame slick in his throat.
Not only that, but he had done all this with a man. A man. Since when did he think of men this way? Since when had a man turned him on? Not just any man either, but one that he had never got along with! They fought consistently. How had that transformed into this?
He couldn’t just blame it all on AJ either. There was no saying that AJ had taken advantage of him. Brian clearly remembered clawing at him to bring him closer because he needed to feel skin against skin. He remembered demanding that AJ stop teasing him. Asking him to go harder. But more than that, he remembered spinning AJ around in the shower, slamming his face into the wall, and taking him like an animal as the water beat down on them.
Against his side AJ shifted slightly, automatically snuggling closer to the warmth. For as fierce and tough as they had been with one another, it put an odd feeling in Brian’s stomach to see AJ without his guard up. He was cuddly. That wasn’t what Brian had expected.
One of AJ’s eyes cracked open, rolling up to look at Brian’s face. “Mm. ‘S morning already?” he mumbled.
“Yeah.” Brian answered softly. He didn’t know what to say, or what to do. How were you supposed to act after a night like they’d had?
A hand lazily slapped at his hip. “I can hear you thinking.” Rolling his head back, AJ gave him a half sleepy, half serious look. “Truce is over, I take it?”
He didn’t know how to answer. They had hated one another for so long. This…this just complicated things. “This can’t happen again.” The words weren’t what he had intended to say but they popped out of his mouth.
Ever so slowly AJ sat up, looking down at him. “Pardon me?”
Brian sat up as well, not wanting to feel at a disadvantage. He couldn’t seem to order his thoughts together right, but one thing was clear. This could never happen again. This wasn’t him. “I can’t do this again. We can’t do this again.”
Instantly he could see that he’d put AJ’s back up. “Who said I wanted to do it again?” he asked coldly, rising from the bed. He walked with no concern for his lack of clothes, moving to his suitcase. “It was fun, sure, but you’ve got a hell of a lot more baggage than I want to deal with, Littrell.”
A small part of Brian recognized that he’d wounded AJ’s pride and that was why he was lashing out. But the bigger part of him was used to fighting with AJ and to responding back to him. It came instinctively. “Look who’s talking about baggage! I never asked you to take me on. I’m telling you that this was a mistake. It never should have happened. I’m not gay, AJ.”
Harsh laughter came from AJ as he straightened up and pulled his shorts and pants on. “Really? Could have fooled me. Or was it someone else who was inside me last night? Someone else that I buried myself in?”
“Don’t be vulgar.”
Frustrated, Brian climbed from the bed, trying to ignore the ache that flared to life as he tried to walk. Even if he’d tried to deny what they’d done, that ache was there as testament. But he kept his poker face on as he walked to his suitcase and grabbed the first outfit he came across.
“Vulgar? Oh, Littrell, you haven’t seen vulgar yet. It can get so much worse.”
Without buttoning his pants, Brian spun around to glare at his roommate. “What do you want from me here, AJ? What is the point of this backbiting this morning? We had one random night. It’s over, it’s done with. It sure as heck won’t happen again. Can’t you understand that this is difficult for me? I’m not like you!”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth Brian regretted them. He saw the look that flashed over AJ’s face for just a quick instant before his shield came down. There had been hurt there. He hadn’t wanted to hurt him, not like that. But he couldn’t open his mouth to take the words back.
AJ took a deep breath before yanking his shirt on and pushing his shoes into his feet. He shoved the lid on the suitcase down and zipped it shut furiously. “Not like me?” He asked suddenly, his voice as hard and cold as ice. As he put his coat on he glared at Brian, pinning him to where he was. “Yeah, I know exactly what you fucking think of me. Fucking idiot I am I forgot that for a while. Won’t happen again.”
Pulling his shades on, AJ grabbed his stuff and moved toward the door. He stopped by the foot of Brian’s bed to glare at him. “You think you’re so high and fucking mighty up there on your pedestal. Really, you’re mortal, just like the rest of us. You think you’re something special? You’re nothing but a narrow minded little prick. You know what I have to say to you? Fuck off, Saint Littrell.” On that note, AJ stormed from the room.
Brian plopped down on the bed once the door was shut. All of his anger drained from him and he felt tears rise up in his eyes. What on earth was going on here? When had his world changed so much? He couldn’t seem to get his thoughts straight. One part of him wanted to chase after AJ, to yell and swear and tell him how wrong he was. The other part wanted to drag AJ back in the hotel room and kiss him until they both forgot what they were fighting about.
That was the hardest part of all. He was not gay. Men didn’t turn him on. The bible had taught him early on how those kinds of relationships were to be viewed. Granted, since he’d been in the business, his eyes had been opened a little more. How other people lived their life was one thing. If one of his friends or family told him that they were gay, he wouldn’t cut them out of his life. He would still love them no matter what. But there was no way that he, himself was gay. No way.
The only one to ever make that fire in him was AJ. No one, man or woman, had ever made him feel like that before. No man had ever made him feel anything but brotherly love before. But this, this was just lust. Right? You couldn’t care for someone that you fought with all the time.
It was just too confusing. Gathering up his shirt, Brian moved to the bathroom to finish packing for the bus. He would think of all this later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
That God-damn, self-righteous, sanctimonious little prick! AJ fumed to himself as he rode the elevator down to the parking garage. What kind of fucking nerve did someone have to have to act that way just moments after waking up in bed with the person they’d been fucking all night? ‘I’m not like you’. Holy fucking God.
If he was honest, AJ would admit that that comment hurt. But he dealt so much better with anger than with hurt. So he embraced the temper raging inside of him, using it as a cushion. Not only against the hurt, but against everything else that last night had made him feel, which was way too much. So much more than he had ever thought.
Exiting into the parking garage, AJ headed toward the two busses parked there. The rest of the band was standing there talking. The sight of them set AJ’s teeth even more on edge. Right then he didn’t want to see anyone. He wanted to get on his bus and put his headphones on and hide in his bunk.
Howie saw him first. “Hey, J! That was fast.” He called out in a friendly tone. AJ didn’t bother responding, but no one thought that out of the norm. He wasn’t one for talking when he first woke up. Oh well. Let them think whatever they wanted. Ass holes.
“You’re on this bus, Age.” Kevin spoke up, tapping the bus behind him. “You and…holy shit. What the hell happened to your face?”
AJ kept coming closer, ignoring them. He knew which bus to get on now. That was all that was important. But when he got close enough, Kevin put a hand on his arm even as Nick was explaining what he knew. “AJ, are you ok?”
Fury boiled under AJ’s skin. He practically snarled as he jerked his arm free and thumped onto the bus. Behind him he heard someone start to follow, and Howie’s voice saying “Just let him be, guys. Now’s not the time to talk to him.”
He threw his bag into the bunk he usually preferred, not caring at the thump it made. Then he marched into the kitchen area and started to make coffee. With the front door open he could hear the conversation going on outside clear as a bell, despite their whispers.
“Management has to back off sometime. Their stupid plan isn’t working!” Nick hissed. “Brian’s miserable and J’s becoming a bear to be around!”
“There’s nothing I can do about it. They’re set on this.” Kevin, this time.
Ever the peacemaker, Howie’s voice came next. “Just let him be, guys. We don’t know what goes on behind closed doors….”
AJ snorted as he stuck grounds in the filter. They had no idea!
“….but it’s between them. Maybe we just need to butt out.”
“I want to know what he’s doing to Brian to get him so upset!” Kevin whispered furiously. That one stung, as it always did. That’s right he thought. Always AJ’s fault. Blame it on me. The bad boy. Whatever makes your perfect little world happier.
“Damn it!” That was Howie swearing, and it caught AJ’s attention. He cocked his head to listen. “You always have to blame him, Kev! I know Bri’s your cousin and shit, but can’t you give the kid the benefit of the doubt sometimes? We’ve all seen them fight. It’s not always AJ who starts them. Brian’s just as guilty!”
Well, go Howie. That threw AJ for a minute. He’d never heard anyone stick up for him before. He felt a surge of love for his best friend. Should have known he’d have your back, idiot he told himself. Still, it was nice to hear it.
Another voice came in the mix, and this one had AJ’s body locking down even as his brain snarled again.
“Why don’t you all just stop discussing us and trying to pin blame on one person or another?” Brian’s angry sounding voice echoed in the parking garage. “What’s between AJ and I is between us. We aren’t letting it affect shows or anything like that. Keep your noses out of our business, before I help you keep them out.”
Oh ho! Brian, threatening people? Wow. Now, that was amazing! Not something he had ever expected. AJ grabbed a mug, barely paying attention to what he was doing anymore, so intent was he on the conversation outside.
"We just worry about you.” Kevin was trying to explain.
This time Brian’s voice was much closer, and much easier to hear the anger in. “You worry too much. I’m not twelve anymore, Kev. I can handle myself just fine. You need to stay out, and while we’re at it, quit treating AJ like crap because of my fight with him. He hasn’t done anything to you, but you judge him based on what’s between him and I.”
“He hurts you, Bri. I can’t let that go!”
“Well you’ll just have to learn. I love you, Kev, but you’re being blind in this. You have no idea what happened between us, so don’t presume to pass judgment. Now, which is my bus?”
There was quiet for a moment. AJ guessed that they were all in shock at Brian talking to them that way. He had never really raised a voice to any of them, let alone Kevin. Their faces were probably priceless! But, AJ had to admit, he was shocked too. Brian had defended him? Brian had defended him? Had the moon turned to cheese when he wasn’t looking?
So lost in thought was he that AJ didn’t notice everyone dispersing to their busses until the driver turned the bus on. Only then did he raised his head, hearing someone come up the stairs. Just one someone. Shit. Shit! Before he completely turned his head, AJ knew who it was going to be.
Sure enough, when he looked to the front of the bus, he locked eyes with none other than Brian Littrell. Shit.