For the next short while it did seem like AJ was trying to get better. Brian noticed that he didn’t stay as late at the parties, and one he even came down and knocked on the door while everyone was gone. That had been a wonderful night.
The both of them were getting frustrated by having to hide, yet they were both terrified that the groups reaction would be something like Denise’s had. Thinking about his mother’s reaction had AJ stressing, but he was trying to work through it. Trying to come out the other side without letting it bother him too much. With Brian’s help, he was succeeding. To show his lover how much he appreciated it, AJ worked hard to figure out something for Brian’s birthday.
It was sheer luck that they got to share their room that night. So while the others were heading downstairs to go to the group party that was planned, AJ took an extra minute to lay things out in the room. He set out candles, leaving them unlit, and tossed rose petals all over the bed. To anyone who looked in there it would look like he set it up for a night of sex, but they would never guess the one he’d have in there would be AJ.
Once he had those ready he ran from the room to catch up with everyone else. He was the last one to climb into the van so he was stuck sitting next to Howie. The two chatted on the way to the club they were taking Brian to.
It amazed AJ that the others had planned this out, taking Brian to the club and partying, for Brian’s birthday. Didn’t they know their friend at all? He’d tried to suggest other things to them, stuff that he might like, but they’d been insistent on this. AJ just shook his head. Brian hated clubs, really. They just weren’t his kind of thing. But for his friends he would tolerate it.
That was about what Brian was thinking as they led him inside. This wasn’t his idea of a party, but he would tolerate it for their sakes. They’d obviously wanted to do something for him and it would have been rude to complain about it.
After the first few birthday shots, though, he started to decline extra drinks. Alcohol wasn’t what he really wanted.
Looking out to the dance floor where Nick had dragged AJ moments ago, Brian found himself smiling. Dragged was the appropriate word. AJ had been sticking close to Brian since they’d come into the club. All Brian really wanted was alone time with AJ. That would be the perfect birthday present. For a few moments he let his mind run with that, not realizing how it made his smile grow until AJ joined him again and leaned over to whisper in his ear. “Grin any bigger and you’ll give us away, love.”
He made an honest effort to control it. “Sorry.” He mumbled into his glass as he pretended to take a drink. “Thinking about things.”
“Just be patient. Your present will be worth the wait.” AJ said, showing that uncanny knack he had for reading into Brian’s mind.
Before they could continue their flirting, Howie was there and was taking Brian’s arm, pulling him over to the bar to try to order him another drink. From the corner of his eye, Brian watched as AJ slammed a couple more shots and joined Nick back out on the dance floor. They’d been there for maybe thirty minutes and AJ had already had five shots. That worried him a little. But he didn’t have much time to think about it as Kevin and Howie took him on the dance floor and they were all lost in the music.
Two hours later Brian was ready to go back to the hotel. His eyes scanned the room, trying to find where AJ was and let him know that he was ready to leave. After a few looks around he finally found him at the bar, throwing back another shot. Annoyance had Brian’s eyebrows slamming down. Every time he looked at AJ it seemed that he was taking another drink.
After putting his glass down, AJ disappeared off through the door in the wall that led back to the bathrooms. Determined, Brian set off to follow. He felt his irritation growing the whole way back there. Damn it, AJ had said he wasn’t going to drink like this anymore! Of all days to break that promise, he chose to do it on Brian’s birthday? Seriously?
By the time Brian reached the bathroom he had seriously worked up a huge case of mad. What he saw when he opened the door set it off. There AJ was with some other dude, leaning over the sinks edge and snorting a line of cocaine. Cocaine!
AJ’s head snapped up when the door opened and he got that deer in the headlights look. “Shit.”
“Shit is right.” Brian swore at him. He took one look at the other guy and pointed to the door. “You. Out. Now.”
The guy didn’t waste any time. He shot out the door as quick as a flash. Once he had, Brian flipped the lock so no one else would come in. Then he turned toward AJ, more furious than he ever had been in his entire life. “What the hell were you doing?”
“Brian, it really wasn’t as bad as it looks. It was just a little line, not much at all…”
Brian practically hissed in his anger. “A little line? Just a little line? What are you doing here at all! How many times have you done this, Age?”
There was honest panic in AJ’s face, but he was smart enough to not try to step toward Brian right then. “Just a few times, baby. Someone brings it to a party, an it just spices things up a little bit.”
“You were doing it on the edge of a nasty bathroom sink, AJ!” Brian shouted at him. He flung one hand out to where some still sat. “That tells me you had to have been craving to be willing to do it there, which says you’ve done it more than a few times. Tell me the damn truth, AJ! How often do you do this shit?”
The drug and the alcohol in AJ’s system had his temper higher than normal. “Look, what’s the big deal? It’s just a little fucking coke, Bri. It’s not like I’m rigging heroin or anything like that. Just a line for a little fun here and there.”
“That shits dangerous! You’re fucking with your health. It can kill you, Alex!”
“Oh, God. It’s not going to kill me! Why are you being so fucking dramatic? I just did a fucking line, that’s it! Loosen up, Brother Brian!”
Those words were like a slap in the face. Brian took a step back, his heart throbbing. “It may be nothing to you, but it’s a big deal to me. I won’t be with someone who does drugs, AJ. Please, just stop. Walk away with me now and lets go back to the hotel an talk about this.”
But the drug had already kicked in for AJ and he was flying high. Nothing bothered him. “I’m not ready to go back. I want to party more. You go back to the hotel if you want to. I’m going back out on the floor.”
“Alex, please. Come with me.” Brian reached a hand out, trying to touch him, to talk to him, but AJ shied away from him.
“Fuck, man, you’re not my mom and I’m not your bitch. You want to go then fucking go. Your fucking ass is boring anyways. I’m going to have fun.” That said, AJ bounced toward the door. Brian’s quiet voice had him stopping. “So help me God, AJ, if you go out that door like this, don’t ever think of coming back to me again. I refuse to live like this. I refuse to be lied to about things, and have you hide things, and watch you kill yourself.”
“Your choice, man.” With that, AJ went out the door.
For just a moment Brian stood there, watching as the one he loved left. Right there in the dirty, dingy bathroom, drugs still on the sink counter, Brian felt his heart break.
Somehow he got out of there, out of the club, without anyone noticing. Some birthday this was. No one even noticed that he left his own party. The club they were at wasn’t far from the hotel, so Brian set out to walk. His brain felt frozen, unable to think beyond those nasty words that had come out of AJ’s mouth. Never had he talked to Brian that way. Never. Oh, he knew it was the drugs talking, but it didn’t make it any easier.
He hadn’t lied when he told AJ he wouldn’t be with someone who did drugs. There was no way he could be in a relationship with someone who would put those addictions first.
Somehow Brian managed to make it back to his hotel room without crying. It was when he opened the door and saw the rose petals and candles everywhere that the tears came. This was the AJ he knew. This was his Alex. Alex was the type to plan an evening like this, all romantic and such for his partner. The tears came hard and fast as he curled up on his bed, surrounded by petals that his lover had left for him. Happy birthday, Brian, he thought to himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
AJ woke with a raging headache the next morning. He shifted his body, trying to get it slightly more comfortable. That was how he realized he wasn’t in bed. One eye peeked gently open, enough to see the toilet nearby. Oh, fuck, he’d passed out in the fucking bathroom. Brian was going to kill him for that. AJ winced again, and this time it wasn’t because of the headache.
God, how could he have been so stupid as to get that fucking drunk on Brian’s birthday? What kind of a person was he to do something like that? Something teased at the edges of his mind; being halfway drunk, walking into the bathroom with that guy. The coke. Oh, God, the coke. Brian. Moaning, AJ tried to lurch to his feet. An angels voice stopped him.
“You’ll just make yourself sick if you move that fast.”
He didn’t care about making himself sick. In his mind AJ could hear the way he’d talked to Brian and he hated himself. “Bri!” he croaked out. “God, Bri, I’m so sorry.”
“Save it, AJ.”
The coldness of those two words went straight to AJ’s heart. Panic started to build. He pried his eyes open and forced himself to look up past the blinding light and at his lovers face. Brian stood framed in the door way, leaning against one shoulder. His face was hard, all except for his eyes. The way they were rimmed in red showed testament to the tears he’d cried. Tears that were AJ’s fault. He felt his own fill with tears.
“I have one question for you, AJ.”
“Anything, Bri.” He answered quickly.
“Will you quit? The coke, the drinking, all of it?”
“I’ll never touch the coke again, Bri, I can swear that. Please, baby…”
Brian cut him off as if he wasn’t even talking. “The alcohol?”
“I…that doesn’t really make any problems. It, it helps. You know that. It helps with it.” His voice was weak underneath the glare that Brian gave him. He could tell in an instant that his answer was wrong. Brian shook his head. “Until you get your shit straight, Alex, I can’t do this. I won’t do it. You can’t even sit here and tell me that for the sake of our relationship, you’ll quit drinking. You need help. But you knew how I felt about this and you did it anyways. Not only that, but you kept it from me. You lied to me.”
Putting one hand on the door handle, Brian gave him one last, lingering look. “I’ll always be waiting for you. Waiting for the day you’re ready to be clean, J. Until then, I just can’t be here. I’ve put my stuff in Nick’s room. I’ll stay there.” With that he shut the door and he was gone.
AJ was too stunned to move. He sat there, tears in his eyes, coursing down his cheeks. Where the hell had shit gone so wrong? So he drank a little. Who cared? He did a line of coke once in a while! But for Brian to walk away from him….that was heartbreaking.
He’d trusted Brian to stand by him no matter what. Yet here he was, the first big bump in the road and he ran. It just goes to show you can’t trust anyone. Everyone fucks you over eventually. Who needed him anyways? Building up a nice anger, AJ got to his feet and headed to the mini bar. There he poured a shot of straight whiskey and downed it like a champ. Who needed them fuckers anyways? Not him. He’d be fine on his own.
Maybe, if he said that often enough, he’d believe it.