It was the most beautiful night that either man had ever had. They spent all night long loving one another and just relishing in their happiness. The night was for love and nothing more. All problems were pushed aside, all trouble forgotten. Nothing else entered the room with them but one another. When they finally came down in the morning to check out, the other guys were already waiting in the lobby for them.
Somehow the two managed to not hold hands as they joined their friends. After the night they had it was difficult not to. But until they told Brian’s parents they weren’t going to chance someone seeing them and reporting it to the media. The last thing they needed was to show up on Jackie and Harold’s doorstep and have them angry because they’d seen it all on TV already.
They couldn’t keep the smiles off their faces, though. That would have been utterly impossible after a night like they had.
Nick shook his head at them when the couple joined them in the lobby. “You two better tone it down a level or twelve.” He teased them. “You guys are practically glowing.”
If anything, their smiles grew bigger. Brian stepped away from AJ to take a turn hugging all of his friends. “Thank you for helping him get things together to do this for me.” He told them all. Each one insisted that it was their pleasure.
Kevin surprised them all by being the sentimental one. “Let me see the ring already, Brian! I’ve been dying. D’s the only one that got to see it beforehand.” He complained in a teasing voice. They drew into a circle, standing so that no one would be able to see what they were looking at if they were being watched, which they usually were. Brian and AJ both held their hands out, allowing the others to admire the rings.
“Oh, I like the symbol in there!” Nick exclaimed, taking Brian’s hand and turning it this way and that. “It looks really cool with the stones in there. What made you pick those colors, J?”
“Those symbols are called infinity circles. I thought it seemed appropriate. But the gems, well, those are our birthstones. Mines the garnet, his is amethyst. The guy showed these to me and I knew they were perfect.” AJ explained. His eyes were bright with love and his smile was so big it was crinkling his eyes. Brian was just as happy. Like Nick had said, the two were glowing.
Howie embraced both his friends. When he pulled back he was smiling at them, tears in his eyes. “I am so happy for the two of you. You guys are wonderful for one another.” Pausing, he cast a look around the lobby, noticing random people starting to watch their tight circle. “From the way you walked in I guess you two aren’t ready to let the public know about you yet.”
“Just until we tell my parents.” Brian explained easily. His eyes drifted to AJ and glowed a little brighter. “After that, we don’t care who knows. We love one another and that’s what counts.”
“Well, I hate to say it, but shouldn’t you guys put the rings away until them? I mean, if someone catches that and connects it then it’ll be all over the press. An you know how reporters watch for wedding bands with us. They’ll see those pretty quickly.”
AJ and Brian looked at one another and chuckled before looking back at their friends. This was something they had discussed, and something that Brian had been adamant on. “I will not take this off.” Brian told his friends. “Age suggested the same thing, but I don’t care. This will not come off my finger unless I’m forced to take it off. I have no shame when it comes to loving him. If they happen to discover before we tell them, oh well. I can’t be anything but excited and proud to marry the person I love.”
Kevin smiled at them, happy to see his friends and family so happy. “Well guys, we better get going if we want to make our flights. Make the most of your breaks and we’ll see one another again when we get back.”
Everyone said their goodbyes and gave hugs before setting off to their different destinations.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brian couldn’t help but smile over at AJ as the car got closer and closer to his parent’s house. His boyfriend…no, his fiancée. That was a thought that had him grinning. His fiancée was nervously playing with the hem of his shirt and biting at his lip. “Age, will you calm down.” Brian teased him, reaching back to the backseat to take his hand. Kevin was driving them. “How on earth is it that you’re more nervous than I am?”
“How is it you’re not nervous? God, I feel like a teenager being brought home to meet the parents.” AJ exclaimed. That comment had both Kevin and Brian laughing.
“Baby, you’ve met my parents before, so it’s not really the same. Will you stop worrying so much? Things will be fine.”
“What…what if they flip? I mean, well, look at me!”
That had Brian turning even more in his seat. His eyebrows drew down as he looked at AJ. “I am looking at you. What is it I’m supposed to be seeing?” he demanded, having a feeling that he knew where this was going and not liking it one little bit. The look that Kevin slanted at him said that he too had guessed what was on AJ’s mind.
AJ pulled his hand free and gestured at himself. “I’ve never exactly been the guy that people take home to meet mom. I’ve always been the guy people’s moms warned them way from!”
“Be quiet, you idiot.” The words were said lovingly, but with a slight annoyance to them. “You do know that what they have to say about you really doesn’t matter? It won’t change how I feel about you one little bit. You’ll still be the man I love. If they can’t see that, then who cares?”
Somewhere along the way in their relationship Brian had felt himself change. Maybe it had been what they’d gone through with Denise, or with AJ’s addiction, but Brian had found a confidence that he hadn’t had before. The approval of his family didn’t matter as much. Neither did what the general public thought. Before it had bothered him, how everyone would react. He’d worried about the taunts and anger and what people would have to say. But he and AJ had been through so much so far on this tour alone. Yet they had survived it. Here they were, still together and stronger than ever. The man he loved had asked him to marry him, and he’d said yes. Nothing anyone said was going to change that.
“But look at me, Bri! Look at me from their perspective. I can’t blame them if they get mad. I mean, I’m a freak with a bad reputation, even in the boy band world. I’m a recovering addict on top of all that. Now we’re going to tell them that you’re gay and we’re getting married? Jesus, I’d shit if they didn’t flip out on us. My own mother doesn’t even speak to me anymore.”
“Look, Alex, none of those things matter.” Kevin spoke up as he took another turn off. “What matters is what you two feel for one another. Is anyone else’s opinion really that important to get yourself this upset over? In the end it’s you and Brian who will be living your lives, not anyone else.”
“Easy to say when it’s not you that’s going to be under the microscope.” AJ grumbled. But he sounded less stressed and he stopped fiddling with his shirt. After another moment of silence he even offered Brian a small smile. “Sorry, love. I should be here supporting you, not freaking out.”
Brian gave him that wide grin that AJ loved so much. “Heck, baby, if you weren’t freaking out about something I’d think you were sick.”
“Fuck off, you jerk. I’m not that bad.”
Two discreet coughs from the front seat had AJ laughing against his will. “You two are horrible!” he told them. “I don’t stand a chance when you gang up on me. This ought to be an interesting vacation.”
“To say the least.” Brian teased.
The car turned into the driveway for the house right then and they grew silent. This really was important. Brian was nervous, he wouldn’t deny that, but not for the reasons that anyone would have thought. Yes, he worried that they would hate him or that they would cut off from him. If they did it would hurt, he wouldn’t say otherwise. But he was surprised to learn that the thing that worried him the most was how they would treat AJ. That had his lips curving while Kevin parked the car. If he’d doubted it before, which he hadn’t, that thought would have showed him who was the most important in his life. There was no one for him but AJ.
Jackie flung the door open even as they climbed from the car. “You’re here!” she called out happily, running toward her son. Brian caught her and lifted her up, spinning her in a circle before putting her down to hug her. AJ thought to himself that she practically glowed with happiness at seeing her son. Once he was hugged and kissed, Jackie moved to Kevin and gave him hugs and kisses as well, exclaiming over how good he looked and how happy she was to see him.
Then she moved over to AJ. Each of the guys was close with the other member’s families. After being together for so many years they were all like one giant extended family. “AJ, look at you!” she exclaimed after hugging him tightly. She put her hands on his shoulders and held him out for inspection. “You’re still too skinny by half, but you’re looking good. Healthy! Well, we’ll see what weight we can add on while you’re here.”
“You know I don’t turn down home cooking.” AJ replied with a grin.
Jackie laughed and started to lead them toward the house. “Well, come on in. Supper’s in the oven and it should be ready in about twenty minutes. I made my lasagna for y’all.”
The three men practically moaned as they stepped inside. Kevin hugged her to his side with one arm. “Aunt Jackie, you sure know a way to a man’s heart.”
“That’s how she snagged me.” Harold Sr. teased as he walked into the living room, smiling at them all. “I tasted her lasagna and knew that I had to marry this woman.”
Jackie swatted playfully at his arm as she went past to the kitchen to check on supper. “Oh, get on with you.” She teased her husband happily. It had always made AJ smile to watch Harold and Jackie together. Anyone could see that, after all the years they’d been together they still loved one another deeply. Theirs was a love that would last ages. He hoped that when he and Brian had been together that long they could still laugh and tease and flirt together that way.
“Dad.” Brian said warmly, moving to embrace his father. “It’s good to see you!”
“Good to see you too, son. We missed you last break. Your mom said something came up and you couldn’t come home. But we’re glad to have you here for now.” Harold’s gaze shifted to the others. “You two as well.”
Kevin stepped forward and wrapped Harold in his arms for a big hug. “How you been, Uncle Harold?”
“Oh, fair to middling, Kevin. Been a while since we’ve had you come stay with us. I thought for sure you’d be over at your Mom’s place.”
“Well, I thought I’d be nice to visit with you guys for a little while. I might pop over there a bit before going back. We’ve got two weeks for our break this time.”
AJ hung back nervously, his shoved in his pants pockets so he wouldn’t start fiddling with his shirt. The nerves were coming back harder than ever. In the back of his mind the thought popped up that a drink would sure relax him and make this whole situation easier. The thought didn’t stay little for long, soon growing to fill his mind. The craving was the biggest he’d had since he’d become clean. A good thing his hands were in his pockets or he knew they’d be shaking.
Turning to AJ with a big smile, Harold chuckled. “Did you get another tattoo, AJ? I swear, boy, you won’t have much skin left to tattoo soon!”
“I’ll always find somewhere new. I can’t help it, they’re an addiction.” AJ joked. The word addiction echoed in his mind over and over.
Over time Brian had come to learn how to read AJ’s voice very well. There wasn’t a part of AJ that he didn’t know. So he found it easy to see in his eyes, his body language, and to hear in his voice the craving that was echoing through him. He reacted instinctively, shooting Kevin a glance and darting his eyes from Kevin to Harold and back again. Kevin took the hint and flung his arm over Harold’s shoulders, asking him a question about the family that distracted him. The two soon disappeared into the family living room.
“You ok, baby?” Brian wasted no time in asking. He put a hand on the small of AJ’s back, wanting to offer him support.
AJ took a deep breath and nodded. This wasn’t the time for him to be freaking out. He should be supporting Brian, not panicking like a kid. “I’m fine, Bri. Let’s go do this.” He said softly. They had agreed that they wouldn’t waste time in telling Harold and Jackie. They’d decided that it needed to be done right away so that there were no more lies, no more cover-ups.
After looking at his lover for a moment, Brian nodded. It would be easier on the both of them if they got it done and got the stress out of the way. Once all this was handled and they went to bed he would see about helping his lover start to relax. The two squared their shoulders and followed after Kevin and Harold.
They found them, and Jackie as well, all seated around the living room, laughing at some story Kevin was telling about tour. There were still seats on the couch open and the empty loveseat. Brian walked to the love seat and sat down, AJ sitting beside him. Unconsciously, Brian found himself spinning the ring on his finger as he waited for Kevin to finish his story and he thought about how he wanted to do this. So far he hadn’t been able to figure out how he wanted to say things.
“Brian Thomas Littrell!” Jackie exclaimed suddenly. She scooted to the edge of the couch so she could reach over the small distance and take his hand. Her eyes were wide as she stared at the ring on his finger. “What on earth have you been hiding from us? This looks like a wedding band!”
That had everyone’s attention. Harold sat in his chair, gaping at the ring on Brian’s hand that he was just now noticing. Jackie looked shocked and slightly hurt at the thought that her son married and hadn’t told her.
Brian swallowed and looked up at his cousin. Well, this was one way to open up the topic for discussion. Kevin smiled at him in a reassuring way, letting him know silently that he was there for them. A small quiver ran through AJ’s frame, but that was the only outward sign of his nerves. He’d composed his face into a calm mask.
“Well, mom, it is but it isn’t. I’m not married.” Brian added that last part quickly. He pulled his hand back when she let go of it and folded his hands together in his lap. “I wouldn’t get married without telling you guys or having you there. Come on now.”
“So you got engaged? You’re not supposed to wear the ring till you’re married! Who is the lucky girl? Do we know her or is she someone you met on tour? Is she pretty? When do we get to meet her?” Jackie overflowed with questions, her voice bubbly and happy now that she knew her son hadn’t married behind her back.
Harold held up a hand to his wife. “Now, Jackie, give the boy a chance to answer your questions before you ask any more. I’m sure he’ll explain everything to us if you give him half a chance.”
Gratefully Brian smiled at his dad. Sometimes it was hard to get a word in edgewise when Jackie got on a roll. She was always teased that she could carry on a whole conversation without input from anyone else. But now the moment was on him, and Brian felt his nerves flutter in his stomach. This was it. He didn’t even notice that he shifted his body a little, angling to protect AJ.
“Yes, Mom, I did get engaged. You know the person already. But um, well, it’s not a girl.” He blurted the last part out, not sure how else to say it. The entire living room went silent as a tomb. Brian knew that there was a chance they would blow soon, so he rushed to get out all he wanted to say. “I know that you guys probably don’t approve of homosexuality. I had a hard time coming to terms with it and getting past the religious part of myself that tried to tell me it was wrong. But I believe I’ve come to terms with myself and with God. A person can’t control who they love, no matter what the gender is. I love him and I can’t change it. I wouldn’t change it for the world. He’s my everything.”
Jackie brought a hand up to cover her mouth. Tears were in her eyes, spilling over onto her cheeks. She looked as if she’d been struck in the face. Harold had gone white as a sheet. He was the one who made the easy connection first. His eyes moved from Brian, over to AJ, and back again. Seeing that look, Brian nodded.
He reached over and placed a hand on AJ’s knee, just letting it rest there. It actually helped calm him some. “I fell for AJ a long time ago, but I fought it for quite a while. Even once I was ok with myself I still thought that there was no way he would ever feel the same way about me. But, miraculously, he does. He loves me as much as I love him. March was our one year anniversary. Just last night he gave me this ring and asked me if I would marry him. It made me the happiest man in the world.”
After a moment Harold turned to look at Kevin, his eyes hard. “Did you know about…about this?” he demanded in a low, furious voice.
Kevin lifted his chin firmly. “Not until recently. Since we got back from the last break. But I’m happy for him, Sir. They make one another happy.”
“Is, is he why you didn’t come home last break?” Jackie whispered. “Was it so you could spend time with…with him?” The tone of her voice let them know exactly what she thought of that. It tore at Brian’s heart to hear his mom sound so upset and confused.
To the surprise of everyone, but most especially Brian, it was AJ who answered that question. “He did stay at the hotel with me, ma’am, but not because of what you think. He didn’t cancel on you guys just so we could have alone time. He and Nick were helping me quit my addictions.”
“Addictions?” Jackie whispered painfully. If anything her eyes grew bigger.
AJ sat up a little straighter, his hands coming out of his pockets to clench together in his lap. “Yes, ma’am. We told my mother about us and she disowned me. It hurt, quite a bit. She told me I was no longer her son if I did this. To hide from that pain I did the stupidest thing in my entire life. I slipped into drinking and drugs. Your son stood by my side and helped me come out the other side clean and sober. He helped me see that my mother may hate me and my lifestyle, but it won’t dictate who we are. We love one another. I love him more than anyone else in my life. He means the world to me.”
In the sudden silence of the room the sound of Harold’s chair thumping as he stood was especially loud. “This is against our lifestyle, our religion. It goes against God and nature. I don’t know what you have done to my son, AJ, but I will not stand for this. I want you out of my house, now. You and your disgusting lifestyle are not welcome here anymore.”
Brian rose to his feet as well, AJ moving to stand by his side. “Dad, you can’t send him away. If you want me here you’ll have him here too. We’re engaged. Nothing that you say is going to change it. I hope that you can see that this makes me happy. It wasn’t a choice I made. My heart went where it wanted to. But I couldn’t be happier with who it chose. There is no one who knows me better than AJ. No one has ever treated me as good as he does.”
“I will not have him in my house!” Harold bellowed. His face was slowly turning red. “I want him gone, now! You and I will talk long and hard about this once you get that little pervert out of here. No son of mine is going to be dating another man, let alone a drug addicted freak!”
That had Brian seeing red. His own hands clenched into fists. “I will not tolerate you standing here and insulting him. The only thing he’s guilty of is loving me. Where’s the sin in that? Love is the greatest thing the bible teaches us about!”
“I want him gone, Brian. Now!”
“No, dad. If you want to talk to us, you talk now. But if he goes then I’m going with him.”
In a move that surprised them all, Harold moved over to the cabinet by the wall. It shocked Brian enough that he couldn’t even move as he watched his dad grab one of the shotguns that were kept there, always loaded and ready to go chase away the coyotes. He cocked it with one hand and raised it, pointing it directly at AJ. “I said, get out of my house!” he demanded in a hard voice.
“Harold!” Jackie jumped up, rushing over to her husband, but he pushed her behind him and kept aim.
AJ’s mouth had dropped open in shock. In one quick move, Kevin and Brian both stepped in front of him, blocking Harold’s shot. “Uncle Harold!” Kevin snapped out in a hard voice. “Put that down!”
“Dad, calm down! You can’t shoot him!” Reaching behind him, Brian took hold of AJ and moved him right up against his back, holding him close with both hands. He knew that with his body in the way his father would take nothing for chance. But there was a manic light in his dad’s eyes that he’d never seen before.
“Move, Brian. I want him out and I want him out now. I will not have that little bastard laying another hand on my son.”
“I won’t stand here and let you threaten and insult him!” Brian shouted back at him. Anger burned low in his stomach. “You’re not thinking about this. I love him. Him. You can either accept it or not, but it won’t change one damn thing!”
Kevin looked from his Uncle over to Brian. “We should leave.” He murmured quietly. “Start backing up. I don’t know what he’d do right now but I won’t risk AJ. Keep him behind you and back toward the door, Brian. He won’t be reasoned with while he’s like this.”
As much as it hurt to admit it, Brian knew that his cousin was right. There was a crazy light in his dad’s eyes that he had never seen there before. Slowly he started to back up, leading AJ toward the hall an to the front door. Harold followed, his gun never faltering. “We’re not done, Brian. Just let him go and you and I will talk about this. You’ll see the right of things.” Harold said coldly.
Brian shook his head. “No, Dad. Where he goes, I go. If you can’t accept him, then you obviously don’ want me here either. We’re a package deal. You take one with the other. I won’t leave him. Not for you, not for anyone.”
Thankfully AJ was staying silent. He was smart enough to know that speaking could prove to be disastrous. All he wanted was to get the fuck out of there and away from the crazy man with the gun.
As they reached the door, Harold stayed at the other end of the hallway. AJ opened the door up and they backed out of that. Only when the door was shut again and they were outside did they move apart from one another. Kevin broke free to rush to the car and get it started. Brian and AJ clasped hands and hurried toward the car.
There was a loud thump as the door slapped open behind them. The two reacted instinctively, sprinting the last few feet to the car. A shot echoed through the air, hitting the gravel in front of them, scaring Brian shitless. Kevin had reached back and opened the back door for them. Brian shoved AJ inside before practically throwing himself in and shutting the door behind him.
As the car sped into reverse, the last thing Brian saw of the house was his father still holding the gun and Jackie on his arm, trying to yank on his arm. Then Kevin had them out on the road and the house quickly disappeared from sight.
“Fuck.” Brian moaned, slipping his head back against the seat. “My dad’s fucking insane. What the hell was that? I’ve never seen him like that before!”
“I haven’t either. I would never have expected that from him.” Kevin admitted as he brought the car to a more reasonable speed. “I thought he’d get pissed, but nothing like that!”
Not hearing anything from his lover, Brian opened his eyes and looked over to where AJ sat, curled up against the door. “Baby?” he said gently, reaching out to touch AJ’s shoulder. “Are you ok? I know that probably upset you, and I’m so sorry that they put you through that. If I’d know how he was going to be I would never have put you through that. I am so sorry.”
AJ shuddered underneath his hand and Brian felt even guiltier. “I am so sorry, Alex. Oh, baby, I am so sorry. Please, talk to me. Are you ok?”
“Bri…” AJ spoke softly, his voice wavering. It broke Brian’s heart to hear it. He wished AJ would look up at him. “Yes, Alex?” he answered. AJ mumbled something in a voice so quiet that Brian could barely hear him. Brian leaned in closer. “What, baby?”
“I said I think we need to go to the hospital.” AJ whispered.
Panic hit Brian square in the gut. He grabbed AJ shoulder and yanked him over, putting his back into the seat. That was when he saw what he hadn’t been able to see before. AJ’s right hand was pressed against his left shoulder. His hand was covered in blood and blood had already soaked the front of his shirt. “Shit! Kevin, the hospital! Now!”
The car suddenly accelerated as Kevin’s cursing filled the front seat. Brian yanked his shirt off, bundling it up and moving AJ’s hand so he could press against the wound. AJ’s face was pale and his eyes were barely open. “You stay here with me, AJ! Pay attention to me, you hear? No passing out on me now. We’ll get you to the hospital. God, oh Jesus.” Staring at all the blood under his hands, Brian prayed harder than he ever had in his entire life.