They arrived at the hospital as quickly as possible, but it seemed like it took forever to Brian. As he drove Kevin had called ahead and told them that they had someone with a gunshot wound to his shoulder arriving by car. So when they pulled in to the emergency entrance there was already a team of EMT’s waiting with a gurney. They had AJ unloaded from the car and on the gurney in an instant. He was quickly whisked away inside and Brian and Kevin were brought to the ER desk to fill out paperwork for him.
Kevin took the clipboard with the papers and sat down while Brian went into the bathroom to wash the blood off his hands. He shivered as he saw the blood running into the sink and swirling down the drain. His mind couldn’t seem to make sense of anything. AJ, shot. Jesus Christ, his lover had been shot. By his dad!
When Brian came back out of the bathroom one of the nurses stopped him. “Here, put this on honey.” She told him gently, handing him a hospital shirt. Brian gratefully pulled it on and thanked her before he moved to sit by Kevin. He watched his cousin struggle to fill out the information on the sheet and silently took both the clipboard and the pen from him.
It gave him something to do for about ten minutes. When he was done he took the papers up to the nurse. Before he could even ask she told him “We don’t have an update yet, sir. Are you his family?”
“We’re all the family he has.” Kevin’s deep voice came from behind Brian as he stepped up and placed a hand on his cousin’s shoulder. “He has no one else but us and our two friends.”
“There’s no next of kin to notify?” The woman asked them kindly.
“Not that acknowledges him. All he has is his mother, and she disowned him. She wouldn’t answer your call if you put it through.” Brian said brokenly. He wrapped his arms around his waist and battled back tears. “How long until you’ll know something?”
“I’m not sure, Sir. Why don’t you sit down and we’ll let you know when we know something?”
Smoothly Kevin stepped closer to the desk, never letting go of Brian’s shoulder. “We’ll surely do that, ma’am, in just a moment. First I would like to suggest that you call your security department and get them to send some extra men down here.”
His comment seemed to honestly surprise the woman. She looked at her colleagues as if to ask them what to do before looking back at Kevin. “Excuse me, Sir?”
Brian turned dull eyes to her. “The guy you have back there is AJ Mclean of the Backstreet Boys. I’m Brian and this is my cousin Kevin, part of the same group. If the press finds out about AJ being here, and somehow they always do, you’re going to be overrun with reporters before you know it.”
He turned and walked away from the desk, allowing Kevin to deal with this part of things. His brain couldn’t focus on it long enough to deal with those kinds of details. All he could think of was the man lying back in the OR somewhere in pain because his, Brian’s, father had gone insane. Please, God, let him be ok! Brian prayed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Holy fucking Christ but he hurt. Whoever said that a gunshot went numb was fucking insane. AJ lay on the gurney and gritted his teeth as someone pressed down on his shoulder. He wished he had the strength to lift his arms and punch the fucker away. Didn’t they know that pushing on a fucking gunshot wound would hurt? Were they really that stupid?
Someone was taking hold of his free hand, and AJ saw the needle through half open eyes only seconds before it entered his skin. Shit. Shit. God that hurt! He kept his mouth shut, though. A small part of him knew that they were only trying to put an IV in. Everything seemed to be spinning around him. Lights were flashing overhead, blinding him.
“BP’s dropping, 60/40.” Someone shouted. Another voice yelled “His body is going into shock. Let’s get him under, now!”
A blessed blackness was settling over him. AJ felt the weight of the medication as it started to suck him under where nothing really hurt. His last thought was of Brian; hoping that his lover was ok.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For about the millionth time Brian paced the length of the waiting room. AJ had been back in the OR for four hours already and no one could tell him anything! It was slowly driving him mad. Didn’t they understand that this was his fiancée back there? Didn’t they know that he needed to know how AJ was?
Kevin had already called Howie and Nick and the two were on their way. They’d arrive in a few hours if everything went smoothly on their flights. Until then, Kevin and Brian were left pacing and waiting and wondering.
Sure enough, press had showed up. How they got word of these things was always a mystery, but not a major concern of Brian’s. He’d known they would come. They always did. But hospital security as well as police were keeping them penned up outside. Kevin had even placed a call in to a nearby firm that hired out bodyguards they had used before when there had been serious issues while at home. Two burly men they knew, Mike and Tim, showed up not even fifteen minutes after the call and took up station by the ER entrance.
What Brian hadn’t been expecting was to see the door from the outside open and his parents come rushing inside. For a split second shock had Brian completely frozen. Rage like he had never known filled him next, taking away all coherent thought.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing here?” he swore at them. Anger had him striding forward. It was only Kevin darting forward and grabbing him that stopped him from charging his father. Still, it didn’t stop Brian from cursing him up one side and down the other. “Haven’t you done enough? Haven’t you hurt him enough? You have no right to be here! None! How dare you show your damn face in this hospital and try and look sorry to me!”
Jackie put a shaking hand over her mouth as tears streamed from her eyes. “Brian, baby, please…” she pleaded through her tears. “Please. How’s he doing?”
“We have no fucking idea!” Brian snapped out. His fury was not directed at his mother. It was all centered on the pale, shaking man before him. A man that he had never thought capable of doing something like this. “He’s been back there for two Goddamn hours and I still don’t know a damn thing. Does that make you happy, Dad? His mom won’t even come to the hospital, even though Kevin called her. She disowned him for loving me. You probably approve of that bullshit, don’t you!”
Harold’s face was as pale as a ghost. He was holding tightly to his wife’s hand in anguish. “I never meant, I was angry, but I didn’t mean….I didn’t mean to pull the trigger. I was angry and trying to stop your mom from taking it and it went off. I swear I didn’t mean….please, Brian…”
“Save it.” Brian snarled out. “Get the hell out of here and go tell someone who actually gives a shit. Maybe they’ll believe you because I sure as hell don’t. You have no right to be here. None. I want you gone right the fuck now.” He was quivering with rage, ready to explode on them. All the pain that he’d been feeling the past two hours transformed into this all-consuming anger.
“Brian…” The pleading in Harold’s voice might as well have fallen on deaf ears. Brian wanted nothing to do with it. Furious, he looked over to Mike and Tim. “Will one of you escort my parents out of here, please? They were just leaving and I’d like them to get safely to their car.”
“Yes, Mr. Littrell.” The taller of the two, Tim, stepped forward and gestured the couple to the door. With heavy hearts and tears in their eyes they silently followed him.
Anger had Brian spinning and pacing away from there, finally free from Kevin’s restraining arms. He could barely contain himself. When one of the nurses came over, though, he felt his stomach drop straight down to his toes. Was there news? He couldn’t talk, couldn’t move. Everything in him locked down with that overwhelming fear for his lover.
“Mr. Littrell? Mr. Richardson? The hospital secured a room down the hall for you. It’s one of our private waiting rooms. That way you won’t be hounded and have photos snapped as you wait. It’ll give you privacy as well to speak any way you wish. When your other two friends show up then we’ll send them right on back to you.”
What? They still had no news? Brian swallowed convulsively as the nurse started to lead the way to the private waiting room. Kevin had his arm around Brian’s shoulders to help direct him as well as to support him.
Brian felt himself go into a trance for a moment. When he finally shook his head and cleared it, he realized that they were in the new private waiting room and it was just him and Kevin. When had the nurse left? He’d wanted to ask her about AJ. Why hadn’t anyone told him about AJ? “I want to ask her…I just…”
“It’s ok, Bri. I asked her. He’s still back in surgery right now.” Kevin told him softly.
Still back in surgery? How long was this going to take? How much damage was there? In the movies a shot to the shoulder always seemed to be something easy. People lived through them just fine. But movies were movies. What was it like in real life? He had no idea. Would he be ok from this? How much damage would it have done to his arm? He had to be ok. He just had to be. Brian didn’t realize that he’d frantically spoken those words out loud until Kevin was gripping his arms tightly. “He will be ok, Bri. He is one tough nut.”
“Tough or not, Kev, he was shot! God, Dad shot him! How could he do that?”
“I know, Bri.”
“No you don’t.” Brian snapped out, taking a step back. He felt the anger coming back and couldn’t keep it under control. It overflowed and boiled out of him. “How the hell could you know or understand? Did you dad shoot the person you love? No matter if it was intentional or an accident like he said. He fucking shot him, Kevin! He hated the idea of us being together that much that he actually shot my boyfriend! How can people be that homophobic? How can my own father be like that?”
“I don’t know, Bri. I’m so sorry, honey. I am so sorry you have to live through something like this. But I have faith that he’ll be ok. You need to have faith too.”
“Faith?” The word screeched out of Brian. “You want me to have faith? Are you fucking kidding me?”
Kevin tried to step closer, to wrap his arms around his cousin and hold him, but Brian was too far gone to let him. He shoved backward, trying to get free. “Don’t touch me!” he shouted at Kevin. “Don’t you touch me!”
Kevin didn’t pay attention to what Brian was saying. He could see that his cousin was at the breaking point and knew that he was only held together by a little thread. Never before had he seen Brian be this close to just snapping. He was strong, but everyone had their breaking point. So he simply kept stepping forward, intending to take Brian into his arms and hold him close.
But Brian didn’t want the tenderness. He knew that if Kevin was tender with him than he would finally break and he didn’t want to. “I said back off, Kevin.” He snarled threateningly.
His cousin did something then that he didn’t expect. He launched forward and wrapped his arms around Brian’s waist, pinning his arms to his sides and holding on tight. Brian tried to buck and break free but Kevin’s grip was tight. “Let go of me!” he shouted. “Dammit, Kev, let me go! Now!”
“You let go.” Kevin whispered into his ear. He fought hard to keep control of Brian, sinking down to the ground with him when Brian tried to break free that way. “Don’t hold it in, Bri. Just let it go. I’m here for you. I’ve got you. You don’t have to be strong. Just let it go, let it out.”
“I don’t want to!” Brian screamed. But the tears were coming whether he liked it or not. Being in the safety of Kevin’s arms, the cousin who had become like a brother, he knew he was safe to break. It was getting harder and harder to resist. “I’m terrified!”
Soothingly Kevin started to rock them back and forth on the floor. Just that tenderness was enough to break the last of Brian’s control. On his knees on the floor he bent at the waist, over Kevin’s hands, and the sobs tore free from him. Kevin just shifted his grip to better be able to hold him and offer comfort. “That’s it, Bri. Just let go.”
Let go he did. The tears came hot and hard and fast, tore from that place deep inside that was hurting more than it ever had before. He sobbed and sobbed for his lover, for himself, for everything. “Why won’t they tell us what’s going on, Kev? I need to know he’s ok. Please! I have to know he’s ok!”
“I know, honey, I know. As soon as they know they’ll tell us. I’ll be right here with you. You’re not alone in this.”
Brian turned enough that he could bury his head against Kevin’s chest. The tears were slowing but the pain was still there. “If anything happens to him I don’t know what I’ll do. He’s my life. My world. He’s everything to me. We, we’re getting married. HE can’t leave me, right? He has to marry me. He said he would.”
“AJ never goes back on his promises.” Kevin said soothingly. “If I know him at all than he’ll fight with everything he has to stick around. He worked hard to get where you guys are. He was so excited about proposing to you. He won’t just give that up without a fight. He’s a tough nut, honey.”
Another voice interrupted them, bringing the two men back to the present. They lifted their heads to see a doctor standing in the doorway. The front of his scrubs were covered in blood. Brian tried to stand but found that his knees wouldn’t support him. They felt like they were made of jelly. “Alex…” he moaned out.”
“Mr. Mclean made it through surgery.” The doctor told him quickly. “The bullet went through, but it did damage on the way. It fractured part of his humerus as well as his clavicle. We had to install some pins in there and remove some bone fragments. He’ll go through some physical therapy to gain back some mobility, but his arm will never be the same again. Once he wakes up we’re going to keep him in a sling so he doesn’t use this arm for a while so that it has a chance to heal. But so long as he stays healthy, he can leave in about 7-10 days. He’s a rather strong individual. He did quite well in surgery.”
Relief was like a drug running through Brian. He couldn’t see, couldn’t think beyond it. Panic and exhaustion combined with the relief, making his head spin. Brian didn’t hear another word as his brain and body finally gave in to the stress it had been under and sucked him into the darkness.