The night had gone by slowly for Nick, stuck down in what was AJ’s room. He couldn’t help worrying about what was happening. Worrying about how Brian was doing. His friend had been in so much pain when they’d cuddled on the bed. Brian was a soft hearted person, and underneath his joking exterior he could sometimes be easily bruised. Some things that hurt others just rolled off of Brian’s back. But other things that people thought were jokes actually wounded him pretty easily.
When all of this shit had started a month ago, Nick had been firmly in Brian’s camp, convinced that AJ had done something stupid to him. What, he didn’t know. But everyone knew the two friends had fought, which was surprising. It was common knowledge that AJ and Brian had become really close. Brian was the only one who had taken the time to get to know AJ even deeper than Howie. He saw something there, something that no one else seemed to, and had connected with it.
It had made Nick happy. Not only because Brian was happy, and as his best friend that’s what he wanted for Brian, but because it had given AJ a good friend. Sometimes Nick couldn’t help but think that AJ got the short end of the stick with people. Sure, more often than not he was a hardass, and he’d only become more so as the years went by. But sometimes they got this little peek underneath that, showing an almost totally different person.
Brian had changed since he and AJ had become close, too. He was happier, more carefree. Sure, he spent less time with the others, but that was ok. They understood that sometimes AJ had issues, and Brian was the only person he could talk to. Especially before the fight with whatever had gone on between AJ and Denise.
But with this, Nick had been livid with AJ. He’d wanted to know what the hell AJ had done to get Brian that upset. There had been a hurt in Brian’s eyes that had gone deep. Whatever had happened, Nick knew it had been serious if it had taken that light out of Brian’s eyes.
After last night, though, Nick had needed to do some serious thinking. So he’d set up in AJ’s bed and stared at the wall all night as he tried to think things through.
There was no denying that whatever was happening was affecting AJ just as strongly, if not more, than it was Brian. Never in all the years they’d known him had any of them seen AJ the way that he’d been last night. AJ was the type to yell and rant and rave and throw a punch. He wasn’t the kind of guy to be screaming and sobbing and frantic.
Nick had stood at Brian’s shoulder and watched as AJ had tried to break free from Howie and Kevin. He’d seen the look on AJ’s face when Brian had told them to let him go and then held his arms out. AJ had looked like he was staring straight at salvation. Then to watch him run over and almost knock Brian over with the force of his hug…that had been shocking. Almost as shocking as the tears that had been pouring from AJ’s eyes.
There was more going on here than anyone knew. Something had hurt Brian and AJ both. Add on to that the fight that had happened with Denise that no one knew the truth of, and the way AJ had seemed to be constantly drunk lately. The only thing that Nick could come up with was that AJ’s drinking must have been worse than they all thought. Was there a chance AJ was on drugs too? Brian was hell on drugs. But would that have put that look in Brian’s eyes? It was all so much to think about!
When morning rolled around he was no closer to an answer, but he was determined to do something. Anything. So he gathered up all of AJ’s stuff, packing it into his bags for him, and was prepared to take it over to the other hotel room. He needed to gather his own stuff together in time for his flight home. They had around a month of a break and Nick was going to spend it with his family.
Silently he padded over to his and Brian’s room. For a minute he listened, but he heard nothing, so he tried to be quiet as he put the keycard in the door and opened it. The first thing he heard when he came in was the sound of the shower running. So one of them was in the shower, then.
Nick dropped AJ’s bags in the entry way and moved into the dark room. There was a form on the bed, the one that was pressed up against the wall. Brian had moved it there, since he had this thing about sleeping against a wall. Weird guy. As he moved toward the dresser to start getting his things together, Nick realized that the person on the bed was sitting up, squished into the corner and rocking slightly.
“AJ?” he asked slowly. In the dark of the room he could barely see. It was just faintly lit by the light coming from under the bathroom door.
A small sound came from the bed. Something between a gasp and a sob. It had Nick reacting on instinct. He flipped a lamp on, flooding the room with light, and instantly started to move to the bed. What he saw there shocked him a little. Good God, when had AJ changed so much? When had he started to look like this?
AJ’s eyes were blood shot and bright. The bottom of his nose was red and he kept using his hand to rub at it. He seemed skinnier than normal, and he’d never had much weight on him to begin with. But it was more than that. It was the raw emotion on his face that gripped Nick and froze him in place. Holy shit. “AJ, are you ok?”
Bright eyes locked on to him, blinking rapidly at the sudden light. “What’re you doing here?” he rasped out. God, even his voice sounded more hoarse than normal. The rocking never stopped.
“I came to drop off your stuff and get my stuff.” Nick explained calmly. Inside he was reeling. What the hell was going on here?
Suspicion colored AJ’s face. “Did you go through my shit?” he demanded. With more speed than Nick had thought possible, AJ was up off the bed. “Who the fuck said you could fuck with my shit? It’s mine! Keep your dam hands out of it!”
What the hell? Where was this anger coming from? Nick took a step back, unsure of that look on AJ’s face. “I didn’t go through it, Bone. I just put it all in the bags, that’s all. I swear.”
AJ glared at him before rushing over to his bags. Neither of them heard the shower shut off. Dropping down to his knees, AJ unzipped the one bag and started to sift inside of it. Nick found himself unable to move, stuck watching as AJ wiped at his nose repeatedly and rifled in his stuff. Suddenly he scooped the bag up, dumping it upside down, muttering to himself. He took the next bag and did the same thing until there was a big pile in front of him.
“Age?” Hesitantly Nick stepped forward. AJ didn’t seem to hear him. He was still tearing through things, obviously looking for something.
“Where the fuck is it?” AJ swore, picking up pants and feeling in the pockets before tossing them to the side. He did the same with each article of clothing, growing more and more agitated with each one. Then his body froze, one hand inside a pair of jeans. He pulled something out; what, Nick wasn’t sure. But it seemed to please him.
A loud “No!” echoed through the room all of a sudden. Nick barely had time to register that Brian had come out of the bathroom, dressed only in pajama pants, before he was flying across the room and slamming into AJ. The two hit the ground with a grunt.
Gaping, Nick watched as Brian tried to take whatever it was out of AJ’s hands. AJ fought him like a wild thing, trying to keep this thing in his grip and break free from Brian all at the same time. They rolled around, each one fighting for it, as AJ shouted at him. “Let me go! Dammit, Brian, let me go! It’s mine!”
“No!” Brian shouted, making another grab for AJ’s hand.
Whatever it was that AJ was holding flew from his grip, skittering across the ground to land in front of Nick’s feet.
Brian stopped trying to wrestle with AJ and instead worked on pinning him to the ground as AJ tried to scramble after it. “Nick!” Brian shouted, grunting as AJ tried to buck him off. “Go flush that shit, now!”
A split second Nick hesitated before bending and grabbing the bag. He ran to the bathroom, listening to AJ curse loudly behind him. Only when he was by the toilet and looking at what was in his hands did Nick understand what it was. The shock was like a blow to the gut. This was coke. Holy shit! AJ was doing cocaine. Without any more hesitation, Nick upended the bag over the toilet, dumping all of it into the water and tossing the bag in the garbage.
Just as he was going to press the handle, AJ came tearing into the bathroom, Brian hot on his heels. “No!” AJ shouted, dropping to the ground by the toilet. He watched as the water swirled and was sucked down the pipe. “No!’ He reached into the garbage, grabbing the baggie that it had been in, cursing even louder when he saw that it was completely empty. He threw it down on the ground with a loud “Fuck!”
Brian took advantage of the moment to drop down beside AJ and wrap him tight. He wrapped his arms around AJ’s waist, pinning his arms there, and then used his legs to trap AJ’s legs. As AJ bucked against his grip, Brian turned to look up at Nick. “Go through all his shit for me. Make sure there’s no more, please. Please!”
There was no hesitation this time. Still not sure what the fuck was going on, Nick rushed back out and started to search AJ’s stuff. The whole time his mind seemed like it was spinning. Since when did AJ do cocaine? Jesus, no wonder he’d been so different! This put everything in an entirely different light!
From the bathroom there were sounds of grunts and bangs and an almost constant stream of swearing and begging. Swearing at not being free. Begging to be let go. Begging for just one snort. Just one, to take the edge off. It amazed Nick to hear AJ talking like that. Brian’s words weren’t understandable. Just a low, constant murmur that sounded soothing even to Nick.
After a thorough search Nick found nothing else. He came back into the bathroom. Instantly Brian looked up at him. “Nothing.” Nick told him.
Hearing that, AJ bucked harder. “God damn it!” he swore, arching his body up to try and get free. “You took my shit! Who the fuck do you think you are! It was mine!”
“AJ.” It was all Nick could manage to say.
Brian shot him a look that clearly told Nick not to bother saying anything before he turned his attention back to his friend. “Alex, baby, calm down. It’s gone. There’s no more. I won’t let you do this, do you hear me? We talked about this. You don’t need it anymore. Come on now, calm down for me. You don’t need this.”
“Yes I do! You don’t understand. None of you understand. I need that shit. I need it!”
“No you don’t. I’m right here and I’ve got you. We’ll make it through this, baby. You’re so strong. You can do this, I know you can. Let me help you. Come on, that’s it, calm down.” Under Brian’s constant stream of words AJ did seem to be calming down. He slowly stopped fighting him. Then, with a great gasping sound, he turned his head to bury it against Brian’s neck. At that gesture Brian released his death grip.
Gently Brian moved them. He sat back against the wall, his legs out in front of him, and pulled AJ into his lap like a child. AJ’s legs dangled off one side and his top half was curled into Brian, his arms up around Brian’s neck. Great, choking sobs tore from him. Brian just rubbed his arm soothingly and held him close, whispering words that Nick couldn’t hear.
When the crying finally slowed, Brian looked up at Nick. AJ was almost comatose in Brian’s arms, in this between stage of awake and asleep. “You think you could pick him up for me, Nick?” Brian asked softly. “I can’t lift us up like this.”
“Yeah.” Stepping forward and squatting down, Nick looked at him for a moment before deciding how to do this. Then he slid one arm under AJ’s knees and the other behind his back. With Brian’s help he managed to transfer AJ into his arms and stand back up. When had he become so light? Nick felt his heart break a little when AJ whimpered in his arms and twisted, looking mostly asleep, and asked “Bri?”
Brian was on his feet by then. “I’m here, baby. We’re just going to get you into bed, ok?” He touched AJ’s face lightly, the gesture seeming so much more. Nick noticed it and found his brain going into overdrive. That touch hadn’t been the touch between friends. There had been something more to it. But, Brian? And AJ? That seemed impossible. But, combined with the way that he called AJ baby. Jesus.
Following Brian, he quietly took AJ back out to the bedroom and laid him down on the bed. Then he stepped back and watched as Brian gently tucked him in. One of AJ’s hands came up, touching Brian’s hand. In the silent room Nick very clearly heard AJ whisper “I love you, Bri. I’m sorry.”
“Shh now, it’s ok.” Brian whispered to him. In his mind, Brian knew they’d already given themselves away, so he didn’t hesitate to lean down and kiss AJ’s brow. “I love you too. Just sleep, ok? I’ll be right on the patio.” The only answer he got was a soft murmur.
When Brian stood up, he gestured for Nick to follow him and the two stepped onto the patio. Nick waited until Brian had shut the glass door before he started to talk. “What the hell is going on here, Brian? How much shit have you two been keeping from us? AJ doing coke, you and him dating. That is what I saw in there. You guys were telling each other that you loved one another!”
“Nick, you’ve got to understand, there’s so much going on here.” Brian ran a hand through his still damp hair. Thank God that Mexico was so warm. He wasn’t freezing his ass of standing in just pajama pants. “I know you may be a little pissed, but just listen to me and I’ll try to explain.”
For fifteen minutes Brian stood there and talked, catching Nick up on everything. Him and AJ discovering what they felt for one another, the dating stage, moving to the ‘I love you’ stage. Then everything that had happened so far on the tour, including Denise flipping on them and AJ’s subsequent fall into drugs and alcohol.
By the time he was done Nick’s brain was reeling under all the information. He could only stare at Brian, wondering how all this had gone on under his nose and he hadn’t noticed a thing.
“I know you’re probably upset with me, Frack. You have every right. But after how Denise reacted can you blame us for being afraid of telling you guys? We were terrified you guys would get just as upset as her.”
That unfroze Nick enough for him to feel offended. “How could you think I’d turn into a dick just because you and AJ love one another?” he demanded.
“His own mother did.” Brian’s spoke low, in a voice full of pain. It took Nick’s temper down. How could he be mad at his friends when it was so obvious that the two of them were hurting? Stepping forward, Nick folded his best friend into a hug. “Ah, Bri, you don’t have to worry with me. Whatever makes you happy is what matters to me.”
Brian’s arms came up and around him, holding on tight. “Thank you.” He whispered. It sounded like there were tears in his voice. Everything else going on might have sucked right then, but Brian felt love and gratitude toward his best friend. At least they had one ally now. Someone who knew the truth and was still by their side.
When they pulled back, Nick was wearing a wide grin. “Why don’t you go lay with your boyfriend, Bri? You look like your night sucked. I’ll go tell D and Kev to head on home, that we’re going to stay here for a while and we’ll meet up with them for tour. Then I’ll come back and kip it on the other bed with my laptop for a while. Keep an eye on him for you in case he wakes up.”
Gratitude lit Brian’s eyes. Impulsively he hugged Nick again. “Thanks, Frack. You’re a damn good friend.”
“I know. Now get in there.” Playfully Nick swatted at his arm.
As he watched Brian open the door, Nick thought to himself that shit may have been broken for a while now, and his friends may have gone through hell, but he wasn’t going to leave them alone to do it anymore. He was going to do everything he could to help, no matter what.