Day one was pretty easy for AJ. He slept through most of it. Each time he woke up, Brian was there. Surprisingly, Nick was too. At one point he recalled Brian telling him that Nick knew everything, that he’d figured it out when he’d first come in and they’d gone through that craving. But a part of AJ didn’t really care that much. All he wanted to do was sleep. So off and on, for almost twenty four hours, that’s what he did.
Day two didn’t start out to well for him. Everyone was gone by then, off to home on their breaks. Both Nick and Brian had called their families and cancelled their plans. Whatever reasons they gave he didn’t know. But they moved to a new room. Brian and Nick went and rented a two bedroom suite in the hotel so that they all had the same room, but separate bedrooms to go into at night. AJ didn’t really care, so long as Brian was with him. It felt wonderful to sleep in his arms. Hell, he was barely awake when they moved rooms that first day.
He woke up in that new room, in a queen size bed, on day two, sweating and terrified. His dreams had been harsh and vivid. Brian was instantly there, running his hands over AJ’s face, trying to soothe him back down. “Shh, baby, I’m right here.”
AJ looked around him, slightly disoriented. It took him a minute to realize that it had just been a dream. He looked down at the bedspread, embarrassed to be woken up by a nightmare, and found himself gasping slightly. Instinct kicked in and he scrambled back from the bedspread and up onto the pillows. Jesus, fuck, the bed was covered in fucking bugs!
“Alex, what is it?” Brian followed him up, taking his hands. It was all AJ could do not to whimper. He gestured to the bed with one shaking hand. “Don’t you see that?” he whispered.
“I don’t see anything, baby. What do you see?”
How the fuck was it that Brian sounded so damn calm? “There’s fucking bugs, everywhere.” He wiped at his nose, jerking back as one of the bugs got too close to him. For a minute he thought about jumping to the floor, but they were all over there too. “God, they’re everywhere!”
One of Brian’s hands came up to rest against his cheek, forcing him to turn and look into those beautiful blue eyes. “Alex, listen to me. I looked it up so I’d know what we’re dealing with. This is just a hallucination. It’s a symptom of your withdrawals. There’s nothing there. Nothing.”
“I see them! They’re right the fuck there!” Agitated, AJ jerked even further back. Why was Brian lying to him? Anyone could see them! They were crawling closer and closer. He jumped when he felt one on his skin. Automatically he slapped out, trying to get it off, but it felt like it was under his skin. Jesus. “Get them off me. Get them off!”
“Baby, baby, look at me.” Brian was on his knees now. He moved so that he straddled AJ’s lap, forcing him to look up. All AJ could see was Brian’s face, but he could still feel those bugs. They were getting under his skin. Quivers ran through his body. “Look right at me, Alex. There is nothing there. I wouldn’t lie to you, you know that. There’s nothing there. Just stick with me. It’ll pass. I won’t let anything get you, I swear that.”
“I can feel them.” AJ started to scratch at his arm, trying to get rid of that feeling. Panic was skittering along his spine. “It’s like they’re under my skin.”
“They call that ‘coke bugs’, baby. It’s just another withdrawal. There’s nothing under your skin, I promise you that. Do you hear me? They’re not there.”
To resist scratching at himself, AJ put his hands on Brian’s waist. He couldn’t seem to get his emotions under control. They were bouncing all over the place. Unbidden came the thought that if he just had a drink, or a line, this would all go away. He wouldn’t have to feel like this.
Showing that uncanny ability to read his mind, Brian shook his head. “You can do this, J. You don’t need those things. I’m right by your side, and I’ll help you make it through this, ok? We can do it.”
The itching was getting almost unbearable. He couldn’t resist reaching up to scratch at his cheek, then his neck, then his arm. Brian moved his hands to lace them with AJ’s, forcing him to stop itching. Then he leaned down and kissed him. It had been so long since AJ had felt his lovers kiss like this that it momentarily distracted him.
But even this was spoiled for him. After a second the itching came back, intensified. AJ felt his hands shaking. Whether it was from wanting to scratch or from his craving he wasn’t sure. Maybe both. He took a deep breath after breaking their kiss and moved his forehead to rest on Brian’s shoulder. A tremor ran through him. “God, sweetheart, this is hell. I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t have the willpower for this.”
“Yes, you do. Plus you have me, and you have Nick. We’ll get you through this. The first week will be the worst. After that things will start to get easier. By the time we go back you should be feeling completely normal.”
“I’m scared I’ll break.” The admission was pulled from him. It was his biggest fear. “I’m absolutely fucking terrified that I’ll break and use and lose everything. Lose you.”
Brian wrapped him in a tight hug. “I won’t let that happen.” He swore fervently. Again he tilted AJ’s head up, pressing their lips together. That was when Nick chose to poke his head in. “Ah, damn guys! Hang a sock on the door or some shit.”
“Don’t bust into our private room and we won’t have to worry about it, now will we?” Brian threw back at him, a twinkle in his eyes.
Nick pretended to glare at them. “Ah, hell, I was just coming to tell you the foods here. But go ahead. Let it get cold. See if I care!”
Listening to the usual Frick and Frack banter, AJ found himself actually growing annoyed by it. He felt himself start to scowl. While Brian was distracted, AJ started to scratch at his arm without realizing it. Finally, thoroughly annoyed with their pretend bickering, he snapped out “Can you two shut the fuck up already? Jesus, its fucking food. Who gives a shit?”
For his part, Nick looked slightly hurt by AJ’s words. Brian just rolled his eyes and patted AJ’s cheek. “We do, lover. An you know you do too.”
“The hell I do. I’m not fucking hungry.”
Brian leaned down and kissed AJ’s nose. Disgruntled, AJ tried to move away from it but Brian only chuckled and followed. At first AJ felt extremely annoyed as he tried to avoid Brian’s lips. The last fucking thing he wanted was to be kissed on his nose or his forehead like some little fucking kid. But every time he moved, Brian followed, until AJ found himself grinning at him. Finally Brian brought his hands up and tickled AJ, making him squirm and laugh. Distracted by that he was unable to prevent it as Brian rained kisses all over his face. When Brian pulled up, AJ couldn’t help but grin up at him, his bad temper all but forgotten.
“Bad temper gone now?” Brian asked him. His eyes were crinkled with his grin.
AJ chuckled and smacked Brian’s ass. “For now, you ornery one.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That afternoon both AJ and Brian decided to watch movies. Nick took a seat in one of the comfortable chairs and pulled open his laptop. He wanted to do a little research, prepare himself for what they could expect with AJ’s withdrawals. Brian had already looked around a bit and found some information, but Nick wanted to try it.
He looked over at one point and saw that his friends had fallen asleep together. AJ was sitting up, but slouched down into the couch, his feet on the coffee table. Brian was stretched out sideways on the couch with his head lying in AJ’s lap. One of his hands was resting on AJ’s thigh, curled there as if he wanted nothing more than to simply be touching him. One of AJ’s hands was on Brian’s arm while the other was resting in his hair.
Nick couldn’t help but smile. Yeah, it was still a shock to see them together. They were two totally opposite people that it seemed odd that they were an item. At first it was easier to see them as being gay than to see them as a couple! From AJ it didn’t really seem to surprise him. Part of Nick guessed that he’d always known on some level or another that AJ looked at other men. But Brian had been a surprise. With his upbringing, it amazed Nick that he had been able to get past the religion and everything to not only be gay, but accept it about himself.
But the two of them, a couple? That had taken a little bit of thinking on Nick’s part. Yet the more he thought about it, the more he watched them, the clearer it became. Yes, AJ was a tough shit. Swearing and smoking and these addictions he was quitting here. There was a definite rebel inside of him. But as Nick watched him with Brian he was beginning to see a different side of AJ.
The person that he became in Brian’s company was still AJ, but yet he was different. Softer, in some ways. There was a gentleness mixed in with the love in his eyes any time he looked at Brian or said his name. The hardass was still there at moments. There’d already been one fight between them over AJ eating his breakfast.
That had given him real insight into their relationship and how they were together. He had sat back and watched as AJ had adamantly refused to eat, saying that he wasn’t hungry, and Brian had just as adamantly insisted that AJ put something in his stomach so he wasn’t sick. AJ had ended up shouting, telling Brian that it was his damn body and he’d eat if he wanted to. Instead of backing down or cracking jokes, as he was wont to do with his friends sometimes, Brian had put his hands on his hips and stood toe to toe with AJ.
Seeing that had floored Nick. Sure, he knew Brian had a temper in there. But he’d never really been one to stand up for himself. Apparently this was a change AJ had helped him make, and it was one that Nick heartily approved of. Brian hadn’t backed down from what he wanted. He’d shouted right back at AJ that he was being stubborn and stupid. Finally he’d crossed his arms and told AJ that he was going to eat the breakfast that had been brought for him and that was the end of it. To Nick’s everlasting surprise, AJ had started grumbling, but he’d sat down and eaten.
All the little differences that they had seemed to complement one another perfectly. In just the short time that he’d been with them, watching them interact as a couple, Nick had decided that he would do anything to help the two of them. It was so obvious that they loved one another. How could he judge them for that? A person’s sexuality was their choice. He wouldn’t discriminate for it. Who you loved was who you loved, no matter the gender.
Having drifted off in his own thoughts, Nick didn’t realize at first that AJ was awake, watching him stare at them. But Nick noticed that the hand in Brian’s hair had started to move, running through the curls there almost absently. He looked up to find AJ’s red rimmed eyes watching him. There was a maturity there that Nick had never seen before. Pain, too. His heart ached for his friend. “Hey, J.”
“Hey.” AJ croaked out. The sound of it almost made Nick wince. AJ sounded like shit. Little wonder, considering what he was going through here. What he was doing was nothing short of amazing, quitting all of this cold turkey. Briefly Nick and Brian had discussed a rehab center, but Brian had said that AJ didn’t want to go and mess things up for the group. He wanted to try it this way. If he failed, Brian was under orders to ship him to the nearest facility.
“Nick.” Hearing his name drew Nick back to the present moment. “Yeah, Age?”
“I just wanted to say thanks for what you’re doing. For helping me out like this. For helping Bri out. And for being so ok about everything.”
“It’s nothing, Bone. You’d do the same for any of us.” Nick smiled at him.
AJ sighed, his gaze moving to the curly head in his lap. Everything on his face softened. “He’s doing so much to try to take care of me right now. I’m the one that fucked up. I did shit I never should have.” There was pain in AJ’s voice that gave Nick insight in to how AJ was feeling on the inside. He watched his face as AJ continued to speak in that low, hurting voice. “He had every right to hate me for the things I did. But he pushed it all aside and forgave me, and he’s here helping me get through all of this. Even if it hurts him he doesn’t let it show. He just keeps going and going and doing what needs to be done.”
A smile curved Nick’s lips. “That’s Brian. He’ll squash his own pain down to take care of someone he loves. He loves you so much, J. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before. It’s in his eyes every time he looks at you. If he says he forgave you, then he did. He’s got a good heart.”
“He does. But I worry about him. It makes me glad you’re here. He needs someone to help take care of him right now. I’m too messed up to be much help to him. I can barely take care of my own problems. So he’s left being the strong one in the relationship, and I know he’s hurting inside.”
AJ took a deep breath before leaning down to kiss Brian’s temple. He smoothed the hair back from Brian’s forehead. Then his eyes lifted to Nick. “I want to ask you something. A favor, even if I don’t deserve it.”
“Ask me anything, J.”
“Take care of him for me?”
The words sent a small chill through Nick. “What do you mean?” he asked. A part of him was terrified that AJ thought something was going to happen to him.
Realizing that, AJ gave him a smile. “I’m not going anywhere, Nick. But for the next while I may not be the best person. I may say or do things I don’t have much control over. I don’t want to, the very idea makes my heart hurt, but I’m afraid that I might hurt him. Be there for him, please. Don’t let him lock it away. He’ll try to, thinking that he has to. Be there to hold him for me when I can’t, and listen to him when he needs it. He thinks he’s so strong sometimes, but he needs to lean just like the rest of us. I just need to know that if he needs it and I can’t do it at the time, he has someone there for him. He’s so focused on taking care of me. He always has been. I wish I was half as strong as he was.”
Emotion welled up in Nick’s heart. He couldn’t help thinking that AJ was stronger than he realized. He was just as gentle as Brian, it just didn’t show as much. But Nick was coming to see that there was more to AJ than anyone but Brian had ever seen. “I promise, J. He’s like a brother to me. I’ll do the best I can for him.”
AJ’s lips curved. “Thank you.”
In a companionable silence the two sat there. Nick stared at his computer screen, thinking to himself that he wished he could find a love even half as strong as what his two friends had. If he ever did he would be more lucky than anything else in his life.