When Brian woke up in the morning one of the first things he noticed was that his cell phone was beeping at him. He ignored it as he climbed from his bed. He had a feeling he knew who it was from, and he really wasn’t ready to deal with that yet. So instead he went to the bathroom and took his shower. By the time he came back into the bedroom he felt fresh, clean, and much more alert.
The cell was still beeping. He couldn’t keep putting it off. With a sigh he opened it and dialed his voicemail. After a few more buttons, Dave’s voice filled his ear. “Brian, look, I’m sorry, ok baby? I didn’t mean to go off the handle at you like that, or overreact that way. It just kind of cut me to the quick, you know? It’s hard for me when you go on tour, I miss you so much. I know you don’t understand my reasons, and don’t believe some that I give, but to me they’re valid. I just wish you would open your eyes and see what I do. See how much he wants you. I’m still not going to say who, because I think that should be something you should figure out on your own. Anyway. I wanted you to know I love you, and I’ll call you later, ok? Bye honey.”
Annoyed all over again, Brian pressed the button to delete the message. God, didn’t he ever quit? Time and time again Dave had insisted that someone within the band had feelings for him. But who it was, he would never say! Brian grumbled about it to himself as he packed his room up, and as he took everything down to his bus. As usual he was the first one to check out, and the first one to be on his bus. He settled his stuff in his bunk before grabbing his laptop and heading to the back of the bus. He settled in on the couch as his computer powered up.
Within minutes his computer was running and connected to the internet. Instantly it popped up his yahoo messenger, logging him on. It clicked over as connected and a little tab popped up to tell him he had three mail messages. A little spark of anticipation burned in his belly as he opened the mail.
There was a letter from Kevin that was full of things he’d heard about back home when he’d called Kristen. Out of duty, Brian read that one first. Then there was the reply from his mom, so sunny and cheerful that he found himself smiling at the screen. His mother was always such a happy woman. Last, there was a letter from ‘James’. Eagerly he opened it.
Dear Brian:
Well, I have to say I was pretty surprised to find out that you actually wrote me back. I was pretty convinced that you weren’t going to, you know? But you have, and now, well, I almost don’t know what to say. Some of my friends would consider that a shocker. Me, not know what to say? Amazing. But I’m a lot shyer than people realize. Doesn’t seem like it, when I boldly sent you a letter now huh?
I think everyone needs a good friend. Maybe you and I will end up being that way for one another. Maybe we’ll send a few emails and lose interest. Who knows. But I must say, I’m excited to find out! I know that you’re busy, so don’t worry, I don’t expect to get emails all the time. I understand that you have a job to do!
With everything that I’ve heard, I am honestly wondering though, how are you? I remember fighting with my partner. There was a lot of jealousy in my relationship. There were times I felt as if I was being smothered under his love. He buried me in it in an effort to convince others that he loved me. He wanted to tell everyone about us. I’m just now beginning to realize that it wasn’t because he was overjoyed at our relationship, but because he wanted everyone to know that I was taken. That I was ‘his’. Lame, isn’t it? Once I started to make those realizations, other things came to light. It was just downhill from there. I hope, for your sake, that’s not the case with you and your partner. Like I said, I’ve heard some things that sound very familiar.
Well, I should probably let you get to whatever you’re doing. :) I should be working too. Yeah, let’s see if that happens ;) You enjoy your day, Mr. Brian!
Sincerely
James
Brian just simply stared at the computer screen. There it was, everything that he was feeling this morning, written in black and white. Someone he had never met before had taken what he felt and perfectly dissected it right there in this email. Some of the tension in his chest eased. He wasn’t alone. He wasn’t the only one who had felt like this. It wasn’t wrong. His fingers flew across the keyboard as he typed his response.
Dear James:
You know, I’m sitting staring at the email that you wrote me. All I can think is: you pegged it. You nailed it exactly. My partner and I just fought last night. He seems to think that someone in my band is in love with me. Now, I have never noticed anything like that. But he swears it’s there, and he won’t tell me who it is. He says it’s one of the reasons he won’t come join me on tour. That, and he thinks they hate him. Grr.
I mean, ok. I have to give him some credit on that one. Now, Howie’s nice to him. And trust me, if Howie doesn’t like you, he won’t pretend. Kevin has never said a bad word about Dave (My boyfriend) but I can tell he’s reserving his opinion on him. Nick, well, if you know of me somewhat, you know somewhat what Nick’s like too I imagine. He a little protective of me, so I find it normal that he doesn’t really like Dave that much. He seems me sometimes after we’ve been fighting, and it ticks him off to see me upset. But, that’s normal for a best friend, right? Nick doesn’t worry me. I can keep him and his temper in check easily.
Now, AJ on the other hand. He’s the only one I can think of that’s openly hostile to my relationship. Never around me, though. I find that oddly sweet. AJ makes no pretense to Dave about being friendly with him. But, he doesn’t sit there and trash talk him the whole time he’s there. Nick told me that AJ said it’s out of respect for me. Again, sweet. I wish I knew how well you knew any of us, or where I’d met you. But, since I don’t, I’m going to treat it like you don’t know the players in this, and explain things as I talk to you. So, let me explain something for you now.
Anyone who has ever been on AJ’s bad side, or witnessed it, can attest to the fact that he can be a nasty little fucker when he wants to be. He can say things to you that have you cringing. Not just because their harsh, but because they’re always true. He can have a nasty temper and a foul mouth. Usually nothing restrains either one of them. But with this, with Dave, he treats him as I’ve only seen AJ treat one other person before. An old friend of his we used to know. Anyways, distracting myself. He doesn’t shout at Dave, doesn’t swear at him or try to create problems. To him, Dave just doesn’t exist. If he speaks, AJ doesn’t even bat an eye. He acknowledges him in no way, shape, or form. I appreciate the effort he puts into this, because I’d rather he did that then some of the things I know AJ capable of when his temper is high.
Well, hell, I’ve written you an essay. I apologize for that. So, I’m going to send it now, and I apologize for the whining at you. :)
Sincerely,
Brian
Humming to himself, Brian set the laptop on the couch and moved to the dining area of the bus to brew some coffee. As it percolated, the driver climbed on, poking his head back at him. “It’s filling up fast with fans out there, and the others are just boarding their busses. We’ll be out in about three minutes, Mr. Littrell.”
“Thanks, Steve. I’ll make sure my coffee and I are sitting by then.” Brian said with a smile. He always made it a point to be friendly with the people he worked with. To him, even the tech students running around the arenas were important. Without them, the show wouldn’t function properly. Didn’t that mean they deserved respect as well?
A beeping sound interrupted his musings. Brian quickly poured his coffee and snapped the lid on before hurrying back to the back room again. The bus roared to life as he took a seat. Placing the cup in the cup holder, he quickly picked up his laptop. Sure enough, he had another mail. A smile curved his lips when he saw it was from James.
Dear Brian,
Well, fancy getting on and finding a nice big letter from you! Sure gotta say it made my morning a little happier. I’m not exactly a morning person. : P But that’s ok. I’ll wake up. Eventually. So, if my letter is less coherent than normal, please, I beg you to forgive me. I have yet to have my first cup of coffee and my brain is probably still on autopilot. In fact, let me set you down for a minute. Don’t go anywhere.
Ok, I’m back. Ahhhh. I have that delicious cup of Joe in hand now, and the world is right again. So, back to what I was going to say. Don’t worry about spilling things like that to me, ok? Don’t worry if the letter is a long one, or if you think you’re babbling or whatever. Isn’t that half the reason we’re starting this email friendship? To be able to have someone we can talk to and open up to? So, not whining. Not any of that. Got it? Good. Now hush.
Yes, I know I sound bossy and no, I won’t apologize for it. This is me, and I’m not awake, so it’s ok lol. I can use sleepiness as an excuse, right? I think so. Now, to be serious for a moment.
Your friends sound entertaining. Yes, I know that I haven’t told you which one I know, and that’s ok. In a way, I know bits and pieces of each one of you. Sounds cryptic huh? Well, that’s the best you’ll get out of me about it, so, I guess if you don’t like it you won’t write back. :) But, for the sake of things, you can go ahead and describe anything you want. Even if you’ve known a person for thirty years, someone else’s view on them is always interesting because it’s not your own, and they may see things that you don’t.
But, anyways, in some ways I can understand why he doesn’t want to come, if that’s the way your friends make him feel. But on the flip side, if he really loved you, he’d either A) Stand up to them. Or B) Suck it up. Me personally? I’d probably suck it up, but that’s the type of person I am. I have a tendency to seem tough about some stuff, but really, a lot more bothers me than people realize. I’m too sensitive for my own good I think. Sigh. Well, I guess we all have our faults, huh?
Have you tried to talk to him about it? Sit down calmly and say ‘look, honey, I love you. You know I love you. But it really hurts that you won’t visit me. If there’s a problem, why don’t you or I or both of us go talk to them, or him, whichever one, and figure this out. Because I’d really like you to be able to come visit me.’ Who knows, maybe it’ll work. It didn’t for me, but it might for you :)
But, there’s one important question I want to ask, and it’s kind of personal. You may not like answering it, and if you don’t I understand. He doesn’t abuse you, does he? Physically, mentally, anything. Sometimes the mental is worse than the physical. Bruises go away. Mental scars do not. The only reason I ask is, well, that’s what I went through. The mental, not the physical. He demeaned me and made me feel like I was worthless for a while, until I really thought it was normal to be in a relationship like that. It took me a while to realize that it was wrong.
Ok, well, I’m going to get something to eat, so I’ll wait for your response and write you more later! Have a good one!
Sincerely,
James
It amazed Brian how happy he was to get the reply. They had only exchanged a few letters so far, and already he was enjoying them so much. He related to James in so many ways. It had been a good decision to write him back. With that in mind, Brian smile and set about mailing his reply.