Eight am rolled around pretty quickly. Brian found himself sitting in his propped up bed, staring at his hands as the nurses started to set things up beside him. AJ was on his other side, holding one of his hands but otherwise staying out of the way. The transplant, or the infusion as they called this part, was not a surgical procedure. It was simple to do. They simply hooked everything up to the catheter and it was just like any other blood transfusion.
Just, a little more dangerous. They were going to watch him carefully for signs of rejection from his body. There would be a medical team around to make sure that nothing serious happened.
“We’ll check on you periodically, as well as leaving a full time nurse here with you.” One of the nurses, a Nurse Tammy, told him. She was a sweet woman, and new on the staff. Maybe mid-thirties, with brown hair braided back behind her head. At any other time Brian would have been friendly back to her. Right then, he really didn’t care. He was scared, and nervous, and he couldn’t seem to make his voice work.
Leaning in, Nurse Joyce gave him a reassuring smile. “Tammy and I will be staying in here to keep an eye on you. This only takes a couple hours, honey, so don’t you worry none. We’ll just be here to make sure that everything stays sanitary and that you’re ok.”
The fear that had taken Brian’s voice suddenly gave it back. “AJ can stay, right?” he asked them. He didn’t care how afraid he sounded or what anyone thought of him. All he knew was that he needed AJ in there with him.
“Of course.” Joyce told him in a tone that suggested he was silly for asking. Tammy looked at them a little funny, but she said nothing.
In the back of his mind, AJ thought that Tammy must be really new if she didn’t know about his and Brian’s relationship. Well, she would learn.
The room went quiet as the rest of the equipment was hooked up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was so hard to sit there and watch as Brian slowly became more and more miserable. Not like, horribly wretched; but enough that it hurt AJ to watch him. First a small grade fever had kicked in, but they’d managed to help cool him back down. Then the chills. Then a fever again. Some chest pain. But none of it was severe, and the nurses assured them that it was normal. Nurse Joyce and Tammy both stayed in the room, mostly over by Brian’s equipment so that they could monitor his vitals and make sure that everything was going ok.
They were lucky that this was something that they could do in Brian’s room. It would be so much worse in an OR setting, where Brian’s stress would have been even higher, and AJ wouldn’t have been allowed to be in there. At least here he was allowed to be by Brian’s side.
That not only kept Brian calm, but AJ as well. He could openly admit that if he’d been forced to sit out and wait for someone to tell him how the infusion had gone he would have gone insane.
As if their minds were on the same track, Brian looked over at him and licked his lips before saying “Thanks for being here with me, Alex. You’re keeping me sane.”
AJ gave him a wide grin full of all the love in his heart. He forced himself not to think on the fear or anything else but how much he loved Brian, hoping that it would show only those positive things in his voice and his eyes. “You act like I’d be anywhere else. Shit, Bri, you know no one can move me unless I want them to.”
“Aint that the truth.” Brian chuckled. One hand came up, rubbing lightly at the skin of his chest, careful not to touch the catheter. It was obvious that his chest ached a little. Discreetly Joyce checked the infusion tubes while Tammy checked his vitals on the machines.
To distract Brian, he tried to tease him a little. “Don’t be jealous of my talents, Bri. Not everyone is blessed with the ability to annoy quite like I am.”
“Kaos could give you a run for your money sometimes.” Brian admitted, smiling slightly.
“Shit, Littrell. That boy aint got nothing on me when I want. He’s weak sauce.”
This time Brian’s smile bloomed bigger. “Weak sauce?” he asked him in amusement.
AJ smiled simply for the joy of seeing Brian smile. “You heard me, boy. Don’t be questioning me or my greatness.” He put on a mock stern look in that teasing way they had together. It sparked a light in Brian’s eyes that made AJ want to grin with his happiness.
“What if I am?”
The taunt was pure Brian. Not everyone realized that Brian’s playful side went as deep as it did. They played together constantly, little games that made them laugh with one another, or that could turn them on more than anything. Usually that kind of comment was enough to start a certain kind of game that ended in the both of them being very happy. Right then it wasn’t possible.
But AJ couldn’t resist playing just a little. He leaned over to Brian when the nurses weren’t looking and put his lips just a hair away from Brian’s, his tongue coming out to trace those warm lips. “I’ll have to punish you when you’re feeling better.” He whispered, their breath mingling. Smiling, he pulled back.
About then he noticed the small tremors that were starting in Brian’s small frame. God, Brian had always been slightly stockier than AJ was, even if he was shorter. But he was as small as AJ now. It was hard to look at. By no means would anyone have ever been able to call Brian fat before. That was muscle, with just the right amount of weight over it. But now…now he seemed to be mostly skin, bones, and some of his muscle.
That thinned out frame started to tremble in a way that AJ recognized. Brian was cold. He didn’t wait for his lover to say anything, but went ahead and grabbed the blanket, pulling it up and over him again. Brian smiled in appreciation, but he was still shivering.
Joyce caught AJ’s eye, gesturing that her and Tammy were going to run to grab more blankets. He nodded briefly and then turned his attention right back to his lover. It was so hard to sit and watch him shiver. AJ couldn’t stand it.
On impulse he climbed up from his chair and lifted a hip into the bed. It made his ribs protest, but he stretched himself out on his side. Automatically Brian lifted an arm to let AJ snuggle in even as he protested. “I’m fine, Alex. They said I’m supposed to be alone in the bed for this just to keep it sanitary.” He reminded him.
“Brian...” he said softly, snuggling in. “…shut up.”
With a great sigh Brian gave up his protests and just let AJ wrap around him, absorbing his warmth. AJ made sure to put a leg between Brian’s and to carefully wrap an arm around Brian’s waist. Neither noticed the nurses come back, stopping in the doorway to stare at them. Brian had his eyes closed, as did AJ.
“Alex…” Brian started to ask, then cutting himself off.
“What is it?”
For a second Brian seemed to debate speaking. “No, never mind.” He finally decided. AJ didn’t open his eyes or lift his head. He just poked a finger at Brian and asked “What is it?” again.
Sighing, Brian bit his lip lightly. “Would you mind…well, would you sing to me? Please? It’d be a little easier, and I just…I don’t know, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to…”
The sweetness of Brian’s request had tears sliding into AJ’s eyes. Still not noticing their audience, AJ shifted his head, better adjusting on Brian’s shoulder while his lover continued to ramble. Then he cut in, his voice soft, instantly silencing Brian. The words carried everything that AJ felt for his love, and it was obvious to those who heard it.
Don't pretend you're sorry, I know you're not. You know you got the power to make me weak inside. Boy you leave me breathless but it's okay 'cause you are my survival. Now hear me say I can't imagine life without your love. Even forever don't seem like long enough.
“'Cause every time I breathe I take you in and my heart beats again. Baby I can't help it, you keep me drowning in your love. Every time I try to rise above I'm swept away by love. Baby I can't help it, you keep me drowning in your love.”
Joyce felt tears sliding down her cheeks as she watched the two cuddling on the bed. One shivering as the potential cure for his cancer ravaged his body almost as hard as the cancer had. The other snuggled up to him, never wavering from his side for one instant. The love between them was so strong it was palpable. Tammy felt it too, and felt tears fill her eyes when AJ continued to sing.
“Maybe I'm a drifter. Maybe not. 'Cause I have known the safety of floating freely in your arms. I don't need another lifeline; It's not for me. 'Cause only you can save me. Oh can't you see. I can't imagine life without your love. And even forever don't seem like long enough.
“'Cause every time I breathe I take you in and my heart beats again. Baby I can't help it, you keep me drowning in your love. Every time I try to rise above I'm swept away by love. Baby I can't help it, you keep me drowning in your love.”