Kevin, Nick, and Howie paced the hallway outside of the glass room. A nurse had come to fetch them, saying that AJ would come to the room to speak with them. After anxiously waiting for hours for while the transplant was being done they were eager for any kind of news. Anything.
It was so hard to be on the outside, waiting for news. Kevin had a hard time reconciling himself to the fact that he couldn’t be in there with his cousin, his family. Even knowing what AJ went through to be in there, and the reasons that they let him be the one in there, it was hard not to feel resentful. He tried to control that feeling but it wouldn’t go completely away. It wasn’t very Christian, and it wasn’t fair or right, but emotions don’t always listen to reason.
All of that was forgotten for a moment when AJ came walking into the glass room. Kevin found himself gaping at the younger man before he could control the reflex. God!
To anyone who didn’t know better it almost looked like AJ was the one going through chemo! He looked thinner than ever, and he was already thin to begin with. The cast on his wrist and the way he kept a hand wrapped around his waist showed that his injuries still pained him.
His face was tired for just a split second as he came in. But once he caught sight of them, Kevin saw the iron slip back in. It amazed him. They had all known how tough AJ was, but he doubted that any of them had known that AJ had this kind of inner strength to him. He was like a rock, solid and steady, supporting Brian and buffeting him against things.
“Hey gentlemen.” AJ rasped. He gave them all a grin that was slightly thin around the edges. “I won’t make you sit and wait for info, so I’ll say up front that the infusion went well.”
“Thank God.” Nick whispered. Both Howie and Kevin echoed the sentiments.
“His temp went up for a while and then he’d get the chills, then the fever. But I guess that’s normal. It made his chest ache some. Again, I guess that’s normal. Still, Joyce said he came through it admirably. So he’s resting now, which he’s going to need a lot of.”
“You look like you could use some too, J.” It was Howie who spoke with a voice gone gentle.
In a gesture that spoke volumes, AJ shrugged. They could all see from that one gesture that AJ wasn’t that concerned with taking care of himself. That he would be back by Brian’s side as soon as they let him go and that most likely he would be awake for a while watching him.
It made Kevin a little nervous and brought back some of that jealous feeling. “He’s really doing ok, AJ? Everything’s fine, right? You’d tell us if it wasn’t?”
A small flash of temper went in and out of AJ’s eyes. “I’m not a liar, big guy. I meant what I said. He’s doing ok. Of course I’d tell you if he wasn’t. What kind of person do you think I am?”
Something inside of Kevin throbbed and snarled. Before he could control it his jealously reared its ugly head and took control. “It’s not like you always tell us right away when shit happens. Sometimes you forget we’re out here. That we can’t seem to come back and visit with the ease that you do. Even if I am family.”
Comprehension changed AJ’s expression. Soon it was followed my sympathy. For some reason that grated on Kevin’s nerves even more. Nerves that were already stretched close to their breaking point. “Kev, I’m sorry.” AJ said softly. He stepped forward and put his good hand on the glass, the one in the cast still around his waist. “It’s not that we’re trying to exclude you, or anything like that. We know you’re family. I’m sorry if it seems so unfair to you.”
“But you’re not willing to trade places.” The question was torn from inside of Kevin in a place he hadn’t even known existed. He was aghast at the things he was saying.
AJ’s answer was simple. “I can’t, no. I’m sorry. He wants me to be there. He needs me.” In AJ’s mind that was all that was important. It was all that should be important. Kevin knew that, and understood it, and even agreed with it. He worked hard to shove that jealousy back down again. It wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t right. AJ didn’t deserve it.
“Sorry, Age.” He said gruffly. AJ gave him a smile that was so tired around the edges that Kevin felt all else disappear except for concern for his friend. “No prob, Kev. I understand. I’ll try to get out more to tell you guys what’s going on, I promise.”
“Try eating and sleeping more, too.” Howie interjected.
On his way out of the room AJ held up his good hand and gave Howie his middle finger.
~~~~~~~~~~~
The “engraftment” period was one of the most miserable times that Brian had ever gone through. He lay curled in his bed, thinking to himself how each time he got to a new level of wretched, and thought it couldn’t get worse, something else made it worse. It was like living with the worst case of the flu ever, but instead of for a few days, it lasted for weeks.
Three and a half weeks it took before they decided that the engraftment had taken place. They drew more and more blood, and had weaned him off his medicines by then until he was down to the bare basics. Next they removed the chest tube, allowing that to heal up as well.
Away from the chemo and slowly recovering from his BMT, Brian found the nausea slowly fading, and had never been more grateful. It still came if he moved wrong or ate wrong, but it wasn’t random. He could predict just about everything that would bring it on. That was so much easier to deal with than the constant or random vomiting that chemo caused.
Depression was trying its hardest to settle in, and AJ was doing everything he could to dispel it. When the nights seemed long and all Brian wanted to do was cry, AJ was there to hold him and sing to him, sometimes rubbing his back until he was soothed back to sleep. Other times he just wanted to scream and yell and AJ was there for that too.
No one else was allowed in to see him for a while, which AJ had admitted to him frustrated the others. They talked about it about a week and a half after the BMT when Brian had wondered aloud where everyone was.
AJ had smoothed the blankets, letting his hands brush against Brian. “They don’t want to let them in right now, baby, just to be safe.” He’d said gently. His eyes were so sweet, and so tired. Brian had seen the lines of stress and exhaustion at the edges. It had broken his heart that his partner was wearing down right in front of him.
“You let them know I’m ok, right?” Just talking like that was more exhausting than Brian had thought it would be.
Again AJ had quietly reassured him, and Brian hadn’t had the energy to debate it. He’d passed into a fitful sleep, constantly tired.
But now he was capable of being awake for longer periods of time. Slowly but surely his body was recuperating. What was hard was that some days he would wake up and feel almost normal. He’d be capable of sitting up and visiting and talking. On one of those days they actually allowed the others to gown up, mask up, glove up, and come in and visit.
Brian had his bed elevated so he was sitting up, watching TV, when they came into the room. He’d known they’d come in that day, he’d been the one to ok it with Joyce, but he hadn’t been sure when. The instant they burst through the door, Brian held a finger up to his lips to gesture for silence. It was lucky timing, too, because Nick had been just about to shout at him.
Three sets of eyes traveled to Brian’s side, under his arm, where AJ was curled up. His one hand was resting on Brian’s chest, his head buried against Brian’s side, and one leg thrown over top of Brian’s legs. All lines of stress that had recently been there were now washed away in the peace of sleep.
“Bout damn time the kid gets a nap.” Howie joked with them.
A grin stretched over Brian’s mouth. “Yeah, I know. He’s a stubborn one.” He said it affectionately. Even when AJ frustrated him there was no one that he loved more. “He takes really good care of me in here, but sometimes that means that he forgets about himself. They had to come remind him that it was time to take his cast off yesterday.”
Nick leaned over the bed rail to look at the hand that was resting on Brian’s chest. It had that skinny, fresh look that came from being underneath a cast. “Looks like it’s doing good.”
Bumping arms with him, Kevin snorted. “Thank you Dr. Nick.” He said sarcastically. The others laughed. When it was quiet again they all looked to Brian. Kevin was the one who asked. “How soon do we know whether or not this worked?”
“Actually, I can answer that for you.” Dr. Reese came walking into the room with a wide smile on his face. The smile set Brian at ease more than anything else. Even before Dr. Reese opened his mouth Brian knew what he was going to say. A giddy feeling filed him until he thought he would burst with it.
Looking at Brian’s face, Dr. Reese grinned. “I can tell you’ve already guessed it. But for the benefit of everyone else I’ll go ahead and say it. As far as we can tell right at this moment the BMT was a roaring success. We’ve found no traces of the cancer in your system. Congratulations, Mr. Littrell. With the way you’re healing, I see you going home in no more than a few days to a week.”
“Thank you so much.” The words were the most heartfelt thing that Brian had ever said.
“No problem, Mr. Brian. You’ll have to take it easy and let Mr. AJ help you for a while. There’ll be some things you still can’t do and some things you shouldn’t. You’ll still get tired, frequently, for the next roundabout two months. But if you’re careful and let him help you than I see you having an easy recovery. You’ll be able to return back to working conditions in about seven months if you so choose.”
The doctor left them all to celebrate their news. Brian could barely move, barely think, beyond his joy. Had they really done it this time? Had they actually managed to beat it a second time? Underneath it all was the preying thought of, would it last? But he and AJ had discussed this already and they had agreed that they wouldn’t dwell on it potentially coming back. Instead they would appreciate the time they had together and worry about the future later.
“Congratulations, Brian.” It was Kevin who said it, with what sounded like tears in his voice. “I’m so happy for you.”
“We all are.” Nick echoed him.
Howie gave a smile and rubbed Brian’s hand with his gloved one. “You’re one tough shit, Littrell. Thank God for that.”
A grin grew on Brian’s lips until it seemed to stretch over his whole face. “Even when I wasn’t, Alex here was. Tough, and more stubborn than anyone else I’ve ever met in my entire life.”
“An don’t you forget it.” Came the muffled reply. Everyone looked down at AJ, who still hadn’t moved from his snuggling position. Laughter echoed around the room.
“You’re awake, you shit?” Howie teased him. “For how long!”
“Since you noisy elephants came in the room. I just chose to stay comfortable.”
“Elephants? Watch it, kid!”
AJ opened one eye and grinned up at Howie. “When we get out of here, D, remind me to show you that this ‘kid’ can still kick your ass.”
Everyone in the room started to laugh, Brian included. His heart felt lighter than it had in a long time. He was cured. Maybe it was just for now, but he was cured. He had done it. Against all odds, despite everything thrown into his path, he had managed to beat this disease not once, but twice. His arm tightened slightly around AJ, who then kissed his side in response. If it hadn’t been for AJ there were moments that Brian wasn’t sure if he would have made it. But with AJ by his side, the two could make it through anything together.