The next day started the first round of the new chemo. Brian worried about what it would do to him. He picked at his breakfast, moving things around the plate with his fork as his nerves ate at his stomach. Would the chemo make him sicker than normal? They were doing a more aggressive form, so that was a good possibility. That made it hard to even think about putting the food in his stomach. What as the point when it was all just going to come up in a few hours anyways?
“Brian Thomas Littrell if you don’t start eating your breakfast I’m going to spoon feed it to you.”
AJ’s voice cut through Brian’s deep thoughts and brought him back to the present. He looked down at his plate, realizing that he hadn’t been eating his food at all. Despite its lack of appeal, he obediently lifted a spoonful of eggs and took a bite. “Sorry.” He found himself mumbling.
A finger went under his chin, lifting his face up until he was eye to eye with AJ. He fully expected AJ to say something to him. Something to try to bolster his spirits. Honestly, it was the last thing that Brian wanted to hear. He didn’t want another person to tell him that it would all be ok or that he would be fine.
To his surprise, AJ simply leaned in and kissed his forehead where stress always made wrinkles. The warmth of that kiss spread through him, seeming to sink right down to his bones. Just as quietly AJ pulled back. He surprised Brian again by sliding down in the bed a little and wiggling against Brian’s side until he lifted an arm, grinning at the top of AJ’s head.
AJ sighed happily and settled in against Brian’s side, one hand still holding his piece of toast. He nibbled away at it even as he snuggled closer. Brian looked down at the top of AJ’s bald head and grinned. His lover looked like a kid with his piece of toast. “You’re such a nerd, Age.”
“Could be true.” AJ agreed with him.
Brian absently took another bite of his eggs. “Could be? Sounds like someone’s in denial.”
“Psh. You have no viable proof.”
Laughter bubbled up past Brian’s lips. “Viable proof? Oh, we getting fancy now, huh?”
“Don’t be jealous of my vocabulary, Littrell. I’ll teach some of it to you.” AJ told him sweetly.
Good God. Brian just about choked on his eggs. He started coughing and had to reach for his milk and take a drink before he could breathe again. The whole time AJ never even moved away from his side. He just polished off his toast and moved on to eating sausage.
“Holy crap, Age.” Brian said when he could breathe normally again. “The last thing I need is to learn your vocabulary.”
AJ sat up, suddenly looking indignant. “Are you saying there’s something wrong with the way I talk?” he demanded, his good hand coming to rest on his hip. It took everything Brian had not to laugh in his face as he replied. “Maybe I am.” He teased back. It felt good to just pick on AJ.
A sly smile spread over AJ’s lips. He pushed their breakfast tray away so that he could better sit up. Without warning he leaned in and started tickling Brian.
Brian squirmed backwards and, thank God there was no one there to hear him, he squealed as he did. “AJ! No, don’t!” he cried, laughing as he tried to escape AJ’s fingers. He laughed harder, trying to smack away AJ’s hands, but AJ was quick and he was soon straddling his waist, tickling his sides so that Brain could barely breathe through laughing.
“Ahem.”
The sound of someone clearing their throat had the two men spinning their heads to look at the doorway. Nurse Joyce and Nurse Lela were standing there, grinning widely at the two of them. Brian felt his face burn as he blushed at them. AJ, on the other hand, sat back on his heels, not bothering to move from his position over Brian’s waist. “Hello ladies.” He said cheekily.
Joyce was the first one to step in, shaking her head. “Can’t we trust the two of you to behave for five minutes?” she teased. Lela was laughing as she followed in.
With a nonchalant shrug, AJ winked at the two. “He needed a smile.” He said the answer simply.
“Oh, get on with you.” Joyce told him, waving a hand at him until he moved off of Brian to sit beside him. “You didn’t hurt yourself at all did you?”
That thought hadn’t occurred to Brian. He looked quickly over to AJ, his eyebrows drawing down, just to find AJ grinning and shaking his head. “I didn’t put myself in a position that would hurt me, ladies and lover, so none of you three worry about me. I’m perfectly fine.”
Lela stepped up to Brian’s side of the bed to start taking his temperature and checking his heart rate. “I think we’ll find those slightly elevated.” Joyce said with another giggle. AJ just grinned and Brian blushed.
The two women were only there to check his vitals and make sure that the two men had eaten. While Lela checked both their vitals, Joyce inspected the breakfast tray before announcing that they had done just fine that morning. “Now, I want you two to lay down and rest.” She said sternly, turning to look at them. “The night crew said you were both tossing and turning last night. So it’s either you take a nap, or we give you something to help you nap. Take your pick.”
With identical faces of mock horror the two men scooted back more comfortably in the bed and reached out simultaneously to grab the blanket and pull it up to their chins. The two nurses laughed at them and Brian and AJ gave each other a grin. AJ’s tickling had done exactly what he wanted by distracting Brian’s brain enough for him to eat. It had also chased away his negative thoughts enough that his night of almost no sleep was catching up with him and making him exhausted. One look at AJ told him that his lover felt the same way.
Before the two women were even out of the room he and AJ had stopped pretending and were actually asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fucking Goddamn bullshit. That’s what all of this was. Bullshit. Complete and total bullshit. Brian couldn’t hold back a moan as his stomach rolled. On his knees, his face over the toilet, his back arched with the force of his heaving. Sweat seemed to pour down his face. Oh Jesus, it had never been this bad before. The worst part was that they’d given him anti-nausea medicine. Apparently it just didn’t work on him. They said that it was rare, but it did happen.
He didn’t care. He just wanted the vomiting to stop. His body already felt so tired and sore, and this wasn’t helping in the least bit. It just brought the aches out more and more.
When he pulled back and straightened up slightly, AJ was there, a washcloth ready to wipe his face. Brian realized there were tears mixed in there and found that he didn’t care. Who gave a shit if he cried when his stomach was busy throwing up? He didn’t even have enough presence of mind to feel shame for how severely he was vomiting and how much AJ had to take care of him.
AJ put an arm around him, letting Brian rest his head in the curve of AJ’s shoulder. With his other hand AJ continued to wipe away Brian’s sweat and tears with the washcloth. It felt heavenly.
“God, AJ.” Brian groaned, trying to control his stomach. It was all he could manage to say.
The hand with the washcloth never stopped, but AJ bent and kissed the top of Brian’s head. “I’m right here. Don’t you worry, I’ve got you.”
They’d already been in here for a while now and Brian was wondering when it would ever end. Was the nausea ever going to stop? There was nothing but acid and water left in his stomach by now. But he stayed near the toilet, letting AJ clear his head of all the moisture.
When he went ten minutes without vomiting he felt safe enough to shift slightly. “Bed.” He managed to rasp out. God, his voice sounded scratchier than AJ’s did! That was horrible. It burned, too. Like someone had poured gasoline down his throat and set it on fire.
Ever so carefully AJ helped him to his feet. Brian tried to keep his eyes open, but he found that the room tried to spin. So he simply closed his eyes and leaned into AJ, trusting in him to lead. It took almost five minutes, but they managed to get Brian in to sit on the edge of the bed. Just as he was sitting down he heard the door to his room open.
He didn’t care. Whoever it was could just go to hell. AJ wouldn’t let them bother him, so Brian didn’t waste time worrying about it. All of his attention was focused on trying to lay back. Soon as his head started to go down, the nausea came back. “Up, up.” He managed to get out. AJ pulled him back up and the nausea eased a little. Ok, so he’d have to sit for a bit.
“Rok?” A voice asked. Was that Nick? Oh, Jesus, he loved his best friend, but Nick’s peppiness was not what he needed right then. Brian just barely managed to resist groaning out loud. He so did not want to see anyone right then, but he knew he had to be polite. “Hi, Nick.”
“Jesus, Frick, you look like shit.”
That was almost too much. Brian cracked an eye open to glare at Nick. “Gee, thanks.” He rasped out. A cup pressed into his hand, and Brian moved that one open eye to look first at the cup, then up at AJ. Gratefully he took a hesitant sip. First one, then another. Oh God that felt so good!
“Sorry, Frick. I just, damn. I don’t remember it hitting you this bad before.”
It was AJ who answered, saving Nick a blistering retort. “It’s more aggressive to try to kill the bad marrow before they put the donor marrow in.” he reminded Nick.
For the first time Brian saw Nick, and saw that his friend was gowned and masked and gloved. They had made him dress up for this visit. Nick caught the look and smiled, gesturing to himself. “They said I could come see you but I had to make sure there wasn’t a chance to pass on germs, so they gowned me up.”
“You look like a dork.” Brian said dryly, earning him a grin from Nick. Seeming to take that as a sign that Brian was more relaxed, Nick stepped up to the side of the bed. “Yeah, I know. But hey, we do what we got to so we can see our friends, right?”
Brian opened his mouth to reply, but suddenly he smelled something and his body froze. Nick’s cologne, or body wash, or whatever the hell it was, seemed to fill the air. Almost instantly Brian’s stomach started to roll. The cup dropped out of his hand and he tried, he really did try, to launch up and run to the bathroom. But he barely made it up off the bed.
In an almost exorcist fashion Brian’s stomach forced its way up and out his mouth, all over the front of Nick’s gown.
AJ’s hands came around him, holding him up across his chest and around his back. It was the only thing that kept Brian on his feet as the vomiting stopped and his head bowed down. Miserable, he could barely hear Nick step back, cursing, or AJ’s apologetic explanation. “It makes his stomach a whole lot more tender, Nicky. He’s ultra-sensitive to things. I think whatever your cologne or body wash is sent off his stomach.”
“No, I understand.” Nick said, just a hint of wryness in his tone. “What’s a little vomit between friends, right?”
If he had been able to Brian would have laughed.