*January, 2001, One week into Black and Blue Tour*

 

 

By the time AJ’s next appointment rolled around they were already back on tour. Luckily he was able to call and reschedule the appointment to fit on his time off. After their show in Atlanta, Georgia he and Brian went straight to the airport and flew back to California. That put them there bright and early in the morning on the 28th. The next show wasn’t until the night of the 30th in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. His appointment was scheduled for the 29th, which gave them the whole first day to sit back and. Mostly, with the combination of the show and then the flight, the two men slept.

 

 

But on the morning of his appointment AJ was wide awake long before he needed to be. He extracted himself from Brian’s arms at about six that morning, finally giving up hope on sleep. Quietly he moved downstairs, not wanting to disturb Brian. Silently he set about making the first pot of coffee. Well, only a half a pot.

 

 

Along with starting his medication, AJ had also had to start taking better care of his body. That meant a healthier diet. It had been in the papers that Dr. Shannon had given them, the suggestion that he start a healthy diet to boost his immune system. Some of it was basic, and things that he should have been doing a long time ago. Cutting out greasy foods. That meant no more grease burgers at fast food places. Cut down on sugar and caffeine. That was the tricky one. He’d managed to get down to one cup of coffee a day, but no less than that. He needed at least one.

 

 

The nausea that was an almost consistent part of his life now made it difficult to eat too much. There were periods of the day that he was ok to eat, and other times that he couldn’t even stand the sight of food. Still, he tried to eat and eat healthy.

 

 

On that note he looked in his fridge, smiling when he saw food there. Brian must have gone out to the store at some point in time while AJ had been sleeping. God bless the man. AJ grabbed a vanilla yogurt and a plastic container of mixed fruit that Brian must have chopped and tossed together. That man was always taking care of him in quiet little ways.

 

 

When Brian had read about AJ’s diet he hadn’t pressed the issue, allowing AJ to bring it up and discuss it with him. But once they’d talked about it, Brian had started to put healthier food into the fridge. Not forcing it on him, and never lecturing, but providing the options. One of the points in their paperwork had said that his protein and calories, judging by his average height and weight, needed to be increased if he wanted to at least maintain his current weight.

 

 

Almost absently AJ poured his cup of coffee, added a little milk and sugar, and carried the cup as well as his breakfast down to his office. Once there he booted his computer up and got comfortable in the office chair. It was an indulgence of his and looked old and worn down, which it should. He picked it up from a garage sale. But it was the most comfortable chair he had ever sat in. Wide enough that he could curl his legs up Indian style. Not to mention he could make it rock.

 

 

With one hand holding his coffee cup and the other on the mouse, AJ set about cruising the internet. There was a whole wealth of information out there, he discovered, about HIV and AIDS. He found himself reading article after article while he ate his yogurt and fruit. It was always better to understand something as much as possible. If you understood it, it wasn’t as terrifying. What was scary was the unknown.

 

 

He got so wrapped up in reading that he almost didn’t hear his alarm go off. After a second it clicked in his brain and he sighed, looking down at his wrist. The watch he wore there beeped continuously until he reached over and pressed the button. It was set to go off at 7:58 in the morning and at night. Time to get up and take his meds.

 

 

It was irritating on some days to have to take the stupid pills at the exact same time. But he knew that if he didn’t the consequences could be bad. Hell, he’d even added a multivitamin to his morning meds, making it just one more pill he had to have. Strict adherence to his schedule was a very important part of treatment.

 

 

Standing in his kitchen, which was where he kept his pill case, he dumped his morning meds into his hand and look at them for a minute before popping them all into his mouth. As he used a bottle of water to wash them down, he found himself thinking the same thought anyone has when they’re on a medication regime. God, I can’t wait till I can stop taking this shit.

 

 

He froze, staring at the water bottle in his hand. Convulsively he swallowed, washing them the rest of the way down. There was no stopping these. He would be taking them every day for the rest of his life. Sometimes it was easy to forget that fact. Then other times it hit him like a ton of bricks. He was stuck taking these for as long as he was alive.

 

 

Better taking pills than dying. He had to tell himself that over and over again. That was what it boiled down to. Either he took these pills and took them on schedule or he could drastically shorten his life span. If he thought of it like that it wasn’t so hard to take them. Well, not too hard.

 

 

A soft sound alerted AJ only seconds before a warm pair of arms wrapped around his waist. A soft kiss was pressed to the side of his neck. “Morning, baby.” Brian’s soft voice whispered in his ear. AJ couldn’t help but smile. “Morning.”

 

 

Brian stepped away to start making his cup of coffee, giving AJ a chance to admire him. Dressed only in plaid pajama pants, his hair tousled and his face still showing signs of sleep, no one had ever looked more attractive to him. He couldn’t help but stand there and admire him as well as marvel at him being there at all. Most people would have run the other way, finding out that their partner was positive. But not Brian. He treated AJ as if their relationship was normal. It was heavenly compared to how the other guys treated him. They were kind, but they tended to walk on eggshells. Always trying to help too much when he was getting sick, or when his head hurt.

 

 

Looking back at AJ and seeing the look on his face, Brian gave him a wide grin. “Don’t even think about it, lover. We’ve got to get ready to go. Your appointments in like, an hour.”

 

 

“I guess I’ll wait till we get home.” AJ said with a fake sigh.

 

 

Lust brightened Brian’s eyes. “Hopefully your appointment goes fast then so we have plenty of time before our flight out.”

 

 

AJ couldn’t help but laugh as he stuck his dishes in the sink and bent over to put his water bottle in the recycling bin he kept under the sink. As he stood back up he had to take hold of the counter, bracing himself as the room spun a little. Though there was no sound to warn him, Brian’s hand was suddenly there helping support him while his other hand was rubbing AJ’s back. “Those are getting less and less.” Brian said softly.

 

 

One of the side effects of his medication was dizziness. It seemed to be one that was, thankfully, fading away. “Thank God for that.” He mumbled. Looking over at the clock he started to grumble. “Let’s get ready to go so they can poke me with a million needles and take more of my blood. Yee freaking haw.”

 

 

Laughing, Brian put an arm around his lover’s waist, discreetly helping him to the staircase.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

There wasn’t enough time for the fun they wanted after the doctor’s appointment. They had just enough time to come home, pack their overnight bags again, which was all they had brought with them, and head out to the airport. Despite all the sleep they’d got, AJ was still tired and ended up falling asleep on the plane before they even took off.

 

 

Brian watched him sleep for a while, content with just simply looking at him. The plane was crowded with people, but first class wasn’t as cramped as the rest of the plane was. He wanted nothing more than to raise his arm and let AJ rest against him while he slept but he knew that they couldn’t do that in public. He had to content himself with just being by his side.

 

 

So much had happened over the past month. So many things in their life had changed. Some for the worse, some for the better. Even though he knew that AJ worried about it still, Brian had no qualms about the new aspect of their relationship. There was no denying that they loved one another. Taking it to the next level, living together and being together sexually, seemed so right. So long as they were safe he didn’t worry about it.

 

 

But he knew that AJ did. It worried Brian sometimes that AJ seemed to almost live in denial. Not that he didn’t do what he needed to take care of himself. He was very good at that. But it was like sometimes he tried to pretend that the disease didn’t exist. That the pills were just something he had to take without ever really letting himself acknowledge why.

 

 

They had still yet to talk to Denise. She had called AJ once to say that her trip was being extended, which meant that she wouldn’t have been home yet to know about the message he’d left for her on her answering machine. AJ hadn’t wanted to tell her bad news on the phone so he had kept quiet about everything.  Brian knew it was worrying AJ. He was afraid of how she would react to things. Time and time again Brian tried to reassure AJ that she had no reason to get mad at him. None of this was his fault. It was the fault of a hospital.

 

 

Laying his head back on the headrest, Brian watched as AJ shifted and shivered in his sleep. Without thinking about it Brian took his coat off and draped it over his boyfriend. Almost instantly AJ snuggled into it and sighed. It had been a difficult day.

 

 

The doctor’s appointment had gone well enough. Nothing serious had cropped up, he was free of infection. The medication seemed to be starting to work, which was the biggest plus. The downside to it all was that the side effects that he was experiencing weren’t likely to go fully away if they hadn’t already. She’d said they might calm a little, but most likely he would live with some form of nausea and headaches for a while.

 

 

“The fatigue will probably start to fade after your tour is done.” She’d told them bluntly. “I’m not saying that you can’t tour, but it will tax your body hard. Especially if you aren’t eating well. You’ve lost a few pounds, but I expected that. Just make sure you keep eating well even if you don’t feel hungry. Try splitting your meals into smaller ones spaced more often in the day. That should get more nutrients into your system.”

 

 

They had added another pill to his daily dosage. Another that he took in the morning and the evening. Something that was called a protease inhibitor which would prevent infection by a virus. But all in all, AJ had a basically clean bill of health. He wasn’t getting any infections, wasn’t getting worse, none of that.

 

 

As he drifted off to sleep, Brian could only pray that it would stay that way.