“Not up to much more with the group?” Brian found himself asking. This sure hadn’t been what he’d been expecting Kevin to say! “Since when? We’ve just been waiting!”
Kevin still looked honestly surprised by this. “Well, I mean, look at all that’s in your lives right now. Please, don’t take this the wrong way. I don’t mean this to be hurtful. But you, AJ, have to be careful about getting sick now. One wrong cold can kill you easier than ever. You tire easier and you frequently aren’t feeling well.”
Now Howie leaned forward. “Add on to that.” He interjected. “You’re starting a family now. You have a baby coming. You’ve moved to a whole new state with a new house. Plus that foundation that Brian mentioned that you want to set up. With all of that going, how on earth would you even have time for the group? We’re not angry about it, Age. We totally understand.”
It was hard for Brian to keep his composure. Seriously? They’d gone and made this decision without even talking to them? AJ’s voice was an echo of Brian’s thoughts. “You guys just decided this without even asking?” he asked them.
“Well…we just, I mean. That is…” Howie stumbled over his words under both AJ and Brian’s glares.
In total contrast to the tight grip that AJ had on Brian’s hand, his voice was soft. “I may be sick, and I may have things going in my life. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not a part of this group. That I don’t have the right to make decisions. I’ll openly admit that a big tour would be beyond me anymore. But who’s to say I can’t sing and make another album with you guys? Even if I can’t tour, or if I’m not around to tour, I can still make the music with you guys. Or are you going to try to deny me that as well?”
“That’s not what we were trying to do!” Kevin exclaimed. He rubbed his hands over his face. “We were trying to keep your best interests at heart, Age.”
The hard part was, Brian could see that Kevin honestly meant that. In their eyes, they’d been looking out for him, helping him. Didn’t they understand how that would make AJ feel, though? There were some days where AJ fought with depression. Where he felt almost useless because the list of things he couldn’t do seemed bigger than the list of things he could.
It was a fine line to walk, and one that Brian had learned to walk a while ago. Long enough that he didn’t even have to really think about it anymore. He just did it.
With his usual carefree attitude, Nick kicked back in his chair and grinned. “So, we messed up. It’s not like it’s irreversible.” He said cheerfully. “We’ll just let them know we want to start working on a new album, with the touring part left open. Problem solved.” When everyone just looked at him, Nick shrugged before turning his attention to AJ. “So, you’ve got a new song? Do we get to hear it or you just gonna show it to us?”
Just like that, Nick diffused what could have been a clash of tempers. Yet again Brian felt appreciation for his best friend. There was no one out there quite like Nick.
Apparently AJ was thinking the same way. His grip on Brian’s hand relaxed and his frown melted into a smile. “You want me to sit here and perform for you? Shoot, Carter. What do I look like, a jukebox?”
“Oh whatever, Age.” Nick scoffed. He waved a hand in the air. “You know you love any excuse to perform, even if it’s just for us. Sing it.”
Brian looked over at AJ, enjoying the smile that was there. It always made him happy to see AJ be happy. “Yeah honey.” He added his two cents in. “Sing it. Been a while since I heard you sing.” A knowing look passed between the two. AJ’s eyes lit impishly. “Doesn’t shower singing count?” he teased.
Laughing, Brian shook his head. “Nope. Now, quit pretending to be shy and sing for us.”
“The room acoustics could suck and make me sound crappy.”
“Blah, blah. Quit trying to weasel out of it.” Brian sat back in his chair, sipping at his tea. God, he loved bantering with AJ. “Just sing the song, Age.”
Even as his eyes sparkled with mirth, AJ pretended to scowl. “Bossy, the whole lot of you. Can’t even let a man drink his tea in peace. Have to nag at him to sing, sing, sing.”
Everyone else was picking up on the good mood. Harold, a grin creasing his face, said “Come on, son. Let’s hear it.”
That seemed to be the deciding factor for AJ. He let out a gusty sigh, closing his eyes. In that one look, Brian saw they’d won. So he got comfortable and waited to hear this song that AJ had written. He wondered what tempo it would be; fast or slow? Who knew.
AJ slanted a look at his husband. “Keep in mind that I haven’t quite settled on the tune yet. It’s still a little rough.”
Just to make him laugh, Brian put a bored look on his face and gestured grandly with his hand. Humor lit AJ’s eyes before he closed them again. Very softly he started to sing. After the first line, Brian forgot all humor and the urge to play. He was wrapped up in the lyrics that seemed to reach right into his heart.
Yeah, yeah
It seems like yesterday when I said 'I do'
And after all this time my heart still burns for you
If you don’t know by now that you’re my only one
Then take a look inside me and watch my heart strings come undone
I know I promised you forever
Is there no stronger word I can use?
To reassure you when the storm is raging outside
You’re my safest place to hide
Can you see me? Here I am
I need you like I needed you then
When I feel like giving up
I climb inside your heart and still find
You’re my safest place to hide
You see colors no one else can see
In every breath you hear a symphony
You understand me like nobody can
I feel my soul unfolding like a flower blooming
When this whole world gets too crazy, yeah
And there’s nowhere left to run
I know you give me sanctuary
You’re the only truth I know; you’re the road back home
Can you see me? Here I am
Standing here, where I’ve always been
And when words are not enough
I climb inside your heart and still find
You’re my safest place to hide
My safest place to hide
I know I promised you forever
There’s no stronger word I can use
To reassure you when the storm is raging outside
You’re my safest place to hide
Oh
Can you see me? Here I am
Standing here, where I’ve always been
When I feel like giving up
I climb inside your heart and still find
You’re my safest place to hide
Oh, yeah
You’re my safest place to hide
When AJ’s voice faded away, everything in the dining room was silent. Brian sat there, unashamed of the tears that streamed down his cheeks. Never in his whole life had he felt such a strong emotion from a song. He knew that, even years after AJ was gone, he would always be able to listen to this song and feel the love in it. Words couldn’t begin to describe how it made him feel. So, he settled for reaching over and framing AJ’s face in his hands before kissing him.
Pulling back, the two shared a smile. AJ’s eyes were watery, but he kept the tears from falling. Brian had no such worries. His were still pouring down his cheeks. “I love you, Alexander James Littrell.” He whispered. AJ’s lips curved. “I love you too, Brian Thomas Littrell.”
“That was beautiful.” Jackie whispered, dabbing at her eyes. “Absolutely beautiful.” She turned to look at her husband. “We have talented children, don’t we?” She asked with pride ringing in her voice. “I’d say we did good.”
Everyone around the table laughed.