After lying in the hammock for a while, the two men had finally returned to the house. There they fielded phone calls from Kevin, Howie and Nick. The three guys were due to arrive at about nine the next morning to plan what they were going to do and to discuss what would happen with the group and with management. Marcus set up in the room that AJ kept available for him so that he could be there as the press started to form a group outside of AJ’s property gate.
AJ managed to keep his panic under control as well as his stress. Maybe if he had been alone he would have broken underneath it. But he wasn’t alone and his partner was dealing with it even better than AJ was. Brian took it all in stride, not letting too much of his stress show. He made dinner for him and AJ, stuck close to him all night long, helped when it came time for his meds, and then went upstairs with him. Closeted in their room, the two lay in bed and clung to one another, not quite ready to speak past their fears again, but needing that simple closeness.
AJ woke up still wrapped in Brian’s arms. They’d set the alarm for four so that they could have time get up, shower, dress, and start to get breakfast ready. Marcus had agreed to go and pick up the Littrell’s from the airport for them so that they wouldn’t be drawing too much attention by going themselves.
He’d vaguely heard the alarm, but that wasn’t what actually woke him. What woke him up was the feel of Brian’s lips against the side of his neck, kissing and tasting. AJ moaned and tipped his head, giving Brian easier access. His brain wasn’t quite awake, which made the pleasure seem almost magical. Like a part of a wonderful dream.
That wonderful feeling kept growing as he felt Brian move. AJ felt his body roll a little, putting him more on his back, and then Brian was over top of him, braced between his legs. The stitches in his leg throbbed a little, but the bandage was tight over them so he felt no worries about that. Instead he gave himself completely over to the feelings that Brian was building inside of him.
He brought his hands up to slide over the smooth skin of Brian’s back. There he traced the familiar curves, lighting over little dips and scars and lines that he knew so well. Knew them as if they were a part of him. When Brian’s lips found his, it was as natural as breathing. AJ found himself sighing into the kiss. Then Brian’s hips were rolling against his and the sigh turned to a gasp and a moan.
Neither of them spoke. Even when AJ opened his eyes finally and looked into the sparkling blue depths of Brian’s gaze, still they didn’t speak. The moment was too magical for words. Together they explored one another, touching and taking and giving with a gentleness that had AJ’s heart floating.
When they finally shed their pajama pants, reality intruded on AJ for a moment, threatening to break the peaceful shell around them. The moment couldn’t continue without a condom for him. But Brian was kissing him again, distracting him, even as one of Brian’s hands reached out to the dresser to take a condom from the box they always kept stocked there.
There was something almost erotic about it when Brian pulled back and used his teeth to tear open the foil package. AJ could have sworn that his eyes rolled up in his head when Brian started to slowly slide the condom on him. He was already hard and aching, and the feel of Brian’s warm hand rolling the condom down his length had him quivering.
Then his lover’s lips were on his again and AJ found himself sliding right back into that magical dream world they were sharing. He ran his hands up to play with the curled bits of Brian’s hair. Oh, how he loved Brian’s hair. When the sun hit it, like it was this morning, it seemed to glow in his fingers, like he had caught a sunbeam in his hands. Like he was lying here with his own personal angel over him.
In silent appeal AJ spread his legs a little more and arched his hips. They knew one another so well, the signals that their bodies gave, what they did and didn’t like. Maybe some people thought that knowing one another so well would make their sex life dull. It was anything but dull. There was a higher passion in being with someone who knew you so perfectly, and who you knew just as well.
Brian let one hand slide down AJ’s body, pausing to scrape his nails over an already hard nipple, dragging a moan past AJ’s lips. Then down, over his abs, tracing his belly button, before dipping down between his legs. Those warm fingers dipped even lower and found the place that was begging to be filled. AJ gasped and dropped his head back as Brian slid one finger inside of him.
He could feel Brian watching his face as that finger started to move, to push in and find that one special place, tapping against it. He kept watching as AJ shuddered under the pleasure, moaning again when a second finger was added, stretching him for what was to come.
Too soon, not soon enough, those questing fingers left him. AJ’s hands were fisted in the sheets on either side of his head. They only gripped tighter when Brian angled his body and started to slide inside of him. There was that small discomfort, not quite pain, followed easily by intense pleasure. The whole time Brian kept himself propped up on his arms, staring down into AJ’s face.
AJ could only stare back up at him, watching the pleasure change the angles on Brian’s face. Watching as Brian’s mouth opened slightly and he sighed with the sensation of being fully immersed in his lover. The stitches in AJ’s leg prevented him from lifting them and locking them around Brian’s waist like he wanted to. But Brian seemed to sense this. He pulled AJ’s legs up and over his shoulders, kissing each calf as they settled into position.
For just a single moment they watched one another, joined in the most intimate of ways. Then Brian started to move. AJ moaned, echoing the soft growl that Brian gave, and started to push down with his hips, trying to meet him thrust for thrust. Their pace wasn’t quick, wasn’t hard, but a slow and steady movement that stoked the fire inside of them.
Never once did they break eye contact. Not even when they kissed briefly, AJ lifting his upper half enough that their lips could connect. When he lay back down their eyes stayed connected, intensifying the pleasure.
Staring at one another as their bodies pushed together and apart in that endless rhythm made this so much more intense. AJ could see the love and the passion in Brian’s gaze and it stirred his own. This really felt like a fantasy world. Magic. He thought to himself yet again that Brian looked just like an angel.
Soon their movements were quickening as their breathing sped up. It was growing in them, getting stronger and stronger, taking them higher. AJ practically writhed underneath him, small sounds falling from his lips. He watched Brian’s face seemingly brighten as he got closer and closer to that peak.
One of Brian’s hands came down, wrapping around AJ’s cock, deftly holding the condom in place as he jerked him in time to their thrusting. That was it for AJ. Light and sound seemed to explode in him, around him, breaking him apart at the seams. As he shouted out his pleasure, as the orgasm ripped him apart from the inside out, he still stared at Brian’s eyes, watching as his lover joined him at that magical moment, moaning and burying himself deep to join AJ as they flew to the stars.
Brian collapsed against him and for a while they lay that way, their bodies panting for air while their souls slowly drifted back down from the heavens.
Eventually Brian shifted off of him, rolling to the side and sprawling out on his back. AJ chuckled as he sat up. Expertly he removed the condom, tying it off and putting it in the garbage can before taking out a baby wipe from the drawer and cleaning himself up. When he was done he turned over to lie down and curl up under Brian’s arm.
Some of his lighthearted mood faded a little, thinking of what he had to do after sex before he could even enjoy cuddling with his boyfriend. They couldn’t just be like other couples and lay there for a while, catching their breath. First and foremost he always had to clean himself up so that he wouldn’t have to worry about infecting Brian.
The arm that was around him shifted and Brian’s hand was suddenly running through his hair. “Don’t let it ruin the moment, love.” Husky from the aftershocks of their passion, Brian’s voice sounded deeper and his accent thicker than it normally did. It was one of AJ’s favorite times to listen to Brian talk.
It couldn’t chase away everything he was feeling inside though. “It’s hard not to. Normal people can just lie down and cuddle up right afterwards. Enjoy that post orgasmic glow. I can’t until I clean myself up.”
“The average gay couple can’t either, Age. They actually have more of a mess to clean up than you do.”
“But their mess won’t potentially kill their partner.”
Those warm, loving arms grew tighter. “Aw, Age.” Brian whispered brokenly. He tipped his head to press a kiss against the top of AJ’s head. There wasn’t really much else that either of them could say at the moment and they both knew it. So for a short time they contented themselves with just holding on. But eventually reality intruded enough that they knew they had to finally get up and start getting ready.
It was almost inevitable that they would become distracted yet again while inside the shower. By the time they were finally dressed and downstairs, it was a quarter to six. AJ felt his nerves growing with every tick of the clock. Brian’s parents should be arriving with Marcus at any moment. Somehow he couldn’t stop his hands from trembling a little as he set the teapot on the burner.
Brian’s arms came around his waist, cradling him back against Brian’s warm, strong chest. “Everything’s gonna be ok, honey.” He whispered into AJ’s ear.
Sighing, AJ wrapped his arms over Brian’s. “I can’t help worrying.” He admitted to him. A wry grin curved his lips. “Since when did I start to care so much about what everyone else says? I’ve never been the mopey, weepy kind of guy, Bri. But since this shit it just, it’s like it’s all coming out to the front. I’m not sure if I like it.”
“You’ve always been a softer guy around me.”
AJ turned so that he could put his arms around Brian’s neck and give him a quick kiss. “Well, yeah. You’re my partner. You know the real me. But I’ve never been this soft around everyone else. I’ve never let myself get this worked up just over what people are going to think of me.”
“No matter what anyone thinks of you, just remember that you’ll always have me. My opinions and feelings aren’t going to change. No matter how things go down today, Alex, I’m still going to be here at the end of the day.”
AJ felt his worries melt a little under Brian’s sincere words. He was just about to lean in to kiss him when they heard the front door open. About the same time that they heard that, the tea kettle started to whistle. The two lovers looked at one another and couldn’t resist grinning. AJ dropped a hand down and patted Brian’s butt. “Go greet your parents. I’ll get out a couple more cups.”
He scooted him out toward the dining room just in time for the Littrell’s to step through that door. From the corner of his eye AJ watched as the family greeted one another with hugs and laughter and smiles all around. It was wonderful to watch the happiness on Brian’s face as he settled down at the table with them. Anyone could see the love between them.
Gathering the canister of tea, AJ set about making a simple black tea. He pulled out the nice looking tea service that Mikayla had found for them and made the tea in the teapot. It was a beautiful tea set, really. Porcelain, it was all black but for the dragon patterns on it. He smiled down at the set for a second before moving to fill the sugar bowl and the milk pitcher that came with it. It was a service for eight so he had to take off a few cups, but once it was ready he set it all on the tray and brought it into the dining room. On his way over he managed to snag the bowl of muffins they’d made the day before and set it on his tray.
He plastered a smile on his face when he stepped up to the table and set the tray down. All eyes turned to him. “Hello, Mr. Littrell. Hello, Mrs. Littrell.” AJ said politely.
Jackie and Harold gave him wide smiles. Rising to her feet, Jackie pulled AJ into a hug. “It’s so good to see you! You’re looking a little peaky, but happy.” She exclaimed over him.
To hide his nerves, AJ brushed aside Brian’s hands and set about offering tea to everyone. Jackie and Harold exchanged amused looks but both said they would love a cup. He swallowed down the knot in his throat and poured into Harold’s cup, then Jackie’s, and had moved on to pouring Brian’s when Jackie suddenly asked him “So how’s your mother doing, AJ? I haven’t heard from her in quite a while now.”
AJ’s hand jerked, almost spilling the tea over the edge of Brian’s cup. He had to swallow again before he could force his hands and voice steady. With apparent calm he poured his own cup and set the tea pot back on the tray. “I hope she’s doing well. “ He said softly, taking his seat beside Brian. “She’s not exactly speaking to me right now.”
“Oh I’m sorry to hear that.” Jackie said softly and sincerely.
Her words were so kind that AJ felt his throat tighten. He opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He turned to look at Brian, unsure of how they were supposed to say this. About that time it hit five minutes to six and the watch on AJ’s wrist started to beep.
Crap. Ah, fucking crap. AJ looked at the confused looks the Littrell’s wore even as he put a hand on Brian’s shoulder to keep him in place. Then he turned and pressed the button to stop the watch beeping. Well, this was one hell of a way to start talking about what was going on.
Harold took a sip off of his tea. “You guys have something going on this early in the morning?” He asked the two boys curiously. One of his arms came up and over the back of Jackie’s chair, his hand resting where it could play with her hair.
That sweet gesture made AJ smile even as his stomach tried to tie itself into knots and dance a jig. “No, uh, not really going on.” AJ stammered out. He brought a hand up to run through his hair.
Brian leaned over, one hand rubbing AJ’s shoulder soothingly. “Honey, answers can wait. You need to stay on schedule.” He reminded him softly.
Frustrating as it was, it was the truth. AJ set his teacup down and rose from his chair. He could feel Jackie and Harold watching as he walked to the kitchen counter. Unfortunately, his pills were on the side that gave them a perfect view to watch what he was doing. This was exactly what they did. It made AJ even more nervous which made his hands shake harder.
He pulled his pill container toward him, squinting a little as he tried to make out the day and time he needed. Huh, maybe he needed to get his eyes checked. He could read the words after a second but he had to squint to see them, or pull them up close. Dr. Shannon had warned him that medications as well as the disease itself could cause him to need glasses at some point in time. It was one of those side effects that hit some people, but not all.
Finally he found what he wanted and poured the pills into his hand. It was nerve-racking, standing there doing this as people openly stared at him. Though they didn’t understand, it was obvious that Brian’s parents sensed that there was something about this ritual that was important. But it didn’t mean that he had to say anything. He hated this ritual more than anything else and he wasn’t going to make it any harder to do. Once they were all in his hand he tossed them into his mouth and then stepped to the table where Brian held up his teacup for him. He took a long drink, washing them all down.
Grimacing at the feel, AJ took his seat next to Brian again. No sooner had he sat down then Jackie spoke. “Is this a part of what you wanted us out here for, Brian?” she asked him. Her voice was hesitant and full of concern and fear. “Is…are you sick, AJ?”
With the two staring at him, AJ found that he could only answer honestly. He took hold of Brian’s hand as he nodded, saying a soft “Yes.”
Jackie took her husband’s hand. “Brian, are you sick?”
“No.” Brian reassured her. But he said nothing else, respectfully leaving this to AJ. Thought it was Brian’s parents, he was letting AJ tell it how he chose. AJ appreciated it and squeezed Brian’s hand, hoping to show him how much he did. The smile he got in response said that Brian knew.
This time it was Harold who asked the next question. His gaze was serious, yet it also showed concern in it. “Do you have cancer, AJ?”
“No, sir.” AJ answered him. He knew that he had to tell them; couldn’t keep them dangling like this. That would be cruel to all parties involved. But this time he was going to say things differently than he had with his mother. There was one point that he wanted to get out right up front.
Squaring his shoulders, AJ tried to force himself to be calm, to wrap in that protective shield that he had used to carry around before Brian had broken it down. His hands were steady and his spine straight. “Couple years ago I cut my leg open and had to get a blood transfusion.” He started the story there, wanting to make it clear right from the start where this was all coming from. He didn’t want another repeat of his mother. “About a year later I got sick and was at the hospital. At the same time I was doing all their testing I got a phone call from the hospital that had done my transfusion. Someone hadn’t screened the blood properly. So I took the tests they told me to.”
This was the most difficult part. Yet again AJ had to swallow the lump in his throat down. He didn’t realize that his grip on Brian’s hand had become hard and tight. “The tests came back positive. They said that I’m HIV positive.”
Once the bombshell dropped, the entire dining room was silent. AJ waited anxiously for their reaction, terrified of what was going to happen.
It was Jackie who cracked first. Her face suddenly turned livid and she shot to her feet, knocking her chair over behind her. “What?” she screeched out furiously. AJ felt his heart start to break.