When AJ woke up it was to the smell of chicken and herbs. What would usually be an appetizing smell actually left him waking up slightly nauseated. Sweet God, but that smelled disgusting. “What the hell smells like so much shit?” AJ demanded groggily, not even bothering to open his eyes.<?xml:namespace prefix = o /><o:p> </o:p>

A soft chuckle told him that Brian was still with him. “That, my dear, is your dinner.”<o:p> </o:p>

“Like hell.” The response popped out before AJ even stopped to think about it. There was no way that something that smelled like that was going to go in his mouth. Brian was fucking crazy if that was what he thought. Much better to simply lay here in this warm bed and curl up in the blankets. That was his intent when he grabbed the comforter and started to roll sideways. A tug on the blanket stopped him, followed by a laugh as Brian said “Oh no, AJ, I don’t think so. You’re not getting out of this by huddling down under the covers. I know you’re awake now. Sit up and have your dinner like a good boy.”<o:p> </o:p>

Well, it was nice to see that Brian was in a fine mood. Seemingly, their earlier conversation wasn’t weighing on the man at all. That actually did perk AJ up a little. He had worried, before he’d fallen asleep, that Brian’s temper might stick around even through their nap. That is, if Brian had slept at all. But apparently that worry had been for nothing. Brian seemed not just ok, but downright cheerful.<o:p> </o:p>

The happiness that gave AJ vanished when Brian yanked the blanket off of him. All signs of good humor vanished and he made a mad grab for it, failing miserably. “Come on, Bri, give it to me!” he demanded. Resting his hands on the bed to keep him propped up, he glared up at Brian. “It’s cold in here!”<o:p> </o:p>

Brian stood in his pajamas, laughter bright in his eyes. “Drink your chicken broth and I’ll give it back.”<o:p> </o:p>

“Chicken broth?” It sounded as disgusting as it smelled! “I’m not drinking damn chicken broth!”<o:p> </o:p>

“Hate to break it to you, honey, but you already have. Twice. And you’ll do it again now.”<o:p> </o:p>

Wait, what? He’d done it twice? Wouldn’t he remember something like that? He couldn’t seem to wrap his brain around everything. There was too much that wasn’t making any sense. How on earth could he have drank disgusting chicken broth, twice, without realizing it? How long had he been asleep? The more he tried to think about it, the more his head wanted to spin sickeningly. Mix that in with the smell of the broth that was still filling his nose and AJ felt like he was going to lose whatever was in his stomach.<o:p> </o:p>

He brought one hand up, using the back of it to cover his mouth and his nose. Still he smelled the chicken and herbs. Could he keep it under control enough to tell Brian to get that out of here before he hurled on him? He had to try. AJ opened his mouth to do just that when the act of simply taking a breath pulled that scent in. Oh, shit.<o:p> </o:p>

He was up and off the bed in a flash. Quick steps brought him to the bathroom in just enough time to drop to his knees by the toilet and bring up everything in his stomach. There wasn’t much in there, so it didn’t take long for his body to finish. Absently, AJ found himself noticing that Brian had been right. He had apparently had some chicken broth earlier. It was all in the toilet now.<o:p> </o:p>

When he rolled his eyes to look around him, he saw Brian leaning against the sink, staying discreetly out of the way. Once Brian saw that he was done and was looking at him, he sighed softly. “Done?”<o:p> </o:p>

For a moment AJ thought about it. He shifted a little, testing his body. Everything felt normal again, albeit a bit dizzying. That left only one element he needed to worry about. “You get rid of that disgusting broth?” he rasped out.<o:p> </o:p>

“You need it, honey. You need something in your stomach.”<o:p> </o:p>

The gentle way that Brian spoke was like both a knife at his insides and a balm to his heart. He found himself responding to it before he even realized it. “I’ll put something in there, Bri, but not that. Dear God, anything but that. The smell…”<o:p> </o:p>

Realization dawned in Brian’s beautiful blue eyes. “Ah.” He said softly. “So that’s what did it. Ok, honey. We’ve got a few other things I’m willing to change it out for. Let me get it out of there while you brush your teeth, ok? You need any help?”<o:p> </o:p>

Even though AJ knew it would hurt him more later, when he was alone again, he couldn’t do anything to stop Brian from being with him right now. Honesty and love shone in his eyes when he looked up and whispered “Don’t go far, please?”<o:p> </o:p>

Brian’s smile was bright and warm. “I’ll just be out by the bed, waiting for you. I promise.”<o:p> </o:p>

It took AJ a few minutes to gather himself up off the floor once he’d flushed the toilet. Then a few more to have the energy to brush his teeth. Hell, he was so damn weak. Was this what his body was doing to him because of the stress? Or, as Brian had suggested before, was this really because he hadn’t eaten enough? He was sure he’d had something. At some point. Maybe. He furrowed his brow and stared at his reflection. Did his features look a little thinner? Was his body just a tiny bit smaller? No, it had to be a figment of his imagination. Maybe he hadn’t eaten much, but that probably mixed in with stress and lack of sleep and he’d probably ended up catching a bug. Yeah, that had to be it. He was just a little bit sick.<o:p> </o:p>

AJ shuffled his way back out to the bedroom, wrapping his arms around himself to try and warm up. He was in just boxers and a t-shirt and the room felt like it was an ice box. Almost the instant he came into Brian’s sight, Brian was moving. He hurried over and wrapped AJ up in a blanket before practically carrying him to the bed. There he helped him settle down with pillows behind his back to prop him up. Once he was settled, Brian grabbed the quilt that traveled everywhere with AJ and tucked it over his lap. It was…sweet. The way Brian was taking care of him was sweet.<o:p> </o:p>

He didn’t know quite what to do with himself. Usually he was the one trying to take care of Brian. He loved taking care of Brian. This was the first time he could really remember Brian taking the heavy nurturing role. Even as it left him floundering in what to do, he enjoyed it.<o:p> </o:p>

Brian smiled when he saw AJ was tucked in. Turning, he grabbed something off the dresser and brought it over. AJ watched as Brian sat on the side of the bed, a cup in hand. “What’s that?” he asked suspiciously. Just the thought of more broth had AJ’s stomach wanting to rebel.<o:p> </o:p>

“It’s a fruit and vegetable smoothie.” Brian told him calmly. “You need to get your vitamins and nutrients back in.”<o:p> </o:p>

“Fruit and vegetable? You want to make me drink a salad?”<o:p> </o:p>

The scorn in AJ’s voice made Brian laugh. “It has lots of healthy stuff your body needs right now, Alex. You don’t even taste the vegetables, I promise.”<o:p> </o:p>

AJ made a face. He tried to wheedle with him. “Listen, Brian. I’m not really a veggie person.”<o:p> </o:p>

“Trust me, honey, you won’t even notice!”<o:p> </o:p>

“Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians, Bri. Help end the violence.”<o:p> </o:p>

Laughter bubbled past Brian’s lips, filling the room with its sweet sound. He shook his head. “You are such a nerd, AJ!” he exclaimed, still chuckling.<o:p> </o:p>

AJ grinned at him. “Come over to the nerd side, Brian. We have Pi.”<o:p> </o:p>

He had to reach out and snatch the smoothie from Brian’s hand as his lover laughed or else it would have ended up all over the bed. His grin grew wider as he watched Brian try and catch his breath. He looked down at the drink in his hand and wrinkled his nose. “I bet there’s water in this too.” He said in a fake disgusted voice. “Do you know that studies show that one hundred percent of people who drink water, die?”<o:p> </o:p>

“Stop, AJ!” Brian gasped out, laughing hysterically. “You’re killing me!”<o:p> </o:p>

“Sorry, Bri, no can do. The filter between my brain and mouth is broken today.”<o:p> </o:p>

Snickering, Brian managed to sit up while wiping at his face. “You just hush.” He said, smiling. “Just drink your smoothie and hush or I’ll paddle your backside.”<o:p> </o:p>

That was just too easy. AJ grinned around his straw as he obligingly took a drink from the smoothie. It wasn’t that bad tasting, actually. “You ever notice how the things that were our punishments as kids, we enjoy now as adults? Naps…spankings….” He took another drink. The smoothie was actually really, really good. He drank happily.<o:p> </o:p>

Wiping tears of laughter from his cheeks, Brian shook his head. “God, you’re weird.”<o:p> </o:p>

“I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.”<o:p> </o:p>

Snickering, Brian rose from the bed, moving away from him. AJ lounged back against the pillows and grinned. “Where you going, Bri?” he called out after him.<o:p> </o:p>

“Letting the others know you up and ornery as ever so they don’t worry. You’ve been out for a while.”<o:p> </o:p>

That made AJ pause. “A while? How long is ‘a while’?”<o:p> </o:p>

Brian moved back toward the bed, folding himself on the end of it as he text with his cell phone. Once he was done texting then he looked up and met AJ’s gaze. “A whole day. From the time you fell asleep in here, it’s now tomorrow morning.”<o:p> </o:p>

Well, hell. He must have been at the end of his ropes. “I really slept that whole time?”<o:p> </o:p>

“Yep.” Brian gave him a sweet, gentle smile, full of love. It set AJ’s heart fluttering. “You slept like the dead. I had to check a few times just to make sure you were breathing.”<o:p> </o:p>

The fluttering in AJ’s heart grew stronger. “You stayed with me the whole time I slept?”<o:p> </o:p>

Brian’s expression said that it was a dumb question. “I told you I’d be here, didn’t I? You asked me to stay with you.” To him, that said it all. To AJ, it meant the world.<o:p> </o:p>

The one topic he’d avoided so far came pushing to the front. The biggest part of him wanted to sit back and just enjoy this between them. But the practical side of him knew that they were in a shit hole. All the reasons he’d walked away from Brian were still there and still valid. Letting Brian stay here was just asking for trouble. Before he could stop himself, he said “I shouldn’t have asked you that.”<o:p> </o:p>

“Why not?” Brian asked, confused. His face suddenly cleared as the realization hit him as well. “Oh, that. I’ve been avoiding thinking on it.”<o:p> </o:p>

“We can’t avoid it, Bri. You shouldn’t be in here. If, well, if she finds out…”<o:p> </o:p>

“Then she can kiss my ass.”<o:p> </o:p>

The outburst surprised AJ. His gaze snapped to Brian, locking on to his angry features. That had been the last thing he’d expected Brian to say. At a loss for words, AJ dropped his gaze and took another drink off the smoothie. Silence filled the room, making the air almost electric.<o:p> </o:p>

It was Brian who finally broke it. “Why didn’t you tell me what she said, AJ?” he whispered. “Do you really think I’m so shallow that I’d let her dictate my life like that?”<o:p> </o:p>

“No!” AJ exclaimed. His head shot up, surprise widening his eyes. Was that what Brian thought? Jesus! “God, Bri. I don’t think you’re shallow at all.”<o:p> </o:p>

“Well, then what is it?”<o:p> </o:p>

“I thought you’d disregard it and go on with what we were doing, no matter what she said or did.” Embarrassed, AJ looked at his lap again. He couldn’t seem to hold Brian’s gaze. “You’re just stubborn enough to kind of give her the finger and keep on going about your business. But what she’s threatening, it would hurt you. Whether you’ll admit it right now or not, I know you. It would hurt. In time you’d start resenting me for putting you in that position. You’d start hating me. So I figured I’d make you hate me now instead of later and save you the pain of having to live through all of that.”<o:p> </o:p>

Again, the room fell to silence. AJ chewed on his lip while he waited for Brian to say something. Anything. He didn’t have a long wait. “AJ…it hurt me more than anything has ever hurt before to not have you in my life. To think that I was nothing more than a revenge fuck for you, to get me back for how bad I’d used you. Nothing could hurt more than that. Nothing she says or my parents or anyone, none of it matters. None of it could hurt as much as being without you. That’s one thing this has made me realize.”<o:p> </o:p>

Joy built in AJ’s heart. He tried to push it down, afraid to hope for it. “What about six months down the road, after she’s told your family and the fans and everyone? What about when all the slurs start and the slander in the press? Or if you go home and find out that people there don’t treat you the same, knowing you’re with a man? Sometimes love only gets you so far, Bri. And there can be a fine line between love and hate.”<o:p> </o:p>

“Nothing, and I mean nothing, could ever make me hate you, AJ. Never.” With a soft sigh, Brian reached a hand out and laid it on the blanket over AJ’s knee. “We’ve had a messed up relationship from day one, AJ. I’ve hurt you more than anyone should ever hurt another person. I used you, time and time again, knowing as I did that it hurt you. Still I couldn’t seem to stop. I tried to be two people; the one that was madly in love with you and the one that felt that I needed to be a good little boy and have the perfect storybook life with Ash. It’s taken me a long time to realize that those two are both me, and I can have my storybook and my love all in the same package. With you.”<o:p> </o:p>

AJ couldn’t keep his gaze down anymore. Tears pricked his eyes as he looked up and met Brian’s gaze. “I don’t want to see this hurt you, Brian.”<o:p> </o:p>

“Without you in my life, Alex, everything hurts. It’s only when I’m with you that the hurt goes away. With you, I feel whole.”<o:p> </o:p>

A small whimper slipped past AJ’s lips. He searched Brian’s gaze, trying to read his heart in his eyes. All he could see there was love, pure and strong. On a cry he launched forward, throwing his arms around Brian’s neck, almost knocking him over with the force of his hug. Brian didn’t miss a beat. He hugged AJ back just as fiercely.<o:p> </o:p>

When they pulled back, Brian brought one hand up, stroking his thumb over AJ’s cheek. “I’ve always known how you felt about me. I just, I spent forever denying that I felt anything in return. I didn’t even allow you to say the words to me because I was afraid of what I might say back.” Tears shone in Brian’s eyes. “I’d like to hear you say it now, Alex.”<o:p> </o:p>

That was enough to have AJ’s tears spilling over, yet he smiled at the same time. This was a moment he’d been waiting for forever. “Brian Thomas Littrell, I love you.”<o:p> </o:p>

“I love you too, Alexander James Mclean.” Brian’s eyes seemed to shine brighter as he said the words he’d never said to AJ before.<o:p> </o:p>

A delighted laugh bubbled up in AJ, breaking free. Despite everything, he had never felt happier in his entire life than he did right at that moment. He shifted, wanting to hug Brian again, but a sudden wave of dizziness broke the happy bubble around him and had him dropping a hand to the bed to brace himself, eyes sliding closed to avoid looking at the spinning room. He felt Brian take the cup from his other hand. Then warm hands were helping him lie back against the pillows again.<o:p> </o:p>

“I do love you, AJ, but I swear to you I could kick you right now.” Brian said in frustration. Even annoyed, the word ‘love’ made AJ’s heart soar again. He didn’t trust himself to say anything yet, though. At least, not until the spinning stopped and he could be sure he wouldn’t throw up. Brian filled the silence. “Who knows how long it’s been since you’ve eaten anything. None of us can remember the last time you sat down at a meal with anyone and Howie says he’s been checking your room service and there’s been nothing on there for days. You can’t go days without eating, AJ!”<o:p> </o:p>

When AJ was sure the world wasn’t going to spin and tip him off the bed, he opened his eyes. “I drank water. Plus, I probably ate something here and there and just don’t remember. I don’t eat much when uh, when I’m bummed out.”<o:p> </o:p>

There was a stern look on Brian’s face. “Not each much? AJ, I weighed you when I brought you in. You’ve lost ten pounds. Ten! In this short of a time and on your small frame, that’s a dangerous amount.”<o:p> </o:p>

Ten whole pounds? Holy shit. No wonder he wasn’t feeling good. He’d starved his body if he’d lost that much! Embarrassed, he ducked his head again.<o:p> </o:p>

Before Brian could scold more, there was a knock on the hotel room door. Brian looked from the door, back over to AJ. “That’s probably the guys. You up for it?”<o:p> </o:p>

“Sure.” Anything, to take the topic off of lecturing him.<o:p> </o:p>

Brian handed him back the smoothie and leveled him with one last glare. “Drink this. Do not get up. You’re on restriction until we get your body back into good health, and don’t you even think of arguing with me. We’ve already rearranged the tour schedule so you’ve got two days to do nothing but sit around the hotel room. Now, sit there, drink that, and lets let the others come make sure you’re ok.”<o:p> </o:p>

Just as Brian reached the door, AJ whispered “Yes, Daddy.”<o:p> </o:p>

The older man turned to glare at him again, but AJ’s impish look had him chuckling and shaking his head wryly. “Some things never change.” Brian mumbled. He turned back to the door and opened it, letting in their three friends. AJ braced himself against the pillows and prepared to either ignore their lectures or to defend himself. This ought to be fun he thought to himself.<o:p> </o:p>