Brian smiled at his friends as he opened the door. “Come on in, guys. He’s awake and talkative.” He told them gesturing them inside. Once they were all in, he shut the door behind them and moved toward the bed. Even though he understood the need for them to check on AJ and even though he agreed with their anger toward him, anger he knew would be there, he still sat on the bed with AJ, crossing his legs and looking at them all. His posture obviously told them that he was on AJ’s side here.<?xml:namespace prefix = o /> 

Both Kevin and Howie grabbed chairs and brought them near the bed. Kevin sat normally in his, but Howie flipped his around so he sat in it backwards, his arms resting on the chair’s back. Nick, true to form, hopped up on the dresser and sat there, his legs swinging. It made Brian smile slightly. 

Of course, it was Kevin who spoke first. Naturally. “You look like you’re feeling a little better.” He said in that tone of voice he used when he was feeling fatherly. 

A dry look crossed AJ’s face. “Peachy keen, jellybean.” He responded tartly. For a second Brian had to look away to smother the chuckle that built in his throat. Despite everything, AJ had apparently woke up in a sassy mood. Oh well, he’d warned Kev of that when he’d text him to let him know that AJ was awake.  

“Always the sarcastic one, Age.” Howie said. He looked both stressed and amused as he looked at his best friend. 

Without missing a beat, AJ shot back “I’m not sarcastic. My humor just has attitude.” 

The look Kevin gave them both was the same one he used any time he was trying to quell down tempers and arguments. Then he looked back to AJ. “Is there anything we can get for you? Seeing as how you’re stuck in bed for a while.” 

“A laptop and a steak. Medium rare, please. Baked potato on the side, loaded. Oh, and another one of these smoothies.” Sipping off his drink, AJ watched them all, eyes twinkling. This time Brian didn’t bother holding in his laugh. He loved when AJ got goofy like this. Right now, he knew it was more AJ’s defense than anything else, but it didn’t take the humor out of his smart-ass responses. 

Apparently it was irritating Kevin a little, though. “How can you joke about this, Age? This isn’t a laughing matter. You made yourself sick! Not eating, not sleeping, and working too hard on that little energy. That was about the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen you do.” 

Brian opened his mouth to warn his cousin to back off, but he decided to let AJ answer and see how he’d explain himself. These were their friends; they deserved an answer to this. All of them loved one another and things like this worried them. Having AJ be in the state of collapse that he’d been in had terrified them all. They had a right to ask him questions. 

But it was still a little difficult to watch the discomfort on AJ’s face. The younger man sipped at his smoothie again, obviously taking a moment to gather himself. When he finally spoke, his voice was a little defensive. “I joke because it’s how I am and it’s what I do when I stress. As for the rest, well, that’s my business. I slept when I was tired. So what if I wasn’t tired sometimes? I can’t exactly force my body to go to sleep, you know. It’s not like I can flick a switch and make myself sleep.” 

“You could have gotten a little help, Age.” Nick chimed in. He shrugged when AJ turned to look at him. “They have things to help you get to sleep.” 

AJ looked scornful even at the idea. “I don’t take pills to get myself to sleep.” He scoffed. It amused Brian to hear the almost offended tone to AJ’s voice. 

Glaring, Kevin leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. “So it’s better to go without sleep and to starve yourself than it is to take a pill and let yourself get some rest? That’s about the stupidest thing I’ve heard.” He glared harder when he saw AJ opening his mouth to argue. For once, AJ subsided at that look, not bothering to test it. Confident that he wouldn’t be interrupted, Kevin continued. “I’ll at least give you a little leeway on the sleep part of things. I know how it is to lose sleep when you’re stressed. But not eating, Age? What the hell were you thinking there? You can’t deprive your body of food!” 

“I don’t know why you’re making such a big damn deal out of this!” AJ snapped at him. “I wasn’t hungry, Kev. The idea of food didn’t appeal to me. The one time I ate, it tasted like ashes.” 

“Your body still needs the nutrition! You can’t exist off of only water!” 

“I’ll exist off of whatever the hell I want to!”  Temper lit AJ’s face bright. They had all basically backed him into a corner, and Brian had forgotten how badly AJ did when he felt that way. It showed now as he lashed out at them. 

Brian didn’t get a chance to try and help him out, though. Clearing his throat, Howie drew the attention to him. “I know you don’t eat well when you’re depressed, J. I know that. But nothing, and I mean nothing, is so bad that it’s worth making yourself sick over.” 

One look told Brian that this was the final straw for AJ. They’d pushed him a little too far. He moved, thinking oh shit to himself, but he wasn’t fast enough. AJ flung the smoothie against the wall, fury vibrating through his gaunt frame. “What the hell do you know about how I hurt, Howard?” He shouted. “What the holy hell do you think you know about that kind of pain?” 

Something had Brian sitting back, discreetly trying to move out of the way. He sensed that maybe AJ needed to say this. Maybe he needed to get these things out before they were able to move on from it. Better now than letting it fester and get bigger later. He knew he wasn’t going to like what he was going to hear; it would probably hurt. But the kind of hurt he would feel was nothing in comparison to how he had hurt AJ. 

“I know what you were going through, AJ!” Howie reminded him. “More than anyone but Brian, I know! I helped try and patch you back up!” 

“You think that gives you some insight into what it felt like?” Furious, AJ shoved at his blankets, rising to stand beside the bed. He had no idea how he looked to the rest of them. He didn’t see the way they cringed when they saw how thin he looked, standing there in t-shirt and boxers. But Brian saw it and felt his guilt grow. 

Howie rose to his feet as well, going nose to nose with AJ as he had so many times before. Those two fought worse than anyone else. “I cleaned you up.” Howie hissed at him. “I listened as you told me every horrible detail. I pried those details from you! You think I couldn’t see how bad it hurt you? My heart ached for you. It just about killed me to watch and know that there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it! But I didn’t stop eating because of that.” 

A roar of rage cut off Howie’s rant. AJ brought his hands up, shoving Howie back a few steps. “Don’t you dare tell me you understand. You have no Goddamn idea what I went through! You didn’t have to watch the person you love walk away from you, time and time again .You didn’t have to be nothing more than a stupid little fuck toy because someone was ashamed to be with you!” 

Pain lanced through Brian at AJ’s words. Sweet God, but that hurt. It hurt even more because he knew that, at the time, it had been true. 

But AJ wasn’t done yet. He cut Howie off before the man could say anything. “You didn’t have to have them say awful things you knew weren’t true in an effort to push you away. You didn’t have to watch, day in and day out, as that person had their wife with them. You want to talk to me about how your heart ached? Try knowing that you want the one thing in the world you can never have. Try seeing that person miserable and knowing that there’s nothing you can do about it. Try lying in a fucking bunk and have to listen to them fuck over your head! Try finally getting the one thing in the world you want and then having someone turn around and snatch it away from you by doing the one thing they know will make you run; threatening the person you love. Go through that, Howie. Then we’ll see how well you deal with things and whether or not you feel like eating.” 

Temper carried AJ across the room and into the bathroom. They all heard the door snap shut with a loud bang. 

All Brian could do at first was sit there and close his eyes against the waves of pain that were threatening to suck him under. There had been so much pain in AJ’s words. For just that instant, the four of them had had a glimpse into the world that AJ had lived in recently. In the face of that, how could any of them think to judge him for how he’d reacted to it? 

God, he was a bastard. A royal fucking bastard. Look at what he’d done to AJ! Look at the pain he’d caused him! In the back of Brian’s mind was the thought that maybe it would have been better if they’d stayed apart. But the rest of him rebelled against that. No, look at what it had done for them, to be apart. Look at where it had left them. It had been because he’d tried to keep them apart that this had happened in the first place. 

Tilting his chin, not realizing how much he looked like AJ as he did it, Brian opened his eyes and looked at his friends. “What AJ just said, I won’t discuss it with you.” He told them bluntly. The tone to his voice let them know that this wasn’t open for discussion. “AJ and I have our problems, but those are ours to work through as we see fit. If he chooses to tell you about it, fine, that’s his choice. But I won’t, so don’t even bother asking you.” 

His three friends stayed quiet for a few seconds. Then Nick grinned and broke the silence by asking “Can I ask about Ash? What’re you going to do about her and her threats?” 

That one was easy to answer. Brian’s serious expression melted and he rolled his eyes. “I’m going to file for divorce at the first opportunity I get. Beyond that, I don’t give a damn what she says or does. And if it bothers you to have the press find out about AJ and I, well, all I can say is sorry. I’m done hiding. I’m done pretending. This is me, like it or not. I won’t give him up again.” 

“Good.” Kevin said firmly. Pride lit his eyes as he stood and looked down at Brian. “About damn time, Brian.” 

“I second that.” 

“Me too.” 

Surprise had Brian’s eyebrows winging up. He looked at three of the best friends he’d ever had and found he couldn’t say a word. 

Again, Nick was the one to break the silence. He hopped off the dresser and half tackled, half hugged Brian. “We support you guys all the way, Frick.” He said, hanging around Brian’s neck by his arms. “Bout time you decided to take what’s right in front of your face.” 

“Gee, thanks Frack.” Brian shoved at his best friend, knocking him onto the bed. “But I don’t want you right in front of my face.” 

Just when Nick would have started teasing, they all heard a soft thump come from the direction of the bathroom. Even though he was the furthest away, Brian still reached the door first. He wrenched it open, AJ’s name on his lips, and found the one he loved lying on the bathroom floor. The water was running in the sink and, when Brian squatted down, he found that AJ’s face was wet. It looked like he’d been rinsing his face when he collapsed. 

Brian automatically checked AJ’s pulse, thankful when he found it steady. Then he tipped AJ’s face up, making sure there were no knots or blood. Dammit, he should have come and checked on him. He knew AJ had been getting dizzy since he woke up. Adding on emotional stress probably hadn’t helped. Brian could almost picture it perfectly. AJ stomping into the bathroom, standing in there and seething, then trying to rinse his face off and calm himself down and getting dizzy and passing out. 

His hands were gentle when he shifted and scooped AJ up. Yet again he found himself thinking how light AJ was. More than he let on to AJ, it scared him. Right at the moment it was everything he could do not to take AJ straight from this hotel room and to the nearest hospital. But, for now, he knew there was nothing they could do for AJ that he wasn’t already doing. Let him sleep; try and get food and water into him each time he woke up. That was what AJ needed. 

When Brian stood, AJ in his arms, and turned around, he found the others watching him with concern bright in all their eyes. He shook his head before they could ask anything. “Why don’t you guys go ahead and go back to your rooms?” He whispered as he brushed past them. “He’ll be fine, he’s just not quite back up to par. He’s been a little dizzy since he woke up, but I got some nutrients in him so he should be better when he wakes up.” 

Kevin’s voice was a low murmur behind Brian. He paid no attention. Even when Kevin whispered that he’d call him later, even as he heard the door open and shut, Brian didn’t pay any attention to it. All his attention was on the man in his arms. 

He was gentle as he laid AJ in the bed and tucked him back in under the blankets. For a few minutes he watched as AJ shifted, getting comfortable. When he was sure that AJ was actually asleep, he moved and quietly set about putting the chairs back in place and then cleaning up the mess from the smoothie. When he was done, he looked around the room, wondering what he should do while AJ slept. He wasn’t going to leave. That wasn’t an option. But he wasn’t tired enough to lay down. Actually, he was kind of revved up. 

Inspiration hit him when he saw his cell phone on the dresser. He grabbed the phone and moved over to the patio. Just to be cautious, he left the door cracked a little and moved the chair so that he could see inside the room. Then he sat down and dialed a number he knew by heart. 

After a few rings, a feminine voice came on the line. “Brian! Honey, it’s so good to hear from you!” Jackie Littrell said excitedly. Brian heard her cover the receiver as she shouted “Harold, it’s Brian!” Then she was back on the line, her hand moved. “Oh, how are you? How’s tour going?” 

There was a click and then Harold’s voice boomed over the line. “Hey, son! How’s touring treating you?” 

Unable to help himself, Brian chuckled. “Oh, you know, the usual. Sing here, sing there, dance this way, smile for the camera. The usual.” 

Light and deep laughter both echoed over the line. “How’s everyone else?” Jackie asked. “How’re the boys? How’s Ashley?” 

“Don’t bombard the poor boy, Jack.” Her husband teased her. “Let him answer one question before you pelt him with a million more.” 

The smile on Brian’s face melted away slightly. “Actually, that’s kind of what I was calling you guys about.” 

That instantly had them both on alert. “Is everyone ok?” Harold’s voice was deeper, his accent thicker with his concern. 

“Well, mostly, Dad. AJ, he’s not doing too hot right now.” 

“What’s the matter with Alexander? He didn’t get hurt, did he.” Jackie paused and gasped. “Is he in the hospital? Oh, Harold, we need to get a flight out there.” 

Their love warmed his heart, making him want to smile even as he quickly tried to reassure her. “Mom, mom! He’s not in the hospital. Not right now. He’s in bed, sleeping. I can see him from where I’m sitting. He was just, well, AJ got really depressed for a while. We were all kind of worrying about him, but we were jerks and we didn’t step up and confront him. Then, we were at the studio and some things went down and the next thing I knew, AJ collapsed. I had to carry him out to the car.” 

“Shit.” Harold swore. It was a sign of his parent’s worry that his Dad swore and that his Mom didn’t scold him for it. 

Brian looked in at AJ as he continued. “I got him back to the hotel, got him laid down in bed. When he woke up the first time, I asked him a few questions. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten anything. It’s been days and days since he’d eaten with the group, so who knows how long he went, living off only water.” 

Jackie’s soft gasp was clearly audible. “He should be at the hospital, Brian! You need to take him in there.” 

But Brian was shaking his head, despite the fact she couldn’t see him. “I won’t take him in, Mom. I’ve got him in bed now. He’s been sleeping, but when he wakes up I’ve got some broth in him and a smoothie this last time he woke up. He was still a little dizzy when he woke, but he was coherent. If the dizziness doesn’t go away and if he doesn’t start to wake up a little more, I’ll take him in. But for now, I think he’ll do better here. You know how he hates needles. If I took him to the hospital they’d just hook him up in IV’s and make him panic and they might want to put him under observation if they find out depression was the reason he didn’t eat.” 

“Son, if he is depressed, he might need the help they could give. It’s not healthy to get so depressed that you starve yourself.” 

“What on earth happened to make him hurt that much?” Jackie asked softly. 

Now came the hardest part. Brian hadn’t been lying earlier when he told Kevin that, if anyone had a problem with him and AJ, oh well. That included his parents too. He just hoped that they would be ok with what he was about to tell them. “Well, that’s the other reason I called, Mom.” He took a deep breath and dropped the biggest bomb he’d ever dropped on them. “AJ’s loved me for a long time. I…I’ve loved him too, I just didn’t want to admit it .I’ve been fighting it. I pushed him away, trying to fight it, and brought Ash out. But she found out about him and I and she left me.” Now that he was saying it, the words seemed to come out in a rush. “I got a little drunk and AJ and I, well, yeah. Anyways, in the morning I was happy, thinking that now I’d finally get what I really wanted, but while I was in the shower, Ash showed up.” 

In quick, short terms, Brian gave them the rundown of everything that had happened since then. When he was done, silence filled the line. 

The next words from his parents stunned Brian. 

“Why, that little tramp!” Jackie said furiously. “How dare she act like that? She’d left you! Not that I’m condoning the fact that it was adultery, Brian, but still. None of that excuse the fact that she threatened you. I’m glad you’re not listening to her! Don’t you worry about what she says to us or anyone else. Your friends and family love you and that’s all that matters. We won’t let her lies in our house.” 

“We knew the two of you weren’t right for each other.” Harold added in, shocking Brian even more. “And we kind of wondered if there might be something between you and AJ. Your eyes always light up when you talk about him. But we never thought she’d stoop to something like this. Your mother’s right. I’m proud that you’re not letting her threats push you down. Live your life proudly, without shame. ‘What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.’” 

Tears built in the back of Brian’s eyes. He felt a lump in his throat and had to work to swallow it down. When he finally did, all he could say was “I love you guys.” 

“We love you too, baby.” Jackie’s smile was easy to hear in her voice. “I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard time. I’m sorry for the both of you.” 

Harold cleared his throat, making sure they were both quiet before he said “Don’t you have a four day break coming up beginning of next week?” 

After thinking for a moment, Brian said “Yeah.” He’d forgotten all about that. He’d have to talk to Kevin, find out how that was going to work with their taking the extra day or so here at the hotel. 

“Well, why don’t you bring Alexander on out here to heal for a little while? Your Mom will make sure he’s plumped back up. We’d love to have the two of you and you’d both get a break and some rest here. It sounds like the two of you need it.” 

The tears he’d tried to clear away finally won the battle. “I’d like that, Dad. I’d like that a lot. I’ll ask him when he wakes up, but I bet he says yes. He likes it there and he likes you guys.” 

“Well, we like him too. You just bring him on out and we’ll see if maybe between us and God we can get the two of you on the road to healing.” 

The rest of the conversation was about making plans on when to come out and when they’d have to go back. By the time Brian hung up with his parents, he felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He couldn’t stop smiling as he moved into the hotel room. God bless his parents and their huge hearts. How on earth could he have doubted them even more a minute? There were no two finer people in the world. 

A soft rustling drew Brian’s attention only seconds before he heard a raspy voice call his name. In a few steps, Brian was at the bed, sitting softly on the edge of it. One hand automatically came up to smooth back AJ’s hair from his forehead. “What, honey?” 

“’S cold.” AJ murmured, turning toward Brian. “Lay with me.” 

Smiling, AJ looked at the man he loved. “Scoot over.” 

In just a minute the two of them were settled down in the bed, AJ tucked into Brian’s arms, his face buried against Brian’s shoulder. “Thanks.” AJ mumbled to him. 

Brian tipped his head down and kissed the top of AJ’s head. “Anytime, honey.” 

Let Ash do her worst he thought to himself. I’ve got everything I could ever want in life right here. For the first time in a long time, everything in Brian’s world felt just right.