From his doorway, Nick watched as Kevin and Howie pounded on AJ’s door, obviously concerned with what had happened to him. AJ had looked so cold when he’d walked out of Brian’s room. Not upset, not angry, just…cold. Yet somehow those two seemed to not notice the fact that AJ had just come from Brian’s room. Either that, or they weren’t paying any attention to Brian. Jerks. Well, ok, he couldn’t fault Howie. He was AJ’s best friend. But Kevin? That was Brian’s cousin! Shouldn’t he give a damn about his family?<?xml:namespace prefix = o /><o:p> </o:p>
Well, he wasn’t going to just stand here. Nick pushed out his door, determined. He strode over to Brian’s door and didn’t even bother with knocking. If the way AJ had looked was anything to go by then most likely Brian wouldn’t have wanted to answer the door. Nick wasn’t going to give him that choice.<o:p> </o:p>
He shut the door smartly behind him, locking it, before he looked into the room. He saw Brian standing there, staring off into space with a hurt and bewildered look on his face. Nick had no idea that this was the same exact position he’d been in when AJ had delivered the final blow before leaving. That Brian hadn’t moved an inch in his shock.<o:p> </o:p>
“Brian…” His voice was soft and gentle, hoping not to startle him too much. Sweet God, what had happened in here? Brian’s eyes lifted to Nick and there was so much hurt there, so much heartache.<o:p> </o:p>
There was a slight hesitation, as if Brian debated what to say, but Nick saw when he gave up. The need for a friend far outweighed the need for secrecy. “I don’t know what to do, Nick.” He whispered brokenly. “I never knew something could hurt so much.”<o:p> </o:p>
“What did AJ do to you?”<o:p> </o:p>
“I…well, I mean we…”<o:p> </o:p>
Seeing his friend stumble, Nick waved a hand in the air. “I know you two sleep together, Bri. All of us know. We’ve known from like, the start. Just like we know something happened before that Howie won’t tell us what it was and you and AJ backed off and then you brought Ash out. Now she’s gone and AJ walks out of here looking like a damn iceberg and you look shattered. So, what the hell is going on?”<o:p> </o:p>
The outflowing of information had Brian looking surprised. His eyebrows winged up. “All of you? From the start?” he repeated.<o:p> </o:p>
“Yeah. Anyone who roomed next to y’all could hear, Bri.” Nick told him. He couldn’t help it, he flashed Brian a grin. It wiped away, though, as he came back to the topic at hand. “Brian, it’s me here. Just me. Tell me what happened. Talk to me.”<o:p> </o:p>
Brian sighed out a deep breath. He crossed his arms over his chest in an obvious effort to still his hands. As the words started to pour from him, he paced the floor, energy practically radiating off of him. “Ash told me yesterday that she’d figured out how I felt about AJ and she freaked. She called me names, told me I could go to hell and that she was done. Then she left. So I went with y’all and got drunk. Way more drunk than I should have…” In quick terms, omitting some details that Nick knew he was better off not knowing, Brian told him about coming back to his room, about AJ’s protests and how, finally, they’d spent their night together.<o:p> </o:p>
Then he told Nick about this morning. Waking up, his shower, coming out and talking with AJ. Everything, word for word. His voice broke a little when he told Nick “He told me ‘You used me like a whore. Well, now it was your turn. See how it feels to live with that.’” Furious, Brian brought a hand up to swipe over his eyes, brushing back the tears that were trying to fall. “He used me last night as payback for how much I’ve used him. I may have deserved it, but dammit, it doesn’t make it hurt less.”<o:p> </o:p>
God, these two were the most messed up couple that Nick had ever seen. It was like they couldn’t do anything good without messing it up with something bad. One step forward, two steps back he thought to himself. “Are you sure he meant it, Bri?” he felt he had to ask. The coldness of AJ’s expression when he’d left led Nick to believe that maybe AJ had been telling the truth. But the actions just didn’t seem to fit the AJ they all knew, most especially when it came to Brian. “It doesn’t make sense.”<o:p> </o:p>
“What part doesn’t make sense, Nick?” Brian demanded. He had to swipe at his eyes again to chase away more tears. “I used him. I hurt him, time and time again, and he just took it. Apparently he was done just taking it from me. He had to give it back.”<o:p> </o:p>
“But that doesn’t make any sense.” Furrowing his eyebrows, Nick looked around the room, trying to order his thoughts and make sense of them. “Maybe with someone else, yeah, but not with you. Not for him.”<o:p> </o:p>
“What do you mean?”<o:p> </o:p>
“Well, hell, Frick. When has he ever done anything to deliberately hurt you?” As he looked around, Nick spoke absently, not really thinking about his words. He was talking to himself as much as he was talking to Brian, hoping that saying it all out loud might be able to help him piece together this puzzle. “It’s obvious the man loves you to distraction. Like I said, when we room next to y’all we’d hear you. No matter what mood you were in when you went to AJ’s room, he always seemed to meet it perfectly. I’ve listened to you rant and rave for an hour and heard nothing both a soothing murmur of sound from AJ in return. He always plays the part of exactly what you need.”<o:p> </o:p>
Pausing, Nick looked up at Brian. “He always does what he feels is best for you, no matter what it does to him. So what the hell is going on now that makes him think that hurting you and walking away would be best?”<o:p> </o:p>
Brian looked at him like he was crazy. “I think you’re reading way too much into something so simple, Nick.” He told his bluntly. “I hurt him, a lot. He finally had too much so he had to hurt me back. I deserved it.” Despair broke through Brian’s expression. His eyes filled again. “I deserve every minute of this pain. But, God, I wish he hadn’t done this to me. And now I’m alone. No Ash, no Alex. No one.”<o:p> </o:p>
Unable to stop himself, Nick walked over and wrapped Brian in a tight hug. “Ah, Bri.” He whispered into his hair. “Maybe you need to figure out who you are before you start figuring out your marriage or your relationship with Age. You need to find you, find your own happiness, before you can make someone else happy.”<o:p> </o:p>
“I don’t know who I am, Nick. With her I’m one person, with AJ I’m another, and with the group I’m another. Which one’s really me?”<o:p> </o:p>
“I don’t know, Frick. I wish I could tell you. But maybe that’s what you shoulder start focusing on. Find that out and the rest will fall into place.”<o:p> </o:p>
After that, Nick said nothing else. He simply held his friend and let the broken part of Brian’s heart cry itself out. He knew there was nothing that he could say to make anything better, no matter how much he wished he could. But he vowed that he would be there for Brian to help and support him with whatever happened next. Brian needed his best friend and Nick was going to be there.<o:p> </o:p>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~<o:p> </o:p>
Hours later, AJ pulled himself up out of his bed. It was the last thing he wanted to do but he had to be play the part. He had to be a Backstreet Boy. No matter what he wanted to do he always knew that being a Backstreet Boy came first.<o:p> </o:p>
The ice was still with him, still inside of him. It was a perfect shield. He was protected from everything. Emotion glossed over him. If it got to close, he froze it out. He embraced that ice as he walked over toward his door. What they had to do today, he had no idea, but Howie would know.<o:p> </o:p>
When he opened his door, intent on heading toward Howie’s room, he was startled to find that his friend was right there, leaning against the doorframe. “Howie?” <o:p> </o:p>
“About damn time you opened your door.” Without hesitating, Howie pushed right into AJ’s room, snagging his arm as he went past and pulling him in as well. When they were both inside, Howie shut the door. Then he turned to glare at AJ. “What the hell is going on? Kev and I knocked forever out there but you just ignored us. What the hell happened, Age?”<o:p> </o:p>
Embrace the ice. “I’m fine, Howard. Whatever happened is done and over with. Now, what do we have on the schedule today?” He was proud of how cold and remote his voice sounded. There was no emotion to it at all. Nothing.<o:p> </o:p>
“We don’t have anything, it’s a free day. We have a break here at this hotel, remember? Like, a week. All we’ve got to do is hit the studio here day after tomorrow to record that one song.” Howie’s eyes darkened with their concern. “And the hell you’re fine. I saw you, coming out of Brian’s room. Dammit, AJ, what happened? I’ve never seen you look like that! An Brian…”<o:p> </o:p>
That was a chink in AJ’s armor. Brian. He had to resist breaking enough to ask how Brian was doing. No, he didn’t deserve to know. AJ patched up the chink, froze it over. He knew what he had to do. “Brian got exactly what he deserved.” AJ said coldly. No one would have ever been able to guess how badly the words tore him up inside. None of it showed on the outside. Not even to someone like Howie, who knew him so well. “He got exactly what was coming to him. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve got a few phone calls to make.”<o:p> </o:p>
This time Howie’s concern was brighter, tinted by surprise. “What he deserved?” He asked softly. “AJ, what the hell did you do?”<o:p> </o:p>
Sweet God, Howie was going to make him say this. But AJ knew that they would never leave him alone if they thought he was hurting. If he went through with this, if he did what he was thinking, than not only would they leave him alone, but they’d take care of Brian. All of this was to protect Brian. All of this pain and heartache. Now, he sacrificed even his friends, his only source of comfort, so that Brian would be taken care of. If Brian was taken care of, AJ knew he’d be able to make it through this.<o:p> </o:p>
So he set about putting on a performance that would fool even his best friend. “What did I do? I got him back here to the hotel, just like you guys wanted.” AJ deliberately cocked a hip to the side and let the ice frost his eyes and his voice even more. His shield was perfect; seamless. “He wanted a little action. Ash had left him and he was feeling needy. Me, I’d drank enough to be on the horny side.”<o:p> </o:p>
AJ felt his lips curve in a smile so fake he was surprised that Howie couldn’t tell. But no, the look on his friend’s face said that the performance was working perfectly.<o:p> </o:p>
“So I pretended to soothe. I pretended to let things be like they use to. Then I got laid. Really fucking good sex, too. That man is an animal when he drinks tequila.” The leer that covered AJ’s face had disgust flashing into Howie’s eyes. That was another fissure of pain, but AJ pushed that down, froze it over. “Then, this morning, when he wanted to get all sweet, I told him what’s what.”<o:p> </o:p>
“My God…” Howie’s voice was low and hoarse. “What did you say? AJ, what the hell did you say?<o:p> </o:p>
AJ waved a hand dismissively in the air. He walked over, tapping a cigarette out of the pack on the table. With casual, deliberate moves, he lit the cigarette and inhaled the first puff. He looked straight at Howie as he blew out the stream of smoke. “I told him I couldn’t do it. That I wouldn’t. I told him to go back to his wife.” AJ took another drag, made a few smoke rings up in the air. Then he delivered what he knew would be the final blow. “I told him that he’d used me like a whore, and now it had been his turn and now he can see how it feels to live with that. Fitting, don’t you think?”<o:p> </o:p>
Silence filled the hotel room. Howie’s eyes were wide, searching AJ’s face for something that would indicate that AJ was lying to him. Something that would make all of this make sense. But nothing showed. None of his real emotion, not thoughts, nothing. AJ’s face was a mask of icy amusement. Though it hurt him, he held that mask in place, letting Howie look, letting him draw his own judgments.<o:p> </o:p>
He could see on Howie’s face when his best friend finally believed him. Surprise gave way to disgust, burning with a little of that Latin temper. “What the hell, AJ?” he asked him. “I know Brian hurt you, but I never thought you’d do something like this. I never thought you were capable of hurting him.”<o:p> </o:p>
Howie turned on his heel and walked toward the door. It took everything AJ had not to call him back and tell him the truth. To let down the icy shield for a while and let Howie inside. But no, it was better this way. Brian was the more hurt out of the two of them. Brian would need to be taken care of. That was the only thing that kept AJ where he was, calmly smoking.<o:p> </o:p>
Opening the door, Howie paused for a minute. He looked back at AJ with a sad expression. “I always thought you were one of the kindest, most gentle people on the inside, Age. Too kind, in fact. You took more shit from those you loved than I ever thought anyone should. I never thought you’d be capable of something like this. I guess I was wrong about you. I guess we all were.”<o:p> </o:p>
That said, Howie turned and walked out the door, letting it shut behind him. He didn’t look back as he did so. If he had, he might have seen the mask on AJ’s face start to crack and crumble. He might have seen the way that AJ lifted a hand, almost as if to call him back. But, he looked straight ahead, seeing nothing.<o:p> </o:p>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<o:p> </o:p>
It was the next morning that the three other Backstreet Boys met in Kevin’s room to talk about the latest turn of events. Kevin had ordered up a tray of coffee and fruits for them to have for breakfast while they discussed everything. They all knew they needed to figure out something. Things couldn’t be allowed to continue on the way that they were.<o:p> </o:p>
“Well.” Kevin grumbled, taking one of the comfortable chairs. “What the hell are we going to do now?”<o:p> </o:p>
Nick sighed loudly as he flung himself onto the couch. “Shit, I don’t know. It’s bad, guys. I mean, bad.”<o:p> </o:p>
“You think?” Howie threw out. He folded himself down on the ground by the coffee table, plucking up a strawberry and popping it in his mouth. “I don’t know if we can fix this.”<o:p> </o:p>
Holding up his hands, Kevin silenced them. “I couldn’t get much out of either one of them, so y’all tell me what you found out and we’ll go from there.”<o:p> </o:p>
So Nick and Howie each shared their story, grimacing as they listened to the other talk. When they were done, Kevin sat silent, sipping off his coffee cup. He let out a soft sigh. “Ok, so let’s look at this from start to now. We’ve got Brian and AJ sleeping together and AJ hurting cause he’s being used while Brian goes back over and over to his wife. Then suddenly something happens and neither guy is talking. If we knew what the hell that was, maybe it would help.”<o:p> </o:p>
This time it was Howie who sighed. He knew he couldn’t keep AJ and Brian’s secret anymore, not if they really wanted to be able to help their friends. “Brian got really drunk and pissed one night and apparently came over to AJ’s room and, well, fucked him right on the couch even though AJ was saying no. It’s why AJ had that mark on his face. After that, the fight on the bus, AJ got too close when Brian was mad and Bri hit him.”<o:p> </o:p>
“My God.” Kevin breathed out. “I can’t believe my cousin did that! An AJ kept going back to him? Kept letting him come back?”<o:p> </o:p>
“He loves him.” Nick’s voice was soft. “More than anyone else in the world, he loves Brian. What we need to focus on isn’t all this, but on what would make AJ think that hurting Brian like this is the best thing for him? It’s the only thing I see that makes sense for AJ to hurt Bri like that.”<o:p> </o:p>
Howie looked skeptical. “I don’t know, Nick. You didn’t see him. I never would have thought him capable of this before, either. But he, I don’t know…he didn’t look like the AJ I know.”<o:p> </o:p>
A snort slipped from Nick. He sat up, pouring himself another cup of coffee. He rolled his eyes. “Well no shit, Howie? Come on now. Isn’t it obvious?” When he looked up, Nick saw that the other two were looking at him with confusion. That had him freezing. “Wait a second, you guys don’t really believe what he said, do you? Come on!”<o:p> </o:p>
“He looked awfully honest to me.” Howie said.<o:p> </o:p>
Nick couldn’t believe it. “Well no kidding he did, Howie! He was trying to convince you that he really meant the things he said. But you should know him well enough to know he didn’t. You guys can’t seriously believe that AJ would hurt Brian without a good reason? He’s taken so much shit and pain just to be what Brian needs him to be.” He looked from one friend to the other and couldn’t believe that they weren’t seeing what was so obvious to him. “Ok, let me put it this way. Something made AJ feel that him breaking it off with Brian was the best way to protect Brian from something, who knows what. Convincing you and hoping you’d convince us that he did it for the reasons he told Brian, well, I still can’t believe you don’ t see it!”<o:p> </o:p>
Kevin leaned forward. “See what, Nick?”<o:p> </o:p>
“AJ’s figuring that if he makes us mad at him, if he makes us believe that he really was an asshole, then we’ll leave him the hell alone and take care of Brian. If he told us the truth he knows we’d try to take care of him too. But he doesn’t want that. Even when he’s fighting with Brian he’s still trying to take care of him! By making us mad, in his eyes that leaves us to care for Brian. He knows that we would, too, if what he said was true. We’d focus all our attention on Brian. That’s what he wants. Not only is he giving up Brian to help Brian somehow, but he’s giving up his friends to help Brian as well.”<o:p> </o:p>
Nick’s words had a profound effect on his two friends. They stared at him, shocked. “Holy shit.” Howie whispered. “Oh my God, the kid’s right.”<o:p> </o:p>
“Well of course I am!” Nick said indignantly. <o:p> </o:p>
Sliding back in his chair, Kevin looked up at the ceiling. “This changes so many things. Something happened. Something made AJ terrified to take a chance to be with Brian. Not for himself, but for Brian. What on earth would be a threat to Brian?”<o:p> </o:p>
The three of them thought for a short time. But the same thought struck them all at the same time. The three leaned forward, eyes wide. “Ashley.” They said together.<o:p> </o:p>
“If she found out…” Kevin started.<o:p> </o:p>
“Maybe she threatened something…” Nick added in.<o:p> </o:p>
Howie gaped at them. “What if she threatened to go to the press? Or to tell Brian’s family? AJ would never let that happen to Brian; he knows it would devastate him.”<o:p> </o:p>
All of them swore softly. It made complete and total sense. It was the perfect thing to make AJ back away. But…what the hell were they going to do about it?
STORIES<o:p> </o:p>