Now that the door was shut, AJ turned and took stock of the situation. Brian lay on the floor of the limo, laughing at the ceiling. It was almost tempting to leave him lying there, at least until they got to the hotel. No harm would come of it. Tequila generally made Brian pretty happy. Pretty frisky, too, truth be told, which was another reason that AJ wanted to keep as much distance as possible.<?xml:namespace prefix = o />
Any time that Brian had drank tequila around AJ he had always ended up happy, laughing at everything. Then he’d keep drinking and suddenly he’d be constantly horny. Then, it had been hilarious and fun. Now it would just test AJ’s control to the very limits.
It wouldn’t hurt Brian to stay there for the ride home. AJ moved toward the seat, planning on stretching out and watching Brian, when two things happened. The limo started to move and Brian reached a hand out to grab hold of AJ’s ankle. The combination of both of those had AJ toppling down.
For someone drunk, Brian sure moved fast. The instant that AJ hit the floor of the limo he found himself pinned down by Brian’s long, warm body. Another second and Brian’s lips were against his. AJ felt his brain explode in flashes of light. Even drunk, Brian kissed like no one else. AJ’s body pressed against him, hips rolling up as sensation exploded in him.
Hands slid everywhere, sliding under his shirt to trace over his stomach, or over and along his arms. AJ broke the kiss, gasping as Brian touched him. Pulling back didn’t faze Brian at all. He moved his lips down AJ’s jaw, his neck, over the hollow of his throat. “Jesus, Bri. Oh, Jesus. We can’t do this here.” AJ finally managed to force out. He tried to shift, to move away from Brian, but the man moved like a damn snake. It was like he had a million hands to work with, too. They seemed to be everywhere at once.
“We can.” Brian murmured against his skin. “We are.”
Oh, God. God! AJ tried to remind himself why he couldn’t just give in. Why he couldn’t just rip their clothes off and do what they both wanted to do right here on the limo floor.
The word limo triggered it. That’s right, they were in a car. “Bri, we can’t. We’re in the limo. People will come and open the doors when we get to the hotel.”
Passion had removed some of the slur from Brian’s voice. “So let ‘em look. I want you.”
Those words sent a shiver down AJ’s spine. They were the most beautiful words he’d ever heard. “Jesus, you have no idea how much I want you too, sugar.” AJ whispered. Against his will he found his hands traveling up, lacing in Brian’s hair. A gasp slid past his lips when Brian bit his nipple right through his shirt. “God!” He exclaimed. “Bri, I, shit…we’re in a car. We can’t do this in the limo.”
Brian was suddenly gone from over top of him. Looking over, AJ saw that Brian had flopped sideways, right onto the seat. Neither of them spoke for a while. AJ just let himself lay there until his breathing calmed and his heart stopped racing. By the time the limo stopped, AJ thankfully had his body back under control.
The door opened just as AJ sat up. Tim was there, offering a hand and a grin. AJ rolled his eyes. He tugged on Brian’s arm. “Bri?” he called gently. “Bri, come on, we’re at the hotel.” He thought that maybe Brian had passed out, lying he way he was so silently on that seat. But Brian’s head popped up, eyes full of that same combination of humor and lust.
Snickering, Brian rolled to try to climb off the limo seat. He almost toppled him and AJ both straight out the door. It was only Tim’s quick reflexes that managed to save the day. AJ hit his ass on the ground right outside the door, but Brian didn’t tumble after and land on him, thank God.
AJ climbed to his feet, swearing under his breath as he dusted his jeans off. Once he was steady he looked over to where Tim held up a giggling Brian. “Oh, you think this is funny, do you?” AJ asked Brian. Despite his serious tone, AJ could feel his lips quirking.
“Uh huh.” Brian nodded a little too enthusiastically, almost sending himself tumbling.
Luckily, Tim was a strong fellow and managed to keep him on his feet. AJ shook his head. He walked up, ducking down to get under Brian’s arm again. Once he had it around his shoulders he took hold of Brian’s wrist, keeping him in place, and wrapped the other around Brian’s waist. “Ok, Tim. Thanks again.” He told their guard.
“You sure you got him?”
AJ grinned, setting off toward the employee entrance of the hotel. “Got it, Tim. Thanks again!” He gave a quick thankful prayer that Tim had pulled them up to a place they could enter privately.
It didn’t take much to get Brian inside the hotel, nor to slip back toward the elevators. No one was up at this time of night so the hotel was pretty much empty, most of the guests in their beds. They were really, really luck with that fact, because Brian would have made a spectacle of himself otherwise. He was giggling the entire time he and AJ walked. Putting one foot in front of the other seemed to take almost all his concentration an also provided him with endless amounts of amusement.
Once AJ had them in the elevator, he let go of Brian’s wrist long enough to press the button they needed. He had to grab again, quickly, as Brian’s arm started t slide away. “Ah, ah. Stick with me here, Bri. Don’t make me full on carry your ass back to the room.”
“You like it when I c’ry you.” Brian leered at him again, turning his head so that he could nibble at AJ’s ear.
Fuck. The elevator could not move fast enough for AJ. He’d already fought Brian off once. He doubted that he could do it again. “You sure are a happy little drunk tonight.” Oh, thank you! The doors opened onto their floor. AJ pulled them both out into the hall, their steps slow as he tried to support both their weight. “What on earth possessed you to drink so much tequila? I know it’s your feel good drink, but it always makes you feel like shit in the morning.”
Brian surprised him by hiccupping, almost toppling himself over. He laughed while AJ righted them. “Ash yelled a’ me. She lef’. Said she knows ab’t us.” He announced, looking at AJ through one eye.
“What?” AJ exclaimed. In his surprise, he lost his grip on Brian, who promptly stumbled and fell to the ground.
AJ quickly bent down, grabbing Brian’s arms and pulling on him. He got him up to his knees, though even there he wobbled a little. It didn’t help that Brian couldn’t stop laughing. He was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his face. They’d deal with what he said later, AJ decided. Now, what was important was getting Brian into his room.
Yet again he found himself pulling Brian’s arm over his shoulders. He had to put his back into it to pull them both up to their feet. By the time he did, he was panting. “Jesus fucking Christ, Littrell, you’re like fucking dead weight. Help a bro out here.”
“You’re not my brother.” Brian told him, looking at AJ like he was retarded. “Are you? I hope not, ‘cause that’d be gross.”
Frustration slid away on humor. AJ finally got them to Brian’s door. He had to prop him up so that he could search him. Finally he found Brian’s keycard. After that, it was a simple matter to get him in the room. He kicked the door shut behind him and moved toward the bedroom. His plan, his only plan, was to get Brian tucked into bed. If he could just get him under the covers, the booze would pull him into sleep. But Brian had other things in mind.
Now that they were inside the room, Brian’s hands were suddenly turning very busy again. They were right near the bed when Brian shifted just enough to throw AJ off balance. Quick as a snake, Brian pushed AJ into the wall, attacking his lips.
It took quite a bit of effort for AJ to tell himself that he couldn’t do this. Brian would regret it in the morning. It would only make things harder in the long run. He shouldn’t do this. “Brian…” He broke their kiss, saying his name like a prayer and a plea all at the same time.
“Hm?” Brian moved his mouth down to AJ’s ear, nipping the lobe, pulling it between his teeth and causing AJ to shiver.
AJ sucked in air, trying to clear his brain. It was a failed effort. The hands he brought up to push Brian away were instead clinging to his shirt. “God, Bri, we can’t.”
“Why not?”
He had an answer to that, he did! But his frazzled brain couldn’t seem to grasp it. Hell, he couldn’t even mange whole sentences right at the moment. “Ashley!” AJ finally gasped out. He felt Brian still slightly, but those hands and that dangerous mouth never stopped roving over his body. “You’re just…you’re upset cause Ashley left. Cause she found out. You’re drunk and you’ll regret this in the morning.”
Their bodies shifted again, forming together better. Brian moved his mouth to whisper into AJ’s ear. “I know what I’m doing, Alex. I know who I’m with. I want you, here, now. I need you.” Those words echoed down into AJ’s heart. He felt his resolve wavering. But it was when Brian whispered “Please.” In such a broken tone that AJ felt all his control break.
He sought Brian’s lips, kissing him back with all the passion and love that was in his heart. He’d never been able to resist taking care of Brian. Being there for him. No matter what it was that Brian needed, he’d always been there to fill the role for him. Now wasn’t any different.
Though he knew it would break his heart in the morning when Brian turned away from him once again, AJ allowed himself to be led to that bed. He allowed Brian to strip him. He offered himself up, heart, body and soul, giving his everything as they met, skin to skin, heart to heart.
Then they were together and there was no room for thought. AJ gave himself over to the sensations as his body climbed higher and higher toward that light that all lovers seek. When he reached it, when Brian drove him over that edge, he let out a throaty cry just before his muscles turned to liquid.
After, when it was over, Brian gathered him close, spooning their bodies together. For hours AJ lay there, listening to Brian sleep, knowing that when morning came around the pain would be back. But for now, he was content.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morning came too soon. AJ looked down at the angelic face lying near him on the pillow and he couldn’t help but sigh. He’d barely got an hour of sleep but it had been worth every minute of it. After their incredible lovemaking, AJ had been too happy to sleep. He’d spent most of his night looking down at Brian’s face and watching him as he slept. That was one of his favorite times to look at him. There were no stress lines, no questions or anger or anything in his face. Just peace.
“What was that sigh for?” Brian’s voice startled him enough that he jumped. One eye cracked open, looking up to AJ. His firm lips curved into a sleepy smile.
Joy tried to build around AJ’s heart. He pushed it down, not wanting to hope too soon, too fast. “Just enjoying the view, that’s all.” He teased him. Teasing was good. It kept things light.
One of Brian’s hands came out of the blankets to rub over his face. “God, I feel like shit.”
“You usually do when you drink that much tequila.” AJ kept his voice down. Most likely Brian had a pisser of a headache. “A shower usually makes you feel better.”
“Mm.” Both eyes opened this time and there was a definite sparkle to them. “Join me?”
This time AJ couldn’t keep the joy from filling him. Brian wasn’t chasing him out of the room. He was still here, snuggling, asking him to shower with him. He didn’t know what to do here. This wasn’t normal for the relationship they’d had before. “I uh, I usually smoke before I shower. Then I can brush my teeth when I get out.”
Brian yawned as he sat up. He stretched his arms over his head. “Well, go have your smoke.” He told AJ as he stood up. Walking over to the bathroom, Brian paused by the door and threw a hesitant smile over his shoulder. “Come join me when you’re done.”
AJ waited until Brian was in the shower before he let out the joyous laugh that was sitting in him. He was suddenly full of energy as he bounded up from the bed. He grabbed his boxers off the floor and looked around for his shirt, but couldn’t seem to find it. With a shrug, he grabbed one of Brian’s. He’d be out of it quickly enough anyways. It was just to keep him warm during his morning smoke. Then he’d take it right back off and take Brian up on the shower offer.
He’d made it, coat in hand, all the way to the living room when disaster hit. The door to the hotel room opened and in walked Ashley.
Shocked, AJ froze. He stared at her as she shut the door and turned. Stared as her eyes found him and grew wide in her face. He knew exactly how this looked. Knew what image he presented in his boxers and Brian’s t-shirt. “Oh my God.” She whispered.
Fear had AJ taking a step forward. “Ashley, I…”
“No!” she held a hand up, forestalling anything he might have said. “God above, I don’t want to hear it. I can barely believe it. I wasn’t even gone a day and he ran right to you?”
What could he say to her? What was there that a man could say to the woman that was married to the love of his life? Especially in a situation like this. I’m sorry seemed so inadequate, but he found himself saying it anyways. The look she gave him could have curdled milk. “You’re sorry?” she hissed. “Sorry? You stand there in my husband’s shirt, still flushed from him, and you tell me you’re sorry? How dare you sleep with someone’s husband?”
“He told me last night that you left him.” AJ whispered. He wanted to say something, anything, but he knew that the words would mean nothing to her. Still, they poured from him. “That you knew about what he and I had done and you’d left him. I wouldn’t have, otherwise. I was letting him go.”
“You’re damn well going to let him go.”
That drew AJ up. The way she said it, the threat in those words, made his spine stiff. “Excuse me?”
Ashley marched straight to him, her eyes on fire. “I swear to all that is holy, AJ Mclean, I will not be made a fool of. I will not have it bandied about that my husband left me for another man. Can you imagine what kind of ridicule I’d have to live with? I won’t stand for it!”
“I’m sorry, Ashley. But if he chooses to be with me, that’s not in my control.”
“You’re not going to give him the choice. I’m asking for a divorce, AJ. Until that is done, until time has gone and people won’t put it on me, you will stay the hell away from him or I swear to God I will walk out this door right now and down to the first tabloid I can find.”
AJ felt his blood run cold. “Are you threatening me?”
“You’re damn right I am.” She swore. “I will tell every dirty little secret that boy has. I’ll tell the whole story about how you two were sleeping together the entire time we were married. I’ll spin it so hard that I’ll come away looking like the sweet girl who only got the rough end of the stick. Do you want that? Do you want to be the reason Brian gets hurt and embarrassed? His parents will disown him. His family will hate him. He’ll be a pariah, just for you. Is that what you want? To make him miserable.”
He wasn’t just cold anymore. His insides felt as if they were freezing. “No.” The word came out sounding like a croak.
“Then you better find a way to keep away from him. I catch any hint of this, any, and so help me God, AJ, I’ll go through with every threat I just made. And it’ll be all your fault. Are we clear on this?”
All the earlier joy was gone. All AJ could feel now was the ice. Even the pain was gone, frozen inside of him. He could barely manage to nod. One look at her face told him that she was serious about this. She would do exactly as he said. He’d claimed to love Brian for so long now; to want what made him happy. This would be the ultimate test of that. He would have to give up everything he had ever wanted to keep Brian happy in the long run.
Ashley glared at him before turning on her heel and spinning out of the room. Moments after the door slammed shut, Brian walked into the room, dripping wet and wrapped in a robe. “Did I hear the door?” he asked curiously. AJ looked down at the cigarettes in his hand, trying to gather himself enough to be able to speak. “Uh, that was just me. I thought someone was there and peeked, but no one was.”
“AJ?” Concern laced Brian’s tone. Suddenly he was there, one hand on AJ’s arm. “Is everything ok?”
Oh God. How was he going to do this? How on earth could he break their hearts? It was for Brian’s own good. He had to do this. But how? Dredging deep, AJ stepped away from Brian and said the only words he could think of that would push Brian away from him. He had to make Brian never want to be with him again. “I can’t do this again, Bri. I won’t.”
One hand still extended, Brian looked at him in confusion. “What?”
“Go back to your wife.” AJ said. He saw his words stagger Brian a little and forced himself to keep going. He had to do this. He had to! “Go have a normal life. I can see where this is going and I won’t do it. I won’t be used anymore. I won’t be your little plaything.”
“I…I thought you, you loved me?” Brian whispered. Nothing had ever hurt AJ more than to hear those words trembling on Brian’s lips.
He forced his body to be as hard as he could. He brought out the ice that was inside, enveloping his entire being in it. “You’ve burned all the feeling out of me. It’s gone. Any love I felt at one time, it’s gone now. I have nothing left to give you. I don’t, I won’t, love you anymore. How could I? You used me like a whore. Well, now it was your turn. See how it feels to live with that.”
Brian’s eyes were wide and bright with pain. “AJ, it wasn’t, I didn’t…. you used me, last night?”
He couldn’t stand here and keep this up. There was no way he’d be able to hold out if Brian started to cry. So he forced himself to be even harder so that he could say “What we had is done. I don’t love you anymore, Brian. I’m sorry. Goodbye.” Then he turned and walked right out of the hotel room. He walked past Howie and Kevin, who were milling at their door.
Ignoring them when they called for him, AJ walked straight down to his room. Thank God his keycard was in his coat. He pulled it out and let himself into the room in just enough time to shut the door in his friends faces. His shaky legs barely managed to carry him to his bed. But once there, he dropped down in the center of it and pulled the blankets up over himself. No tears came. Nothing. The pain was too much. This time, it had just been too much. He’d let himself hope, let himself feel, and now he was left with the consequences of that. Lying there, AJ felt the rest of his heart turn to ice. This was what was best for Brian. No matter what, that was what mattered. He couldn’t be responsible for ruining Brian’s life. He just couldn’t. He had to stay far away from him.
If only the ice would freeze out the love he still felt.