AJ finally ended up in Brian’s shower, washing away the blood and dirt from his skin. When he was done Brian was threatening him with putting antibiotic on all the open cuts. They’d have to see about that. Sometimes that shit stung. But as he let the water run down his back, wincing, he knew that he’d end up letting Brian put it on. One, it was smart. Two, he had a hard time telling Brian no. The man rarely asked for anything from anyone.
The pain faded to the background as AJ marveled at everything that had happened over the course of an afternoon and evening. First the fight with Nick. Next the discussion with Brian in his room, and finding out that he was gay. Then the discovery of Nick’s ‘plan’, followed by another fight. Now this private moment that he and Brian had shared.
Had he actually sat there and told Brian that he loved him? After so long of feeling that way and never saying it, he felt lightheaded now that he had finally told him. Not just told him, but been asked by Brian to try. That was what Brian’s words had boiled down to. ‘Don’t give up on me’ he’d said. As if AJ would ever do that. If he hadn’t before now, what would make him?
With the pain Brian was in, things would be difficult. Looking into Brian’s eyes as they’d sat there, and seeing the way that Brian had reacted after AJ had said he’d been lied to and manipulated, well that made it obvious that someone had hurt him. Badly. It would be up to him to fix things. Well, not just him. The both of them. Brian would need his help, but he wouldn’t be able to do it unless Brian was open to it. The question was, how?
It physically hurt AJ to see Brian reduced to something so hurt, so broken, that he was afraid to even reach out to his friends. The fact that he’d told AJ his first secret was amazing. There was such depth to his pain in his eyes that AJ felt small before it. He knew he’d have to live through so much more to ever equal the hurt of what he saw there. He remembered Brian’s words from earlier.
“I’m not. I care too much what people say about me. I’m not strong enough to just let it roll off my back, or to fight it out with them. I just take it. I take it and take it until I feel like I’m going to break into a million pieces. Then, somehow, I take even more.”
Those words made him want to weep. Almost absently he set about washing his hair while he thought. Out of all of them, Brian was so sensitive on the inside. Who on earth could have hurt him? Anyone who got to know him knew that there was a gentle heart and a pure soul in there. Oh, not because of the religion as everyone else thought. Sure, Brian was religious, but that didn’t mean that he was puritanical. He had his faith, and it was a part of him, but he was still his own person.
To hurt him this deeply, and to leave behind such internal scars, it had to have been done by someone close to him. A family member? Something in AJ said no. The way that Brian had spoken of not being able to trust someone that deeply again, or how he had said that he wasn’t worth AJ’s love, suggested that it was a relationship that was at the root of this. Male or female? Most likely male. Something told him that all of this tied in with Brian’s confession about his sexuality.
The big question of the night was, what to do about it? This was going to take the utmost amount of care. Until Brian was ready to talk about what happened to him AJ was going to be playing blind, so to speak. But a general idea was already forming in his mind.
He was going to have to show Brian that love was worthwhile with the right person. That when two people really loved one another there was no pain, no lies. Nothing would be truly fixed until Brian could confront his demons and face them down. But AJ could provide him the steady ground to find his way back on.
Even if there was a chance that, when all was said and done, Brian might not choose to be with him, wasn’t it worth the cost? How could he say he loved Brian and not help him through this? Even if it broke his heart at the end, as it surely would if Brian didn’t want to be with him, he knew that he had to try.
It was going to be a slow process. The only way that AJ knew to do what he had in mind would be to court Brian. Not just pursue him and hit on him, but full on court him. The word was old fashioned, and it made AJ smile as he shut the water off and stepped out, wrapping himself in a towel. It was an old fashioned word, yes, but it was perfect for what he had in mind.
What made it even trickier was that he would have to do it without letting on to the others. No one else but Nick knew that Brian was gay. AJ wasn’t going to make it obvious and spill Brian’s secret. That was his, to tell when he chose. How would he go about this, though?
That thought sustained him as he dried himself off. He slowly started to build a plan in his mind of what he could do for Brian. Not as a means to an end, but things that would show him that he was loved, and worthy of that love.
A knock on the bathroom door startled him from his thoughts. He wrapped the towel around his waist, hooking it in so that it stayed in place, and called out “Come in!” without even thinking.
Brian poked his head in first before stepping all the way in. He held some of AJ’s clothes in his hand. “Thought you might need these.” Brian said. There was a flush on his cheeks that had AJ’s blood spiking. It took him a second to realize its cause. But he was clued in when Brian’s eyes drifted for a second down to his stomach and hips, then quickly off to the side. Hmm. He hadn’t thought about being in only a towel. They’d all seen one another dressed like this before.
“Thanks, Bri.” He said gratefully. A smile curved his lips. “I was wondering what the hell I was going to put on. Can’t troll the halls naked, wouldn’t be good for the Backstreet image.”
That teased a small smile out of Brian, but it also brought the flush brighter to his cheeks. AJ couldn’t help the feeling that washed through him, or his body’s reaction to it. Taking the clothes, he held them in a discreet bundle in front of him and tried to will his body to not respond so much.
With a small smile, Brian turned his back. This wasn’t something they all hadn’t done a million and one times before. Well used to it, AJ shed his towel and pulled on the boxers first, followed by the sweats. He wished they were jeans, to better hide the small tent that was still there. Once he had those on, he did the only thing he could think of to hide it. He sat on the vanity bench by the bathroom countertops. “Ok, get your medicinal shit and lets get this over with.” He grumbled playfully.
While Brian gathered what he needed, AJ got the first serious glimpse of his face in the mirror. Holy hell, they’d done quite a number on one another, he and Nick.
A bruise colored AJ’s left cheekbone, thankfully light enough that makeup should be able to hide it. His bottom lip was swollen and split to one side. There wasn’t too much damage to him really except for little bits here and there. He’d been the one attacking, and he’d been going crazy enough and fast enough that Nick hadn’t managed to damage him too much.
Another bruise colored his right shoulder from rolling through the bleachers. That one was some pretty colors. It would take a while to fade, but it would be easily covered with a shirt. His hands were pretty messed up though. The knuckles were split, whether from Nick’s thick head or from when Nick had managed to move enough that AJ hit the bleachers, he wasn’t sure. They were bruised too, and were already starting to ache. He was damn lucky he hadn’t broke any fingers. For a while they were going to be a bitch to use, though.
Really, it was his back that had the worst damage. Thank God Brian had picked out the glass. Now it was just a matter of healing them up.
At that time Brian came back in, the little bottle of antibiotic in his hand. “Now, it won’t sting.” He said in response to the face AJ automatically made. “They’ll soothe it, actually, so you can get some sleep.”
“Yeah, that’ll be interesting.” He grumbled halfheartedly. But he stayed perfectly still as Brian applied little bits of the cool cream to different parts of his back. Surprisingly it didn’t sting. It actually made it almost numb, in a way. He found himself sighing under Brian’s touch. Relaxing.
“See, I told you.” Brian spoke softly, but there was a smile to his words. He had smiled more in this afternoon and evening than he had the entire time they’d been back from break.
“Mm hmm.” The noncommittal sound that AJ made had Brian chuckling softly.
AJ’s earlier idea was growing in his mind as he let himself drift under Brian’s ministrations. He wondered if he should give Brian a little time to think about everything they’d talked about, but he was afraid that Brian would just find a way to talk himself out of it all. So AJ was going to strike while the iron was hot and start his courting right away.
As Brian put the cap back on the antibiotic, AJ turned around on the seat and drew his legs up under him crossways. “We still have tomorrow off before we go to the next show, right?” he asked. Looking back at AJ, Brian nodded while he put the antibiotic into his little medical kit. “Yep.”
“Want to help me cruise the net tomorrow and find a gift for Ma? Mother’s day is coming up and I suck at gifts like that.”
Just as he’d wanted the offer threw Brian for a second. That was obviously not what he’d expected AJ to ask. Typically it wasn’t something that AJ would do as a way to woo someone. But this was Brian. He was different. One, AJ knew he wasn’t ready to go back out in the world yet. Two, a romantic dinner would probably be pushing it too far. Like he’d thought before, he was going to have to take this slow. The best way he could think of to do all of this that he’d been able to think of so far was to draw Brian back out as a friend first.
Where things went from there they’d have to see. But it felt right to start things out this way. On top of that, he really did value Brian’s opinion on things, and he really hated buying mother’s day gifts. He never knew what the hell to get her.
After a second of staring, a beautiful smile curved Brian’s lips, and AJ knew he was on the right track. “That sounds like fun. You amaze me that you can go out and shop like mad, but a holiday like mother’s day comes along and you’re just totally lost. You’d probably end up doing something stupid like buying her something with a plug.”
“Hey! That was just one time! She’d said she’d needed a new stove, so I got her the stove. How was I supposed to know it’d offend her so much?” AJ defended himself.
Brian started to laugh as he closed the medical kit. “AJ, no woman wants a gift with a plug attached to it.”
“Well, why say they need something like that if they don’t want someone to get it for them?”
“You can get it as a random gift if you want to, or take them to pick one out, but not for holidays. Women, especially moms, want something on those kinds of days that they don’t ask for. Something that’ll make them smile and remind them that you love them. Like a nice night out, or a beautiful piece of jewelry. Something that’s special and unique to them and shows that you took time to pick it out.”
The two were standing and AJ was sliding his shirt on as they moved out of the bathroom and back toward the living room. AJ snorted at Brian’s logic and shook his head, enjoying their playful banter. It made him hopeful that the real Brian wasn’t buried too far underneath the walls that he’d put up.
“Shit, if that’s what they want then why don’t they say it?”
Pausing by the couch, Brian threw AJ an amused look. “And make it simple? Are you kidding me? They like to make us work for it. Means more to them that way.”
AJ threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. “See! This is why I’m glad I’m gay. Guys are so less complicated than chicks.” He scoffed and shook his head. “Something about having a vagina like, throws their brains all backwards. Too fucking confusing.”
Unable to help himself, Brian threw his head back and roared with laughter. It was the first time he’d let out that honest of a laugh in longer than he could remember. Just seeing it, hearing it, had AJ grinning.
“Oh God, Age, only you would say that.”
“Well, tell me it’s not true. Who else but a woman would tell you she wants something, then get mad when you buy it for her cause she wanted you to really go buy her something that she hasn’t told ou what it is, but you’re expected to just automatically know what it is and go purchase it? Seriously, where’s the logic in this?”
AJ’s ranting had Brian laughing so hard that he sat down on the couch so he wouldn’t fall over.
“Really now, Bri, that’s just stupid! It’s like me saying ‘hey, I want that new goatee trimmer!” and then getting mad at you cause you didn’t buy me a black fedora with a white band on it. There’s no logic! God, guys are so much easier to understand, and refreshingly straightforward. Well, usually.” AJ leaned against the chair and bit his lip. “Then you get the guys who are a little too feminized, and they’re even worse. A dudes temper and a chicks PMS. That’s a deadly combination.”
“God, Alex! You’re killing me!” Brian gasped out, wiping tears of mirth off his face.
“Yeah, you’ll probably be saying that as we look for the ‘perfect gift’ tomorrow. If I bomb on this one I’m totally taking your ass down with me!”
“The hell you are! It’s your mom. She’d never hurt me.”
Rolling his eyes, AJ had to sigh in defeat. “You’re probably right. She’d never believe that you helped her buy a dumb gift.” He admitted to him. “We’ll just have to be extra careful I guess. After the stove, I think if I got her another stupid gift she’d probably stuff me in that stove and turn it to roast. Trust me, you wouldn’t want cooked AJ.”
“Hell no!” Brian managed to choke out as he finally controlled his laughter. “There’s not enough fat on you! It’d be all tough and chewy.”
AJ pretended mock indignation. “Oh! I see how it is! No concern over me being cooked and eaten, just over how tough I’d taste. I see how it is now. The truth comes out!”
Laughing again, Brian tried to get words out but AJ was cutting him off, moving toward the door. “No, no! Don’t bother backpedaling! You’ve already let the truth slip. I’ll just be taking my chewy ass back to my room now. Maybe if you’re lucky I’ll tenderize the meat before Ma cooks me alive. Might be easier to chew then.”
With Brian laughing fit to burst, AJ took his leave from the room, calling out “I’ll be back when I wake up!”
Almost like old times, AJ heard Brian call out “Thanks for the warning!” before the door shut. A smile curved his lips. That had been one heck of a start.