AJ couldn’t stop himself from watching as Brian and Stephen disappeared onto the patio. His heart ached for his love. He wished there was something that he could do for him to make this easier, but was practical enough to know that there wasn’t. This was something that Brian had to do alone. But when it was done, AJ would be waiting for him just as he had promised.
A loud voice drew AJ’s attention from inside of his own head and back to the hotel room. “What on earth was that, AJ? I’ve never seen you be so rude to someone that you don’t know!” Kevin said furiously. “Stephen is an old family friend, and a really good friend of mine and Brian’s. He’s like family. You owe him an apology.”
Snorting, AJ rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’ll hop right on that one.” He said sarcastically.
“What the hell is the matter with you? You don’t even know him!”
“I know enough.” AJ forced his mouth shut, not wanting to say more than was his right to. This was not the time to let his temper and his mouth run away with him. But Kevin was pushing his buttons pretty close here.
Kevin took another step toward AJ, his arms crossed over his chest as he glowered. “What’re you talking about? He’s never been around to be introduced to you. How could you ‘know enough’ to be that fucking rude to him after just one glance at him?”
God grant me patience he thought to himself. “Look, Kev, just drop it. I’ll stay the hell away from the fucker until he goes home, ok? You won’t have any problems then.”
“It’s not ok. I want to know what the fuck your problem was!”
“Drop it!” AJ almost shouted, his gaze turning hot. He tipped his head up enough that Kevin could see his face under his hat. With a jerky movement he pushed the brim up to better be able to glower at the old man. “My problem is my business and no one else’s. Now, would you just let me wait in peace?”
“Wait?” Curious, Kevin looked around the room, his eyes traveling over his friends before landing on the balcony. Understanding lit his gaze. “You’re waiting for Brian.”
“Bingo, Sherlock. Let’s give the man a prize!” Sarcasm dripped from AJ’s words.
Something stole into Kevin’s eyes as he looked back at AJ. A slight understanding, quickly replaced my disgust and anger. “You’re jealous.” He stated baldly. “Holy shit. You’re fucking jealous!”
AJ froze, his body locking into place. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. You’re jealous of Stephen, and his friendship with Brian. Fuck. I can’t believe I didn’t see it.” Kevin paced away for a minute, moving to pour himself a drink at the rooms bar. “You’re in love with my cousin.”
AJ’s first instinct was to deny it. Sure, they all knew he was gay now, but none of them knew that Brian was. At all costs AJ would protect Brian’s secret until the time that Brian decided he was ready for others to know about it. Yes, Nick and Howie knew, but he had never told them. Just as he would never tell Kevin.
But before the denial could slip past his lips, he stopped himself. So what if they knew how he felt? That wouldn’t be giving away Brian’s secrets. He didn’t have to tell them that he was courting him, or that they had kissed already, or anything like that. Lying about how he felt about Brian felt wrong to him. Almost as if by lying, he would be saying he was ashamed of him and of what he felt. That wasn’t the case.
Pride had AJ tipping his chin up and firming his jaw. “Your point?” he asked coolly.
Kevin slammed back his shot like a pro, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. “That’s why you’ve been spending time with him, and hanging out in his room and going out to the carnival with him today. You think you have some insane chance with him. Brian’s straight, AJ. He’s not…like you.”
The irony of the statement was not lost on AJ. At that moment Brian was standing on the patio talking to a man who was his ex after having spent the entire day on a date with AJ. Straight? Sweet Jesus, Kevin had no idea what he was talking about. “What I do with my time is my own.”
“He’ll never return your feelings, AJ. He’s not that way. He knows better.”
Kevin’s words cut him deep, but he pushed the hurt aside. Hurt led to temper, and temper could have him saying things that he would regret. So he held his tongue for a moment in an effort to gain control of himself.
That only seemed to encourage Kevin further. “Does he know what you feel for him? I saw the way you walked in together, touching him like you had the right. Does he know what you’re thinking in your fucking head? What those touches would mean to you? Brian is a religious man! Why would you push yourself on him when you know that nothing is going to come from it? Why put yourself in that kind of position?”
To keep from screaming and throwing things, AJ focused on the easiest of the questions. “It doesn’t matter if he never returns what I feel for him, Kevin. Just being in his company is enough for me. Being friends is better than not having him in my life at all. I’d take the pain of being around him and never having him every moment of the day over not having him in my life at all. If it hurts me, it’s my own problem, not yours.” Unable to resist, he glared at his friend. “I didn’t touch him any differently than I ever have any of you, Kev. I had my hand on his back. I’ve done that to you guys a million and one times. It doesn’t mean I want to jump your bones.”
Kevin shuddered again, as if the very thought disgusted him. “We’re way off point here.” He said in an effort to bring the topic back under control. “You’re jealous over someone who is just a friend, AJ. I won’t have you acting like you have the right to be jealous and possessive of Brian. You don’t. If you can’t be civil to Stephen, stay the fuck out of my room. Are we clear on this?”
“Crystal. Trust me, until he’s gone, I won’t be in here unless I have to.”
Vibrating with fury, AJ moved over to the wall and leaned against it, taking hold of the brim of his hat and pulling it low over his face. He crossed his feet at his ankles and his arms over his chest. He was going to stay right here until Brian got back and then he was going to get out of here. Away from Kevin and his bullshit.
“What’re you doing?” Kevin demanded coldly. He was furious with the way that AJ had acted before and was acting now. All he wanted was for him to go back to his room.
“Waiting for Brian.”
“He’s a big boy. He can get back down the hall to his room just fine when he’s done visiting. He doesn’t need you to escort him, AJ.”
“Nonetheless, I’ll wait.”
“Look, I’ve had about enough of this…”
To the surprise of everyone it was Nick who darted forward in enough time to put a hand against AJ’s chest, keeping him in place against the wall when he would have finally given up and launched himself forward to yell and rant and scream. “Back off, Kev!” Nick snapped. He kept himself between the two, glaring at the oldest member of their group.
Nick defending AJ was enough of a surprise that it took Kevin back a step. “Excuse me?” he demanded when he regained his composure. “This is my room!”
“I don’t care.” Nick’s face was alight with anger. “You have no idea what’s going on, and until you do just back the fuck off of AJ, all right? There’s way more going on that you know.”
Reaching a hand up, AJ put it over top of Nick’s. He was touched to hear his young friend come to his defense, but the touch was a warning to Nick not to say too much. The look Nick gave him said a silent thank you for that reminder. He took a deep breath and turned back to Kevin. “Look, Kev, if I know Bri he probably asked AJ to wait for him, ok? You know AJ. You should know that he isn’t going to be the type to push himself on someone who doesn’t want him there. The only thing that would be keeping him here with you treating him like shit is if Brian asked him to wait. So just leave him alone and let him do what he said he would, ok?”
With a glare and a huff, Kevin stormed over to the bedroom part of the suite, slamming the door behind him. AJ looked at Nick, the anger that he had been feeling for days starting to slide away. “Thank you.” He whispered. The smile Nick gave him was a mile wide. “I owe you a lot, J. It was the least I could do.” The two smiled, an easy truce building between them. They would still have to talk about things eventually, but their friendship was building its way back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stephen pulled his hands in, tucking them under his armpits for warmth. “Carrie and I aren’t together anymore.” He said softly. There was anguish in his eyes that almost seemed sincere. It touched a place deep inside of Brian that left him speechless as Stephen continued. “Brian, I know I did some stupid things, and I said things that are horrible. You’d have every right in the world if you stayed mad at me. But I hope you won’t. I want the chance to make it up to you. I only said those things, did those things, because I was scared of what I felt for you. What I feel. I can’t deny it anymore.”
The words were all right, but something about them was all wrong. They were everything that Brian had ever hoped to hear from him. Late at night when he lay in his bed, wishing for sleep to come, he imagined Stephen saying those exact words. Now, faced with the reality of them, he realized how hollow they were.
“You hurt me.” He said softly.
“I know I did. I regret that more than anything, baby. I hurt you out of my own fear, and I know that no apology is good enough. But I want to try. Please, let me try.”
“I don’t know that I can.” The words were tore from deep inside of Brian, but they carried the ring of truth. “You hurt me more than anyone has in my entire life. You shattered me, and left me lying there. You think an apology covers it all?”
“Please, Bri, baby, I know I was stupid…”
Anger gripped Brian suddenly. He pushed away from the wall to glare at Stephen. “Stupid? You used me! I trusted you! I loved you! An you took everything I gave you and threw it away! You insulted me, and degraded me, and treated me like I was a game. I was ready to tell my family for you! But you were just using me!”
“Brian-”
“I had to find out about your fucking wife from my mom! Can you imagine how devastating that was for me? To have her stand there and tell me when I came home to visit that you’d gotten married? You didn’t even have the guts to tell me yourself!”
All the anger, all the pain, everything that Brian had been feeling was boiling up inside of him. He couldn’t stop it from pouring out his lips, and he didn’t want to. They were words that he had been aching to say for months now.
“Did you really think that you’d be able to walk in here, say sorry, and I’d come running back to you? I’m not a fucking puppy you can keep kicking and keep kicking and have me just keep coming back. You called me the nastiest, most vile names. Did you think I’d forget that! How dare you? You were supposed to love me!”
“I told you, I was scared!” Stephen insisted.
“So that’s your excuse? You told me I was a diversion to occupy you until something better came along!” Brian hissed, his voice breaking on the words. “You said I was a good looking fuck, but nothing more than that! You’re trying to tell me you said that because you were scared? You never loved me! You loved the money I made!”
“That’s not true!”
“Bullshit!” Brian had to force himself not to scream the word. Every inch of his body seemed to vibrate with tension. “I fucking paid for that stupid antique shop of yours! I paid for all the things you put in there to start it up! I paid for every fucking dime that went into it, and did I ask for anything in return? Did I even as for a part of the profits? No! Because I loved you, and I wanted to help you! But you…you just wanted what my money brought you. Sex and money, that’s it! Why’re you back now, Steph? Looking for another chunk of change? Think you’d find me the same fucking fool I was before?”
The truth of it flashed in Stephen’s eyes before he could mask it. Holy shit. He had really come back to ask for money! Rage drained away from Brian, leaving behind only pain. He felt so tired all of a sudden. “You won’t get another cent from me, Steph. What we had is gone, you saw to that. Go home. Go home to your wife. I won’t fall for your lies again.”
“Listen, Brian. Ok, so yeah, I’m a little short on cash right now, but that’s not what I’m here for. I told you, Carrie and I aren’t together anymore. I realized what I want in life. I want you. I lo-”
Brian held a hand up in the air, stopping him. “Don’t. Just don’t say it. Just stop the games, Steph. You an I both know the truth. Don’t try and play me for a fool. Once burned, twice shy. I won’t fall for the same shit twice. Don’t insult my intelligence by trying to tell me you love me. You have no idea what love is.”
“Oh, you think you do?” Suddenly Stephen’s voice had turned hard and nasty. It reminded Brian of that fateful night when his world had ended. “What, you think you’ve found love with that little tattooed freak in there? Your precious Alex?”
“Leave him out of this, Steph. Just leave him the hell alone.” A small amount of temper snapped back into Brian’s voice. He wouldn’t let this man stand here and shit talk AJ.
“Have you fucked him yet? I bet you haven’t. If you had, he wouldn’t still be around. You never were good in the sack. Too fucking cold for my taste. Like a fucking cold fish under me. It was like fucking a God damn iceberg.”
Brian closed his eyes against the pain of those words. He refused to let his tears fall, though. “Just go, Steph. Get out.”
“Not until I get what I came for. You owe me, Brian. I put years into you. The least you could do is help an old friend out. You fucking owe me.”
Looking at Stephen’s face, Brian wondered what it had been that had attracted him to begin with. Where had his friend gone? Somewhere along the way Stephen had changed from the kid he had been, kind and loving and full of laughter, to this person he was now. Angry, resentful, and slightly dangerous. “I told you Steph, no more. I won’t do it anymore. Just leave.”
Moving with a speed that left Brian speechless, Stephen darted forward and grabbed the front of Brian’s shirt in both fists. He lifted him and banged him against the wall, holding him up off the ground. “Listen here, you little shit. I want the fucking money I came for, or I swear to God within twenty four hours every press in the city is going to know about you and your little lover boy. Are we clear on this?”
Brian gaped at him, unable to speak around the knot in his throat. He gasped when Stephen pulled him forward and slammed him back again. “Answer me!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Howie had long since gone to his room, as had Nick. They’d both offered to stay with AJ and wait, which was a subtle offer to stay and run interference with Kevin if he came back out, but AJ told them both to go ahead to their rooms. He didn’t mine waiting. His concern was for Brian and what might be happening out there.
The sound of a thump drew AJ from his thoughts. He looked around the room, wondering where it had come from, when he heard it a second time. This time it registered in his head where it was coming from. He was off the wall and racing toward the patio before the thought even completed.
When he burst onto the patio it took a second for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, and then to believe what it was he was seeing.
“Answer me!” Stephen shouted. His fists were clenched in Brian’s shirt as he held him against the wall and inches off the ground. There was fear on Brian’s face. That did it for AJ.
“Let him the fuck go, and now.”
AJ’s voice, as cold as ice, had Stephen turning to look. A sneer curled his lip. “Look here, if it isn’t the little boyfriend. Come to save your lover from his big bad ex, huh?”
“Put him down now, Stephen, and I might not throw you off the fucking balcony.”
That had the desired effect. AJ watched as Stephen let go of Brian’s shirt, letting him drop to the ground. He turned to face AJ with hatred on his face. “You think you could take me, you little shit? I’d mop the fucking floor with you! Now why don’t you run back in the room and let the adults talk out here.”
It was taking everything AJ had to control himself. He wanted to leap at the fucker and beat him until he was black and blue. He wanted to grab him by his neck and chuck him off the edge of the balcony. But he could see Brian standing back up, see the heartache on his face, and it gave him the strength to control himself. Instead of killing Stephen, he held his hand out to Brian. “Come here, sugar.”
Just as Brian started to move, Stephen slapped a hand against the wall, effectively stopping him in his tracks. “We aren’t done talking yet.”
To Stephen’s surprise, Brian ducked underneath his arm and shot forward. He stopped by AJ’s side, not touching him but relishing in simply being beside him. “We are, Steph. I told you, the answers no. Go home. Go back to Carrie and move on with your life. I’m done.”
Rage glittered in Stephen’s eyes. “You will regret this.” He hissed.
Brian paid no attention to him. He opened the patio door and took AJ’s arm, stepping backwards through it. Neither of them felt comfortable turning their back on Stephen. With a last, heartbreaking look at a man he had once loved, Brian slid the door shut before turning with AJ and hurrying from the room.
Out in the hallway he looked around nervously. AJ noticed it but chose to say nothing. He simply waited for what Brian would say.
“Can we go to your room? I don’t…I don’t want to be in mine right now.” Brian whispered.
Instead of speaking, AJ simply turned them and led them to his room. He unlocked the door, gesturing Brian in first before following behind him. The door clicked shut behind him and AJ moved to find the light switch. It had grown dark outside, and the room was only lit by the moonlight.
Before he had gone three steps he suddenly found his arms full. Brian had stepped up to him and wrapped his arms around AJ’s waist. Instinctively AJ brought his own arms up to hold Brian close. With one hand he reached up and took Brian’s hat, tossing it to the floor, while Brian buried his face in AJ’s neck. Warm tears hit AJ’s skin as he felt Brian’s frame start to tremble.
“Hold me for a little while, please?” Brian asked him in a voice gone shaky with tears. “I need…I just hurt, so much, Alex. God, it hurts. Please hold me?”
“I’ve got you, Bri. I’m right here, and I’ve got you. Just let it go.” AJ started to stroke Brian’s shaking back. He made soothing noises as he heard Brian finally let go of the tears and start to sob against him. His own eyes filled with tears. “That’s it. I’ve got you, sugar. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”