Pain ran through Brian like little razors. He felt as if he should be a pile on the floor, twitching and bleeding. He felt as if he should be screaming with the sensations of it. But underneath all of that was one simple question. One that he voiced before he could stop to think about it. “What’re you doing here?” he asked, his voice coming out like a croak.
Stephen’s green eyes sparkled for just a second before the mask slipped over them. How had he never noticed that mask before? Only that quick peek at the truth inside, and now Stephen looked as kind as he once had, with that familiar caring in his gaze, and almost that hint of love that Brian had used to see. “I came out to visit. Your mom told me where you guys were at, and I was travelling here for business so I thought I’d pop in to surprise you two.” The way he phrased it conveyed a tone that told Brian he was coming to see him, not Kevin.
A part of him yearned to cross the distance of the room and step into Stephen’s arms as he had once done. To hold and be held in that familiar embrace, and forget the pain of the past few months. To let it all go and lose himself in the love they had once shared. But there had been too much pain to do that. He knew the truth now and there was no going back from it.
“What do you do?” Howie asked politely. He didn’t seem to sense the undercurrents between the two of them. Neither did Kevin.
A smile curved Stephen’s lips as he looked at Howie. “I own an antique store back in Lexington. I occasionally travel around to acquire new items that I hear about from different stores. There’s a French oak Louis XIII armoire that I want at an antique sale here, as well as a few renaissance tapestries. I also heard they have an old Roman scene painting in its original framing. I’d like to take them back to my store.”
Just hearing that sweet voice was agony. At one time that voice had whispered sweet nothings in his ear. Had made promises of a life and a future together. Then he had discovered that all those promises were lies, and meant nothing. That voice had spoken to him, saying the most horrible things; things that he had never thought to hear from the one he loved. Words that had shattered him.
The urge to turn tail and run gripped him. He might have given in to it if it wasn’t for AJ’s hand on his back. That hand helped him center himself enough to keep his calm. To keep from breaking down right then and there and screaming or crying. It kept him from bolting.
AJ, so sweet and supportive. Not saying a word at the moment, most likely because he knew Brian well enough to know that nothing would matter to him right now. Knowing that Brian wouldn’t want interference in this, or pointless words.
He knew him so well. No matter how worried he was, or how much the curiosity must be eating at him, AJ had not once pressured him to speak of what had happened. He hadn’t pushed or questioned him in any way, which Brian was extremely grateful for. He didn’t feel ready to speak of it yet. He sure wasn’t ready to face Stephen yet.
But, it helped, having AJ right there by his side. In so many little ways AJ had wormed into Brian’s heart, despite his defenses. Even though Brian had vowed to never love another person again, not after the kind of pain he had lived through, somehow he had found himself falling for his rebel friend lately, even if he hadn’t wanted to. He hadn’t been lying when he’d told AJ that he could easily come to love him, and that he was afraid he already did. The thought both terrified and thrilled him. A small part of his brain and heart couldn’t help but he afraid that AJ would turn on him too. That he would hurt him the same as Stephen had.
“We’ve known Stephen since we were kids.” Kevin was telling everyone. His voice cut through Brian’s thoughts, bringing with it memories of a different time. “Our parents were friends, and so we became friends with us. He was always the imp, playing joke after joke. I think Brian learned half his jokes from Stephen.”
“Oh, trust me, Brian was good at coming up with a lot of his own. We made a pretty good team.” Stephen said jokingly. Brian was the only one who heard the hidden message in that. Feeling AJ tense, he corrected that thought. He wasn’t the only one who had heard it.
Tipping his head, AJ gave a cool smile. “He's a good jokester, our Brian.” He said lightly. That drew Stephen’s eyes to him, and for a second something hot and angry flashed there as he looked at the way they stood with one another. Brian almost dropped his hand from AJ’s back, but thought better of it. He was grateful that AJ left his hand where it was, continuing to rub his thumb soothingly against Brian’s shirt. It relaxed him.
“I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of meeting you.” Stephen said to AJ, managing to make it sound as if ‘pleasure’ was the last thing in his mind. He held his hand out, waiting for AJ to step forward and take it. It was a calculated move, Brian knew, to get AJ away from him. To everyone’s surprise, AJ looked at Stephen’s outstretched hand for a moment before reaching a hand up to tip his hat. “Can’t say that you have.” He said dryly.
“AJ!” Kevin scolded in his best parenting voice. “Quit being rude. Stephen is a good friend of ours. He’s just being friendly.”
“It’s ok, Kev.” After reassuring his friend, Stephen turned his eyes back to AJ. To anyone else in the room it was obvious that they were appraising one another. Brian saw beyond the obvious. He noticed the way that Stephen looked AJ over from head to toe, measuring his merit and obviously finding him lacking. His lip curled slightly into a sneer that had AJ stiffening again. “AJ, is it? Funny. I don’t remember hearing about you before. The guys have told me so much about the others, but I can’t recall hearing your name.”
A glint entered AJ’s eyes, and his grin was razor sharp. “Really? Isn’t that interesting? Your name’s never come up before either. Must have…slipped his mind.” The way that AJ leaned just slightly toward Brian, cocking one hip his direction and shifting his weight, put them closer together, and was an obvious statement to Stephen.
Fury brightened the color of Stephen’s eyes for a moment before he managed to soothe it back down. Recognizing the look, Brian instinctively sought to pull it off of AJ. He didn’t question that part of him that suddenly flared up, urging him to protect AJ from Stephen’s wrath. “I’ve told you about Alex before.” He said, drawing eyes to him.
Recognition and rage both danced in Stephen’s eyes at Brian’s statement. “So this is Alex? I hadn’t made that connection. Funny. You don’t fit with the image I have of you, Alex.”
“It’s AJ. Only certain people get permission to call me Alex.”
“Enough.” Kevin said boldly, stepping between the two of them. “I don’t know what your problem is, AJ, but knock it off. I won’t have you disrespecting my guest in my room. Either keep a civil tongue in your head or get out of here.”
Sardonically, AJ tipped his hat again, effectively pulling the brim down just enough to allow him to hide in the shadows. He hooked his free hand in his pocket and quietly stood there. To everyone else he looked relaxed. To Brian it was obvious that AJ was tensed with both anger and hurt. It was the hurt that gave Brian courage he hadn’t known he had. “If you’re going to demand respect out of Alex, it’s only courteous that Stephen do the same.”
“What?” Kevin asked in surprise.
From the cover of his hat AJ whispered “Let it go, Bri. It’s ok, I promise.”
“No, it’s not.” Brian answered him. He took a deep breath and shoved all his pain down as far as it could go so that none of it leaked into his eyes or his voice. “I’ve had a long day, and I’m tired. If there’s nothing else you guys need…?”
Stephen took a step forward, his eyes locking on to Brian’s. “Before you go to bed, can I talk to you for a minute? Away from everyone else.” He asked him quietly. The way his eyes flicked to AJ made it obvious who ‘everyone else’ was.
Did he feel strong enough to do it? Was he ready to speak to him? He wasn’t sure. But saying no would be admitting cowardice. The feel of AJ’s warmth next to him, and the love that he seemed to flow from AJ’s eyes as he watched him, gave Brian the courage to nod. “Yeah. We’ll use the balcony. You mind, Kev?”
“Not at all.” Kevin immediately replied.
Before he stepped away, Brian turned his eyes to AJ’s, seeking them out. The words he wanted to say he couldn’t in front of the others, who had no idea what was between them. But he put everything he felt into his gaze, hoping that AJ would understand. The smile AJ gave him in response said that he did. “Go on, sugar.” He whispered, his voice pitched so low that no one else could understand the quiet murmur. “I’ll wait for you if you want me to, or I’ll head to bed.”
“Wait for me. Please?”
“Of course.”
Taking another deep breath, Brian forced himself to let go of AJ, and to step away from the comfort of his hand. His eyes happened to pass by Nick, and in that brief look that even if Nick didn’t know the whole story, even if he didn’t even know as much as AJ, he still understood more of what was going on than Kevin or Howie did. Love, brotherly love, was in his eyes, as well as an offer of support. Though things had been tense between them, Brian felt a small knot in his chest ease at that look. No matter what had happened, his best friend was on his side. It was reassuring to see that.
Feeling a little better he led Stephen to the patio. Deliberately he left the curtains closed, only holding them aside so that Stephen could step through the open door. After following, Brian let the curtain drop and slid the door shut. They stood in the night air, staring at one another, with as much privacy as if they were alone in Brian’s room.
The instant the door shut, Stephen stepped toward him, hands outstretched. Before Brian could react he’d grabbed both of Brian’s hand and was holding them tightly. “God, Bri, it’s so good to see you. I’ve missed you.”
It took strength that Brian didn’t know he had to pull backwards and out of his grip. He stepped back so that his back was against the doorframe. If he wasn’t so terrified of heights he would have walked further out to keep the distance between them. As it was this was far enough. “What’re you really doing here, Steph?”
Hurt filled Stephen’s eyes. “I came to see you, to talk to you.” He said, taking a step toward Brian. “I missed you. Bri, baby, I want to work things out with you. I want us to be together again.”
Shock numbed Brian for a moment. Was he serious? After everything he had said, everything he had done, he was trying to fix it now? Part of Brian wanted to leap into his arms and cry all the tears that he’d been holding inside for so long. The other part of him pulled back. A cynical side that he hadn’t had until months ago was rearing its head now.
All the hurt, all the pain, came roaring to the surface, tinting his eyes and tingeing his tone. His words dripped acid when he asked “What about your wife, Stephen? What does she have to say about that?”