If things didn’t start to change, and soon, AJ was going to go clinically insane. Like, off the deep end, out of his mind. Bonkers. Bananas. Full on crazy. If it wasn’t for his nights with Brian, and his music during the day, he already would be. Well, to give fair credit, Howie and Nick were helping too. At least, as much as he was allowing them. No one really knew what his problem was. That would require telling them, and that wasn’t something AJ was willing to do.
Usually he would’ve talked to Brian if something bugged him this much. But, seeing as how it involved Howard, AJ didn’t really think that Brian was the person to go to. Plus, the last thing he wanted to do was ruin the fragile relationship that was being rebuilt between them. It was important that Brian have his father in his life.
So, his next outlet of choice would have been Howie. But AJ couldn’t help feeling a little betrayed by Howie. The last time he’d told him something important, Howie hadn’t only told everyone, but he’d sent the picture along as well. As much as it hurt to think it, AJ wasn’t sure how much he could trust his best friend to keep this quiet.
That meant that AJ was alone in this. Alone with his anger, and the small amount of hurt that he wasn’t willing to admit even to himself.
Oh, things had started out peaceful enough. After that day at their house when Harold had told Brian all about his change of heart it had seemed like everything was going to be ok. That they were starting to go in the right direction. Brian had been thrilled by it. Happier than AJ had seen him since the whole thing started.
From then on it was common to see Harold and Jackie pull up in the morning to help them work on the house. For the next week they were there every single day to do anything that they could. Arrange things, or paint, or help fix up the back porch when it wasn’t raining. It was wonderful to have Jackie’s input on some things that the boys had been a little back and forth over.
But that was when all of AJ’s trouble began. Not that first initial day, when the apology had happened. No, things had been good for the rest of that day. It had lulled AJ into believing that things would be great.
The next day proved he was an idiot.
Not that there was anything that he could really point out and say ‘Look at this!’ as proof, but still, it was there.
Maybe he was being nitpicky. At first he’d brushed off Harold’s comments as just being jokes. When AJ had made a small mess while cooking Harold had joked that he wasn’t very domestic. They had all laughed, including AJ, and moved on. But that had just been the beginning. Through that whole day there had been little hints and innuendos that hinted, without ever really saying it, what kind of person Harold thought AJ really was.
Stories about how Jackie was as a wife; all the things she did for her husband that made him feel special. Now, on their own, those were wonderful stories. But the way he would shoot AJ a look when he’d tell them, or the times that he chose to say them, left AJ with the feeling that Harold was trying to point out all the things he didn’t do for Brian that a woman would.
Then there were all the remarks about what kind of kids Brian and Harold Jr. had been, how children were such a joy in a person’s life, how they made your whole life seem worthwhile. It reminded AJ of when Harold had told him that he wouldn’t be able to give Brian kids.
Yet, if it had just been those snide little comments, AJ would have been able to control himself. Sure it was a herculean effort to bite his tongue sometimes, and he was surprised he hadn’t bit it off with as many times as he’d had to hold back what he wanted to say, but it was possible for him to keep quiet. Out of love for Brian, he would have made it. No, it was the snubs that got to him. The subtle ways that Harold had of excluding AJ.
What was worse, no one else seemed to see it. Maybe they didn’t think it was a big deal. Like when he’d come home from the store and found Harold and Brian ordering some pictures for the walls. No big deal, right? But it had bothered AJ a little. So far they’d picked out everything for the house together. He told himself he was being too sensitive about it and had moved on.
Then there were the discussions about landscaping in the backyard. Originally, AJ and Brian had decided that they wanted to leave the backyard the way it was, except for maybe adding in some bushes up close to the porch. But Harold was suggesting things to Brian, getting him walking and talking under their umbrellas, and Brian was considering the things his dad said. He was so thrilled to just be talking peacefully with his dad that when he came to AJ at night and told him the things Harold suggested, well, how could he shoot them down? Not when it would make his baby unhappy. It would sound selfish to say he didn’t want to do Harold’s ideas. But, he couldn’t help feeling that Harold was slowly pushing him out of things. It wasn’t AJ and Brian’s renovations anymore. It was Harold and Brian’s.
Now there was today. AJ was driving back from the local hardware store, having been sent to pick up some wood that Harold had ordered, in the new truck that AJ had broken down and bought, to build them a table for their formal dining room. That had AJ’s teeth on edge. He and Brian had already been looking through stores and online, and they’d narrowed their choices down to two tables that they had loved. Chairs, too. Now they were suddenly getting a homemade table from Harold. One that AJ hadn’t even known about until he’d been asked to go pick up the wood.
He wasn’t mad at Brian for any of this. There was no way he could be mad at Brian right now. He was so caught up in having his Dad happy with him that he was practically floating. Still, he wished his lover would stop and see some of these things. He wished he could tell him without hurting him.
AJ made the turn into their driveway with a soft sigh. There wasn’t anything he could do about any of this but suck it up. They’d be going home sometime. Maybe right after the holiday. It wasn’t like they were going to be there forever. They had a life back in Kentucky. All he had to do was survive until they went home. He could do that. Out of love for Brian, he would do it.
That resolve held all the way until AJ opened the front door. He stood there in the doorway, the rain pounding down behind him, and stared at the entry way. Shock rooted him in place. There was Harold, on his hands and knees, laying the last piece of tile on the new entry way floor. The old tile had been ripped up that morning before AJ left.
“What’re you doing?” He found himself asking in a hoarse voice. He couldn’t take his eyes off the tiles. Tiles that he and Brian had searched all over to find. Tiles that they’d finally bought and brought home, checking them over lovingly, excited about their purchase. Tiles that they had taken a quick class at the Home Depot on, just to be able to install together. Yet here was Harold, putting the last one in. It cut AJ to the quick.
Harold turned his head and looked over his shoulder, the anger in his gaze that was always there when no one else was around to see. “Putting in tile. You’re letting the cold and wet in, kid.” The ‘kid’ was thrown in to nettle AJ. Since that day, Harold had found a million ways to avoid saying AJ’s name. But right now it was like water rolling off AJ’s back. He couldn’t stop staring at the new entry floor. “Does Brian know you’re doing this?” he asked.
“He told me I could work in here.” Harold snapped. He climbed to his feet and dusted his hands, looking at the last piece he’d just put in. The whole floor looked wonderful. It looked just like they had thought it would. That made the ache in AJ’s heart throb a little harder. This was supposed to have been their personal project.
“He wouldn’t have meant for you to do this.”
“I think I know how to talk to my own son, you know. He told me it was fine for me to work in here, so I worked.” But there was a light in Harold’s eyes that was pleased. Pleased to have caused hurt.
“This wasn’t your job to do.” AJ said. He finally managed to look up at Harold’s face. “Brian and I have been talking for days about doing this together. You had to have heard us. We were going to do this together.” Why it hurt so much, he didn’t know. But all he could think was that this had been theirs to do together. This had been their special job, and Harold had done it. He’d taken over and done it, knowing how they felt.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, boy. I had no idea you two wanted to do this together. Bri said I could work in here, so I did what needed doing, that’s all.”
“Bullshit.”
The word was flung out like a whip, louder than AJ had intended it to be, and full of the anger and hurt that he felt. Those feelings grew stronger when he saw the smug satisfaction flash in Harold’s eyes. AJ had to clench his fists at his sides to keep his anger under control as he slowly said “You knew, and you had no right to do it.”
“What’s going on here?” Brian’s voice rang down the staircase. He stood at the top, slowly heading down the stairs, his eyes going from Harold to AJ. “Is everything ok?”
Wordlessly AJ pointed at the floor. He watched Brian’s face as he looked down at the tile. He could feel his temper quivering through him. “Your dad.” He spat out. Hearing the anger in those words, AJ took a deep breath and started again, calmer this time. “Your dad did our floors for us, with your permission he says.”
At the bottom of the stairs Brian stopped, looking up at AJ in surprise. “I didn’t tell him to do this.” He turned his sharp blue eyes to his dad. “I didn’t say to do our tiling. That was what AJ and I were gonna do.”
“I thought you knew when I said I was going to work in here, son.” Harold’s tone was apologetic, matching the look on his face. The fakeness of it had AJ seething. “Brian, son, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that you two wanted to do this together or I wouldn’t have done it. I was just trying to help.”
Brian brought a hand up to wipe across his face. He looked from his dad to AJ before sighing. “It’s ok, Dad. You were only trying to help.” He said gently.
Holy shit. Was he serious? AJ couldn’t believe it. “Are you kidding me?” he blurted out before he could control himself. Brian’s bewildered look just broke the last of his control. “Your dad did this intentionally! He knew we wanted to do this together, but he did it anyways!”
“What’re you talking about?” Brian asked him at the same time that Harold exclaimed “I would never do something like that on purpose!”
“I’m talking about him and his bullshit!” AJ snapped out. He gestured angrily with one hand toward Harold. “He’s doing this shit on purpose.”
“Why would he do it on purpose, AJ?”
“I don’t know! To piss me off, maybe. To keep us away from one another.”
Harold took a step forward, laying one hand on Brian’s arm and looking as gentle as a lamb. AJ didn’t believe it for a minute. “Son, I don’t know what he’s talking about, but I didn’t realize how much this would upset him. I am sorry I stepped on your guys’ toes here.”
Almost absently Brian patted his dad’s hand. “It’s ok, dad.” He mumbled. Then his eyes locked on AJ again. “You’re being weird, AJ. It was an accident, he said so. We’ll find something else to do together, I promise.”
“I don’t want something else!” AJ yelled. He knew he sounded like a child but he couldn’t stop himself. Couldn’t Brian see what Harold was doing here? “This was our thing, and he took that, just to cause trouble.”
“Enough, AJ.” Brian’s voice was suddenly stern. “You’re overreacting to this. Dad apologized, now leave it alone. It’s just tile.”
“Overreacting? Are you kidding me? How can you be so blind, Brian? He does this shit on purpose!” Everything that AJ had been feeling over the past week was now bubbling up in him, threatening to blow. “He’s been doing it all week, but you’re too blind to see it!”
“I said that’s enough.” Brian said. If he’d been stern before he was steel now. “Dad’s been nothing but kind and helpful all week, and you’re slamming him with shit here because he made a mistake. You’re being stupid about this.”
Hurt flashed bright and hot through AJ. As always, hurt morphed into anger. “Stupid, huh? Better stupid about a floor than too stupid to see what’s right in front of my own fucking face. Maybe if you paid more attention you’d see how he’s been getting his little digs in all week. Changing shit without asking me, without seeing what I want. Doing it all his way!”
“I will not let you stand here and insult him! I’ve been here all week, and all I’ve seen his Dad going out of his way to try to accept things, and to be accommodating. You’ve been the one with a bad attitude. Sulking all week long over God knows what. Get over it, AJ, and stop being such an ass! It’s my damn house, and I’ll do what I want with it! I happen to like Dad’s ideas!”
By now they’d drawn a crowd. Jackie, Nick and Howie all stood at the landing at the top of the stairs, staring down at them.
As for AJ, he felt a cold settle over him. “You’re house, huh?” he said slowly. Anger had hardened his voice. Not even Brian’s stunned look penetrated the anger he had around him. With slow, deliberate movements, AJ reached into his pocket and drew out his key ring which held his car and his house keys. He tossed them forward where they landed on the ground at Brian’s feet. “Keep your shit, then. I don’t have to stay and put up with this. Enjoy your house, Brian. I’m done.”
Before anyone could say a word, AJ turned and walked out the still open front door, pulling it shut behind him with a final sounding click.