By the time that AJ and Brian joined the others in the living room, the movie was already going, and a whole pizza had disappeared. AJ grabbed a slice of the supreme and threw himself on the empty space on the couch. With a shake of his head, Brian handed him a paper towel before turning with his own to grab a piece for him. AJ grinned and stuck his tongue out at the back of Brian’s head as Brian sat on the floor in front of him. The others were sprawled around the room in their usual spots. Nick had the whole love seat, his body stretched across it. Kevin took one recliner, and was lying on the floor on his stomach.
“Hey guys.” Howie said suddenly, looking away from the TV. “Guess what I saw when I went to get Brian’s moolah.”
Brian’s eyes went wide, and he froze with his pizza piece halfway to his mouth. Behind him AJ kept chewing and shook his head. He had known, the instant Howie had walked in on them, what his friend would do. Same thing he would have done if the rolls had been reversed.
“I saw two friends lip locked, and one of them up on the kitchen counter.”
At Howie’s words, both Kevin and Nick swiveled their heads towards them. Brian ducked his head down and blushed. AJ just grinned.
“You’re shitting me!” Nick exclaimed, looking from one to the other. “No fucking way.”
“What can I say?” AJ said around a mouthful of pizza. “Can’t resist that blushing face. It’s more edible than my pizza.” He reached a hand out, ruffling Brian’s hair. Brian reached up and slapped AJ’s hand away. This was not how he had wanted this to come out. It irritated him that Howie had blurted that out like it wasn’t anything, like it wasn’t their choice to tell the others how they felt. Brian had yet to be able to bring himself to look at Kevin.
AJ looked down at the top of Brian’s head curiously. Then, as realization kicked in, he snuck a glance at Kevin. The oldest member of their group was staring at the movie again, but there was a hard set to his shoulders. Ah, shit.
“Well congrats, you two!” Nick said. He was, as usual, oblivious to any tension. His smile was a mile wide as he looked at Brian. “I’m happy for the both of you.”
Howie was watching Kevin, as if just realizing the impact his words had had. The look he gave Brian and AJ was apologetic. Catching Brian’s eye, Howie darted his eyes to Kevin and back, mouthing ‘Sorry.’
Like normal, Brian found himself unable to stay mad at a friend. He took a deep breath and brought a smile up, shrugging at Howie as if to say ‘oh well.’
Suddenly Kevin got to his feet. “Anyone thirsty?” he asked. Everyone put up requests for the cola they knew Brian kept stocked for them, and Kevin nodded then left the room. On a sigh, Brian climbed to his feet. Halfway up, AJ grabbed his hand. They locked eyes, and the concern in AJ’s was heartwarming. “Do you want me to come with?” he whispered.
There was only sweetness and concern in AJ’s voice. Brian couldn’t help but smile. He leaned in and kissed the tip of his nose. “I got it.” He whispered back. AJ nodded and let go of him, watching as he left the room and wondering to himself how that conversation was going to go. Grabbing the empty pizza box, AJ chucked it at the back of Howie’s head. “Thanks, D.” he said, settling back into the couch.
…..
Brian had to take a deep breath as he stepped into the kitchen. He wasn’t looking forward to this. The one look he’d got of Kevin’s face hadn’t been very reassuring. Now, his cousin was bent over, rummaging through the bottom shelf of the fridge where Brian kept the sodas. The sound of the door shutting had Kevin poking his head out. He saw Brian, and his face turned hard. He turned back to the fridge, grabbing the last soda he needed.
When he stood up and shut the door, Brian realized that his cousin intended on ignoring him. It would be up to him, then. “Can you stop a minute an talk to me?” he asked politely.
“Movie’s playing.” Kevin said, his voice flat. Hearing it, Brian winced. So, this wasn’t going to be easy.
“Look, Kev, talk to me. You’re my family; I don’t want you to be pissed with me because of my being with AJ.”
“What you do with your life is your choice.”
Jesus, sometimes Kevin’s calm attitude could drive a person up the wall! Even when the man was pissed, he was the image of calm. That had always annoyed Brian as a kid. The only time Kevin ever shouted was when he got extremely pissed off. “I just want to make sure that things are ok between us.”
For a second it looked as if Kevin would continue to ignore him. Then he turned and slammed the sodas on the counter. “Ok? Where the hell did this come from, Bri? That’s what I want to know. Since when have you had feelings for AJ.”
Kevin’s furious voice never grew loud, never broke into a shout, but Brian still felt as if he had. There was such anger in them that it stunned him.
“For a while now, Kev. I just didn’t think I stood a chance in hell in being with him.” Frustrated, Brian ran a hand through his hair. “It wasn’t like it was some choice I made. I didn’t wake up one day and decide that I was going to fall in love with AJ. It was a gradual thing that crept up on me little by little.”
“You never even hinted to me that you were gay, or bisexual, or whatever. I’ve seen you with women, for pete’s sake!”
“Do you think it was easy for me, Kev?” Brian felt his annoyance grown, pushing away the understanding. It always irked him when Kevin sounded so damn sanctimonious. “Can you even imagine everything I wrestled with to get to the point where I’m comfortable with my own self. I went through the doubt, the self-hatred, at being gay. I had to work through the personal aspect of it, and the religious one. I questioned my faith for quite a while.”
“Faith has nothing to do with how you feel in your heart, Brian. You’re an idiot if you didn’t see that.”
That stunned Brian. He cocked his head, giving his cousin a curious look. “Isn’t that your problem, here? Our religion and its views on gays?”
Now it was Kevin’s turn to look stunned. Shame flashed quickly across his face. “Is that what you think? Brian, I’m not mad that you found someone to love. Be it man or woman, how can I be anything but happy that you found the other half of your heart.”
“Then what is it?” Brian asked, confused. “Do you have something against AJ? Is he not good enough for me, or me for him?”
“What? No! Dammit.” Kevin ran a hand through his hair in much the same gesture as Brian always did. “I’m mad that you kept this from me, like it was a dirty secret. I’m pissed that Howie had to be the one to tell us. I’m pissed you hid it behind our backs. Most of all, I’m hurt that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me. I’m even more hurt now that you thought I was that shallow that you had to be afraid of telling me!”
This was not what Brian had expected. He felt his mouth drop open. That was what was bugging Kevin? Jesus! “Kev, it wasn’t like that.” he said softly. God, how to say this right? “I wrestled with being gay by myself because I didn’t know how to say anything to anyone when I didn’t even understand myself yet. Then, when I finally came to terms with it, with who I loved, I didn’t see a need to tell anyone because there was nothing I could do about it anyways. I never imagined that AJ would feel the same way. I mean, Nick found out, but he caught me one night when I was upset. I didn’t want to tell him, but at the time it just kind of poured out of me.”
Slowly but surely the anger was leaving Kevin’s face. “I can see that. But once you two got together, why not then? Why hide it? Why hide in the kitchen just to kiss?”
Now Brian smiled. His body relaxed, and he felt his heart lighten. The worst part of the fight was over. He knew that he and Kevin would be ok now. In his cousins eyes he saw understanding, and love. “He didn’t admit his feelings about me until in treatment. We’d told either how we felt in letters, but we didn’t know what we were going to do about it, or how it would be when he got home. In all technicality, we’re not really a couple yet. Hell, we just had our first kiss this morning.”
A smile curved Kevin’s lips, and the tense set to his shoulders relaxed. In his usual straightforward way, Kevin stepped over to him and wrapped him in a hug. “For what it’s worth, I think you two will be wonderful together.” He whispered in Brian’s ear.
“Thank you. I think so too.” He said softly.
From the doorway, a familiar voice startled them both. “Everybody cool now?”
They separated and turned to find AJ leaning against the door jamb. He was wearing that cocky grin that he was famous for. “Guys were getting thirsty, and I was voted by Nick to come see what the hell was taking so long.”
Kevin reached over and pulled AJ into a headlock, mussing up his hair. “We’re fine, scrap.”
With a pretend glare, AJ yanked back and smoothed his hair out. “You ever gonna let me grow out of that nickname?” he asked, just as he always did. Kevin gave his usual smile in return, and the same response as always. “Nope. Always gonna be a scrap to me, kid.”
AJ gave another mock glare and scooped up some of the sodas. “Now that you two are all hunky dory, can we get back to the movie?”
The three of them left the kitchen together, each of them smiling.