By the time everyone left that evening, Brian was sore from laughing so hard. It had been a long time since they’d had a real quality get together like that. Back before AJ had started drinking, in fact. To be able to have that kind of bonding time together had been good for them all. Most especially on AJ’s first night home.
AJ found Brian busy cleaning up from their party. As usual, he ignored the mess, instead sitting himself on the counter and watching as Brian washed dishes. “You know, you could have help come in and do that.” He said as he clicked his heels together.
“It helps me unwind.” Brian said simply. He put a dish in the strainer, then moved to the next one. “It’s a soothing process. I do all my own domestic things.”
For a moment AJ just stared at him. Then, with a gusty sigh, he hopped down and stepped up to the other side of the sink. Without commenting on it, it took the dish Brian had just washed and he rinsed it before putting it in the strainer. Together they fell into an easy rhythm.
“It was pretty nice to chill with the guys again.” AJ said, putting away another cup. He marveled that they had made so much of a mess. Between the pizza, and later on the ice cream, and drinks and chips and such, it seemed like they had used every dish in the house.
“It was. I’ve missed doing it.” Brian replied.
“Maybe now that things are, you know, better for me, we can start to do shit like that again.”
“Just, not always at my house.” Eyes sparkling, Brian winked at AJ before going back to cleaning his dishes.
Eventually they finished with the dishes, all of them set in the strainers to dry. By then it was completely dark outside. AJ stepped out on the back porch to have his evening cigarette before getting himself ready for bed. Brian came out with him, perching on the edge of the porch and reclining back on his hands to watch the stars.
“I’m glad you decided to come stay with me.” He said quietly. His eyes flashed away from the sky to look at AJ for a moment, then turned back to the stars. “I never thought we’d be here like this.”
“Still amazes me too. I guess some good things came out of me fucking up so bad.”
That comment had Brian turning his head again to stare at AJ. He sat there and stared, his eyes drinking in the sight of the one that he loved. So many things had changed recently that he almost couldn’t keep up with them. What he’d said was true. He never had thought he’d be here, like this, with AJ. Staying together in the same house, not as friends, but as a potential couple. Yet he was still so nervous about it. What were they supposed to do with one another now that night had fallen? Would AJ want or expect to come to bed with him? Or would he be sleeping in his own room? A part of Brian wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in his loves arms, and wake up beside him. The other part wasn’t sure if he was ready for the physical relationship yet. All of this still felt so surreal.
Almost as if he was reading Brian’s thoughts, AJ gave him a gentle smile. “Now that I’m here, it’s so much more real.” AJ said softly. He took another drag, blew the smoke into the air. “All of our letters almost felt like a dream to me. Now I’m here, and I can look at you and see that look in your eyes, and it makes my heart race.”
AJ put his cigarette but into the bottle of water he’d brought out for an ash tray. After closing the lid and setting it on the patio table, he moved over and sat down next to Brian, their shoulders touching. In a move that had Brian’s eyes pricking, AJ laid his head against Brian’s shoulder and snuggled in. Who would have thought that the rebel was such a snuggly person?
“I want to say something, Bri, but I don’t want you to take it the wrong way.” AJ didn’t lift his head, nor move from his snuggled up position. His arm was wrapped around them, overtop of Brian’s stomach. “Ok.” Brian said.
AJ shifted slightly, a sure sign of nerves. It left Brian curious as to what it was he wanted to say. “Well, see, here’s the thing, Bri. So many things lately in my life have just been fucked up. One thing right after another, I would try to do something and somehow always end up doing it wrong. I rushed in to things headfirst, not caring about the consequences waiting on the other side.”
Here he looked up, catching Brian’s eye. There was so much emotion on AJ’s face. “I don’t want that to happen here. Not with us. I want to take things slowly, and do them right. I’m terrified that if I’m not careful, I’m going to rush in to this, and fuck it up like I have with everything else. You’re too important for me to let that happen. Do you get where I’m coming from with this?”
Because it was so important, Brian was very careful on how he worded his response. “I can understand, to an extent, why you feel that way. Even without the history that you have that makes you feel like that, well, I feel the same way about myself. I don’t want to mess this up either, J. I want to do things right with you, because you’re special. You’re not like anyone else I’ve been with. You matter so much more.”
Content now that he knew Brian felt the same way as him, AJ snuggled back down. “I, well, I want to treat this differently than normal. My history isn’t very good. I’m famous for meeting someone, and jumping straight into bed with them, and worrying about everything else later. I think I need to do it the other way this time. I want to do all the good stuff first, the right way, but I don’t want to jump in to bed with you. Even if it goes sound appealing.”
Brian felt his body relax. He sighed and kissed the top of AJ’s head. “I feel the same way, I just wasn’t sure how to say it to you.”
“We’ve got a week here to ourselves.” AJ said, nuzzling his nose against Brian’s collarbone. “I’d like to spend it getting to know you. Not as a friend, but like, the way that couples do. I want to go out to dinner, and walk in the park. Have a picnic with you, or go out to the lake and feed the ducks. All those things that you do with a person when you’re courting them.”
A smile curved Brian’s lips. His gaze traveled back up to the stars. Someone up there had blessed him with this beautiful creature by his side. To have someone not only that he loved, but that he could appreciate and enjoy, and who understood him. Add on to it that their thoughts seemed to run along similar lines. “I’d like that, Alex.”
They sat together quietly for a while, staring at the star strewn sky. It was AJ who finally moved, stretching and yawning. He had been so comfortable that he’d almost fallen asleep on Brian’s shoulder. His face was sleepy when he leaned in and gave the older man a sweet kiss. “Good night, Bri.”
“Night Alex.” Brian echoed. With a smile on his face he watched AJ walk into the house. They had made a good decision, here. This was the right thing to do.