Nothing seemed to make sense. Everything was like a blur around him. AJ couldn’t distinguish the voices that were talking or any of the bodies that were around him. He couldn’t even figure out where he was. The only two things that were constant in his world at the moment was the image of that note stabbed into his door, and Brian’s arms around him. Not once since Brian had first grabbed AJ had he let go. For that AJ was grateful. Brian was like an anchor for him, keeping him somewhat grounded in the swirling chaos.
Oh sweet God. Those words played over and over in AJ’s mind. What was he going to do? What the hell was he going to do? He’d done it now. He’d opened his stupid mouth and told people what had happened, even though they’d warned him not to. He was fucked now. Totally, royally fucked. They were going to come for him, and they were going to kill him. He was going to die. Oh God. Oh God.
Something was touching his face, trying to get his attention. AJ recognized it as Brian’s hand, which was the only thing that kept him from jumping backwards. He tried to focus, to bring his attention under enough control that he’d be able to understand what Brian was saying.
“Baby, I want you to take this for me, ok?” Brian’s voice sounded like a buzz, distant and hard to understand. But that hand was moving towards his mouth. AJ reacted instinctively, opening his mouth to take what Brian was giving him. Then something else was pressed there, a cup he thought. He took a swallow, drinking down whatever it was. Brian’s hand was back and the cup was gone, and he was whispering something. The words weren’t clear, but just the sound of Brian’s voice was enough for him.
He was being moved again. Where, he didn’t care. What did it matter? They were coming for him and they would kill him. What did it matter where he went?
Panic was so strong it threatened to suck him down under the dark cloud of it, and take him away. It was tempting to allow it. To just give himself over to the darkness. How could he keep doing this? He couldn’t handle continuing to live in this kind of fear, this kind of pain.
Something soft was touching AJ’s legs, and he felt himself being pushed down on it. A bed. It must be a bed. Thank God for Brian. What would he do without him? Brian was always so good to him. He took really good care of him. Making sure he ate, or slept. Helping him when the panic was out of control. What would he do without him? That thought was almost as terrifying as the rest.
A part of AJ recognized that his thoughts weren’t making sense anymore, but he couldn’t seem to control them. Whatever Brian had given him was starting to suck him under a little. Those strong arms never left as they lay down together on the bed. Then, Brian’s voice in his ear, clear over the rest of the noise. “Shh, baby. Just go to sleep. I’ll stay with you until you go to sleep, and then I’ll go deal with all the people. You’re safe here. I promise you, no one’s going to get past me to get to you. Just go to sleep.”
That sounded like a good idea. AJ gave up the fight and let the waves of blackness suck him under.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once that Brian was sure AJ was asleep, he disentangled himself from his love and quietly crept from the bedroom. Thank God for Nick, who had promised to keep people out of there while he got AJ settled. If there had been others in there, no telling how long it would have taken for AJ to go to sleep. Very quietly he shut the door behind him, though he doubted it would disturb AJ at all. He was out like a light.
Almost instantly Brian was assaulted by a million questions for so many different directions. The living room area of the suite was filled with people. The rest of their band, security, and police. Brian raised his hands in an effort to stave off the questions.
“AJ won’t be up to answering anything for a while.” He told them all once they were quiet. “I gave him one of the tranquilizers that Jessica prescribed for emergencies. He’ll be out probably until tonight if we’re lucky.”
“Is he ok?” Howie demanded. His face was a mask of concern and he was wringing his hands. “Do we need to call a doctor out for him? I think he might have been in shock.”
But Brian shook his head. “I doubt he’d let a doctor close enough to look at him. We’ll deal with the rest of it when he wakes up. Let’s let his mind try to find a way to deal with this first.” He ran his hands over his face, rubbing at his eyes. Jesus, what else could go wrong today? His mind was swirling with the implications of that note. Brian felt anger burning low in his stomach, overpowering his own fear. The eyes that locked onto everyone were now dark with his temper.
“What I want to know.” Brian said slowly, looking from one member of security to the next; over all of them, as well as the hotel security and staff that were milling around. “Is how the hell someone managed to get up here on our secured floor, with a knife that size, and leave that note stuck to AJ’s door without being caught by one single person? How the fuck did they manage to even know which room was his?”
No one dared speak in face of the blue fire in Brian’s eyes. He glared at them. “First someone hacks into his counselors files and gets all of his information and leaks it to the fucking press, and now someone manages to get his room information and sneak up here to pin a note to his door with a knife. Does anyone here realize the danger this puts him in? Not only from them, but from his own mind as well? Dammit, he’s barely started healing from this!”
Kevin was the only one brave enough to step toward Brian. “We know, coz. Trust us, we’re going to do everything we can to keep him safe and help him through this.”
Rage had Brian pulling back from Kevin. “Sorry if that doesn’t reassure me, Kev, but no one here has done a very good job of that so far, have they? Not a one of the people in this room even knew what happened to him until he almost died. The only reason he’s still alive is because, out of all of us, I’m the only one that gave a damn enough to not only notice something was wrong, but try to force it out of him.”
“Bri, just hold on a second…” Nick raised a hand.
“No! Not a one of you took the time to try to force him to talk. None of you tried to make sure he was ok! I did! I was the one who went into his house and found him slicing his stomach open! I was the one who managed to catch his hand when he stepped off that balcony! I pulled him back up! I took him to see a counselor, and got him help. I’m the one who holds him at night when the nightmares have him crying and shaking. I’m the one who helps him through those fucking panic attacks. Where the fuck were all of you then? You think I’m going to feel better because you say you’ll try to keep him safe? Where were you when he needed you before?”
The room had gone dead silent. This time it was Howie who tried to speak. His voice was low and full of pain that almost had Brian feeling guilty. “We fucked up before, Brian. We won’t do it again.”
He glared over at Howie. “Pardon me if that doesn’t make me feel any safer.” Abruptly temper gave way under fear and worry. Brian brought his hands up to run them over his face again. “Do you have any idea what this is going to do to him?”
In the quiet of that moment, Kevin started to calmly escort the police and hotel staff out of the room. This moment was privet. Only one officer remained, to take their statements and to stand guard, and two of their security guards, Marcus and Seth.
Brian leaned against the wall, resting his head back. He felt Nick’s familiar hand rest on his shoulder. “Bri, we know we fucked up before. We do. But we’re going to do things right this time. We won’t let him down, and we won’t lose him.”
With weary eyes Brian looked to his best friend. “That’s the hardest part, Nick. I don’t know if we’ll be able to save him this time. I have no clue what this is going to do to his mental state.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was completely dark outside by the time the cops left. Brian stood in the middle of the hallway, exhausted from all the questions. He hadn’t wanted to step away from his room, which was where he’d put AJ. He hadn’t wanted to leave him alone. But they had needed his statement, and they were doing all their work in the hallway to try not to disturb AJ. So he’d left Howie and Kevin in there, and Nick had stood with Brian as support while he answered questions.
All he wanted to do now was curl up in bed beside AJ and sleep. Forget, for a while, the danger that now surrounded them. To just feel AJ in his arms and know that he was safe.
But as he walked in the door to his hotel room, Brian heard a sound that told him his evening wasn’t over yet. Even as it registered in his brain he was already moving, rushing back to the bedroom. Without breaking stride he flung the door open. What he found was worse than what he had thought it would be.
AJ was on the floor, his back pressed into the corner of the wall. His eyes were wide and slightly glazed, full of a panic that was stronger than ever. Kevin and Nick stood back, their hands raised. On Kevin’s arm was a cut that was bleeding sluggishly. In AJ’s hands was obviously the weapon he’d used to create that cut. It looked like he’d grabbed the lap from the dresser and broke the bulb part off on the wall so that he held the rest of it in front of him as a weapon.
“Get away from me!” AJ shrieked loudly, brandishing his lamp at them. “Get the fuck back!”
In an instant Brian took in the situation, and took control. “Everyone move out, now.” He told them calmly. At the sound of his voice, AJ’s eyes turned toward him. There was a flash of recognition there, but AJ didn’t move or drop his weapon.
Once the others started to slowly back away, Brian took their place, his hands in the air. “Alex, it’s me. I know you hear me. I know you see me. I’m right here.”
For one split second Brian thought that AJ was going to relax. But then anger joined the pain in those chocolate eyes. “Where were you?” AJ screeched at him. “You left me alone! You promised I'd be safe!”
Those words had Brian’s heart aching. He felt tears build in the back of his eyes. But right then wasn’t the time to indulge them. He had to get AJ calm. “I told you that once you were asleep I had to talk to the cops. That’s all I was doing, baby. I had to give them my statement so that they could leave and I could come back. I’m here now, and you’re safe. I promise.”
Tears spilled over from AJ’s eyes, and his hands started to shake around the lamp. “I had a nightmare, and I wanted you. I called for you. But they didn’t get you for me. They came in and tried to touch me. I don’t want anyone touching me.”
“Oh, baby, I know you don’t. I won’t leave like that again, you have my word. I’m sorry. I had to talk to the cops. But no one’s going to touch you again unless you want it. I won’t touch you unless you want me to.”
The lamp bounced with the force of AJ’s shaking. Suddenly he turned and dropped it. Like a little kid, he held his arms out to Brian, who wasted no time in moving to scoop him up. “Please hold me.” AJ whispered in his ear. “I can make it through this if you just hold me for a while. Please.”
“As long as you need, Alex.”