After everyone had gone to their separate rooms, Brian waited about fifteen minutes before he poked his head into the hallway. Once he was sure the coast was clear he moved silently down the hall to AJ’s room. They had luck this time that he was at the end of the hall and his only neighbor was Howie, who slept like the dead.
Brian tapped on the door very lightly, smiling to himself as he waited. When AJ opened the door with a grin, Brian went inside, never seeing the person watching through a crack in their door.
When he stepped into the room and AJ had shut the door, Brian turned and stepped right to AJ. His love automatically opened his arms, allowing Brian to almost fall into them. He brought his hands under AJ’s arms and up to cling to his shoulder blades while he buried his face in AJ’s neck. His worries had been preying on his mind for a while now, and though he’d been determined to push them aside, one look at AJ had him feeling on the edge of breaking.
For a while they stood there holding one another. Then AJ’s hand came around, one knuckle tipping Brian’s face up so that he was looking him in the eyes. “What’s the matter, baby?” AJ asked gently.
How did he put what he was feeling in to words? Especially when the thing it was about was something that scared him so badly. He turned his head away from AJ’s hand and dropped his face back to that curve between AJ’s neck and his shoulder. “I’m scared, Alex.”
AJ’s hands were stroking up and down his back now in soothing gestures. Just being against that strong chest, and held in those arms that he knew would always be there was almost enough to chase away the fear. AJ’s voice was husky in his ear, the rasp more prominent in his worry. “What’s got you scared?”
“I-I keep getting these feelings. I run out of air when I do things.” Brian sniffled, trying to stop the tears that he felt building. He felt embarrassed by the urge to cry. “It’s getting worse. Now I get short of breath just by walking up the stairs, or down the hall. I get the heart palpitations, which I’ve had before, but they’re getting more frequent too. Plus, my feet and my legs are swelling sometimes.”
The tears came now, hot and fast. He didn’t realize how tightly he was clinging to AJ until his love tried to move him and he almost tripped. Without another word AJ pulled back for a second, and then stepped up and bent his knees. In one swoop he had Brian up in his arms, honeymoon style, and carried him to the bed.
All of this just had Brian’s tears coming faster and faster. When AJ laid him on the bed, Brian took his hand and pulled him down with him. Once AJ was lying down beside him Brian was back in his arms, his head pillowed on AJ’s shoulder. “I’m so scared. I know all these signs. I know them. But this was supposed to be fixed.” His hand came up to rub through his shirt at his scar. “They were supposed to fix this.”
“Have you told your doctor yet?” AJ asked him gently.
“Not yet. I just, I guess I thought maybe I was imagining it.” Brian sniffed again. He brought his hand up, wiping the tears off his face and feeling foolish. “Pretty stupid, I know.”
AJ leaned in to kiss the top of Brian’s head. “Not stupid, baby. There’s nothing wrong with hoping that something isn’t as serious as it seems. When things go wrong we all wish they weren’t.” His hands ran over Brian’s arm and back, trying to soothe him. Brian listened to AJ’s heartbeat and found himself being soothed by it. “I don’t know what to do, Alex. We’ve still got two months left of tour.”
“You’re the one that knows your body best. Do you feel you can wait two months to see a cardiologist, Brian?”
For a few minutes Brian thought about it. He thought about how he’d been feeling lately; how easy it was to run out of breath simply at walking down the hallway. A part of him wanted to say that it could easily wait for him to get back home and around his own doctor. But the more practical part of him wouldn’t allow him to say it. Finally, he whispered “No.” Just saying the word aloud almost took his breath away.
God, he didn’t want to have to deal with this again! Hadn’t he already suffered enough with his heart? Hadn’t he been through enough? One hole already found and closed. Why hadn’t they found whatever was wrong with him now when they’d been in his heart before? Was it another hole? Or something worse? “If I go too long, there’s so much that can go wrong, Alex. It terrifies me. I want to wait. I want to do this at home when I’m not around the guys. I don’t want to tell anyone. But if I don’t get it looked at and it’s bad, I could end up having a stroke or something on stage.”
His voice broke, and Brian found his tears falling again in earnest. He heard the catch in AJ’s breath; felt his hands still. Then AJ was rolling sideways and pulling Brian as close as he could, burying his face in Brian’s hair. “I won’t let anything happen to you.” AJ swore to him.
“You can’t stop it.” Brian sobbed out. “No one can. It’s not fair! I already had to do this once! Why me? Why again?”
“I don’t know, baby. But we’re going to fix this, I swear it to you. We’re heading out in the morning, but in the next city we’ve got like three days break. We’ll find a heart doctor for you. We’ll take care of this. I promise you.”
“Don’t leave me alone.” Brian’s voice broke on those words. “Please. I can be strong; I can do this, if you’re there with me.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Just try and get rid of me.”
Needing the contact, Brian raised his lips up and pressed them against AJ’s. Their kiss was wet from his tears, but AJ didn’t hesitate in kissing him back. He needed this contact, this reassurance that he was still alive. Nothing scared Brian more than problems with his heart. Just for a little while he wanted to forget what was happening and lose himself in AJ’s touch, his kiss.
As if sensing that, AJ slowly took control of the kiss. He rolled them over so that Brian was underneath him. Their kiss turned hungry, until Brian lost himself in it. He felt an urgency in him that needed to be fulfilled. With trembling hands he removed AJ’s shirt, then went to work on his jeans. He shifted, breaking the kiss long enough to allow AJ to remove his shirt.
In no time they were both naked, their bodies pressed together as AJ started another soul shattering kiss. They were both already almost painfully hard, and the way their bodies moved against one another was making it worse. Brian found his mind growing delirious with the passion. Brian moaned as AJ broke their kiss.
He stared at AJ with desire and love in his eyes while he watched as AJ positioned himself between Brian’s legs. He reached up and grabbed AJ by the shoulders, pulling him down for a passionate kiss. His arms wrapped around AJ and traced his fingers through the hair at the nape of AJ’s neck.
AJ broke the kiss long enough to guide himself inside of Brian. Moaning at the sensation, Brian kept his eyes open, loving to watch AJ’s face at this moment. He loved the way that AJ’s eyes would go darker or the way his lips would fall open on a sigh and a moan.
Brian moaned and arched his back, wanting and needing AJ to move. His arms tightened around AJ and he softly kissed his shoulder, nibbling on the warm skin there.
AJ moaned and slowly began to pull out, his hands gripping the pillow on either side of Brian’s head. He pulled out almost fully before slowly sliding back in. It took a few thrusts for them both to adjust to the sensation. Once they did, Brian started to move his hips, grinding against AJ’s thrusts.
Brian moaned almost continuously as the head of AJ’s cock bumped his prostate. He watched AJ’s face still, staring into those eyes that were so dark with passion. Here was the comfort he was searching for. Here were the sensations that reminded him he was alive, and that he wasn’t alone. Without words AJ soothed his heart while at the same time thrilling his soul.
AJ quickened his thrusts, circulating every so often as he hit Brian’s prostate. Unable to help himself Brian arched and gasped, barely remembering to keep it down.
Brian arched his back as much as he could and reached up to grip AJ’s shoulders, his fingers probably bruising that soft skin as AJ thrust into him powerfully. AJ didn’t protest. Instead he growled and ducked his head down for another kiss. Brian’s toes curled and his body froze as his orgasm came upon him, taking him by surprise. AJ hadn’t even touched his cock yet. He let out a scream that AJ swallowed as his body gave those shivers that AJ loved. He could feel warmth coating him and AJ as he fell back against the mattress, his body deliciously spent.
AJ thrust one more time and let loose his own orgasm deep inside of Brian, letting out a low growl and burying his head against Brian’s neck to muffle the sound.. He fell limp on top of Brian. For a moment he laid there, the two of them panting, before he rolled over and pulled Brian against him. Brian lay in the protective embrace of AJ’s arms and sighed. He had found the peace he wanted. For now. "I love you." He whispered.
"I love you, too." AJ replied back, a smile on his face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick paced his hotel room, chewing on his lip. He paid no attention to his surroundings. His brain was full of too many things. First the way that Brian had called AJ into his room after Nick had let it slip that Brian had a girlfriend. After hearing the conversation he had hear, it put everything else in a different light. It had escaped Nick’s notice that when he’d slipped and said the bit about the girlfriend, Brian had automatically looked at AJ, and that AJ had suddenly looked tense. But now that his brain couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d heard, Nick could clearly see it all. Now this. There was no doubt in his mind that Brian had deliberately waited for everyone to be in bed and then snuck down to AJ’s room.
He couldn’t stand just pacing in here, trying to figure it all out. Determination filled him. Before he could change his mind he strode from the room and headed down the hallway. He was going to knock on the door and find out exactly what they were doing in there.
Just as he raised a fist to knock on the door, a strange sound caught his attention. Against his will Nick found himself leaning in with his ear against the door. The next sound was unmistakable. Nick jerked his head back, his eyes wide and his mouth open. Oh my God. He stepped back from the door. Holy shit. That was…oh God.
He had wanted to know what they were doing in there. Sometimes you get a little more than you wish for. As he walked back to his room he wondered how long it would take to get the sound of Brian’s moans out of his head.