Completely numb, AJ moved to stare out the window in the waiting room. Though he knew there was nothing he could do at the hospital, he couldn’t bring himself to leave. The very thought of leaving had him starting to sweat. It was ridiculous but there you were. He didn’t realize that he was tapping his foot as he stood there, or how hard he was picking at his finger, until Nick took a hold of his hand. The sudden contact almost had AJ jumping out of his skin.
For just a minute Nick stared at AJ’s face. Then he stood, still holding AJ’s hand. “Call my cell if anything happens, Kev. I’m taking AJ for a break.” He said. For a second it looked like AJ was going to protest, but Nick didn’t give him the chance. He just tugged on his hand and led him down the hallway to the elevator.
“Nick, really, I’m fine.” AJ explained, trying to dig his heels in. Still Nick managed to keep pulling him until they were in the elevator and the doors had closed. “You don’t have to manhandle me. I was fine in there.”
Nick didn’t speak. He just watched the numbers as they slowly counted down to the ground floor. There was a ding and then the doors opened and Nick was dragging AJ again. After a second AJ decided that it wasn’t worth it to fight, so he simply walked with him. It was easier that way. But he felt his irritation mixing with the nerves that were already jittering their way through his system.
Without breaking stride Nick let him out the front doors and veered off to the left. There, finally, they stopped at a picnic table. Nick pushed AJ down before reaching into his own pockets. Much to AJ’s surprise, Nick pulled out cigarettes and a lighter. “Since when do you smoke, Nicky boy?” he asked him.
“Very rarely, and mostly when I drink. But these aren’t mine. I saw you left these at the house, so I snagged them. I knew you’d need them at some point.”
AJ stared as Nick put a cigarette in his mouth, lit it, and passed it to AJ. Then he pulled one out for himself and lit that as well. Once he had it going he sat next to AJ on the picnic table, their shoulders bumping against one another in a companionable way, and gave AJ his pack and his lighter. He didn’t talk, which was a surprise again for AJ. Usually Nick was the one that no one could shut up. But he didn’t say a word as they smoked their cigarettes.
It was AJ who finally broke the silence. “Thanks for bringing me down, Nick.”
“No problem.”
Silence again. AJ finished his smoke and put it in the ashtray next to the bench before turning back around and lighting another one. It helped calm his nerves as well as taking the craving to drink down to a more manageable level. “He’ll come out of this ok.” AJ didn’t realize at first that he’d said the words out loud until Nick responded with a quiet “Yes, he will.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brian stared up at the bright lights above him. Sweat was building on his forehead. Someone brought a towel up and wiped it off for him. A woman, from the looks of it. She was dressed in scrubs and had a mask over her face, so all he could see was her eyes. They were pretty eyes. “Everything will be all right.” She reassured him quietly as she wiped his face again. “Don’t you worry, Mr. Littrell. You’re in good hands.”
He wanted to thank her for her kind words but he couldn’t make his throat work properly. There was a lump there that wouldn’t go away. All he could think of, all he could see, was AJ’s face right before he had gone out of sight. There had been no fear in it. Brian held on to that. He held on to the strength that had been in his lover’s gaze, and the absolute faith that had seemed to radiate from him.
That kiss still lingered in his memory. It still tingled his lips. With that kiss AJ had said more than any words. It had been a profession of love. A show of strength and faith. Not a request, but a demand that he survive this. That was all that kept Brian lying here on the table instead of running from the room. He would live through this. The one person in the world who mattered most was waiting for him out there.
Someone was speaking at his side but Brian paid no notice to it. He held on to the image of AJ’s face, AJ’s eyes, as the anesthesia worked its way into his system. Even as he drifted off to sleep, those chocolate eyes stayed with him. He would do this. For himself, and for AJ.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two hours later everyone was in the waiting room. AJ was pacing, his mind and body not used to being this still for any length of time. It went against the grain to stand there and just wait. To not know what was happening. To not be able to be there.
He remembered the fear in Brian’s eyes before they’d taken him away. The fears he’d been holding inside of himself for days now. Ever since they’d first discussed this, back in their hotel room. Though it hadn’t been that long ago, it felt like a lifetime. They had been so blissfully happy then. What had they done to have everything suddenly turn wrong?
Vaguely he heard Kevin return. Where had he been? Oh, that was right. The cafeteria. He’d gone to get some drinks for the others. AJ thought he remembered Kevin asking him if he’d wanted something, but he hadn’t answered. He’d heard Howie whispered something to the older man and then Kevin had been gone.
Howie knew. Howie understood. Surprisingly, Nick did too. They left AJ alone to pace, and to wonder, and to worry. They let him have his space, which was exactly what he needed.
Down the hallway that led to the OR lights started to flash and a call went over the hall speakers. Through the door AJ wasn’t able to understand what was said. But fear filled his heart as he saw people rushing into the doors that Brian had gone through only hours before. God. Dear sweet God. What was happening?
He felt hands on him as the other three men joined him where he stood. Together, clinging to one another, they stared down the hallway in their terror. What was going on?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“He’s going into V-Tach! Where’s the crash cart?” Dr. Lorry shouted. He reached his hands out as someone wheeled the crash cart in. With years of experience he got the paddles out and a nurse made sure the area was clear to the patient’s heart. “Clear!” he shouted.
There was a jolt as Brian’s body arched up on the table under the pressure of the shock. They looked at the machines. “Damn.” Dr. Lorry cursed. “Again. Clear!”
Another jolt, another jump. They watched the heartbeat on the machine, saw it jump for a second before leveling back out to normal. Everyone gave a sigh of relief. “Let’s get this finished, ladies and gentlemen.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AJ wrapped his arms tight around his waist. The lights down the hall had stopped, but no one had come out to say anything. Kevin had tried to talk to the nurses but they had no answer for him. God, please, dear God, let nothing happen to that man down there. I love him so much. Please, if you ever answer any prayer of mine, let it be this one. Let him come back to me. I need him in my life. AJ prayed with everything he was worth.
Someone touched his arm lightly, but he didn’t bother to turn. Whoever it was, he had heard them coming. He didn’t care. Nothing mattered but the man down the hall with his chest lying open. God, let him be ok.
“AJ?”
The sound of that elderly voice jogged something in AJ’s memory. He found himself turning to look at the woman who was standing next to him. Ethel? That’s right. Her nephew had said she worked in cardiac. She’d even said she’d seen his name in the charts. What did she want? Panic froze AJ’s heart. Maybe she was here to tell him something was wrong. That something had gone horribly wrong. He couldn’t bring himself to ask her anything, only stare at her face and wait.
“I know I’m not supposed to, but the nurses and I, we can’t stand watching you stare down like that.” Her hand traveled up to touch his cheek, and her face was kind. “Brian went into V-Tach. They shocked his heart and got it back under a normal rhythm. It was scary for a second, but he’s doing ok now. You hear me? He is doing ok right now. They’re almost done in there.”
For a moment AJ felt as if he would just melt to the floor right then and there with the amount of relief he felt. He was ok. Oh thank you God! He was doing ok.
He brought a hand up, taking hold of Ethel’s. “Thank you.” He whispered fervently.
“Hold your faith, son. He’s a tough one.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was another hour and a half before the doors leading to the OR opened. Dr. Lorry stepped into the room, looking exhausted but pleased. It was the smile on his face that had AJ sighing. All tension seemed to drain from him. Without knowing how he got there he found himself sitting in a chair.
Despite the fact that Kevin was family, Dr. Lorry walked straight to AJ. He knelt before him. “Brian made it through just fine. We had a scare in there, a moment where we had to shock his heart, but he evened out and made it through the rest of the surgery fine. We’re moving him to the ICU now. He’ll stay there for a day or two, depending on how he’s doing.”
Everyone had gathered around AJ. They all were watching Dr. Lorry as he spoke. The relief and joy that everyone felt was palpable.
“Now, I don’t want to be putting a damper on things, so don’t take it this way. But he’s not out of the woods. We’ve got to watch for infection, which is always a possibility. Infection can develop, as well as other things like pneumonia. That’s why he’ll spend time in the ICU. Once he’s out of there, he’s pretty much good to go so long as he takes care of himself.”
“He will, Dr. Lorry. I’ll make sure of it.” AJ said firmly. Now that the surgery was done he could find that strength inside of himself again. He could do what he needed to do. Though, as Dr. Lorry said, they weren’t out of the woods, the hardest part was over. The most dangerous. “Can I see him soon?”
“He’s not awake yet.” Dr. Lorry’s smile told AJ that the man understood. His next words confirmed it. “But, I’ll allow you each five minutes to go and look to see that he’s ok. After that, I can’t allow all of you to visit him until he’s in his regular room. There are tight rules for ICU.”
As he climbed to his feet, Dr. Lorry threw AJ a wink. It reminded AJ that Dr. Lorry had said he’d put AJ’s name on the list so he would have special privileges. “Thank you.” AJ mouthed to him.
“You first, Mr. Richardson, seeing as you’re his cousin. Let’s get this going so our patient can get some rest, and so can the rest of you.”