It took about a half an hour, but they finally got everyone into their rooms for the night. As they were heading down the hall toward their own room, Brian reached out and took hold of AJ’s arm. “Can we, uh, take a walk, honey? I’m not ready for bed.” In that voice AJ could hear all the fear that was sitting inside of Brian. In the morning so many things were going to change. It was going to be the start of so much. This was their last night of freedom.
Suddenly AJ realized that he didn’t want to go to bed either. It was only eight thirty at night, and they still had the whole night ahead of them. Neither wanted to waste a minute. They turned down the stairs with Nina on their heels. AJ grabbed her leash as they went out the back door. Once it was hooked to her harness, they set off into the night.
The backyard was big enough that there was quite an area to walk along. They walked close to the fence line that had been put up when Brian first bought the house. The night was cool with a wind that nipped, but they didn’t mind. When a particularly strong wind blew Brian just let go of AJ’s hand and wrapped his arm around his love’s waist while AJ did the same.
Nina bounced around in front of them, marking her territory here and there. Aside from her yips and mini howls, they walked in total silence. It wasn’t a night to talk about the coming day, or to worry about what had happened that day. It wasn’t a night to waste with talking at all. Though neither wanted to admit it, things were changing in the morning. Worse yet, in a few days things could change for the worse.
Instead of forcing themselves not to think of it, or dwelling on it, they simply stayed by one another’s side, enjoying the warmth of the familiar body next to theirs. What would be, would be. There was only so much that was in their hands. Brian firmly believed his life was in the hands of God. AJ knew that everything was left to fate now. Still, as the couple reached the middle of the yard, they both sent a prayer heavenward.
AJ stopped suddenly, using his hand at Brian’s back to pull him close so that they were pressed together chest to chest. Thanking God for the extendable leash he wrapped his arms around Brian’s waist. A spark lit in Brian’s eyes as he wrapped his arms around AJ’s shoulders. AJ started to sway to a beat that no one else could hear.
“I’ve always wanted to dance in the moonlight.” Brian said softly. His accent was stronger, matching the strength of the emotion in his voice. A light mist started to fall. Not enough to soak them, but enough to add to the mystique of the dance. Even as it misted, the sky above looked mostly clear. The moon broke through the clouds to shine down on them, and stars twinkled in the sky.
With a small sigh Brian rested his forehead against AJ’s. He closed his eyes and just savored in the feelings that filled him. AJ started to hum softly, a tune that teased at the edges of Brian’s memory but he couldn’t quite place. Then his lover started to sing, oh so softly.
“I never had no one I could count on. I’ve been let down so many times. I was tired of hurting, so tired of searching. Until you walked into my life. It was a feeling I’d never known, and for the first time I didn’t feel alone.”
Brian’s eyes opened and he found himself staring into AJ’s warm chocolate ones. Amazement slid through him. AJ was singing Tim McGraw’s song, Best Friend. The fact that he knew it at all amazed Brian. The meaning of the lyrics had tears building in his eyes. AJ continued to sing as they swayed in the night and the rain.
“You’re more than a lover. There could never be another to make me feel the way you do. Oh we just get closer. I fall in love all over every time I look at you. I don’t know where I’d be without you here with me. Life with you makes perfect sense. You’re my best friend. You’re my best friend, oh yeah.”
AJ moved their heads so that they were cheek to cheek. His voice was deep and husky in Brian’s ear, reaching to touch him in places deep inside.
“You stand by me and you believe in me like nobody ever has. When my world goes crazy you’re right there to save me. You make me see how much I have. And I still tremble when we touch; and oh the look in your eyes when we make love. You’re more than a lover. There could never be another to make me feel the way you do. Oh we just get closer. I fall in love all over every time I look at you. I don’t know where I’d be without you here with me. Life with you makes perfect sense. You’re my best friend. You’re my best friend, oh yeah.”
Under the stars the two lovers pressed their cheeks together and danced to the music in their hearts.
~~~~~~~~~~
When morning rolled around the others came downstairs to find Brian and AJ already dressed, making breakfast and coffee in the kitchen. Nick and Howie walked in at the same time while Kevin went to take his shower. The two friends grinned at one another at the sight they found in the kitchen. Brian was stirring a skillet full of scrambled eggs, sausage, and fried potatoes on the stove top and AJ was behind him, arms wrapped around his waist. The two were bickering and laughing together.
“Get your hands off me, Alexander! You’re going to make me burn the food!” Brian exclaimed as he tried to wiggle away. AJ just laughed and ran had hands under Brian’s shirt and over his chest. “So let the food burn. I’m hungry for something else.”
“You’ve been ‘hungry’ all night.” Brian teased him. “I need some sustenance now!”
Howie coughed to cover his laughter. Then he lost the battle when Brian spun around, color flooding his cheeks. He started to stammer out a good morning but it was drown out by the sound of Nick and Howie’s laughter. Finally Brian gave up and just glared at them. “Oh, screw you two then.” He grumbled. AJ’s grin never broke. He winked at his two friends and gave Brian’s ass a quick squeeze before moving to join them by the coffee machine.
As was becoming normal, AJ hopped up on the countertop. Howie rolled his eyes as he poured himself a cup of coffee and took that first sip. “Your ass is on the place where food goes, J.” he said conversationally. AJ shrugged and grinned. “Your point?”
“Some people don’t exactly want that extra flavor.”
“Hey, some girls would pay millions to have essence of us in there food.” Brian called out over his shoulder. “Spit on something, D. Bet you sell it on eBay for a hundred k, easy.”
“That is absolutely disgusting, Rok.” Howie told him. He grimaced and sipped at his coffee again while staring out at the backyard.
“Bri’s got it right, though.” Nick chimed in. He was bypassing the coffee to grab a soda from the fridge. He’d never been big on coffee, and the others didn’t really like him drinking it anyways. It made him way too hyper.
After a glance in Brian’s direction, AJ flashed them all a grin and hopped off the counter. He reached down into the cupboard and grabbed another skillet before moving to stand next to Brian. There he set about heating up their burrito shells. Seeing what he was doing, Howie called out something in Spanish that had the others looking at him. AJ just laughed and called something back to him.
None of the fans realized exactly how much Spanish the two men knew. They could both speak it fluently and often did, just to irritate the others.
Used to it, Nick rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at the back of AJ’s head, right as Kevin walked in. He didn’t break stride as he slapped Nick in the back of the head and then continued to the coffee pot. Just as Nick was making the same face at Kevin’s back, Kevin turned and gave him a level look. Laughter echoed in the kitchen.
Having been roused from her nap by the noise, Nina started sniffing around the floor. Howie looked over and saw what she was doing and set his cup down quickly. “Ah, ah, pequeña niña.” He said as he picked her up and moved to the back door. AJ called to him in Spanish that he’d join him in a minute and Howie nodded. He opened the door and took her out with him before setting her in the yard. “There we go, niña. You go out here.”
AJ put the last shell on a plate. He leaned in to kiss Brian’s cheek. “I’ll be back, ok?” he whispered. Neither wanted to be far from the other if at all possible, but they both knew that AJ wanted to talk to Howie. So with a smile Brian nodded at him and gave his ass a smack as he went past. AJ snagged his own coffee cup and his cigarettes and scooted out the door, shutting it behind him before Kevin could think to lecture him for smoking.
He grabbed the clean bottle that he’d left half full of water earlier and took it with him to sit on the porch steps by Howie’s side. Nina ran through the yard, barking and chasing a leaf once her business was taken care of.
“What did you want to talk to me about?” Howie asked. He watched AJ’s face and saw the surprise there first. Then AJ was slanting him a look as he lit his cigarette. Howie just chuckled. “Age, you’ve been my best friend for years. I know when you want to talk about something. So, spill it. What’s up.”
AJ took the first drag, inhaling it in and holding it there for a moment before exhaling. “Bri and I spent a lot of time talking last night. About what’s been going on, and what could happen. How he wants things to be at the hospital. Even though neither one of us like to think like this, we talked about what would happen if he didn’t make it.”
He paused for a second to smoke and gain his composure. It was harder than he had thought it would be to discuss this with Howie. But his friend knew him well and didn’t try to talk or touch him, but just waited. After a minute AJ continued, his eyes on Nina.
“Bri wants to draw up papers and make a will. But his lawyer is in Kentucky and he doesn’t know how to work that whole system. An me, well, I usually go to you for stuff like this. So I told him I’d ask you for help.”
“I can find a lawyer around here and have the papers drawn up. I could probably get one to the hospital by the end of the day to discuss what he wants inside of it and get the important things done. Since his surgery is so soon they won’t mind putting a rush on things.” Howie kept his voice just as casual as if this was a normal, everyday conversation. He didn’t betray how his heart was breaking on the inside at the thought of his friend needing a will already.
“Also, um. Well, hell, I know you don’t like hospitals. Probably about as much as I do. So Brian and I want you to know that we don’t expect you to spend all your time there. Hell, he really doesn’t want anyone to spend a lot of time there. He likes the idea of us being here for support, but he says that if it looks like we’re spending too much time at the hospital he’s going to tell the nurses to turn us away. But, none of that’s my point.” AJ looked down as he tapped his ashes into the bottle.
Suddenly he turned and flashed that famous AJ grin at his best friend. “What this part boils down to is this. I’ll respect giving him his space, but I’ll probably be at the hospital any way for a good chunk of the morning, and most of the late afternoon through evening. I want to know if you’d work with me on like, an alternating schedule.”
“An alternating schedule?” Howie asked. He looked confused for a minute before mirth lit his face. He glanced from Nina and back to AJ again. “To dog sit! Oh, that’s priceless. I’m going to be a dog sitter.”
“It wasn’t the most practical thing we’ve ever done, buying her right before all of this. But she was so excited in that little pen they put them in, D! An the people picked the other ones because their colors were more perfect and they were quieter, more well behaved. It broke my heart. She sat all slumped after they took the other two. Her tail and her ears were down and her head was down. I couldn’t watch her, but I didn’t want to get her because of Brian’s surgery.”
“But Brian bought her.”
“Yeah, he did.” AJ looked back out at Nina with a silly smile on his face. “He brought her out and let her run and jump on me, and I just fell in love. She’s meant to be part of the family. So…will you do it?”
“Do you even have to ask?”
With a relieved sigh, AJ put his cigarette into the water bottle and laid his head on Howie’s shoulder. They stayed like that for a while, sipping their coffee, until Brian poked his head out the door. “It’s time, J.”
Before he could put his head back in the door, Howie flashed him a smile and said quietly “I’m staying with the baby here. I’ll be by later with the lawyer, Bri.”
Brian’s expression was grateful. “Thank you, Howie.”
~~~~~~~~~~
When they arrived at the hospital, Brian was a bundle of nerves on the inside. Today was the start of so many things. The minute he walked through those doors he was officially starting himself down this road. The route was clearly mapped out. Check in, get settled. Start their medications. Be checked and monitored and poked and prodded until they determined he was healthy enough to cut open.
That’s what all this would lead to. Cutting him open yet again. Without realizing it he put his hand to his heart and rubbed at the scar there as they climbed from the car. He didn’t notice it until AJ’s hand covered his, both of them pressing over his heart. “I’ve got you.” He whispered.
Brian sucked in a tremulous breath. Even knowing what it could mean for them, if someone saw it and reported it, Brian took AJ’s hand in his and held it tightly. “Please, don’t let go.” His voice was low and shaky. The love in AJ’s eyes shone brighter than before. “For as long as you need.” He replied gently.
Together they headed toward the hospital. Kevin and Nick had managed to get a parking spot closer to the front and were waiting for them when they reached the entrance. When they reached their friends, Brian drew himself up. He forced the trembling to stop and tried to clear his mind. He may have been going to do something that he didn’t want to, but he was going to do it with his pride and dignity intact. He never noticed that his grip on AJ’s hand tightened.
The checking in process was easy. All he had to do was tell them his name and he was soon escorted back to a privet patient room. One of the first things they wanted to do was get him in for an ECG to check the progress of everything and then start on his lab work. So he booted everyone but AJ out long enough for him to put on the hospital gown and climb into bed.
AJ sat next to him on the bed, holding his hand still. The only time he had let go had been for Brian to change, and then Brian had grabbed his hand again. He didn’t care if people learned about their relationship. Not right now. Not when there was a chance he could not make it through this. If something happened to him he didn’t want the last days that he and AJ shared to be full of secrets and hiding. If he was going to die, he’d do so proud of who he was, and proud of his partner.
“I love you, Alex.” He said. The smile that bloomed on AJ’s face was full of love and pride. It shone all the way up to his eyes. At that moment Brian realized that he hadn’t really seen AJ wearing his shades lately, at least not around him. He wore them outside, but took them off as soon as he came in. “I love you too, snuggles. Más que mi propia vida.”
“What gibberish are you speaking, J?” Nick teased as he and Kevin came back in. AJ’s eyes never left Brian’s. To Brian it was like looking into warm chocolate, both sweet and filling. “More than my own life.” AJ whispered. Tears touched the corners of Brian’s eyes before he managed to get them back under control.
A nurse stepped into the room then. “Mr. Littrell? They’re ready for you now.” She said. Her eyes took in the room, sweeping over the others. “I’m sorry, gentlemen, but you can’t join him.” Her voice was gentle yet firm.
“We know.” Kevin said. He moved to stand by Brian, leaning in to give his cousin a huge hug. “We’ll be back later, cos.” He promised as he brushed a hand over Brian’s hair. Next was Nick. His hug was strong and tight as always. “Be strong, Rok. I’ll pop back in to see you later on, ok? I’ll bring some games later.” There were tears in Nick’s eyes as well as he moved to the door.
AJ was the last to leave. With everyone looking on he wasn’t sure what kind of goodbye to give. This was just a test, and he wanted Brian to understand that, but all the words he wanted to use he wasn’t sure about using them in front of others.
Seeing that in his eyes, Brian took matters into his own hands. He cupped AJ’s face and kissed him with his whole heart and soul. “I love you, tiger.” He said, using the privet nickname.
AJ’s face lit up as he realized what Brian was telling him by doing this right where the nurse could see. He leaned over and kissed Brian long and hard. “I love you too, snuggles, and I’ll see you when your tests are done.”
One last kiss and then the nurse was wheeling him out of the room. Brian sighed as his bed moved down the hallway. An so it start he thought to himself.