The next morning started bright and early for everyone. Wakeup call rolled in around five am and they were all due on the busses by five thirty. When Brian hung up the phone from the call he turned back to the bed to wake AJ up. Now, that was always an interesting thing to try to do. No one ever wanted to wake AJ up. He was notorious for snapping and snarling at anyone who got too close when he was trying to sleep.
For just a moment Brian looked at AJ’s sleeping face. They were still snuggled together on the small bed, but somewhere in the night they had almost switched positions. Instead of AJ snuggling to Brian’s side, Brian woke up to find himself curled against AJ’s side with his head on AJ’s chest. With his elbow on the bed and his head in his hand, Brian was free to just look at him for a minute.
Something was changing between them. Something beyond just the passion and the anger. It had been coming on gradually, but Brian couldn’t deny that it was there. He brought his free hand up and gently stroked his knuckles down AJ’s cheek. Automatically AJ nuzzled in, still asleep. That gesture tugged at Brian’s heart.
Last night was evidence of how things had changed. Yes, it had been just sex. Hot, rough, dirty, kinky sex. But, in this moment, staring down at a face that had come to mean so much to him, Brian admitted to himself that he never would have done what he had done last night with anyone but AJ. He also never would have done that with someone he didn’t trust and care for. To give yourself over like that, mind, body and soul required immense trust.
Where did this leave them? The passion had been one thing to reconcile himself with. But this tenderness he felt now, staring down at his lover, his friend, was something else entirely. How could he feel this way about another man? How on earth could he feel this way about a man who he had spent the past few years angry with? But he couldn’t deny the feelings were there. His heart felt light just watching AJ sleep. There was so much more to him than he had ever realized. A depth in him that he hid so well.
Yet, Brian couldn’t find it in himself to think that what he felt was wrong. It seemed to him that if he denied his feelings, he would be disrespecting AJ again. Worse, even, than when he’d gone to talk to Howie. It would be saying, in his own mind, that AJ was nothing more than a good fuck to him. That wasn’t the case. But if he denied what he felt, it reduced what they had to sex only, and would make AJ the same as a whore. That wasn’t how he thought of him. What they shared here, what was growing, was natural and right. Maybe others wouldn’t see it that way, but did they really matter? Did any of it really matter except for what he felt for AJ and what AJ felt for him?
Realizing that took a weight off of Brian’s chest. None of the other stuff did matter. What mattered was them and what they felt.
He suddenly found himself wide awake, his mood buoyant. With an evil grin he shifted them, rolling their bodies so that AJ was underneath him. You could pick AJ up out of bed and carry him sometimes and he’d never wake up. Kevin had done it once before when AJ had been exhausted and fallen asleep at rehearsal.
Once he was over him, Brian looked down at AJ’s sleeping face and knew he was totally going to pay for what he was about to do. With the long bus ride ahead of them, AJ would have plenty of time to make him suffer. But, he couldn’t resist. If he was going to do it, though, he was at least going to make it worth his while.
He took a moment to look AJ over from top to bottom, thinking about where the best place to start was. Since AJ was naked there were plenty of places to pick from. Brian’s grin grew as he remembered what it was he wanted. Straddling AJ’s waist, he sat up enough that he didn’t have to brace his arms. Ever so gently he placed his hands on AJ’s hips, took a deep breath, and proceeded to tickle him.
AJ almost instantly woke up, his body jerking to try to get free from Brian’s fingers. He laughed and squirmed, trying to break free, even as his eyes locked on to Brian’s face and promised retribution. “Dammit, Littrell, get the hell off me!” he gasped out, trying to wake his body up enough to break free from Brian’s fingers.
Laughing like a loon, Brian just moved his hands, tickling all the spots that he knew AJ was ticklish in. It would only be a matter of time before AJ was awake enough to get him, and Brian didn’t intend to waste a second of it.
Sure enough, laughing until he was red in the face, AJ finally managed to squirm enough and get his body up enough to lock an iron grip on Brian’s wrists. Using that as leverage, he pulled himself out from between Brian’s legs and was up on his knees in an instant.
Here was another change in their relationship. At one point in time, AJ would have jumped him, or anyone, for waking him up this way. He would have been furious and screaming. But the look on his face now was almost evil amusement. He released Brian’s hands and, instead of starting to shout or hit, he started to tickle him back.
The two tumbled off the bed, hands locked around one another as they kept trying to tickle. They both stopped when they hit the ground, though. AJ landed on bottom, and his head crashed into the metal bed frame of the other bed. Quickly Brian moved off him, his hands extended to make sure he was ok. But AJ had already brought his hands up to his head and was curling his body into the fetal position. “Fuck!” He screamed out.
“Oh my God, AJ I am so sorry!” Brian gasped out, kneeling in front of AJ and trying to get a look at his head. “Let me see it. Where does it hurt?”
“Under my fucking hands!” AJ snapped back at him.
In spite of the situation Brian felt a smile tugging at his lips. Leave it to AJ to maintain his sarcasm even as he was hurt. “No kidding?” Brian teased. He put his hands near AJ’s, trying to get a look. “Just let me take a look and make sure you didn’t break your thick skull open.”
Since his hands were holding his head, AJ leaned forward and bit the outside of Brian’s thigh. When Brian yelped and looked down, AJ glared up at him. “Don’t make fun of me when I’m hurt.” He growled. Brian would have given in to the smile then, and probably the laughter, if he hadn’t seen his own hands. Where they had touched AJ’s head they now came away red. Well, hell. “Honey, you’re bleeding. We need to get you into the bathroom so I can take a look.”
“No wonder my head feels like it split in two.”
“Come on, let me help you up. Here we go now.” Brian hooked his hands under AJ, trying to help him sit up. They got him to a sitting position, but he had a hard time staying there, wobbling slightly. “Woah.” AJ said softly, closing his eyes. “Little dizzy.”
Brian climbed to his feet and looked down at his lover. Only one way around this one. He squatted and put his arms under AJ’s legs and behind his back. “Keep your eyes closed.” He warned as he used his legs and lifted them both. AJ moaned and curled into him, not resisting like Brian had thought he would.
Carefully Brian took him to the bathroom. He sat AJ on the counter, almost dropping him when he heard AJ yelp. “What? What is it? Are you ok?” he asked worriedly, running his hands over him and trying to find any other marks.
AJ opened one eye and looked at him ruefully. “Yeah. The counters fucking cold, Rok.”
“Oh.” Despite himself, Brian giggled. “Sorry about that.”
“Yeah, yeah. Shut up and get me a towel and some pants, would you?”
Still chuckling, Brian handed AJ a towel and moved to get them both some pants. He had just pulled his on, as well as a shirt, and was taking AJ’s pants in to him when someone knocked on the bathroom door. For a second he looked back and forth between AJ and the room, debating what to do. AJ sighed and opened both eyes. “Just a second!” he shouted. Then he winced as the sound made his head ache. “Get me in some pants and go answer that. I know you can’t be rude and ignore people, but I want some fucking pants on before anyone comes in, thank you very much.”
Quickly Brian squatted down and hooked the jeans over AJ’s feet, sliding them up his legs. Once his feet came out the bottom, Brian lifted him down to the floor and pulled them up for him. AJ kept both hands on the towel, trying to stem the blood. He held still as Brian zipped and buttoned him and let Brian lift him back up.
Now that they were both dressed, Brian hurried over to answer the door. He didn’t bother looking to see who it was, just opened it wide, saying “Yeah?”
Nick was on the other side, Kevin with him. At Brian’s gruff greeting, Nick’s face dropped a little. “Just making sure you got up, Bri.” He said softly, looking off down the hallway. Knowing his best friend, Brian sighed. It was obvious that he’d been neglecting his friend lately, and Nick was feeling the lack of it. Totally ignoring Kevin, he looked straight and Nick and gave him a half smile. “Sorry, Frack. I didn’t mean to sound so gruff. It was nothing you did.”
Cutting between a now smiling Nick and Brian, Kevin bent and grabbed Brian’s wrist, holding his bloody hand up for them to see. “What the hell happened? Are you ok? What did he do to you?”
Irritation had Brian turning to glare at Kevin. He jerked his hand free. “No one did anything to me. I woke AJ up by tickling him, and we tumbled out of bed. He hit his head on the bedframe. That’s what I was trying to clean up when you guys knocked.”
“Shit, is he ok?” Nick asked, pushing forward.
Sighing, Brian gave up standing there and just left the door open as he gestured Nick in with him. “Most likely. He’s pissed as hell, though. Just fair warning.” He led the way to the bathroom, not paying any attention to if Kevin followed or not. In the back of Brian’s mind he knew that he and Kevin were starting to get on pretty rocky terms with one another, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
When they entered the bathroom, AJ looked up at them all and scowled. “What am I now, a fucking freak show?” he snarled out. Brian didn’t even flinch; just rolled his eyes and walked over to look at the back of AJ’s head. “Bleeding stop yet?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Last I checked I don’t have eyes in the back of my head.”
“Mm.” Brian pushed on his neck, forcing him to bend his head down. “Nick, will you grab another towel and damp it down so I can wipe some of this away and get a good look at it?” As Nick moved to do what he asked, Brian gently pushed AJ’s hands off the towel and took over holding it in place. This allowed AJ to drop his hands down and rest his arms.
The towel that was already there was soaked with blood by then. That wasn’t surprising. Scalp wounds bleed more than anything else for even the smallest cuts. When Nick came up with the new one, Brian tossed the dirty one in the sink and took the clean from Nick’s hands. “Thanks.” He told his friend, giving him a grin. Nick grinned back. He brought his hands up, helping move AJ’s hair out of the way so that Brian could dab at the blood there, trying to wipe it all off.
“Fuck!” AJ swore loudly when Brian touched his head. “Goddamn it, Littrell!”
“Oh, quit being such a baby.” Brian scolded him. “I need to clean it up and get a look at it so I can figure out if you’ll need stitches or not.”
“Stitches? Oh hell fucking no! I aint getting no fucking stitches in my head. They’ll shave my damn hair off!”
Amused, Brian flashed another grin to Nick before going back to cleaning. “Vain, much?”
“Fuck off you bastard. This is your damn fault anyways!”
Holding AJ’s hair back, Nick looked from one to the other as they bantered. He was amazed to see the change here. When had they gone from fighting so badly that it was hard to be in the same room with them to this kind of playful banter? AJ’s threats sounded halfhearted, and Brian was smiling through them all as if they were no big deal.
“My fault? You’re the one that retaliated. All I did was try to wake you up.”
“By tickling me!” AJ made to turn his head, but Brian took hold of his hair and forced him to hold still. “Quit wiggling. I’ve almost got it clean.” He ordered. AJ didn’t snap back, as Nick expected him to. Instead he kept his head still and grumbled under his breath to himself. That was another change.
Brian didn’t notice anything that his friend was thinking. He looked down at AJ’s head as he cleared the blood away. Once it was all cleared he found himself sighing. “It’s just superficial. Most likely you’ll get a raging headache and the back of your head will be tender, but I don’t see any need for stitches. Just keep it clean.”
“Thank you, Dr. Littrell. Can I get up now?” AJ grumbled at him.
Amused, Brian bumped shoulders with him as he turned to wash his hands in the sink. “Yeah, Mr. Impatience. Get your shit together before you make us late to the bus.”
AJ stomped from the bathroom, grumbling something the whole way that sounded like complaints about bossy people. Brian rolled his eyes and went back to cleaning the blood off his hands. Nick leaned against the counter, watching him curiously. “That’s what I was coming down for. The busses are pretty much ready to go when we are. Kev needs all our keys so he can check us out.”
“Ok, no problem. We packed most our stuff yesterday so it shouldn’t be much to get ready.” Brian said as he moved to dry his hands off. When he turned back around, Nick was still looking at him in that searching sort of way. There was something going on here. Without thinking about it, Brian reached out and shut the bathroom door, giving them as much privacy as possible. “Is everything ok, Nick?”
Nick’s cheeks flushed a little. “Yeah. I just, I’ve been worrying about you. Things seem so different lately. You seem different.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just, well. I don’t know how to say it. You and AJ always fought before, but it was always just bickering and backbiting. Then that day in Howie’s room you two were almost physically fighting. I thought you two would really blow after that. But then you guys were friendly again, then angry, and now this. You guys were bickering in here, but it wasn’t angry, not really. It was more, amused. A month or two ago and he wouldn’t have even wanted you to touch him while he was hurt, let alone any other time.”
He should have known better than to think that Nick wouldn’t be observant about the changes that had happened. In thinking that, he had underestimated his best friend. There was no way he could lie to him about it all, either. Maybe not tell him the whole truth, but definitely not lie either. “Things are different, Frack. I don’t know how to explain it, but they are. We’re getting better. Working at it.”
“He ever tell you what happened to start this to begin with?”
“No.” That still grated, but Brian was trying to respect AJ’s wishes and wait until he was ready to talk about it. “Not yet. One day I hope he will.”
“Well, so long as the both of you are doing ok.”
“We’re fine, Nick. Thanks for caring.” Brian smiled and hugged the kid who had been his best friend for years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AJ shoved the last of his stuff inside the suitcase as he shamelessly eavesdropped on the conversation in the bathroom. The two in there were being quiet, but not so quiet that he wouldn’t be able to hear. What they were saying set his mind to thinking. Things between him and Brian had changed. Somewhere along the way they had stopped fighting as seriously and turned more to fighting for fun.
Deep down inside, AJ was beginning to honestly believe that Howie was right. Every day that little voice got louder and louder. There was no denying it, really. He was falling for Brian Thomas Littrell. What that would mean for them, he didn’t know. But Brian brought something to life inside of him that he hadn’t know existed before.
Part of their conversation caught his attention. AJ heard as Nick asked “He ever tell you what happened to start this to begin with?”
Brian’s “No” was soft. As was “Not yet. One day I hope he will.”
That tugged at AJ’s heart and conscience. Maybe it was time to come clean about things. Maybe, just maybe, he needed to finally tell Brian what it was that had made him so upset. It seemed almost trivial now, but he thought that Brian might be right. Until it came in the open, there would be no moving forward. It would always sit between them.
Today, on this long ass bus right, AJ knew what he had to do. He had to finally open himself up and talk to Brian. Well, yee fucking haw.