*Day Thirty Two*
*Two Days Until Tour Starts*
“Geeze, AJ, what the hell did you pack?” Nick grunted as he lifted a suitcase from the taxi cab to put them on the sidewalk. AJ grinned at him as he got out of the back of the cab. They had arrived in Buenos Aires, Argentina only an hour before and had just reached the hotel.
“Hey! Be nice to my stuff! I’ve got a lot of nice clothes in there!” AJ laughed. He grabbed his duffel bags and slung them over his shoulder before taking hold of his suitcases. For a second he staggered under the weight before he got his balance.
Seeing that, Nick and Brian both laughed as they grabbed their own bags. “Do you hide bricks in your clothes?” Nick teased him.
The grin AJ flashed him was wide. “Don’t be such a weenie.” AJ taunted him.
“Weenie! Man, just cause you been working out don’t mean you’re stronger than me!”
“Shit, Carter. I’m always stronger than you. You just won’t admit it.” Despite his words AJ still staggered a little as he carried his stuff inside. Brian came up beside him and stole one of his suitcases before he could protest. When AJ opened his mouth to argue, Brian chuckled. “Don’t even, Alex. Just shut up and walk.”
AJ grumbled but didn’t bother arguing. “You sure are getting bossy, boy.” He growled low at him. The growl was at total odds with the sparkle in his eyes.
In the past month the change in AJ was amazing. Brian couldn’t help but smile at him as they went inside. Now that AJ had a month sobriety underneath his belt he was becoming more and more like his old self. It was wonderful to watch. For the first time in a while Brian felt like he had his boyfriend back. There was a light back in AJ’s eyes again and he was smiling more and more like he used to. Even the teasing was more like himself.
But more than that he seemed to have found some kind of peace. He was happier than he ever had been, even before the drugs and alcohol. He seemed to have become more peaceful. It was as if the trials that he had gone through had made him grow up. There was a maturity there that hadn’t been before. Anyone looking at him could see that he had changed and grown, but it was definitely for the better. He was…happier. Brian could think of no other word for it.
As they got close to the desk, Brian leaned in and whispered “You like it when I get bossy.”
AJ hissed sharply at the sexual innuendo in those words. He slanted a look at Brian that was full of sensual promise. “Do I need to take you upstairs and remind you who the boss is?” he whispered back. His voice had dropped low and was full of a huskiness that Brian knew very well and loved. It never failed to make a shiver run down his spine.
“Promise?” he asked him hopefully.
Humor lit AJ’s face and had him chuckling before he stepped up to the desk to check them in. Nick looked between them and shook his head. He and Brian stood back a little while AJ took care of getting their room keys. Nick took advantage of that to step closer and speak in a low, amused voice. “Be careful there, Frick. You guys got used to being able to be together the way you wanted, but we’re back in our world now. There are fans and reporters outside.”
“I know.” Brian sighed regretfully. It wasn’t enough to dim his smile, though. There was so much happiness in his life right then that nothing could get it down. “We won’t have to worry for much longer though.”
“You guys decided to tell everyone, then?”
“Soon.” Keeping an eye on AJ and trying to keep the appreciation from his gaze, Brian smiled again. “Alex wants to tell them about his drinking and such first. He says that once that dies down with them we’ll sit them down and tell them the truth. Originally we were going to tell my family first, but we think Kev and D deserve the respect of being told before tour is done. We don’t like lying to them.”
“I’m proud of you guys, Frick. Not just Age for all that he’s done, but you too. You guys have really grown up the past month. I just wanted you to know that I’m proud of you two, and I’ll be by your side no matter what.”
Emotion clogged Brian’s throat so that he couldn’t speak for a second. Instead he gave Nick a quick hug, hoping it would convey all the stuff he couldn’t say.
AJ walked up to them then, keys in hand. “Hey, hey, break up the love fest.” He teased them. When he was close enough that no one would hear he said “Keep your hands off my man, Carter.”
“Make me, Mclean.” Nick fired back. He flung an arm around Brian’s shoulders as they headed to the elevator. The look in his eyes was full of good humor. Watching AJ’s face, Brian couldn’t resist putting his arm around Nick’s waist. He and Nick had walked this way man times before; the general public almost expected it from the two best friends. But Brian enjoyed taunting AJ.
AJ pretended to glare at them until they were inside the elevator. Once the doors closed he poked his hand at Nick’s ribs, making the younger man laugh and drop his arm in an effort to protect himself. In that second that he moved away, AJ stepped up and took Nick’s place at Brian’s side. He couldn’t hold on to him because of all the luggage he had, but he did turn them enough that Brian had his back to the elevator wall and AJ was almost pressed against him. “You like playing games with me?” he taunted him.
“I was just walking with my best friend.” Brian said innocently. His mouth twitched with the urge to laugh.
Before AJ could close the distance between them the elevator let out a ding. AJ barely had time to take a step back before the doors opened. He was trying to be cautious so that they weren’t caught by anyone. Most especially since the front desk had told him that Kevin and Howie had checked in only an hour earlier.
No one was in the hallway as they got out. AJ tossed one key at Nick, who was set to share a room with Howie. “D should already be there, Frack. You’ve got 402 down there.”
“Thanks, Bone.”
Here was the frustrating part. AJ took a deep breath and sighed it out, determined to not let it get to him as he handed a key to Brian. “You and Kev are in 403 I guess. I got the lucky straw for the single at 408.” He forced himself to smile at Brian and not betray the nerves that were inside him at the thought of rooming by himself. He had done well for thirty two days now, but this would be the first time he would have to sleep alone. Or be left totally alone.
As usual, Brian seemed to read his mind. He put a hand on AJ’s shoulder and gave him a smile. “I have faith that you can do this, AJ. But don’t hesitate to call me if you need me. I don’t care what anyone thinks. If you need me I’ll be there in a heartbeat.”
Nick put his hand on AJ’s other shoulder. “Me too, J. You’re not alone, ok?”
Tears built in AJ’s eyes. He had to blink furiously to keep them from falling. “Thanks, guys. Really, That, it means a lot to me.” He smiled at them to show he meant what he said.
That was another change in AJ that both Nick and Brian had noticed. He didn’t hide what he felt as often. It was there in his eyes and he wasn’t hesitant to voice it. The one time Brian had mentioned it, AJ had said it was something he had learned in his meetings. Beyond that, he didn’t say much else. His meetings and the counseling appointments he had gone to were private, and Brian never pushed to know what happened there.
AJ moved and opened his door, tossing his stuff in on the floor. That had Nick laughing at him. “You told me to be careful with your shit and then you turn around and throw it in your room? Go fucking figure.”
“A month break hasn’t improved your language at all.” A booming voice echoed down the hall. The three of them turned to see Kevin leaning against his doorframe, a smirk on his face. Howie stood with him. Though the two were smiling, it was easy to see that they were looking slightly cautiously at AJ. He resisted the urge to sigh. It wasn’t like he could blame them. With everything he’d done and the way he’d acted, he was lucky they spoke to him at all.
“Why don’t you guys come on down.” Kevin offered them.
This did make AJ sigh slightly. Here was the moment he was not looking forward to. But if there was anything he had learned in his meetings it was that he couldn’t avoid things just because they were unpleasant. That would only lead him back down that dark road he’d been on. Still, knowing that didn’t make it any easier to do.
The solid feel of Brian beside him gave AJ the strength to square his shoulders and walk down to Kevin’s room. When they walked through the door he passed by Howie and gave his best friend a smile. There had been hesitation in Howie’s eyes, but he saw something on AJ’s face that made his smile grow.
With his usual blunt manner, AJ waited only until everyone was in the room before he spoke up. They were all in the process of taking seats and he still stood off to the side, hands on his hips. “So, I know you two want to know what the hell happened and what’s been going on.”
“Well, that’s upfront, Age.” Howie commented dryly.
The corners of AJ’s eyes crinkled with his smile. It struck both Kevin and Howie that AJ wasn’t wearing his sunglasses, which had become almost a part of him over the last few months. His face was the most open that they had seen in a long time. Whatever had happened, they knew it had to be good to have wrought this kind of change in him.
“Yeah, well, I don’t see a need to be blunt. I’ll have to go back a little ways to make you guys understand, but please, respect the fact that some details I just can’t give. Not right now. Ok?” He waited for their agreement before continuing. From their spot on the couch, both Nick and Brian gave him supportive smiles.
“So, basically, Ma and I fought over something in my life that I told her about. That’s the part I won’t tell you. At least, not today. Soon though. Anyways, she disowned me. Refuses to speak to me, I’m not her son, all that kind of shit. It threw me for a fucking loop, I tell you what. I don’t think anything’s ever hurt me as much as that did.”
“Jesus, Age.” Howie said softly. His eyes were wide in surprise. Kevin stayed silent, knowing that there was more.
“I know, D. But that’s not the main part of things here, that’s just the start. You guys know that I talk easiest to Bri about things. I think most of us do, really. He’s a good listener. So I told him about what was going on, and he tried to help me. But I started to drink so I wouldn’t be hurting anymore. I started to drink a lot. Like, all the time. Then Brian and I got in our fight. He…he walked in and caught me snorting coke on a bathroom sink at a club with some guy.”
This produced the shocked reactions that he’d expected. Neither man spoke, but his two friends looked like they’d been sucker punched.
“He begged me to quit. I said some nasty things to him. Really nasty. I was flying high at the time, but that’s no excuse. The next day he asked me if I’d give it up. If I could quit, because if I didn’t then he was going to wash his hands of me, basically. I told him I’d quit the blow, but I didn’t want to quit drinking. That wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t understand yet why I had to quit. So, that was our fight.”
Here AJ started to muck with the bottom of his shirt, rolling it between his fingers. He didn’t want to get into this part of things with them, because it still hurt a little, the way he’d been treated. How much should he actually say? What was the point of bringing up the way they had treated him? He had deserved it and so much more for what he’d done to Brian. Mentally he stopped himself, jumping off that track. He would not go down that road again. Inexplicably, Brian had forgiven him. That was all he needed.
“I drank more and snorted more to hide from everything I felt after that. That last night, something happened at the party and it snapped my eyes open. I could see myself and what I was becoming and I hated it. I hated me. Somewhere along the way I’d pushed myself down inside and let this, this thing take over. This addict. I didn’t know where to go or what to do, but it clicked. I knew that, no matter what, no matter how mad he was at me, Brian would help me if I asked it. So I ran. I ran from the club back to the hotel with only the thought of getting to Brian. I knew he’d help keep me safe, even from myself if necessary.”
He eased up a little again. This was easier to talk about. The hardest part was out. Now he gave a smile to Nick and Brian.
“Bri kept me there that night until I was totally sober. But in the morning I was already in withdrawals. Nick came in to drop off my stuff and get his, and he found out what was going on. He decided to stay and help me. These two kept me going this past month. I have thirty two days clean and sober right now. I’ve gone to meetings and counseling, and with all of this I think I’m going to be ok.”
He brought his gaze back up to Kevin and Howie who had stayed quiet this whole time. “Part of my recovery is accepting my mistakes and making amends. I owe you guys, all of you, the biggest apology. Not only for failing as a friend, but for failing as a member of this group. I know what my mistakes are, and I accept them. But I apologize that my addiction affected you all. I had to tell you the truth today and say that I am sorry.”
It was Howie who found his voice first. “God, AJ. I had no idea that you were going through that. Why didn’t you come talk to one of us?”
“I wasn’t ready then, D. I was ashamed of myself, and still caught up in the addiction. I couldn’t.” AJ replied. He left unsaid that he had felt none of them would be there for him.
Kevin wiped a hand across his face. “No matter what’s going on you should know that you can tell us anything and we’ll be there for you.” He told his young friend.
A snort from the couch caught all their attention. To the surprise of two of them, it was Brian who snorted. He wore a wry look on his face. “How was he supposed ot know that?” he asked his friends. “AJ and I were fighting, yeah, but somehow all of you treated him like he was a leper. When we wouldn’t tell you what happened you all assumed that AJ had been the one to do something stupid and you shut him out. Who was he supposed to turn to? He’d enter a room and you guys would leave. He’d come back drunk and I’d hear him out there and you guys would just let him stumble in on his own. He made mistakes, yeah, but so did the rest of us. We dropped the ball and let a good friend, a brother, fall.”
Brian’s words had a sobering effect on the room. Everything went quiet for a few minutes.
Finally Howie rose to his feet. He walked straight to AJ and pulled him into a hug. “I’m sorry, AJ. Bri’s right. We let you down. I promise, though, that it won’t happen again.” he whispered into his ear. Tears built in AJ’s eyes. “I’m sorry too, Howie. I’m trying to be better this time.”
“You’ve made a hell of a start.” Kevin’s deep voice boomed as he took Howie’s place and hugged AJ for all he was worth. “You’re growing up, short stack. I’m proud of you.”
Those last four words did it for AJ. Even as he smiled the tears spilled over. Things weren’t perfect yet, and his addiction was going to be an everyday battle, but finally things were starting to get back on the right track.