This was going to be one hell of a long tour. Brian couldn’t stop himself from thinking about it as he sat at the table in the kitchen of the bus. Just ahead of him on the couches sat Howie and AJ, watching some stupid Terminator movie. Both Nick and Kevin were napping in their bunks. Oh yeah. All of them packed into one bus? It was going to be a long tour.
With only short breaks here and there they would be on tour until November. The first leg of the Black and Blue tour would take them through North America. Next it would be on to South and Latin America, then the second North American leg. Finally they would end it all in Japan. It was going to be a grueling schedule.
Brian looked down at the book in his hands, not really seeing the words on the page. Already he’d read the same paragraph three times over before he finally gave up to do what he really wanted to do. So, using the book as a cover, Brian slanted his eyes sideways and let his eyes drift on the one thing in the room that always drew his gaze. AJ.
No matter what they were doing or where they were, Brian could never stop himself from just sitting and admiring the man that he loved. Who could resist looking at him? The man practically oozed sexuality from every single pore. It didn’t help that Brian knew, intimately, exactly how sexual AJ could be.
The attraction had come first between them. Brian remembered watching AJ all the time and feeling his mouth water. Wanting nothing more than to walk over and kiss him and touch him and do all sorts of things that would have shocked anyone else if they could read into his mind. But the attraction hadn’t been just physical. He’d been attracted to AJ’s personality as well.
That devil-may-care attitude that he showed everyone. The way he had grown from this scared, tough acting little kid into this tough, rebellious adult. How he dressed in his own style, and screw what others thought. Like getting his ears pierced even though management had flipped over it. Or the first tattoo that’d put on his body against the wishes of management and his mother. But AJ was AJ, and he took all their yelling in stride before calmly telling them it was already done and that they would just have to deal with it.
He was fiercely loyal to his friends and family. Anyone who got to know him knew that you didn’t mess with his family, and that his friends were considered part of his family. If you did, you were asking for trouble. Serious trouble.
Brian smiled to himself as he remembered a time when they had first started recording and they were all still so young. They’d been practicing their vocals together one afternoon while waiting for the studio to clear out. Poor Nick, so shy and awkward back then, had been singing his part only to have his voice crack a little like he was still in puberty.
Two guys had been walking past, guys that had been close to Kevin’s size, and they’d started to laugh and make jokes about the chubby little nerd. They’d been rude and vulgar, asking him if his nuts hadn’t managed to drop yet, and commenting to one another that they better be careful or the kid would just sit on them.
Before anyone had been able to do anything, and they’d all been pissed, AJ had flown past them all and leapt on the first guy, knocking him to the ground with the force of his tackle. He’d punched the guy a few times before his friend had pulled AJ up. Instead of backing down, AJ had lashed out, slamming his heel back into the guys nuts and dropping him to the ground too. Then he’d stood over top of them, hands on his hips, and had sneered at them both. “Pick on him again an I’ll make sure your nuts go right back up where they came from.” He’d threatened.
Then, calm as can be, he’d turned around and walked back over to join them all as if nothing had happened. By then security had come to haul the two away and take care of anything else. AJ didn’t give anyone a chance to say anything about what he’d done. He’d simply flung an arm around a dazed Nick’s shoulders, used that hand to wipe the tears that were on his cheeks, and told them. “Let’s take it from the top.”
That was the kind of person that AJ was. That loyal, that protective and loving. Right then and there had been when Brian had known he was moving from lust to love.
A smile curved his lips as he thought about when he and AJ had finally admitted what they felt to one another.
~~~flashback~~~
Too much tension had the muscles in Brian’s shoulders knotting. He sighed, rolling his shoulders in an effort to loosen it. This was getting ridiculous! He had to learn how to control what he felt when he was around AJ. There were only so many cold showers a person could take. Only so many ways to hide the hard-on that he seemed to almost constantly get. Hell, just looking at AJ as he danced across the stage, pulling his shirt up to flash his perfect abs at the fans, rolling his hips in that grinding motion, it was all enough to have Brian drooling.
With a frustrated sigh he grabbed a pair of swimming trunks and a towel and robe and headed off to the hotels swimming pool. It was too late to go play basketball, so maybe a few laps around a pool would help burn off this energy. It was either that, or spend another evening jacking off in the shower. Half the time he didn’t even have enough privacy for that!
Sharing a room with Nick was like having a little brother with him. Nick was always there, talking and laughing and wanting to play video games or talk about girls. Usually Brian didn’t mind so much. They were best friends, and he loved spending time with Nick. They always had a blast. But lately that sexual tension had built a knot in Brian’s whole body and all he could seem to think about, all the time, was AJ. It was getting out of control.
By the time he reached the pool he was tenser than when he had started out. The swimming area was quiet and empty, dark but for the moon shining in through the skylights. It gave the water a calming look. He went into the dressing room and changed into his shorts and then he was back out there, smoothly diving into the water.
His dive barely made a sound. With the ease of someone comfortable in the water he started a breaststroke from one side and back again, swimming the length of the pool, trying to work out his energy so maybe he’d be able to get some sleep. He never heard anyone else come in. Never saw anyone sitting on the edge of the pool until he came up to flip around and found himself face to face with the one person he’d been trying to avoid thinking of.
“Jesus, AJ!” he swore at him. Treading water, he wiped the water out of his eyes and pushed his hair back to glare. “Give a guy a heart attack why don’t you?”
A momentary grin curved AJ’s lips, lighting up his face. He sat on the edge of the pool with his pant legs rolled up to his knees and his feet and calves lazily moving through the water. “You look healthy enough to me.” He quipped back.
Brian couldn’t help but notice that the smile on AJ’s face seemed to be slightly forced. His hands were in his lap, fiddling with the hem on his shirt the way he always did when he was nervous. Nervous? What did he have to be nervous about?
Pushing aside his own problems, Brian tried to focus only on his friend, not on the body he wanted to devour. “You ok?”
Surprise had AJ’s eyebrows winging up over his sunglasses for just a moment before they settled back down. Oh how Brian wished he’d take those stupid shades off. He wanted, more than anything, to stare into AJ’s beautiful eyes. Too often they were covered up by those stupid sunglasses. “Yeah…” AJ started to say, but then he cut himself off. Something had his spine straightening. “No, no I’m not.”
It was easy for Brian to hear the false bravado in AJ’s tone. Concern had him forgetting totally about anything else but what was bothering his friend. “Is there anything I can do to help, Age? I’m here for you if you need me.”
“I think there is. Would you come here for a minute?”
Brian swam forward until he was almost between AJ’s legs. It was tempting to brace himself on AJ’s knees but he thought that would be testing his restraint a little too much. So he put his hands on the pools edge and held on as he looked up into AJ’s face. Something had his heart beating faster suddenly, so loud that he was surprised AJ couldn’t hear it. “What,” Brian had to pause to lick his lips. “what can I do, AJ?”
For a second he didn’t think AJ would answer him. Then, very softly, AJ said “This.”
What came next was not what Brian had been expecting. AJ reached down, cupping his face and bringing him up even as AJ leaned down to him. Before Brian even had time to blink, AJ’s lips were against his and Brian couldn’t even think anymore. It was everything he could have ever wanted and more. AJ’s lips were warm and soft against his. Lights exploded behind Brian’s eyes as they slid closed. He gave himself over to the feelings, and damn the consequences. He moved his hands from the pools edge to grab on to AJ’s hips.
AJ pulled back only to lean in again, tasting and teasing and savoring. Apparently he leaned in too far because the next thing they knew AJ was sliding down into the water, his arms automatically coming to wrap around Brian’s shoulders as they both went under.
When they surfaced they were still clinging to one another. Somewhere in their dunk AJ had lost his sunglasses. His hair, blue that day, was lying plastered to his head. But it was his eyes that held Brian captive. There was so much emotion packed into them. Nerves were the most prominent, but underneath it was something that tugged at Brian’s heart. It was a reflection of what he felt deep inside of himself. Love, maybe? “Alex?”
“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time, Brian. I’ve just been terrified to do it. But then I decided tonight that I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. I couldn’t just go through life wondering what might have been. I had to try. I care about you, more than I ever have anyone else. I think I love you. I’ve never been in love before, so I don’t know, but it sure feels like it to me. I almost didn’t say anything to you, but tonight when you sang Spanish Eyes and you looked at me I thought that maybe you felt the same way and I …”
Warmth built inside of Brian as he listened to AJ babble on and on nervously. Then he did the only thing he could. He kissed him, effectively shutting him up. This time when he pulled back and looked at AJ’s eyes the nerves were gone. “I feel the same way, AJ. I’ve liked you for so long. But I think I fell really in love with you that day you beat those guys up for Nick.”
AJ’s grin grew wider. He threw himself at Brian, kissing him and dunking them yet again. This time when they surfaced they were both laughing. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” AJ asked him with a grin.
“Same reason you never did, probably. I was scared of what you’d say.”
“Hell, I was fucking terrified you would flip on me for being gay. I never knew you felt the same way!”
At that moment Brian noticed that AJ was having a hard time treading water. The jeans he was wearing had turned heavy and were weighing him down slightly. “Having trouble there?” he teased, purposely brushing his knee against AJ’s jeans to show him what he was talking about.
A light came on in AJ’s eyes. With one hand he reached down and undid the front of his jeans, sliding them off and then pulling them up with a hand to throw to the side of the pool. “You look like you’re having trouble, too.”
“Huh?” Brian asked in confusion.
The hand that had just thrown his jeans now came back down underwater, taking hold of Brian’s hip to put them together until arousal pressed against arousal, making them gasp. “Same trouble I’ve been having lately.”
Impishness lit Brian’s face. “Well, what’re you gonna do about it?”
He heard AJ’s sharp hiss and then their lips were pressed together again in a kiss that had Brian’s brain exploding.
~~~end flashback~~~
Smiling to himself, Brian stared down at the pages of his book again, lost in pleasant memories. From that day forward they had been secretly inseparable. Secretly, because neither of them wanted to tell anyone yet. First they wanted to see where they would go, and if it would work between them. Then there was the fear of how others would react, both friends and family.
For now they were together, and they loved one another, and they managed to steal time together. Granted, most of it had been while on break and now that they were back on tour it would be so much more difficult. But they were determined to make it work.
~~~~~~~~~~~
AJ snuggled further into the couch cushion as the movie on the screen kept playing. Not that he was paying any attention to it. How the hell could he concentrate on anything when Brian was sitting there reading his book with that silly little smile on his face? Made a man want to go over and kiss those curved lips.
But Howie was sitting right there and that would kind of blow their whole ‘secret’ cover. Wouldn’t be very secretive if they were kissing in front of everyone. Now, if Howie was lying down like Nick and Kevin, then AJ probably would have changed it. He liked to do things like that when there was a risk of getting caught. Surprisingly, so did Brian.
This would be an interesting tour if they all shared this stupid bus the entire time. It would make it difficult for him to find alone time with Brian. He could only cross his fingers that he would get a room pairing with Brian. Maybe if he didn’t he could think of something to convince whoever he got stuck with to switch.
God, how he loved that man! It was an amazing feeling. AJ remembered, clearly, the first time that he had ever realized that what he felt for Brian wasn’t just simple lust. When he took that leap from want and need to love.
~~~flashback~~~
Music echoed around the stage. They had just finished performing “Get Down” and the crowd was hyped. Next on the set list was a song that AJ loved. Spanish Eyes. The music ran through the arena and Howie sang his opening lines before everyone joined in for the chorus. As usual, under cover of his sunglasses, AJ found himself watching Brian.
He loved watching Brian sing. The way he closed his eyes as he got into whatever he was singing. The sweat that beaded on his brow from the lights blazing lights. Hell, if he was honest, he liked watching Brian no matter what.
Nick sang the next verse. Kids voice was getting better and better all the time. Closest in age, AJ had bonded with Nick early on. Ever since that day that he’d beat up those two fuckers for insulting his friend, they’d become even closer. Maybe they didn’t hang out all the time like he and Brian did, but they still had a good friendship.
It got to the part of the song that AJ sang on his own and he cut his thoughts off, pouring his heart into the words. The way the seats were set up that they sat on gave him a good view of Brian. As AJ finished his notes he locked eyes with Brian, watched as he brought his mike up to sing the next lines. Something about the way he looked had AJ’s heart thudding.
“It’s a place I’ve never been and it comes from deep within and it’s telling me that I’m about to win first prize. Knowing all I have to do is reach out my hand to you any time I want to look into your Spanish eyes.”
God, it was almost as if Brian was singing it right to him. As if his words were intended for him and him alone. But Brian wasn’t interested in him. He was straight, right? Or could he be wrong about that? All of this played in his mind as the show went on, performing being as easy as breathing for him and not taking much concentration.
For so long now he’d wanted Brian and lusted after him. But the look that Brian gave him, the way he had seemed so angelic in all those lights that shone down on them, had made AJ’s heart twist inside his chest. He couldn’t deny things to himself anymore. He loved Brian Littrell. Had loved him for a long time. The question now was, what was he going to do about it? That thought stayed in his mind for the rest of the show and the entire evening.
So that night at the hotel he had gone and knocked on Brian and Nick’s door, intent on kicking Nick out and saying his piece to Brian. He had to tell him how he felt. Had to know if there was a chance in hell with him. But when he knocked, Nick told him that Brian had gone up to the pool. Almost, he backed out. But he’d straightened his spine and thanked Nick and set out to the pool. He was going to find Brian, and he was going to finally tell him how he felt, no matter how things ended up.
~~~end flashback~~~
The drivers voice pulled AJ out of his thoughts and back to the present moment. “Pit stop!” he called out as he pulled the bus into the Wal-Mart parking lot. Grinning, AJ hopped up with everyone else. No one ever missed a pit stop. As they all scrambled off the tour bus, AJ caught Brian’s eye and flashed him a wide grin.
Once he was sure no one was looking, Brian grinned back and wiggled his eyebrows. The two were chuckling as they headed into the store. Yeah, it was going to be a long tour, but it could sure prove to be a lot of fun if things worked out right.