Unashamed of it, AJ let Brian walk out first to kind of shield him as he stepped out right behind him. While everyone converged on Brian, AJ fell back and snuck around the edge of the group, hurrying quietly toward the dresser. If he was lucky he’d manage to get a shirt on before anyone turned around and looked at his stomach. He really wasn’t in the mood for a Kevin lecture.
Luck wasn’t on his side, though. Just as he was opening the drawer he heard Kevin’s voice boom out “Freeze, AJ.”
Shit. How the hell was it that Kevin could manage to make him feel like a kid with just once sentence? AJ felt his shoulders hunch for a split second. But his naturally rebellious side kicked in and he straightened his shoulders back and continued to grab a shirt. He pulled it on before turning around to look at Kevin. “Later.” Was all he said to him. But the tone of AJ’s voice let Kevin know how serious he was.
Beyond that, AJ ignored him for the moment, walking up behind Brian and wrapping his arms around his waist. He rested his chin on Brian’s shoulder, letting their faces rest against one another. That was when AJ saw Nick staring at them. One look at Nick’s face and AJ had to hold his laughter in. He could tell that their young friend knew exactly what they had been doing.
AJ flashed Nick a wide grin, winking at him as well. He almost couldn’t control his laughter as Nick turned red and looked away.
“So, they let us in cause they said you’re doing pretty damn good.” Kevin said gently. “I just wish you’d told us all sooner, Bri. What were you thinking?”
With the feel of AJ holding him as well as that post orgasmic high, Brian still wasn’t quite coherent. “What?” he asked, looking over to his cousin. “Oh. Telling you guys. I uh, I just didn’t want the stress, that’s all.”
Kevin furrowed his eyebrows and stepped in close, one hand coming up to rest on Brian’s arm. “Are you ok, Brian? You look so flushed. Do you have a fever?”
Laughter bubbled up in AJ’s throat. He had to turn his face away from them all to get his grin under control. It was hard, though, when he heard the embarrassment in Brian’s voice. Some of that haziness was starting to clear for him, but that left room for embarrassment to seep in. “I’m fine, Kev.”
“Are you sure?” Kevin’s hand moved from Brian’s arm up to his forehead momentarily. “You do feel a little bit warm. Is that a normal side effect?”
“Oh, totally.” AJ piped up, unable to resist himself. “Flushing, a slight elevation in temperature. A little disorientation. Perfectly natural.” He kept a straight face as he said it, but the urge to grin was hard to fight. They gave it away even more when Brian instantly turned red and averted his eyes. Howie was the first one to catch on. His mouth dropped open for just a second, and then he threw his head back and laughed. “Oh my God!”
Nick was still blushing, but his lips were tugging into a grin. Kevin looked around at them, slightly confused. But looking at Brian’s blush and AJ’s smug grin, the light slowly dawned on him and he was smiling and shaking his head. “Are you kidding me?” he finally asked them. “Sex in a hospital? Seriously?”
AJ pretended to look offended. “I did not have sex in the hospital, thank you very much.” He said indignantly.
Rolling his eyes, Howie asked “What is it with you two and giving head in hospital bathrooms?”
Laughter echoed through the room. Brian blushed even harder, bringing his hands up to hide his face, which only made everyone laugh harder. AJ was unperturbed by all of it. He kept his arms around Brian’s waist, resting his hands on his stomach, just enjoying the contact. “Hey now.” He told them all amidst the laughter. “I’ve been without him for six days. You seriously expect me to keep myself under control? I can’t resist this body.”
“Jesus, AJ, shut up.” Brian mumbled, shaking his head. “I swear to God, you love to embarrass me.”
“Naturally. It’s a favorite pastime of mine.”
“Get over it.”
AJ just grinned even wider. “Never, lover. I’m making up for lost time. I haven’t been able to pick on you for days. Give a man a little leeway.”
“Doesn’t it count that I’m sick? You’re not supposed to pick on sick people.” Brian pointed out. He tipped his head enough to look over at AJ’s face.
Shrugging, AJ kissed his cheek. “Nope. Consider it payback.”
That was when Kevin chose to speak up again. The mirth had died in his eyes, and he had on what they all called his ‘fatherly’ face. “About the past few days, AJ…”
Groaning, AJ pulled his head back and put his forehead against Brian’s shoulder. “Seriously, Kev? You want to ream me now? Can’t I enjoy the post orgasmic bliss a little longer?” he whined. Brian’s hand came up, smacking the top of his bald head as he exclaimed “Alexander James!”
But Kevin wasn’t going to be that easily distracted. He was concerned, and he had the bit between his teeth. “Be serious, AJ. You should be in bed, resting and relaxing. Howie said they told you that you’re supposed to be resting and eating. You practically starved yourself. The alcohol helped dehydrate you. That was stupid and reckless, and you need to take care of yourself now.”
“I am taking care of myself.” AJ called, his forehead still against Brian’s shoulder. He stared at the back of Brian’s shirt, counting to ten before he continued. “We both slept most of the evening and all of the night, and Nurse Joyce said that I’m officially admitted to the hospital so she brought breakfast for both of us. I ate enough to please anyone, ok? Right now the best thing for my health is being right here touching Brian. There’s nothing that’ll help me get better like he will.”
Brian’s hands covered his, squeezing lightly at the sentiment, showing his appreciation. That wasn’t quite enough to stop Kevin though. Not that AJ really had thought it would be.
“How could you do that to yourself, Age? Why didn’t you call one of us, or talk to your sponsor, or someone? I mean, look at what your drinking did to you! A broken hand and bruised ribs.”
AJ lifted his head enough to peek over Brian’s shoulder and glare at Howie. “Thanks, D.” he grumbled.
“He was right to tell me!” Kevin told him. His glare encompassed the whole room. “You two are trying to keep way too many secrets. You should have called us, AJ. Both of you should have.”
AJ tried to move away, to step around so that he could get in Kevin’s face, but Brian clamped down on his hands, forcing him to stay there. So he just glared over Brian’s shoulder and said his piece from there. “I couldn’t call any of you, don’t you realize that? I didn’t know where Brian went, but I assumed he was either with family or with one of you. If he was with family, then I knew that you’d know, Kev. Seeing as how no one called me, I assumed that everyone was taking Brian’s side in things. So how could I call you?”
His logic was seamless. Once he was done ranting, though, Brian took up his part. “As for me not calling you, I really would finally like everyone to understand this one point that you all seem to be forgetting. This is my body. I am not a minor child who has to have people make decisions for me when it comes to my medical care. It wasn’t right, and it was stupid, but it was still my personal choice to shut people out. I didn’t want the crowd here. I didn’t want to put you guys through watching this again, and going through this. I didn’t want to scare everyone…”
“But we’re your family!” Kevin broke in angrily. “Dammit, Brian, we love you and we want to be here for you!”
This time it was AJ’s turn to hold Brian in place. Mentally he groaned, wishing that Kevin would shut up, or someone else would shut him up. Did none of them remember that Brian had a short fuse when sick? Couldn’t they at least understand that half of his anger, and what he had done, was born of fear? Not just fear for them living through this with him, but fear for himself. Fear of dying.
“So your wishes override mine?” Brian snapped out, his face going hard. “I’m the one with leukemia! I’m the one who’s going through the chemo! I’m the one whose body is trying to kill him! Not you, Kevin. Me! Who the hell do you think you are to yell at me for choosing what to do with my own life and my own body? I love you guys, I do, but, shit, you don’t understand what it’s like.”
Here AJ let Brian break away, knowing that he needed to move, to pace. Discreetly AJ moved over to the bed, climbing on it and relaxing against the reclined back. His ribs were aching and he needed to recline slightly to ease the pressure. He wasn’t concerned about Brian. This was a speech that had been a long time coming, and he felt that Brian would be better for getting it out.
“You guys have no idea what it feels like to know that your body is trying to kill you. To take that stupid medicine and have it make you feel weaker and weaker. To lose your hair, even your fucking eyebrows! I feel constantly like I have the flu. My body aches, right down in my bones, and I’m always so God damn tired. I just want to sleep. To curl up in that bed and shut out the world and just sleep!”
Brian spun away from them, pacing toward the wall. When he turned back around his face was hard to look at, it was so full of pain.
“Some days it’s hard to just get out of bed. I’m so tired of this, so tired of fighting it and being afraid of what it’s going to do to me. Can you even comprehend the fear that I live in? Each time I did a test I was always afraid that they’d say it came back. Now it has. Now each time they test me, I’m terrified they’re going to tell me it’s moved to a vital organ. Hell, I’m scared of a simple cold bug, because something like that could kill me while I’m on chemo.
“So don’t you sit there and tell me what I should and shouldn’t do concerning my own damn body. I will do what I see fit, and tell who I see fit, and it’s my fucking right. The day you live through something like this and can begin to understand what it is I live through, then you can come and judge my actions. Until then, keep your bullshit opinions to yourself, or don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.”
Brian’s tired eyes locked on AJ, who was still sitting in the bed. AJ offered his lover a small, proud smile. That had needed to be said, and he was proud of Brian for stepping up and putting them all in their place. Drawing strength from the love and support in AJ’s gaze, Brian took a deep calming breath and turned back to his friends.
“I love you guys, I really do. But I have chemo in a few hours, and I’m exhausted. I think we all need a little time to think about things. Why don’t you guys come back tomorrow, ok? Just take a breather, relax, and we’ll talk again tomorrow when we all have cooler heads.”
Their three stunned friends agreed. After quick hugs, they vacated the room. Once the door shut, Brian sighed out his tension. He didn’t waste time in coming over to the bed and climbing in. Instantly he snuggled up to AJ’s side, under his arm. He was careful to watch out for AJ’s ribs.
They didn’t speak. There was no need to. Everything that had to be said was already done. So the two simply stayed cuddled close, slowly drifting toward sleep. After they’d been quiet for a while, AJ found his lips curving.
“What’s so amusing?” Brian asked softly, smiling up at him.
AJ looked down into Brian’s face and let his smile grow. “Did you see their faces when they realized what we’d done? That was fucking awesome.”
“Shut up, Age.”