2001
Staring out the window of his room, Brian wondered what the day was going to bring. So much had been happening lately. So many things had been going on. It left Brian with a heavy feeling in his heart. How could any of them help but feel scared, and worried, and hurt, and ashamed? In one of the most important ways they had failed their brother.
AJ had left for treatment that morning. Their little rebel, their brother who was rumored to be the toughest, was addicted to alcohol, to cocaine, to pills. How on earth could they have let him slip so far? How could he, Brian, have let his friend slip so far? They had been close for quite a while. As close as, if not closer, than Brian and Nick were in some ways.
If it wasn’t for Nick, Brian knew that he never would have made it through the past week. His best friend had been there to help him on all those nights that Brian had been terrified they would find AJ dead.
But now AJ was heading to treatment. He was going to get the help he needed, and he could come back to them, hale and whole. Healthy. Alive. That was what mattered. Not these petty feelings that Brian had. He shouldn’t be spending time beating himself up. Their friend needed support, not to deal with other people’s guilt.
A sound behind him let him know that someone had come in the room. Turning away from the window, Brian found himself looking at his best friend. There was a half-smile on Nick’s face, and humor lit his bright blue eyes in a way Brian loved to see. Even dressed simply in blue jeans and a loose tank top, Nick somehow managed to look good.
There had always been a low grade attraction between the two of them. It was common knowledge that both Nick and Brian were gay. But despite that attraction, they had always seemed ot manage to just stay the best of friends.
At one point, Brian had felt a small attraction for another of his friends. But it hadn’t been this quiet warmth that he felt for Nick. It had been a blaze; one that Brian had been terrified would consume him if he stepped to close to it. There had been nothing comfortable or easy about it. In all honesty, Brian had to admit to himself that it had scared him.
But this, well, this was different. Looking into Nick’s eyes, Brian felt his own lips curve. Being around Nick was as easy as breathing. They had been such good friends for so long that they knew one another inside and out. It almost seemed natural that his feelings of friendship were growing. Everyone around them noticed it too. They constantly got teased about the time they spent together alone.
“Happy or dirty?” Nick asked suddenly, breaking the silence on the room.
Confusion had Brian wrinkling his brow. “What?”
“Some thought has your eyes suddenly sparkling. So, what is it? Happy or dirty?”
Laughter tickled up Brian’s throat, and he couldn’t stop himself from chuckling. “Just, pleasant.” But the blush in his cheeks told a totally different story. He knew it, and Nick knew it. With the ease of years of friendship, Nick took the last few steps over and slung his arm around Brian’s shoulders as he laughed. “So it was dirty. Well, that’s ok. I do that all the time.”
“Think dirty thoughts? Yeah, we know.” Brian joked, poking Nick in the ribs.
With a small squeal Nick jerked sideways and gave Brian a fake glare. “Hey now, none of this poking stuff. That’s just cheating, Frick.”
“Never claimed to play fair, Frack.” He quipped back. But Brian felt his heart grow lighter. Just a few moments in Nick’s presence, and already he was starting to perk back up. To feel more like his normal self, and less worried.
In that uncanny way he had of reading his friends mind, Nick suddenly spoke. “J’s going to be ok, Bri. He’s a tough shit, and he’s getting the help he needs. He’ll make it out of this ok and be better for it in the long run.”
Sighing softly, Brian let himself lean into to Nick’s embrace. “I know. I just can’t help but worry about him. How could we have not got him help earlier?”
“We couldn’t help him until he was ready. We tried. All of us tried. Hell, Bri, you tried your ass off. But he wasn’t ready yet. He is now, and he’s doing what he needs to. Give him the space he needs to grow up a little on his own now.”
Tipping his head up, Brian gave Nick a wry smile. “Since when did you get to be so smart, huh?”
Impulsively, Nick leaned in and gave Brian a quick kiss. “I always have been.” He teased. Brian could only stare at him. Watching as Nick’s eyes suddenly grew darker, and the laughter left them. The reality of what he had just done seemed to have sunk in. Unable to break the stare, Brian kept watching as Nick slowly leaned in, pressing their lips together again.
That small spark of attraction between them grew a little into a nice warm fire in their stomachs. But neither had the chance to see how much farther it would go. The door to Brian’s hotel room burst open and Kevin and Howie came strolling in as if it was their own room.
Even as Nick and Brian jerked back from one another it was already too late. The others had seen them. Kevin’s face practically glowed, and Howie wore a grin a mile wide. “About time, you two!” Kevin cheered, coming over to hug the both of them. “We were wondering when you two would finally admit you liked one another and just get to it!”
“But we, I mean..” Brian stammered out. How to tell them that they hadn’t really done anything? That this had just been a single kiss? But his friends overrode him, offering their congratulations. The next thing Brian knew, he and Nick were being dragged down to Kevin’s room and dinner was being ordered up, as well as drinks. A celebration, they called it.
At one point Brian caught Nick’s eye, and the two of them shared a sheepish grin. Their first kiss, when they were still trying to figure out if there even was a thing between them, and already they were being paired up.
The drinks arrived and everyone scooped one up. A part of Brian grew slightly annoyed that everyone was pouring alcohol so freely on the same day that one of their own had left for a treatment center for alcohol abuse. It didn’t seem quite right. When no one was paying attention, Brian switched his glass for a glass of water. He couldn’t make himself drink the alcohol. It seemed, dishonorable. Not right.
Howie raised his glass up in the air, calling their attention. “A toast. To one friend, for getting the help he needs. An for two more who finally decided to bite the bullet and make one another happy! Cheers!”
“Cheers!” Everyone else echoed.
Sipping at his water, Brian looked at Nick again and grinned.