*July 4th, 2005*<?xml:namespace prefix = o />
*Jaden’s 1 year 9 months old*
*Mikayla’s seven months pregnant*
“I wonder what on earth is so important.” Brian murmured as he and AJ seated themselves in their office. Down the hall they heard Jaden laughing as Mikayla led him to her apartment.
AJ shrugged, shifting to get more comfortable in his chair. He wasn’t feeling too bad today, which was awesome. It had put him in a pretty good mood all day long. When they’d got the call from Kevin an hour ago that there was going to be a conference call with management, not even that had been able to put a damper on AJ’s good humor.
It seemed to be worrying Brian, though. Seeing it, AJ tried to reassure him. “It’s probably just a talk about some things, maybe some publicity, love. Been a while since we’ve done any appearances for the group or made any music.”
“Maybe.” Still, Brian didn’t look reassured. He stared at the phone, waiting for it to ring.
For his part, AJ just wanted the call done with so they could go get ready for the fourth of July picnic they were all going to that evening. Howie and Tiffany were going to meet up with them and AJ had a feeling that Howie was going to be announcing some big news. He couldn’t wait to find out if he was right! He wanted so badly to see his friend married. He and Tiffany were perfect for one another. It was hard for AJ not to constantly rag at Howie for not proposing before now.
The ringing of the phone interrupted his thoughts. He looked over, watching as Brian hit the speakerphone button and said “Hello?”
“Hey, Bri. J there with you?” Kevin’s voice came over the line, loud and clear.
AJ grinned at the phone. “Yo!” he called out.
A chuckle was his answer. “I see he is. Ok, guys, everyone’s on then. I’m bringing management in.”
There was a click and then another voice greeted them. “Hello, gentlemen. Mark here. Everyone on?” Mark was one of the big guys at the management company and one they’d dealt with plenty of times. They all knew him and, even if they didn’t always like him, he was very professional and to the T with their contract. He was just a little too by the book for their tastes. He stuck to the rules like they were the gospel and was known to be iron hard on keeping them. On the flip side, it did make sure that they weren’t dicked around on their contracts either. There was a round of voices chiming in before Mark spoke again.
“Ok, ok, guys. So here’s the gist of what this call’s about. I don’t feel like beating around the bush with this. Management has been reviewing your contracts lately and there are a few things they want me to bring up with you.”
Well, hell, that didn’t sound good. AJ looked over the phone at Brian and for the first time he felt some of his worry start up as well. Nothing had prepared them for what they were going to hear, though. Mark dropped the bombshell on them without any sign of hesitation.
“The thing is, lately you guys haven’t fulfilled your end of the contract, technically. You’re supposed to do so many appearances and shows in a specified amount of time. Also, it’s been a while since there’s been anything done like touring or such like that. What it boils down to is one thing; you guys need to go on some kind of tour or start work on a new album and tour that one when it is done, starting within the next month.”
Silence met his speech for one single, charged instant. Then there were five voices, all crying out different things at the same time. It was Kevin’s voice that boomed the loudest, silencing them all with a loud “Quiet!”
Once he had silence, Kevin’s voice came back over the line. “You want us to tour or make an album and then tour, starting in one month?”
“I do believe that’s what I said, Mr. Richardson. It clearly states in your contract that…”
Kevin cut in before he could continue. “I know what our contract states. I also know that we have medical clauses that supersede what you’re trying to force on us here. We have a clause in our contract that states that if someone is too ill to perform, it will not be required of them. Nor can they be fired because of that illness. We all know that AJ wouldn’t be able to stand up to a tour.”
Anger trembled down AJ’s spine, but it was running a close race with the heartache in him that it was because of him that they were having this problem. His hands gripped into his pants as he stared at the phone that was turning his ordered little life upside down.
“Yes, Mr. Richardson, we understand that.” Mark stated calmly. “But that clause was put in for an illness that is going to pass. This will not pass for you, Mr. Mclean. Not to mention, you’ve been sighted doing random publicity for the center you run as well as two different charity concerts on record. That’s two performances. Management met with their lawyers and they agree that, if you are capable of doing publicity for the center and performances there, than you’re capable of doing such for the group.”
Brian jumped in before anyone else could say a word. His face was tight and his eyes bright with his fury. “He’s done two in the past few years, yes, but they were only two and they were spaced quite a ways apart! As for the publicity you’re talking about, we spoke at a few parties and social get-togethers. Those don’t count as doing ‘publicity’. You can’t force him to go back on tour!”
“Actually, we can.” In contrast to Brian’s anger, Mark’s voice was cool. “You’ve heard our view on things. What you five need to decide now is what you’re going to do about it. You have limited options on this. You can chose to take the clause in the contract that allows you the freedom to break the contract with the reasoning of major illness; you can schedule a tour for the Never Gone album; you can start a new album and tour that when it’s done; or…you can allow the one that’s sick to break contract and the rest of you continue on without him.”
The words were like a fist in AJ’s gut. Continue on without him? Have the Backstreet Boys tour and he not be a part of them? That…could he do that? Jesus.
In the shocked silence, Mark spoke again. “On August fifth, we have you all set to appear on the Terry Wendell show in Los Angeles. We expect you to come to a decision on what it is you wish to do and make the announcement on the show at that date. We’ll know from there what you gentlemen want to do. Good day.” That said, he hung up the phone.
The line seemed to hum with the strength of all their shock. AJ stared at it, unable to look up at Brian, unable to look at his face. He couldn’t break his gaze from the phone. Nothing could have prepared him for this. Nothing. The earlier good feeling he’d had was gone now. Obliterated until there was nothing left. Just this gaping hole of shock.
“Can they do this?” Nick asked suddenly, softly.
There was a long silence. Then, “Yes.” Kevin answered with a heavy sigh. “Based on the contract, yes. They can force this on us.”
Though AJ didn’t see it, Brian had eyes only for him. That sweet southern voice spoke, so soft it was barely heard. “Husband?”
That word was enough to shock AJ back to life. His eyes shot up to Brian. Even he could feel how wide they were and how pale his face had become. He was on his feet without even realizing how he’d gotten there. Brian moved, one hand reaching toward him, but AJ gave a sharp jerk of his head. There was so much suddenly boiling inside of him. He had to get out of there. Now. He had to leave before he exploded with the force of it all.
AJ turned and headed straight for the door. When it slammed shut behind him, he didn’t care. Mark’s words kept ringing over and over inside of his brain. Sweet God, they were trying to make him leave the group. Management was trying to find a way to get him the hell out of the group! How could they think he would be ok with that? What was he supposed to do, sit at home with Jaden while Brian went on tour? That would kill him!
He had no idea where he was going to. The feelings in him were morphing into this enormous anger that ached to be set free. It had been so long since he’d felt this furious about anything. Who the hell did these people think they were?
Somehow he found himself standing in the dining room, staring out the back door to their backyard. His hands were balled into fists beside him.
All of this was because of his Goddamn disease. Because his body was trying to kill him from the inside out. Because of that, management was able to do this. Because of that, he was losing the most beautiful things in his life, one by one. Eventually he would lose it all in the biggest way possible.
Couldn’t they understand that? Logically he knew that they understood, but they were holding him to the contract. They were looking to make more money. But, Jesus! A little humanity wouldn’t be too much to ask for!
“Husband?”
Brian’s soft voice broke into AJ’s thoughts, startling him. He didn’t bother turning around. Right then, he didn’t even trust himself to speak. If he did, there was no telling what would come out of his mouth. Brian of all people did not need to have that thrown at him. So AJ opted for keeping his mouth shut.
His husband knew him well enough to not come over and touch him. But he stood a few feet away and spoke to him. “Alex, baby. I’m so sorry.”
Sorry? He was sorry? AJ swallowed back the vile responses that jumped to his lips. No. He would not lash out at Brian for this. It wasn’t Brian’s fault. But the anger and pain inside of him were growing more and more. They were slowly breaking his control into pieces. He could feel it.
“The guys agreed that, with Mikayla’s condition, you and I can’t travel right at the moment, and Howie is already out here for us, so Kevin and Nick are catching the earliest flights out. We’ll get together as a group and talk about what to do.”
That last part snapped the last little thread of AJ’s control. “What to do?” He rasped as he spun around. “What to do? There’s not a damn thing we can do!” He brought a hand up, slicing it across the air. “Nothing! They’ve neatly trapped us in with legal bullshit until it boils down to one thing. I can’t be a Backstreet Boy anymore!’
“We won’t let them do this to you, baby. They can’t discriminate against you this way.” Brian insisted eagerly. His earnest voice just fueled AJ’s temper even more.
“You won’t let them? How the hell you going to stop them, Bri? Huh? It’s in our contract! They have every legal fucking right to pull this shit and there isn’t one fucking thing we can do about it!” A bitter laugh pulled its way up his throat. “Let’s face it, anyways. They’re right to do this.” That hurt to admit, but it was true. “I can’t tour anymore. I might make it a night or two, but beyond that, I’d be useless.”
That bitterness boiled up, burning away everything else. “We could record another album as a group, but I wouldn’t be able to tour it. I’d barely be able to do any promo shit for it. I’m not an asset to this group anymore, Bri. That’s just the facts.” He wrapped his arms around his waist, anger and bitterness morphing into pain that was sharper than the rest of it had been. “I’m useless in the band, that’s all there is to it.”
“You are not useless, Alexander James Littrell.” Brian swore furiously. He strode forward, anger in every line of his body. He grabbed AJ’s arms, surprising him enough that he could only stare into Brian’s stormy blue eyes as Brian spoke in that same low, angry voice. “Don’t you ever have the nerve to say that to me again. You are not useless. Not in the group, not anywhere.”
Face to face, AJ couldn’t be anything but honest. “It feels like it.” He whispered. “What else is this going to take from me? Huh? Touring, performing. Two things I loved so much and I can’t even do them anymore. Now it’s going to take away the group as well.”
If anything, Brian looked even angrier. “Pull your head out of your ass for a minute, would you?” He snapped. AJ felt his eyes grow even wider. Brian never spoke to him like that! “What?” he croaked.
“You heard me, husband! You’re thinking emotionally, not logically. Stop and think about this for a minute and quiet letting all your emotions guide you. Honestly stop and think about this for a moment and answer me one question. Right now, here and now, even if you were healthy enough to tour, would you want to?”
The first thing that came to AJ’s mind was a loud ‘yes’! But before it could come out of his mouth, he froze. Would he want to tour? The question bounced around inside his mind. Touring would take him away from home for months. He’d be on the road from hotel to hotel, doing a different show each night, performing the music that he loved.
But doing that would take him away from home. What about Jaden, who was turning two in just three months? Could he rightfully drag his son with him all over the place, pushing him off on someone else each time that his daddies had to do a show or an interview or a photo shoot or the million and one other things they did on the road?
What about Mikayla, who was seven months pregnant with twins and due any time? Did he want to be on tour when his and Brian’s children were born? Or after they were born, would he want to tour while carting around his son and newborn twins? Or would he have to leave them at home with Mikayla? Or, force her to come along and help care for them?
He blinked a few times, bringing himself back to the moment. Looking into Brian’s eyes, he felt his anger and pain melting under the truth of Brian’s statement. “No.” He answered him honestly.
A warm smile curled Brian’s lips. “Me either.” Now his hands shifted, releasing AJ’s arms so that he wasn’t gripping them anymore. Instead he stroked them gently. “That’s exactly what I told Kevin, too. We have a life here now, Age. We have a beautiful son and two more children on the way. We’re married, living in our home, growing our family. We have the center and all that goes with it to keep us busy. In the scheme of it all, what’s touring? What’s another album? We can always make more music on our own. Make a solo album. Or even make one as a group and release it on our own or with another company.”
Everything Brian said made sense. It also worked to help calm AJ down even more. Brian was right. In the scheme of it, what did the touring matter? Even if the option was there, he wouldn’t take it. There was too much in their life to spare time to tour, even if he did enjoy being on stage. He could fulfill that urge on his own with charity events for the center.
Who knew how much of his life he had left? His doctor told him that his lifestyle, combined with his fierce desire to fight this disease and the care he and Brian took with his health along with how religiously he stuck to his medications, gave him a high likelihood of living a longer life. Medical advancements were happening all the time. He could live up to ten more years, maybe even more than that if he was lucky. Sometimes, his doctor said, all the statistics and all the tests in the world were nothing in comparison to a person with a strong will who refused to lie down and let the disease win.
There were plenty of things in AJ’s life that he had to live for. Plenty of things to keep him going. But even if he had a year, or even if he got as far as fifteen years, what did he want to do with them? Tour more for the group? Sing another million songs on another million stages with girls screaming at him? Or be there each night to sing his children to sleep? What did an audience compare to the smile on his son’s face when Daddy and Papa sang him his goodnight songs?
“I love you.” AJ said, his lips curving in an answering smile.
The light on Brian’s face grew. “I love you, too.”
A sudden crackle on the wall speaker caught both their attention. They turned to it just as Mikayla’s voice came out. “Guys?”
The sound of her voice had the both of them practically leaping for the monitor. There had been a breathy sound to her word as well as a slight panic. Brian reached the speaker first, pressing the button that reached her room. “Kay? Honey, you ok? What’s wrong?”
A second later she responded. “I…I think my water broke.” A grunt, a pause, then her voice again, much more strained. “God, that’s a contraction.”
AJ was already moving. As he raced up the stairs he thanked God that today was a good day for him so he wasn’t aching as he darted up the stairs, Brian running right behind him. By the time he reached her section of the house he was out of breath, though.
They burst through the door to find chaos in Mikayla’s living room. She was standing by the wall, one hand pressed against it, one wrapped around her belly. Jaden stood back from her, his face screwed up as he let out his first wail. A puddle was on the ground at Mikayla’s feet.
The two men snapped into action. Brian went straight to Mikayla while AJ hurried to scoop up Jaden and soothe him down.
“How bad is it, Kay? How far apart?” Brian asked her, taking hold of one arm and putting his other around her.
She clung tightly to him, breathing through the contraction. When it passed she visibly sighed into him. “God, it’s strong.” She grumbled. True to her personality, she gave him an impish smile. “We’ve got time to get to the hospital, Papa. Don’t you worry. I’m fine and the babies feel fine. They’re just eager to make their appearance in the world.”
“It’s too early.” AJ insisted as he rocked Jaden back and forth and tried to calm him down. “A month and a half too early!”
Mikayla nodded. “Twins come early, Age. It happens. They’ll be fine. We just need to get to the hospital. With my water breaking, there won’t be any stopping labor. Will you get me a dry dress real fast and then go get Jaden’s bag and get in the car. With Bri’s help I can get there just fine.”
Her no nonsense voice was enough to get AJ moving again. He whispered soothingly to Jaden who was now sniffling on his shoulder. With quick movements, AJ went into Mikayla’s room and grabbed one of her most comfortable dresses and brought it back out. Then, because he couldn’t resist, he kissed her forehead. “I’ll meet you down there, little sister.” He said, tugging on a curl.
She grinned up at him. “Hurry up, slowpoke, or we’ll beat you down there.”
Somehow AJ found himself laughing as he took off toward Jaden’s room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three hours later AJ found himself standing in hospital scrubs inside of Mikayla’s room, looking down into two bassinettes. Brian stood beside him, gowned the same as he was, a wobbly smile lighting up his face. Jaden was out in the waiting room with Uncle Howie, waiting for permission to come back into the room.
“God, baby. They’re beautiful.” AJ whispered. He couldn’t keep the awe out of his voice or the tears from his eyes. They were absolutely beautiful.
Brian wrapped an arm around him, pulling him in for a hug. “That they are, husband. Just look at them.”
Behind them Mikayla spoke, humor lacing her tone. “Of course they’re beautiful. They’ve got my genes mixed in there, you know.” She teased. Despite the ordeal she’d been through, she was the picture of good health, if a little tired around the edges.
The mood was too good for them to even indulge in their usual teasing. AJ and Brian just turned their heads and grinned at her. She grinned back, laughing softly. “You two crack me up. Go back to admiring your little ones. Maybe you’ll eventually even pick them up, too.” She laid her head back against her pillow, relaxing as the boys went back to staring at their babies.
It had been an adventure, getting Mikayla to the hospital and checked in. By the time she’d arrived, her contractions had been eight minutes apart. From there, it had progressed slowly, one baby not wanting to turn right to come out.
Luckily, the baby had turned just enough that, finally, her labor had progressed safely. She’d delivered both naturally, without a single problem. Their twins had come squalling into the world, completely healthy. Once they'd been cleaned up, the nurses had put them in their bassinettes and rolled those near the bed. This hospital didn’t have a nursery, but believed in the babies rooming in with their mothers.
Mikayla had been cleaned up and cared for and wiped down to clean up the sweat she’d built up on her skin. Now she sat in her bed, reclining against the raised back, looking beautiful and peaceful. A person almost wouldn’t guess that she’d just given birth to two babies.
Unable to resist any longer, the two men moved forward, each lifting up a child. AJ marveled at the small life in his arms. Even though he remembered this stage with Jaden, it didn’t fail to amaze him now. He held a tiny little life in his hands. A small soul that would look to him and Brian as they grew and changed.
The doors to the room opened and in piled the ‘Backstreet family’. Howie and Tiffany, who held a sleeping Jaden in her arms; Kevin and Kristen; Nick and Sam. Everyone had already been on their way but had rushed to the hospital to be able to be there for the babies.
Grinning, AJ turned toward his friends and family. He shifted his arms, showing everyone to see the baby’s face. “Everyone, Amelia Jane Littrell, born a whopping eighteen inches long and five pounds nine ounces.”
Brian moved forward, showing off the bundle in his arms. “Meet Damien Tyler Littrell, nineteen inches and five pounds eleven ounces.”
The proud fathers stood together as their extended family gathered around them to ooh and ahh over the two new additions to the Littrell household.
Standing there, his daughter in his arms, his son in Brian’s, and his other son in Tiffany’s, with everyone gathered around him, AJ knew this was a memory he was going to hold in his heart until the end of his days.