*December 24th, 2003*

 

 

Nothing had ever seemed so perfect. Standing by the kitchen window, AJ watched the snow coming down in the early morning light as he sipped a cup of tea. God, he loved watching snow fall. There hadn’t been a lot of it for him, growing up. But now he lived in an area that would snow every single winter. There was already snow covering the ground, covering the trees, with still more falling. They would have a white Christmas this year. That thought lifted his heart high.

 

 

Leave it to Brian to move them to a place that guaranteed this one wish AJ had. Silly though it may seem to others, it was important to him. He loved the cards you always saw at holidays with beautifully decorated houses, gorgeous trees, a roaring fire, and snow falling. Now, he had that. Everything was perfect.

 

 

Upstairs slept his gorgeous son, who he loved more and more every day. With every day that passed, Jaden wrapped himself tighter and tighter around their hearts. He was such a happy baby, or, at least he was when he didn’t want something. When he did, he wasn’t shy about letting them know. His cries could rattle the rooftop. Brian liked to tease AJ that there was no denying this was his kid. But it was always said with a smile so full of love that it took all the sting out of the words.

 

 

Down the hall Brian was still sleeping. AJ had lay in bed with him for a while after waking, just enjoying the warmth of Brian’s body against his. Enjoying that feeling of closeness and contentment. So many things in their life seemed to be going so perfectly lately. Jaden was happy and healthy. Mikayla had healed up well from the labor and was still her chipper self. Though they’d worried about it, there had been no troubles adjusting between them all for Mikayla to become Aunt instead of Mom. She slid easily into the role of Aunt and never tried to step in and act as a mother, though the child was technically hers. She said that, even though she was biologically this child’s mother, they would be his parents in every way that mattered. All she wanted to do was playing loving ‘Aunty Kay’.

 

 

Even AJ’s problems seemed to be less than usual. His doctor had said that his medications were keeping his CD4 levels higher than they’d anticipated, which was good, and his viral load lower than they’d expected as well.  For the time being, this medication regime seemed to be working better than any others he’d been on. Most of the side effects were even gone. Yes, he still had problem sleeping at night, but they’d managed a nice fix to that one.

 

 

Since he was up a lot at night, he generally got up with Jaden when he woke in the middle of the night. That way, Brian didn’t lose any sleep. During the day, AJ tended to nap when Jaden did, and when Jaden woke up, Brian would take him so that AJ could nap for even longer. They had a nice system going.

 

 

The first week they’d had Jaden home had been a challenge. Adjusting to midnight feedings and figuring out what cries meant what. Changing the first diaper had been interesting and hilarious at the same time. Between the two of them they’d managed to figure things out, though it’d taken a little while.

 

 

Now, two months later, they both felt like they were finally getting the hang of things. They could each easily heat up a bottle, one handed if necessary. They could change a diaper without breaking stride. It felt like they were starting to get their rhythm with it. Just watching Jaden grow made everything they did worthwhile. He was the light of their lives. Until Jaden had been born, AJ hadn’t known he could love anyone more than he loved Brian. Now, he had this small little angel in his life that he loved, not necessarily more, but in such a different way. The two held the biggest parts of his heart.

 

 

A small cry from the baby monitor on the counter drew AJ’s attention from the falling snow. Speaking of Jaden… he thought to himself with a smile. Quietly he set his cup down, shut off the monitor and headed upstairs.

 

 

They’d finished the last bit of the nursery while Mikayla had stayed the mandatory three days in the hospital. Because of not knowing the gender, they’d left of painting and putting everything inside. Once Jaden had been born, though, that night they’d come home and painted the room. The walls were a cream color called ‘antique lace’ and the trim on the floor and ceiling and windows was done in a lighter shade of green called ‘jalapeno pepper’. The curtains over the rooms two windows were a shade of green to match the trim and were usually held open to let the light in. It was a warm room, happy and inviting.

 

 

They’d bought a large green and brown rug to put on the hardwood hickory floor, the brown of the rug matching the chestnut crib that sat against one wall. Also they had an dresser with a lamp on top, a changing table, a bookshelf full of books, and a chaise lounge. Against one of the walls they had a toy box that already held a collection of baby toys inside of it, even though he wasn’t yet ready for them.

 

 

Stepping into his son’s room, AJ moved in bare feet over toward the crib where Jaden was starting to build up a good cry. “There, there, little one.” He said soothingly as he reached to pick up his son. No longer afraid of dropping him, AJ easily lifted the little boy up to rest in the curve of his arm.

 

 

As always, he found himself smiling as he looked into Jaden’s face. Being in the comfort of his daddy’s arms, Jaden was starting to quiet down a little, though he still fussed. His eyes, colored chocolate just like AJ’s, were wide and bright. Lovingly AJ stroked his hand over Jaden’s forehead, brushing back a brown curl. “Morning, little one.”

 

 

Jaden let out a whimpering sound, squirming a little. Heading to the changing table, AJ lay him down on it to change his morning diaper. “Oh, there we go now. That’s right. Just going to get this off you. I bet you’re wet, aren’t you?” He continued to talk to him as he undid the little sleeper they had him in. Quickly and efficiently he changed the wet diaper out for a clean one, disposing of the other in the diaper pail they had.

 

 

Once he had him dressed again, AJ scooped Jaden back up and held him in the curve of his arm as he headed out of the room. Jaden was still fussing, obviously knowing what was coming next. It never failed, no matter what was going on, Jaden woke up at almost the same time every morning, between six thirty and seven, wanting his breakfast.

 

 

AJ entertained him as he prepped the morning bottle. Once it was ready he tested it to make sure it wasn’t too hot, then brought it up to Jaden’s mouth. He smiled as Jaden started to suck on it. “There now, that’s much better, isn’t it?” He whispered to him.

 

 

Moving to stand by the back patio, AJ went back to watching the snow fall as he fed Jaden his breakfast. “Look at it snow, Jaden. Your first Christmas is tomorrow and it’ll be a white one. You’re too little to know what that is yet, but you’ll catch on as the years go by.” Smiling, AJ adjust his arms, unconsciously swaying from side to side as he stood there. “I can’t wait to see as you learn about Santa Claus and start to get excited about presents and stockings and all that. I hope I’m here to see it.”

 

 

That thought brought a pang to his heart. God, he hoped that there were still years ahead of him. There was so much in his life worth living for.

 

 

“You know, Daddy never really got to have his white Christmas before. But your Papa, he brought us out here as a little present to Daddy. Yes he did.” AJ lifted his gaze, looking back out at the snow. Just shy of seven o’clock, it was a beautiful morning. A wonderful start to Christmas Eve. “Your Papa takes very good care of Daddy. Of all of us. We’re lucky guys, you and I. I’m a lucky guy, to have you and Papa in my life. You’re the best two things that ever happened to me.”

 

 

It was the truth. The best things in AJ’s life were right here in this house. His wonderful husband, and his darling son. Nothing in life could compare to them.

 

 

“I wish your Grandma could be here to see you. That you could get to know her and grow up loving her, just like I did.  But it’s her loss, right little one? You have another Grandma and Grandpa, and they love you very much. You’re going to grow up surrounded by love. There are so many people who will be part of your life.”

 

 

Jaden sighed a little and pushed his mostly empty bottle away, fussing some. Without pause, AJ set the bottle on the counter beside him and shifted Jaden over his shoulder, patting his back as he kept rocking. Within a moment his son burped. Smiling, AJ brought him back down, laying him in the crook of his other arm. “There, that’s better.” He said in a sing song voice. “Ready for the rest?” Eagerly, Jaden took the bottle back in his mouth.

 

 

Content, AJ went back to rocking and staring out the window. “There’s so much  I wish for, little one.” He said softly. “I wish that I could be here for all your Christmases. For your first day of school, your first dance, your first date. Graduation. I wish I could say I’ll be here for all of that and more, but the hard part is, I probably won’t.”

 

 

It was so easy to smile again as he let his gaze drift back to Jaden. “But I promise you that I’m going to be watching from up there, once I’m gone. I’ll always be with you even if you can’t see me.  I love you very much and I always will.”

 

 

He finished Jaden’s feeding, humming softly as he put the bottle in the sink and burped him again. Just when he was getting him settled he heard the familiar sound of Brian stirring. Sure enough, a few minutes later Brian came walking into the room, bleary eyed and smiling. “There’s my boys.” He said, his voice still a little rough with sleep. Smoothing back Jaden’s hair, Brian pressed a kiss to his forehead before raising his head to give AJ a kiss. “Morning, husband.”

 

 

“Morning, Bri.” AJ smiled back at him.

 

 

“How long you two been up?”

 

 

“Oh, just enough time to give him his breakfast.” In a move that had become habit, AJ moved toward the little swing they kept by the kitchen table and slid Jaden in to it. After making sure he was strapped in he turned it on to low, making it swing just lightly enough that it would soothe Jaden as it always did. Then he moved to the sink to rinse out the bottle.

 

 

Brian slid up behind him, wrapping his arms around AJ’s waist. “You’re looking pretty happy this morning.” He murmured sleepily.

 

 

That made AJ grin. He rinsed the bottle out and stuck it in the strainer before turning into Brian’s embrace. His arms came up and wrapped around Brian’s neck. “I am pretty happy.” He finally answered him. “I’ve got a gorgeous husband and a beautiful little boy. We’re in our nice house with a very close friend living with us. It’s Christmas Even and it’s snowing like crazy outside. I feel healthy, no weakness or nausea or anything like that. What more could a guy ask for?”

 

 

“I love you, Alex.”

 

 

The emotion in Brian’s eyes just had AJ’s smile growing bigger. “I love you too, Brian. Always.” He gave Brian a quick kiss. “Thank you for everything you’ve done this year. For getting us here, in this house in this town. For helping me get the white Christmas I always wanted and not thinking that it was a silly thing for me to want.”

 

 

“Why on earth would I think it was silly?”

 

 

“In the grand scheme of things, it’s really a random thing to want.”

 

 

Brian rolled his eyes before kissing the tip of AJ’s nose. “Shut up, would you? It’s what you want and it’s what you have now. No need to thank me for it. I love it here too, husband.”

 

 

Not in the mood to even play argue, AJ just leaned in and held Brian closer, resting his head in the curve of Brian’s neck. The two swayed together in the middle of their kitchen as the baby swing slowly put their son back to sleep. AJ thought that there had never been a more perfect moment in his life.