There was enough food to feed an entire army by the time Thanksgiving dinner was ready. Then again, as AJ looked at the people that were bowing their heads around the table, he thought to himself that some might think they were the size of a small army. While Brian said their Thanksgiving prayer, AJ snuck looks at those that he considered family.
Jackie and Harold Littrell sat across from AJ and on Brian’s left. They had become like another set of parents for him. Loving and kind, they were two of the best people he had ever known. They hadn’t hesitated on caring for him, whether it had been for Brian or whatever reason at first. Now, he knew without a doubt that they loved him for him. These two who hadn’t raised him, but who he proudly called Mom and Dad. They were all the parents he needed now.
Next to them were Kevin and Kristen. Now, those two looked happier and happier every time he saw them. Kristen practically glowed this evening with the smile on her face and AJ loved to watch and see that glow for her. It shined from her every time she looked in Kevin’s direction. The same for Kevin when he looked at her. It was good to see Kevin so happy. The sternest of them all, and the most responsible, he looked happy with the life he had. Though he hadn’t said anything, AJ had a feeling that it wouldn’t be long before Kevin retired from the music business to become a family man. He hoped he was around to see it. Kevin and Kristen were well suited, and they would be happy a long time. AJ could see it in the way they leaned in to one another even as they prayed. He doubted it was a conscious thing.
Mikayla sat at the far end of the table, her face lit with a gentle smile as Brian’s prayer washed over them. This beautiful girl who was more than a friend. She was a sister. Had he ever known anyone quite like her? She was one in a million. He blessed himself every day for having her in his life. She was always there for him, loving him and supporting him. Now, this new thing she was doing for them. The first in vitro had been placed, but she said she wouldn’t know for another week and a half if it had ‘caught’. He was so lucky, so utterly blessed, with her. Not only that she loved him, and she loved Brian too, but that she was willing to do this for them. To bear a child for them. When he stopped to think about it, AJ always found himself amazed.
Next to her sat Howie; the best friend a guy could ever ask for. Ever since that day AJ had been in the hospital with pneumonia, Howie had become much better about dealing with things. Less panicky or pushy and more supportive. They didn’t hang out the way they used to, but that was more due to their lives changing than a lack on either part. Howie had his wonderful woman, and AJ had Brian, and they were living their own separate lives. But they still spoke on the phone and still got together. AJ knew that, no matter what, Howie would always have his back. Nothing could change that steady friendship between them.
On AJ’s right sat Nick, the youngest of their group, and by far the most fun. When he stopped by to visit he always brought laughter with him, almost like the sun followed him wherever he went. Even when he was being so annoying you wanted to choke him, he never failed to make you laugh. It was a good quality in a friend. Because of them being the youngest two, AJ and Nick had a different kind of friendship. Almost like the two youngest siblings in a large family. All of this was hitting him harder than he let on and AJ hated that it had to be that way. He knew that, because they were close in age, Nick tended to look up to him a little more than the others. But he was young, and resilient. He would heal after this was all done and over with. There would be a scar, but he would heal. Nothing got Nick Carter down for too long.
Last but not least was Brian. The man who had changed AJ’s life. So many feelings popped into AJ when he looked at Brian’s calm, sweet face; watched him as he finished off the prayer. Was there anyone in the world as lucky as AJ was? To have this man in his life, his arms, his bed. There was no one who understood AJ better than Brian did. No one who took the time to look so deep beneath the surface and find what was hidden inside.
Loyal was a good word to describe Brian. Kind and loving. Gentle in so many ways. Yet strong, too. Stronger than most men would be in a situation like this. Hell, AJ thought. Sometimes Brian was stronger than him about all of this! No matter what happened or what went on in their lives, Brian was always there to take his hand. To hold AJ close when he felt alone in the world. But not just that. Brian was wonderful at helping AJ keep his independence, too. When pride demanded that AJ do something on his own, Brian would help him stand and then have the love and faith to back off and let AJ do what needed to be done.
So made up the most important people in his entire world. The prayer finished and they all raised their heads, smiles instantly starting. AJ sat back and just watched them all as the food started its way around the table. As they’d requested, Harold stood up and carved the turkey on the sideboard for them. While he got that platter ready, the other foods traveled around the table, starting with Kevin and wrapping around to end at Jackie.
Howie poked at something in a bowl he was handed. “What is this?” he asked them, his face wrinkled up as he tried to guess what it was.
Leaning a little to look, Brian finally gave a grin. “Oven roasted squash with garlic and parsley. It’s delicious!” he said as he settled back into his seat.
The look of disgust on Howie’s face was almost as priceless as the one on Nick’s when he took the bowl and immediately passed it along. AJ took it, putting a small bit on his plate and passing it to Brian, who grinned and winked at him.
Nick mounded mashed potatoes on his plate before passing the bowl to AJ, who skipped on them. “You guys have any other weird stuff on the table?” Nick asked, grinning. “I mean, at least you have mostly normal, good stuff.”
“Weird stuff?” Furrowing his eyebrows, AJ bumped his shoulder against Nick. “My food isn’t weird.”
“It’s totally weird, J.”
Jackie laughed as she took a roll for her plate. “Leave the boy alone, Nicholas, and don’t talk with your mouth full of food.” She scolded him. Laughter echoed around the table, growing louder when Nick ducked his head and said “Yes, Ma’am.”
Soon all the food was served and everyone was seated, digging in to their plates. Kevin and Harold were carrying on some conversation about horses that AJ wasn’t bothering to keep up with. Howie and Mikayla were talking and laughing together. As AJ ate he watched Brian turn and speak with his mother about a family friend.
That left Nick without conversation, so he naturally turned to start picking on AJ. He poked a fork at AJ’s plate. “You plan on eating more than a kids portion on things, J? You used to pack this shi-stuff away.” Just barely Nick managed to catch himself from swearing, though it made AJ chuckle when he saw his friend dart a quick look at Jackie to make sure she hadn’t heard him.
“This is about what I eat anymore, Carter. Don’t have much of an appetite anymore.”
“What? Seriously? Man, that’s crazy. You’ve always packed it away with me.”
AJ took a bite of his roll and grinned around it. “Guess that means you’re the resident pig now, Nick my boy.” He taunted him. It didn’t even bother Nick. He grinned back and, to help out his image, reached out and added another spoonful of mashed potatoes. “I’ll just eat mine and your portions then.” He shot back.
Spearing some of the squash on his fork, AJ held it out. “You should really try this, man. It is good.”
The disgust on Nick’s face was hilarious. “It looks nasty. I aint eating that!”
“Just one bite, Nicky.”
“No way!” Nick pushed AJ’s fork away, but AJ just brought it back, waving it in front of Nick’s face. “Just one little bite. Who knows, you may like it!”
Just to gross Nick out more, Brian leaned in and speared one of the squash pieces on his own fork and ate it. As expected, Nick made gagging noises. They had caught the attention of the others around the table, all of whom were chuckling at their byplay. “It really is good.” Brian told him when he was done chewing. “Just cause it’s healthy doesn’t mean it’s bad.”
Nick rolled his eyes. “You guys can keep all your healthy crap. Give me calories and carbs and sugars any day of the week.”
Amused, AJ shared a look with Brian. He couldn’t resist turning to give Nick a wide grin. “I hate to break it to you, my good friend, but most of this stuff was made healthy.” He said smugly. Nick’s fork froze halfway to his mouth. “Huh?” he asked.
Brian sat back in his chair, nibbling off his roll. “Well, yeah. I mean, AJ and I eat healthier. You know that, man.” He said in a casual voice.
Processing that, Nick looked down at his plate for a moment before looking up at them. “What’d you do to it all? I don’t taste anything different.” The last part was admitted grudgingly, as if he didn’t want to admit that healthy things could taste good. This, AJ thought, was most likely how Nick felt.
Simply because it amused him, AJ pointed at the different things on Nick’s plate as he answered. “Well we used low fat sour cream in the potatoes instead of milk. Used some fake sugar in things instead of real sugar. Just little stuff like that. Not as much salt in all of it. Little quirks you pick up along the way. Wait till you taste the homemade pumpkin pie Mom made. She made it healthier too.”
For a moment there was silence as they all watched Nick’s face. Then their young friend shook his head. “Whatever. I’m still eating it. Food is food, right?” That broke the silence and had everyone laughing again.
For the rest of the meal AJ watched the conversations flying around him. At any one time there were at least three conversations going at once and all of them bleeding over into the other ones at random moments. In the chaos he found a peace in his heart. It felt good to be sitting here like this with everyone. There were familiar stories that still made them all laugh, no matter how many times they’d been told. Random reminders of manners from Jackie that had them laughing at the one who was being lectured.
General teasing passed around as well, which was normal for them. Kevin took a few moments to tweak AJ a little about his glasses. Still slightly self-conscious about them, he pushed them up his nose a little and shrugged at Kevin’s teasing. But Howie leaned around Nick and smiled at him, saying “I think they look good on you, Age. They suit your face.” Before turning back to talk to Mikayla. That offhand compliment had AJ smiling, suddenly much more comfortable with them.
By the time that dinner had been eaten and dessert finished, all of them were feeling very full and very happy. The party moved to the living room where everyone sprawled out around the room and got comfortable.
There was no talk of hospitals, or medications, or death or pain. Everything was happy and cheerful and full of love and laughter. It was exactly what AJ had needed. He found himself perking up despite the worries in his heart. For the first time in a while he had a day that was almost totally carefree. It felt wonderful.
As the night came on and the stories continued, AJ curled up against Brian. They sat on the loveseat, AJ against Brian’s side, Brian’s arm around him, holding him close. While the others laughed and listened to Harold telling some story about a family he knew back home, AJ tipped his head up and shared a smile with Brian. “Thank you for a wonderful day.” He whispered.
Brian kissed him softly. “It was a good day, wasn’t it?”
“Mm hm. Just about perfect.”
He was exhausted, though he didn’t want to say anything. The last thing he wanted was to leave. It felt so good to be sitting like this with everybody. He didn’t want the day to end. But Brian was always able to tell when he was tired. “You want to head up to bed soon, honey?” he asked him quietly.
Shifting, AJ shook his head. “Not yet. Plus, I wanted to ask you, well…never mind.” Slightly embarrassed, he dropped his head down.
A finger came under AJ’s chin, tipping his head back up. Loving blue eyes locked on to him. “What, Alex? Ask me anything.”
It was the love in Brian’s voice that did him in. Face with that, how could he feel too embarrassed about anything? “I was just hoping, maybe, you might read to me again tonight.” Flustered, he quickly added “I mean, you don’t have to. It’s just, I’m still getting used to these glasses and sometimes reading gives me a headache when I try to adjust with the bifocals…”
A kiss silenced any words that he had. When they pulled back, Brian smiled down at him. “Of course I will.” He said. The finger under AJ’s chin moved so that Brian could lightly stroke his cheek. “I like reading to you.”
“I like listening to your voice.” AJ admitted. He smiled sheepishly. “You have a voice a person could just listen to, no matter what you’re saying. It kind of brings the stories or the poetry to life. It paints pictures in my head and kind of takes me away for a while. It’s nice.”
They hadn’t realized that anyone else was listening to them until Jackie said “Why don’t you read a few poems to all of us, Brian? I know you’ve been reading a poetry book and you know I love poetry.”
The idea was quickly met with approval. So AJ shifted on the couch to let Brian up. While he waited, AJ grabbed the quilt off the back of the loveseat and pulled it over him to stave off the slight chill he had. But just as he got comfortable, the watch on his wrist beeped. He pressed the button to shut it off and sighed. Not only because he’d just become comfortable, but because it brought reality into this little fantasy day they’d been having.
Jackie rose to her feet before him, gesturing him back down. “I was going to get a drink anyways. I’ll just bring them in, honey. You stay there.” She told him. She didn’t mention that she could see how tired he was, both inside and out. It saddened her to see that a simple holiday exhausted him this much. But there was no point to saying it so she simply took care of him in the only way she could.
Right as Brian came back, Jackie walked back in the room. Without fuss she handed AJ his meds and a glass of water to take them with. Once he swallowed them down she took the glass back an took it back to the kitchen.
Brian sat down and AJ instantly moved back into the curve of his arm. He rested his head on Brian’s shoulder and let his eyes drift shut. He didn’t have long to wait before Brian started reading. He’d picked a favorite of theirs to start with, making AJ’s lips curve a little.
Happiness is like a crystal,
Fair and exquisite and clear,
Broken in a million pieces,
Shattered, scattered far and near.
Now and then along life’s pathway,
Lo! some shining fragments fall;
But there are so many pieces
No one ever finds them all.
You may find a bit of beauty,
Or an honest share of wealth
While another just beside you
Gathers honor, love or health
Vain to choose or grasp unduly,
Broken is the perfect ball;
And there are so many pieces
No one ever finds them all
Yet the wise as on they journey
Treasure every fragment clear,
Fit them as they may together
Imaging the shattered sphere,
Learning ever to be thankful,
Though their share of it is small;
For it has so many pieces
No one ever finds them all
-Priscilla Leonard
The room was silent when Brian finished. His words seemed to echo around the room. Without hesitating, he moved on and found another, one that he knew that AJ loved. Hearing the first line, AJ snuggled in close. It was one of the first ones that Brian had ever read to him and it touched a place inside them both. It was special to them.
We have lived and loved together
Through many changing years;
We have shared each other’s gladness
And wept each other’s tears;
I have known ne’er a sorrow
That was long unsoothed by thee;
For thy smiles can make a summer
Where darkness else would be
Like the leaves that fall around us
In autumn’s fading hours,
Are the traitor’s smiles, that darken
When the cloud of sorrow lowers;
And though many such we’ve known, love
Too prone, alas, to range,
We both can speak of one love
Which time can never change.
We have lived and loved together
Through many changing years,
We have shared each other’s gladness
And wept each other’s tears.
And lust us hope the future,
As the past has been will be:
I will share with thee my sorrows,
And thou thy joys with me
-Charles Jefferys
With the soothing sound of Brian’s voice in his ears, AJ drifted off to sleep.