*December 24th, 2001*
Laughter echoed around the house as the five Backstreet Boys and their respective partners crowded into AJ’s living room. They had all gathered there for the Christmas holiday, wanting to be with one another. AJ knew that the reason they did was because of his trip to the hospital. It had scared everyone, including himself, and they just wanted to be able to be together. Since AJ wasn’t up for traveling at the moment, it was agreed that they’d all come stay near him.
He’d only been home from the hospital for four days now. The antibiotics they had given him had worked, killing off the pneumonia. But full recovery could take an entire month, they told him, for the average person. For someone with an immunodeficiency disease like him it could take longer. All that meant was that he tired easier and could run out of breath if he wasn’t careful.
On that note, Brian was very careful with him since he’d come home. Thankfully it wasn’t in a smothering way. Somehow Brian was able to walk that fine line between taking care of him, and taking too much care. How he did it, AJ didn’t know. But he worried about him because of it. There were times that Brian was so focused on taking care of him, or helping with something, that AJ was worried his lover wasn’t handling things from his side very well.
If the roles had been reversed, AJ knew he would have been freaking out in Brian’s place. He would have panicked and fussed and fretted. But Brian never did. Either he was fantastic at dealing with things, or he was keeping it locked inside.
The sound of more laughter chased away AJ’s deep thoughts. He brought his attention back to the group around him and had to smile at them all.
On the main couch sat Nick, a girl named Sam by his side. They’d been friends for almost all their life, but nothing more than that. Watching them, AJ thought that maybe it was a little more on both sides, even if they hadn’t admitted it to one another. They were perfectly matched for each other.
Sam was almost Nick’s height and with a well-toned body. She was just as athletic as Nick was. She also wasn’t a Barbie like the girls you saw in the public eye. She was very down to earth and happy. About the same age as Nick, she already ran her own coffee shop/bookstore not too far down the road from where AJ lived. It was a thriving business that she was very proud of. Her humor could be just as childish as Nick’s sometimes, but she could keep up in heavier conversation. With her blond hair pulled back in a braid and dressed in festive red jeans and a green turtleneck, she was beautiful, but she practically glowed every time she looked at Nick.
Howie sat on the other end of the couch with his girlfriend, Tiffany. The pixie like little woman was quiet and shy, but with a ready smile for anyone. Her skin had the lightly tanned look that said there was Hispanic somewhere in her heritage. Her brown hair hung in ringlets to her shoulders, and her cupids bow mouth smiled constantly up at Howie. She was dressed in a long white skirt with lace that almost looked like snowflakes, and a matching red peasant top. She was definitely Howie’s style of girl.
On the loveseat sat Kevin and his wife, Kristen. The two were cuddled together with the comfort that comes from having been together for a while. Kevin sat with his legs extended, crossed at the ankles, and with Kristen tucked underneath one arm. She dressed comfortably, yet classy as always. Dark green slacks and a comfortable t-shirt.
They were all his family here. AJ felt his smile grow as he looked from one couple to the next. It felt good and right to have them all there, even if it had been prompted by a shit reason.
Just then Brian walked back into the room, and AJ felt his smile change. Everything about him changed when Brian was nearby. He couldn’t help it. Just seeing him, being around him, made everything in AJ feel a little softer.
Carrying a tray with drinks on it, Brian chuckled as he passed them out like a waiter. In light of the holiday, everyone was drinking hot buttered rum. When everyone else was served, Brian brought the last two mugs over and sat down next to AJ on their loveseat. He handed AJ his mug and took his own before turning to prop the tray up against the side of the loveseat.
AJ grinned when he saw the apple cider in not only his cup, but Brian’s as well. No matter how many times he insisted that Brian didn’t have to alter his diet with him, Brian just ignored him and kept doing it. “Thanks, baby.” He said softly, leaning over to kiss him. Brian smiled back. “You’re welcome.”
There were fake gagging sounds coming from the couch. AJ rolled his eyes and lifted a pillow to throw it, but Brian stole it neatly out of his hand, causing the others to laugh. Just as AJ was about to ask him ‘what the hell’, Brian set the pillow down and grinned, saying “I’m not cleaning drinks out of the couch, Alex.”
Oh. He hadn’t thought of that. Scrunching his face up in a sulk, he leaned back against the love seat again. Brian chuckled and put an arm around his shoulders. “It’s ok, J, he’s sleeping here.” Brian said in a stage whisper. “We’ll get him while he’s asleep.”
Everyone laughed at the evil smile that spread on AJ’s face. Content now, he smiled and snuggled in against Brian’s side even as Nick exclaimed that he was locking his door tonight.
Evening was settling outside, the sky growing dark. Inside their family room the Christmas tree was turned on and the candles lit. It made for a very comfortable mood. AJ felt himself drifting into his own thoughts, ignoring the conversations around him. Instead of paying attention to their words he was looking at all their faces. They all looked so happy.
Christmas had always been one of his favorite times of the year. But none had ever been as perfect as this one. The only thing it was missing was his mother. But he promised himself that he wouldn’t sit here and lament her absence. Instead, he focused on what he did have.
Three very good friends and their partners, plus a partner of his own. How on earth had he gotten so lucky? To have this many people to love, and who loved him. To be lucky enough to share his favorite holiday with them. Somewhere in his mind AJ couldn’t help but wonder how many more Christmases would he have? Was there a chance, with the way his CD4 had dropped down, that this could potentially be his last Christmas? Or did he have many more ahead of him? No one knew, and that was what made it hard sometimes.
But at the same time, it taught him to enjoy the moment that he had. If this was the last, or the second to last, or even if he had thirty more holidays ahead of him, he was going to enjoy the time he had with them all. He would make these memories and cherish them in his heart. This was the first Christmas that he and Brian were a couple, as well, which made it all the more special.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A loud beeping sound cut through the conversation, throwing almost everyone off guard. Brian just smiled and shifted, getting ready to get up and go fetch AJ’s pill case. He knew what that sound meant. But AJ tugged on his hand, keeping him in place. “I got it, babe.” He said softly. “Stay and visit. Entertain our guests.”
“You sure?” he couldn’t help but ask. AJ still got so out of breath doing simple things around the house. It frustrated the younger man to no end, but Brian was quick to remind him that the pneumonia may be gone, but his body was still recovering.
The light in AJ’s eyes said that he knew what Brian was thinking and was amused by it. “Yes, I’m sure, Daddy.” He teased him, After giving Brian a quick kiss, AJ carefully stood and made his way out of the living room. Everyone watched him go, quiet until he left the room.
Once they heard the sound of the kitchen door shutting, Nick turned to look at Brian. “Where’s he off to?”
“It’s just time for his meds, that’s all.” Brian explained. Taking a drink of his cider, he missed the looks on a few of the faces there.
Howie leaned forward in his seat, resting his arms on his legs. “How’s he doing with the new medications?” he asked. “This set treating him any better than the last?”
Looking up, Brian saw that everyone was watching him earnestly. Each face had varying degrees of love and concern on them. In their own way, everyone in here cared about AJ. But sometimes Brian wondered if they understood him at all. “You guys do realize that he was just sitting in here only a few minutes ago. You could have asked him any questions you had.” He pointed out. When Howie and Nick flushed, and the girls with them grinned, Brian rolled his eyes. “The new meds are kicking his butt a little. The side effects are a little harsh sometimes, but they’re not consistent. Some days he does fine, some days he gets a little miserable.”
Before Brian could say anything else, the front door burst open, then slammed shut, and in stormed a very angry looking female. She stood at the entrance to the living room, glaring at each of them in turn. At first Brian panicked, thinking that it was a crazed fan. But something about her seemed slightly familiar. Then Howie spoke up, and everything sank into place. “Mikayla?” It was the girl in the pictures throughout AJ’s house.
A little on the petite side, Mikayla looked like she was no more than five foot three or four. Her frame was small, curvy in all the right places; narrow waist, flared at the hips, well-endowed at the top. She was dressed in blue jeans with cowboy boots peeking out the bottom. Her top looked like a simple red shirt mostly hidden underneath a warm looking winter coat. Brown curls were bundled into a ponytail on the back of her head, dangling down to her shoulders. Her face was soft and sweet, until you reached her green eyes. At the moment those eyes were hard as emeralds and full of fire.
“Don’t you ‘Mikayla’ me, Howard Dorough. Where is he?” she demanded in a lilting voice that held just a hint of the deep south to it. Howie raised a silent hand, pointing back toward the kitchen. Before she could turn and storm that way, AJ came walking out the dining room door. He stopped, one hand going to brace on the wall, when he saw the woman standing there waiting for him.
He opened his mouth to say something, but snapped it shut again. His face went a little pale. “Kay Kay?” he managed to get out. But even those words seemed to cost him some effort.
Recognizing the look on AJ’s face, Brian rose from the loveseat. Howie made a gesture as if to tell him to sit back down, and if it had been an average situation, Brian would have. But he knew what that look on AJ’s face meant, and could hear the way he was breathing. So he ignored Howie and went toward AJ. He reached him just as AJ’s hand started to slide down the wall.
Brian easily slid close, one arm going around AJ’s waist, drawing him against his side and discreetly holding him up. The grateful look that AJ flashed him had his heart warming. AJ shifted his weight, putting his arm around Brian’s waist as well, not just for the physical support, but for other kinds as well. It seemed to give him the strength to look at the woman with a more level look. “What’s up, Kay? What’s got you barging into my house on Christmas Eve?”
This little woman who had, at one point, been AJ’s best friend, now glared at him as she put her hands on her hips. “What’s up? You have the nerve to ask me what’s up? You’ve got some nerve, Alexander James! You’ve been cutting me out of your life for almost a year now with no explanation whatsoever. I’m going to give you one chance, here and now, to tell me what on earth is going on!”
To the surprise of everyone present, AJ spoke in an aloof voice. “There’s nothing going on, Kay. Sorry you made this pointless trip.”
If anything, her face grew angrier. She stepped toward him and raised one finger, poking him in the chest with it. Even though she was quite a bit shorter than him, she was angry enough that AJ took a step back. “Did you really think that would work with me? Do you think I don’t know my best friend? Do you think I’m stupid?”
“I-”
“Or maybe you forget that your mother and I are friends, and I talk to her. Did you think she wouldn’t tell me what was going on? Huh? Maybe you forgot about that?”
The fight drained out of AJ. His eyes slid closed and he slumped slightly against Brian’s side. Everything suddenly became clear to Brian in that moment. He looked over at AJ’s face, seeing the tension there. All of them had heard about AJ and Mikayla’s friendship. They had known each other as kids, and stayed friends even after he was in the band. Though only Howie had ever met her, let alone got to know her and become friends with her, they had all heard about her.
Apparently AJ had cut himself off from her. It wasn’t hard to figure out what had caused that. She’d said that he had been cutting her out of his life for almost a year now; that would coincide with the time frame of when AJ had found out he was positive.
“Alex.” Brian whispered. He turned his head, kissing AJ’s cheek and resting his forehead against AJ’s temple. “You little fool.”
AJ sighed lightly before lifting his chin and opening his eyes. “I don’t know what Ma told you, but she should have kept her mouth shut. She lost all rights where I’m concerned.” A small tremor ran through him at those defiant words. It was the only outward sign he showed that he was anything but calm. But Brian felt it, and he knew his partner well. For a little longer he would stand here and hold AJ up, but if these two didn’t square it away soon then he was going to step in whether AJ liked it or not. Someone had to take care of him.
“You’re fighting with your Ma?” Mikayla said in a suddenly soft voice. “She didn’t tell me that part of things.” Shaking her head, she straightened her spine. “What she did tell me was enough. You should have told me, AJ. We’re friends; like brother and sister. You should have told me you were sick.” She was circumspect about her words, glancing around the room at the various people there.
It was easy to feel when AJ gave up the fight. He slumped even more against Brian. In the silence of the room it was easy to hear the shudder in the breath that AJ took. “I’m sorry, Kay. I understand why you’re mad, and I respect it. I won’t hold it against you.”
Mikayla stepped forward, her face suddenly soft, her hands gentle as they came up to frame AJ’s face. “I didn’t come here to judge you. Don’t you know me better than that? You idiot.” The insult was said affectionately. “I don’t care what’s wrong with you. You’re still the brother of my heart and nothing that happens is going to change that.”
“Wait…” AJ looked down at her in surprise. “You don’t…feel like Ma does?”
“I have no idea how your Ma feels about this. She wouldn’t really talk about it much except to tell me the basics. But I imagine from your voice and your face that she’s not reacting well to this. As for how I react to it, do you forget, AJ, that I’m a nurse? How on earth could I do my line of work if something like that bothered me?”
“I didn’t think, I mean…I’m sorry, Kay Kay.” He closed his eyes, trying to hide the tears that were filing there.
Part of Brian wanted to step away and give them this moment together. But the practical part of him knew that if he stepped away there was a chance that AJ wouldn’t be able to stay up on his feet on his own. But he kept himself to the side as Mikayla closed the last bit of distance between her and AJ and wrapped her arms around him. AJ used his free arm to tuck her against his side, opposite of Brian.
Bending his head down, AJ kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry for keeping this from you, Kay.” He whispered against her hair. “I was so scared at first, and then Ma reacted so badly and I just couldn’t stand the thought of you reacting the same way. But I should have given you more credit.”
“Yeah, you should have.” She said this with a smile though, pulling back to look up at his face. “But I love you anyways. Still want to try and keep me away?”
“As if I could now. You’re almost more persistent than I am.”
Laughing, Mikayla stepped back, still holding to his hand. “I see other things have changed too. Since when did you grow a blond appendage?”
A smile tugged at Brian’s lips, but AJ laughed outright. He let go of her hand to turn and wrap both arms around Brian’s waist, resting his head against his shoulder. It wasn’t just a snuggle, like it looked to everyone else. Brian felt AJ wobbling slightly. Stubborn jackass, trying to force himself to stay upright.
“Brian and I finally quit pussyfooting around and admitted everything we felt to one another. He’s been living with me for a while now. Not only that, but he…takes care of me, too.” AJ said. His face softened with love. But Brian also felt AJ’s legs wobble again, and he could hear the slight hitch to his breathing.
“Enough.” Brian said softly. “You need to be in bed.”
AJ just nodded, leaning a little heavier against Brian. His eyes drifted shut again. “I hate being this tired or this out of breath. I feel like all I do is sleep.” He complained in a breathy voice. Brian saw the surprise on Mikayla’s face at how easy AJ gave in. It grew even more when Brian bent and scooped AJ up, tucking him against his chest, and AJ didn’t protest then either. He just laid his head against Brian’s shoulder and yawned.
“Give me a little bit and I’ll be back down.” He told them all. Turning to Kevin, he asked “Would you mind getting a drink for the new guest, cos?” At Kevin’s nod, he smiled. “Thanks.”
Quietly and carefully Brian moved to the staircase, holding AJ close to him as he took him up the staircase. AJ had always been a light guy, but Brian thought that he felt a little bit lighter. They tried to keep weight on him but sometimes it seemed that his body just had other ideas. Or, the medication did. What food he did manage to keep down hadn’t been a whole lot the past few days. On top of that, his appetite had shrunk considerably. AJ had gone from the man who was a bottomless pit when it came to food to a man who ate barely enough to keep a kid going.
“You’re thinking too loud.” AJ murmured against his neck.
Chuckling, Brian turned into their bedroom. He didn’t bother to turn the light on. Instead he simply carried his lover over to where he knew the bed was. “I can’t help it.” He teased back as he laid AJ on the bed. With deft fingers he started to undress him. “My brain is always going.”
In no time he had AJ down to just his boxers and tucked in underneath the blankets. He started to lean in and kiss him, but when he got close, AJ took hold of his hand. “Snuggle me for a few minutes?” he asked softly. “I know there’re guests, but can you stay just until I fall asleep? Shouldn’t take very long.”
“Of course, Alex.”
Brian didn’t hesitate to climb in beside him and wrap an arm around his waist. “You just go to sleep, baby. I’m right here with you.”
“I hate this.” AJ murmured, rolling over. He buried his face against Brian’s chest. “I hate feeling weak and tired. I hate that this thing in my body is kicking my ass like this. I could live with it so much easier if it didn’t leave me feeling so weak all the time. I’m not used to being weak, Bri.”
Gently Brian ran a hand over AJ’s cheek. “Everyone is at one point or another. I have been with my heart problems. Well, this is your turn. It doesn’t make you less, baby. It’s just how it is.”
“I know. You make it easier, you know. You take care of me without smothering me. It’s nice. I love you, Brian.”
“I love you too, Alex. Now go to sleep, baby. We’ll talk more in the morning.”
Cuddled close in Brian’s arms, AJ quickly drifted off to sleep.