Lying in bed, AJ stared down at the sleeping form beside him. He couldn’t help it; his eyes absorbed every part of him, drinking him in. This was the time he loved the most. After their lovemaking, while his body was still tingling with Brian’s touch, his heart overflowing with his feelings, he loved to just lie there and look at him. Brian would always cuddle up in the aftermath, and usually drift off in AJ’s arms. In his sleep he lost all the stress lines that seemed to be constantly on his face. He looked, peaceful.
Here, AJ could pretend, even for a while. Though the pretending always brought pain later, for the moment it would make him feel normal. As if they actually had a chance in the world. A world where Brian wasn’t married to Ashley.
It would be so much easier if it was possible to hate Ashley. But she was a sweet, beautiful woman who genuinely cared for Brian. That made it all the harder for AJ to do what he did. Yet even the guilt of that wasn’t enough to make him say no to Brian when he came to his room. Sure, he always intended to. But look where his intentions got him. He watched as Brian rolled over in his sleep, his body sliding closer, wrapping around AJ’s.
He couldn’t trade the time they had together. Not for anything. But sometimes, when he was alone in his room, he would think to himself that it would be so much healthier to just tell Brian no. To not even answer the door when he knocked. But to do that would take away the one thing in life that kept AJ sane. He knew he was obsessed. There was no better word for it. His life revolved around these nights together. When Brian didn’t come to his room, he felt lost and deprived. When he did, AJ would feel wonderful until the time that Brian left. That wasn’t healthy.
Their lovemaking was one of the best things AJ had ever experienced. Sometimes Brian came to him feeling so lost and lonely, needing someone to comfort him. At those times their lovemaking was sweet and slow and left AJ feeling as if his heart would burst for love of the man. He knew better than to say the words; Brian knew that AJ loved him but he had made it clear he didn’t want to hear it. So AJ kept the words locked inside and tried to say them with his body, his actions.
Other nights Brian would come so full pain that it almost broke AJ’s heart in two just to touch him. On those nights AJ gave everything he had to their lovemaking, wanting only to comfort Brian. To do anything to ease his pain.
There were even nights that Brian came when he was livid. He would start out ranting about whatever was bothering him. AJ would listen to him and let him get what he needed to off of his chest. Then he would use himself, offer up his body as a release for the tension. Oh, not in so many words. But he would cross the room to Brian and start kissing and touching him, bringing that rough side out in Brian, letting himself be used. No matter what, he was there for Brian. Whether it was to listen, to talk, to laugh, to love. He was there for him. Sometimes he just wished that love didn’t hurt so much.
AJ snuggled close to Brian and laid his head down. Tonight wasn’t the night to think about it. For this night he would just hold Brian close and relish in the feel of him in his arms. Tomorrow was soon enough to worry about things.
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The knock on the door startled AJ. He’d been sitting and staring out the window into the night, wishing things he knew better than to wish for. Since Brian had been with him the night before, straight through to the morning, AJ had no delusions that Brian would be there tonight. Very rarely would Brian come two nights in a row. That meant that this night was going to be one he spent alone. It left him in a melancholy mood as he moved to answer the door. When he opened it, the man he had been wishing about stood on the other side, looking more like a devil than the angel he usually did. In an instant AJ read the signs of anger and hurt on Brian’s face, as well as the alcohol he had obviously consumed.
“Come in, Bri. What’s up?” AJ asked, opening the door wide. He couldn’t resist this man. Especially when it was so obvious that something was bothering him.
Brian strode in, slamming the door shut behind him. He didn’t waste time, but simply grabbed AJ’s shirt and pinned him against the wall before kissing him senseless. There was a slight edge of violence in the kiss that worried AJ even as he lost himself as he always did in Brian’s taste. Finally he wrenched his lips away, putting his hands on Brian’s chest, trying to clear his own mind. “Wait, wait.” He begged.
With a disgusted snort Brian released his shirt and stepped away. “Not you too! What the fuck is with everyone tonight?” Brian slurred. Ok, so he’d had quite a bit to drink apparently. AJ knew he needed to play it cautious. Anyone who was this emotional and then drank on top of it, well, it was best to walk on eggshells around them. “What happened, Bri? Why don’t you talk to me?”
“Talk?” Brian scoffed and threw his hands up in the air. “First she doesn’t want to talk to me. Not a single thing but how horrible a husband that I’ve become and how everything is my fault, but no talk about how to fix it. Now you won’t shut up. I don’t want to talk, J. I want you.”
“I want you too, baby.” Stepping toward him, AJ put his hands on Brian’s chest again, wanting only to soothe him. “I always do. But why don’t we sit and talk about this a little. Calm you down, you know.”
“I don’t want to calm down. I want to bury myself in you and forget the rest of the world.” Brian stated boldly. He took AJ’s face in his hands, bringing their lips together. For a minute AJ let the kiss go on, knowing that Brian needed it. He wanted only to offer comfort. But then Brian’s hands dropped and were pushing at his boxers. AJ pushed against his chest and pulled his head back. “No, Bri-“
Brian’s lips were on his again, one hand coming up to fist in AJ’s hair and hold him there. His other hand continued to work until he had managed to shove AJ’s boxers down far enough that they dropped to the floor. “No talking.” He commanded, moving his lips to AJ’s jaw, his throat.
“Bri, just wait, please. Not like this, not right now. Talk to me!”
With a growl, Brian pulled AJ’s hair, forcing his head back. “I said no talking.”
“Bri, please!”
Brian bit down on AJ’s neck. Surprised, AJ jumped, trying to pull away but only succeeding in getting his hair pulled. He heard Brian let out another growl. “So, you want to play games tonight?” Brian slurred at him. “We’ve played this one before.” His free hand came up, taking one of AJ’s nipples and pinching it. AJ was torn between pleasure and pain, worry and wanting. His body responded physically to Brian’s touch as it always did, but his brain knew that something wasn’t right with this. He didn’t want to be a knee jerk reaction to a fight with Brian’s wife. Their relationship already left him feeling dirty enough. This was just crossing a line.
“Stop, Bri…come on-” He cut off with a yelp when Brian twisted the nipple that was between his fingers. “No talking.” He warned him again. Then he surprised AJ by shoving him back toward the couch. AJ stumbled, barely managing to twist enough to catch himself with his hands. Before he could even move, Brian was behind him, one arm wrapped around so that he could grab AJ’s cock in his hands, the other hand coming to his chest to hold him. His touch was rough, with none of the usual gentleness that AJ so loved about him.
AJ tried to move, to break free from his grip, but Brian pushed him down into the couch, kneeling behind him. He let go of AJ’s erection, moving that hand up to get a fistful of AJ’s hair and shove his face down into the couch cushions. His other hand was shoving down his own pants, freeing his erection. With a gasp, AJ turned his head, sucking in air. “Bri, please, no.” He begged, losing all shame. “Not like this, please! Stop, just stop. Let me up!”
“You know you like it like this.” Brian sneered at him. He sucked his middle finger into his mouth, then brought it down and shoved it in to AJ’s tight hole, not even pausing to let him adjust before he started to move it, thrusting it in and out. AJ bit his lip to stifle the groan of pain that wanted to tear from him. He couldn’t get his hands behind him to reach Brian, and he tried to grab Brian’s hand and force it to move. When his hands pulled on Brian’s wrist, Brian retaliated by shoving his face further into the couch and adding a second finger, slamming them both in and out of AJ’s hole.
Tears of pain filled AJ’s eyes. He could just barely get air in from where he was pushed into the cushions. No, this wasn’t happening. Not like this! He tried to convince himself that Brian didn’t mean it. That he was drunk, and he thought they were playing a role playing game. They’d played a lot of role playing games, just for fun. They’d even done a rape game before. He tried to put himself in the mood, but it wasn’t working.
Brian removed his fingers and instantly replaced them with his dick, pushing in with enough force that AJ cried out hoarsely into the couch. He had no time to adjust, no time to start to enjoy the sensation. Brian started to pump his hips roughly. Each thrust shoved AJ into the couch and had him crying out against the cushion. He tried to pull on Brian’s hand again, anything to get him to move, but Brian lifted his head and then shoved it back down while his free hand spanked AJ’s ass. “That’s right, struggle.” He panted out.
Tears poured from AJ’s eyes. He had never wanted it to be like this. Fire split his backside in two as Brian continued to pound him. The only luck he got was that a drunk never lasts long during sex. It wasn’t much later before he heard Brian’s breathing start to come in gasps, and then he was stiffening behind him, thrusting in as far as he could go to empty his load deep inside of AJ.
As the last of his orgasm drained from him, Brian pulled out. He wrapped his arms around AJ’s chest, pulling him up onto the couch and climbing up with him. AJ shuddered as Brian wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him close to snuggle on the cushions. It wasn’t long before Brian was snoring. He had one arm and a leg thrown over AJ, pinning him to the couch.
Still crying, AJ lay there. It was hours before he felt asleep.