Things the next morning seemed to be a little hazy for AJ. He knew he was awake, but it still seemed like life was being filtered through a sleep haze. At some point, Brian had asked him about going out to see his family in Lexington. Of course, AJ had agreed. He loved it at the Littrell house. They were always such nice, friendly, happy people. How could he not like being there? Plus, looking at them, interacting with them, he could pretend for a little while that they were his family. That he had grown up with a family like that. He always felt a little guilty afterwards-his mom had done the best she could with what she’d been dealt-but it never stopped him from pretending the next time around.<?xml:namespace prefix = o /> 

At some point, as AJ drifted between awake and asleep, he heard Kevin’s voice in the room. Snuggled down into the blankets, AJ hadn’t paid much attention to the conversation. It had seemed like their words were drifting over him but barely registering. 

“He’s just really tired today.” Brian’s voice drifted over AJ, making him smile at the sound of it. “He had a restless night.” 

Kevin’s voice then, making AJ flinch a little “…about a hospital, Bri? He doesn’t look healthy…” 

“No. I won’t do it to him….” Brian’s voice faded for a second as AJ started to drift to sleep, but he pinched himself awake enough to listen. This seemed important. “…talked to a doctor already, Kev. Did a phone consultation. He said that so long as AJ gets sleep and nutrients, he should be fine. He gave me a list of things to watch for. If any of those happen, trust me, I’ll take him to the emergency room.” 

Yuck. The last thing AJ wanted to do was go to the ER. They’d just poke him full of holes. Who wanted that? He shuddered slightly at the image. That shudder must have drawn Brian’s attention because suddenly AJ felt a hand on his forehead, smoothing back his hair, then moving to stroke his cheek. “Alex?” 

Did he really want to wake up enough to say anything? It was so damn comfortable here in these blankets. AJ decided he didn’t really want to talk. He grumbled lightly and snuggled back into the blankets. Softly he heard Brian chuckle, that warm hand stroking one last time before disappearing. AJ settled back into sleep. 

Later, he woke again to the sound of a strange voice in the room, but Brian was with him so he didn’t worry. He could feel Brian’s weight in the bed, feel that his head was resting in Brian’s lap and his hand was stroking through AJ’s hair. The other voice didn’t matter. Brian would keep him safe. He never felt the needle slide into his skin though he heard Brian whispering something about this helping him sleep well and heal. He never heard the doctor’s words as he left the room. Sleep dragged him under 

Once again AJ found himself awake. This time he was being moved, but it made him so dizzy that he just closed his eyes and let himself be carried away. There was enough clarity to his mind to realize that this sleep wasn’t natural. Damn him, Brian had drugged him. AJ pieced that together as he fought to wake up. That must have been that strange voice in the room when he’d been lying with Brian. A damn doctor had come in and drugged him. 

AJ fought the effects of the drug, but it was wearing off in stages. At one point he could have sworn that he was in a car and it was light outside, but the next time he opened his eyes, it was dark. He was still in a car, though. AJ rolled his tongue around in his mouth, trying to work up moisture. He opened eyes that felt gritty from sleep and looked around him. 

Lights were flickering past him, making it hard to see at first. But his brain felt clearer than it had for quite a while. He felt capable of actual thought. Even so, it took a moment to clear out the last of the cobwebs. 

Ok, so he hadn’t been imagining it. He was in a car. The flashing lights were headlights and street lights going past the windows. Blinking a few more times, AJ was finally able to make out Brian in the front seat of the car. With that came the realization that he was laying in the backseat, swaddled in blankets, a pillow under his head.  Jesus, what the hell had the doctor given him? It sure as hell had thrown him for a loop! 

For a moment AJ lay there, admiring the view he had of Brian’s face. He was such a handsome man. From his position on the seat, AJ could just barely make out Brian’s profile, mostly when the headlights of oncoming traffic lit his face. His lips were moving, though AJ didn’t hear that beautiful southern voice. It took another second for AJ to realize that Brian was lip-syncing with the radio. 

A small cough tickled its way up AJ’s throat. He felt his ears pop from the strength of it. When he opened his eyes back up, he saw Brian’s gaze flicker back to him and a smile curve his love’s face. “Well hello there.” Brian said gently. “How you feeling?” 

Unable to resist, AJ snuggled into the covers and pretended to glare. “You drugged me.” He accused him. 

Brian didn’t even bat an eye. “Yep.” 

More amused than he cared to admit, AJ shifted a little, stretching himself. “I hate doctors, Bri.” 

“Really? Gee, I didn’t know that.” Brian pretended to be innocent. “Gosh, I’ll sure try and remember that in the future.” Abruptly he turned serious. “You weren’t doing well, Age. You’d get to sleep and nightmares would hit or something. You’d thrash all over the place and you’d wake up and drop back out and wake up and sometimes you’d be so upset you’d end up throwing up. Don’t you remember any of that?” 

Holy shit. Really? AJ cast his mind back, trying to remember, but it seemed like everything between the argument with Howie and now was a big haze. “No.” he finally said, a little embarrassed. 

Brian didn’t seem to be fazed by that. “I brought the doctor in. He said you didn’t need hospitalization, but that you were probably delirious and that your body had reached exhaustion point. He said you needed to sleep, so he gave you something to knock you out.” 

“Well, we know that worked.” 

With a mocking glare, Brian continued on as if AJ hadn’t interrupted him. “He gave it to you on the condition that we give you, at minimum, two weeks to recover what you’ve done to your body. He did a full physical and told me what needs to be done. So, I talked with Kev, he talked with management and gave them the doctor’s orders and they arranged a two week break. After that, I rented a car and loaded you up and set out for home. We’re about ten minutes out from Mom and Dad’s right now. I called them, so they’re expecting us.” 

Well, that was quite a mouthful to swallow. AJ chewed at his lip and closed his eyes for a moment. The lights outside the car were making his head spin a little. Another cough slid out. “What did the doctor say about me?” He finally asked. That was something important. He needed to know the doctor’s opinion so he knew how to take care of himself. He hadn’t prepared himself for how upset Brian was going to be, though. 

“Just since the first moment I weighed you, he said you’ve already lost five more pounds. Five pounds, AJ. Your body isn’t quite dehydrated, but it’s damn close. Your body is starved. Luckily not bad enough that you have to go to a hospital. Some of the food I got in you had time to digest before your body threw it up. You’ve pushed yourself to your limits, physically, and you’re lucky you’re not lying in a damn hospital bed hooked up to machines.” 

It seemed the wisest thing to do to keep his mouth shut. Boy, Brian was pissed with him. Not that he could blame him, really. But it wasn’t like he’d intentionally done this! Still, AJ didn’t have the energy to argue it. He couldn’t stop himself from coughing again and it seemed to take away some of his energy. So he stayed there with his eyes closed and said nothing. 

He must have fallen back asleep, because the next time that he opened his eyes, Brian had opened the car door by his head and the night breeze was blowing in. “Huh?” he mumbled, shaking his head to clear it of the cobwebs that had come back. 

Brian’s hands were gentle compared to the anger that had been in his voice before. “We’re here, honey. Come on, let’s get you in the house.” 

Even as AJ was sitting up, Brian’s hands were there helping him, pulling him up, blankets and all. AJ found himself in Brian’s arms. The breeze blew through him, making shivers run down his body. Then Brian’s voice was in his ear as those warm arms tightened around him. “Just a few steps to the house, honey. Go back to sleep. I’ll get you all tucked in, I promise.” 

He knew Brian was good for his promises. Come hell or high water, Brian always kept a promise. It was why he didn’t make them lightly. And sleep did sound like a good idea. It was calling to him; the drugs in his system beckoning him towards darkness. He’d been fighting off their effects, but there was still enough in his system to leave him ready to fall asleep if he’d just let go. 

Letting go was difficult, though. He didn’t want to be dragged under. He wanted to stay in Brian’s arms, like this, forever. Warm and secure and safe. Loved. A part of him still believed that this wasn’t going to last. How could it, with Ashley’s threats waiting around the corner for them? 

Another voice broke through the wind. “Hurry in. That storm is really picking up.” A man said. Who was that? 

“Yeah, it’s been tagging us for about the last hour.” Brian replied. There was the sound of footsteps on wood and then what AJ thought was a door opening, followed by Brian’s whispered “Thanks, Dad.” Oh, that’s who that was. That’s right. They were going to the Littrell’s house. God, things were way too muzzy in his mind. He didn’t like that feeling. 

Suddenly everything was so much warmer and AJ couldn’t help but sigh. Would it be such a bad thing, to just go to sleep a little longer? Sure, he’d been sleeping for a while, apparently, but it was doctor’s orders, right? Plus, Brian was here. Brian would take care of him. And wasn’t that just a wonderful feeling? To know that someone was going to take care of him. That he could give up all control and totally trust in the other person to make sure that he would be all right. To know that Brian was with him. 

“Oh, look at him. He looks so small!” A feminine voice said. It took another moment before that clicked as well. Jackie. Mrs. Littrell. 

But Brian was answering again, so AJ knew he didn’t have to do anything. “He barely weighs anything anymore.” Then, in a softer tone “We’re almost to a bed, Alex. Then you can sleep without interruption, ok baby?” 

“Mm.” It was the best sound AJ could make. It seemed to do the job. Brian snuggled him a little closer and kept moving. Up a staircase, it felt like. Wasn’t the guest bedroom downstairs? He thought that only the family rooms were upstairs. 

That question was answered when Jackie spoke again. “I’ve got your room all ready. There’s blankets in there, plenty enough to keep him warm.” 

“Thanks, Mom. He’s still shivering. I’m a little worried he’s getting sick. The doctor said it’s a possibility. Knocking his immune system down like that, mixed in with depression, it doesn’t do good for the body. Makes it harder to fight off germs. He’s been coughing most of the trip in.” 

He had been? Well, hell. As if thinking about it had summoned it, AJ let out another cough, trying to muffle it against the blanket he was cocooned inside of. 

Suddenly Brian’s grip was shifting and AJ found himself being laid on something soft. The blanket around him was pulled off and fresh ones were tucked around him. He couldn’t help himself; he snuggled down into the bed and let himself be babied. It wasn’t just Brian’s hands on him, he realized as he opened his eyes a little bit. Jackie was there too, smoothing down the quilt over him in a motherly way. 

She saw him watching her and reached a hand up to stroke his hair in just the same way that Brian did. “You just sleep, sweetie.” She said softly to him. A warm smile lit her face. “We’ll take care of you.” 

AJ wanted to respond. He really did. But the best he could manage was a smile before sleep finally claimed him and sucked him back under. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

After making sure that AJ really was out and that he was tucked in, Brian crept from the room and headed down the hallway. His mom had already left the room. He knew where he’d find her and his dad both. Sure enough, they were at the kitchen table, a pot of tea sitting in the middle and a cup waiting for him, prepared just the way he liked it. 

He smiled as he sat down and wrapped his hands around the warm mug. Its heat seeped into his fingers, warming them back up. He took the first sip and gave both his parents a wide smile. “Thanks.” 

“No problem, honey.” Jackie said with a smile.  Her eyes glowed with the joy of having her baby boy back in her house. “How was the drive?” 

Brian took another drink before he answered, letting the tea warm him from the inside out. He’d kept the car pretty warm for AJ’s sake, but the short walk from the car to the house had been freezing. There was one heck of a storm brewing outside. “Not too bad. The storm was following behind us most of the way. I stayed just far enough ahead of it not to get stuck in it, luckily.” 

“It sure is rolling in now.” Harold added in. He looked out the windows to the dark sky outside, seeing the flash of lightning in the distance. “At least you guys made it here first.” They all knew that Brian wasn’t overly fond of thunderstorms. The booming of the thunder had usually sent him running to his parent’s room when he was a kid. 

Sighing, Brian shifted in his seat. He should have been tired after that kind of a drive. He’d been driving for the entire day. But he was wired. Driving while AJ slept had given him way too long to think about everything. About Ashley; about his relationship with AJ; about everything the doctor had said. Guilt ate at Brian’s insides. If it wasn’t for him, AJ wouldn’t have been like this. If it wasn’t for the way he’d treated AJ, the younger man would never have gotten this depressed. 

Looking up at two faces that had always held all the love in the world for him, Brian found himself needing to unload as he had so many times before at this very table. This was the central point for the family. This was where they held all their family meetings, had all their serious discussions, and where all big news was shared. “I’ve really messed up.” He found himself saying. 

Jackie reached over, taking hold of his hand. She said nothing, though, waiting for him to continue. It was another thing he loved about them. They knew him so well. They wouldn’t say anything for the moment. Instead, they let him gather his words. 

It took him a few minutes, but he found himself starting to tell them everything. “I didn’t mean for this to happen with Alex and I. It was something that just, it sprang up at me one time and suddenly, there we were. I told myself for a long time that it would burn out. That it was just something I had to get out of my system. I…I wasn’t a good person. I used him. Even knowing that it hurt him, knowing that I was cheating on my wife, I still went to him. Sometimes I’d even stay away for days, just to convince myself I could. But somehow I found myself going to knock on his door again. I knew he’d always answer it.” 

Brian looked down at where his hand was joined with his mother’s. “I’m not proud of it. I’ve hurt him in so many ways. Knowingly. But…he makes me happier than anyone ever has in my entire life. He understands me as much as, if not more, than you guys do. He doesn’t judge me for how I feel or what I say. He doesn’t run away from me when I’m angry. If I need to yell, he listens. If I’m so angry I need to fight, he’ll fight with me and then soothe me down afterwards. If I’m happy, he’s happy with me.” 

Love filled Brian’s heart. He wondered to himself how he could have denied that feeling for so long. A small smile curved his lips, though he didn’t realize it. Everything about him softened. 

“When I’m goofy and just in the mood to play, he doesn’t roll his eyes at me or tell me I need to hyper down or act my age. He plays right along with me. Even though he’s horrible at it, he never tells me know when I want to play some ball and he’ll laugh at himself as much as anyone else would. He remembers little things like what foods I do or don’t like, or if a certain movie is annoying, or the things that make me scared. He supports me when I’m down without smothering me. He…he’s just, everything to me. I don’t know why he’s still here after everything I’ve done, but he is.” 

Harold spoke softly into the quiet kitchen. “He loves you. No matter what you do, that boy loves you.” 

“Is love enough?” Brian asked before he realized it. Once the words were out, though, they kept flowing. “I’ve done horrible things to him, Dad. How can love be enough to get past those?” 

“Should that be his choice?” Jackie asked in a gentle voice. 

Sighing, Brian let go of her hand and wrapped his around his mug again, the smile sliding off his face. “To an extent, yeah. But, well, when it comes to me, sometimes AJ doesn’t think really clear. He has this tendency to do what is best for me, no matter the harm to him. That’s not healthy. But, that’s how he is, even with his friends. If he loves someone, he puts them before himself. He’s always been that way.” 

“Anything is forgivable, Brian. The right to forgiveness is his and God’s. You can’t make that decision for him.” His Dad reminded him. 

To make them understand, Brian knew he was going to have to confess everything. As much as it hurt, he had to, or they wouldn’t understand what they were advising him on. “The things I’ve done to him, though. I mean, I used him for sex, night after night after night. No matter what it did to him. It’s not that I didn’t think of his feelings. I did. But they weren’t enough to stop me. I even…I got drunk one night and went to see him. I don’t remember it clearly, I was way too drunk, but the next morning he had marks. He said no. Apparently, I didn’t listen.” 

Shame burned inside of him. Once he’d started, though, he couldn’t stop. He had to get it all out. “We argued on the bus once. We were in a small space and he touched me and I didn’t think. I slapped him. Backhanded him right on the face. He fell back, hit his head. Those were enough to make me walk away, for his sake. But he says he forgives me for it. He forgives me. That, by walking away to protect him, I’m taking away his choices and his rights. He says he forgave me and that maybe I should forgive myself.” 

There was silence in the dining room for a long moment. Finally, it was Harold who broke it. “He’s right, son.” Surprise, Brian looked up, but Harold held up a hand to silence him before continuing on. “I’m not excusing what you did. But, he’s right in saying that you take away his choices if you decide that it’s best for you to leave after that. If he forgave you for it, the only other forgiveness you need is from yourself and God. Pray on it, ask for forgiveness and find some peace in your heart. If he can let this go, so should you.” 

“Let me ask you, baby. Do you love him?” Jackie asked. 

Brian looked over to her. “I do.” 

“Does he love you?” 

“Amazingly, yes.” 

Her smile lit up her whole face. “Then be happy together. Don’t let the past intrude on the present and destroy it. Do what your heart and his tell you to do. If you two are happy together, if you love one another, there’s not a single thing that you can’t overcome.” 

Her words created a warmth in Brian’s heart that slowly filled him. There was a rightness to her words that rang inside of him. After a long moment, he smiled at them both. “Thank you.” No matter what was going on in his life, he always knew he could talk to his parents about them. He could tell them the unvarnished truth and they would tell him the truth in return, even if they knew it would hurt him. That’s the kind of people they were. He loved them with all his heart. 

Their answering smiles were bright. “You two will straighten out your hearts.” Harold reassured him. “Love can do amazing things. While you’re on your break here, you two talk and you’ll go back to tour with your hearts set.” 

“And while you do that, we’ll work on healing his body.” Jackie added in. 

That brought some of the worry back to Brian. “His body is the biggest concern.” He admitted. “He’s been coughing the whole trip. I’m pretty sure he’s sick.” He didn’t even think to apologize for bringing a sick person into the house. His parents would have been surprised if he had. They took care of their own. AJ, as Brian’s friend before and now as his love, was one of their own. “Total, he’s lost fifteen pounds. The doctor question AJ while he was out of it and, at best, we figure that he was eating wrong for almost a week straight and then not eating for almost another week. He’s supposed to start on a low calorie diet and we’re supposed to up it two hundred calories every two days till he’s back to normal intake.” 

“That’s easy enough. I generally count your father and I’s calories.” 

“But the rest, he just said sleep and relaxation would be best. I couldn’t think of anywhere better to bring him than here.” 

Jackie stood up to take her cup to the sink. “And well you should! He’ll get fed and pampered here until he’s well enough to go back to tour. We’ve got two weeks, right?” When Brian nodded, she grinned. “By the time those are up, we’ll send both our boys back in tip top shape. Speaking of, you need to get upstairs and get to bed yourself, Brian Littrell, before you end up sick as well.” 

Rising to his feet, Brian moved and embraced his mother, kissing her cheek. “I love you, Mom.” 

She hugged him back tightly. “I love you too, baby.” 

Next he turned, hugging his father, who had risen to his feet. Being held in his dad’s arms, Brian felt the last of his tension drain away. Here was the same strength that had always been there for him. A pair of arms he knew would always help hold him up, no matter what. “Love you, Dad.” 

“Love you too, son. Now get on up there and get some rest. We’ll have plenty of time to talk over the next couple of weeks.” 

Brian found himself starting to drag a little as he moved upstairs. His body was finally registering how tired it was. The energy he’d had before was draining away. By the time he shut his door and kicked off his shoes, he was yawning. A snore, followed by a cough, told him that AJ was still sleeping. After stripping down to his boxers, Brian slid into the bed, tucking the covers around him. 

Almost instantly AJ rolled over and wrapped around him.  It made Brian smile. He wound his arms around AJ, holding him close, relishing in the feel of their bodies together. He had never thought that he’d be here. Never thought that he and AJ would be together in his bed. 

A cough from AJ reminded him that things weren’t perfect quite yet. But then he heard AJ’s soft, raspy murmur “I love you, Bri.” And things suddenly didn’t seem as bad. He kissed the top of AJ’s head. “I love you too, Alex.” Things would work out, he told himself. They would. For the next two weeks, he was going to try and make up for everything he’d done to them both so far. He was going to try and make things right.