After gathering some extra food and clothing and finding a map and compass they went around the side of the house to the garage to see if the owners had left a car. They found a scooter, which they decided was good enough for the time being.

 

As they were getting ready to leave Brian turned to AJ, his face all seriousness. “Okay, before we get on the road I have a couple of rules that I need you to follow.”

 

“Rules? Geeze Rok, you get bossy in survival mode. It’s kind of sexy,” AJ added wiggling his eyebrows.

 

Brian rolled his eyes at the antics, not in the mood for it. “I’m serious AJ. There are some dangerous people out there and until we get through the Kentucky/Tennessee region and cross the Mississippi I am not going to rest easy.”

 

AJ nodded in response and seeing the fear in Brian’s eyes had him going serious himself.

 

“Okay we need to cut the flirting big time. No kissing, touching, sexual innuendos, even just for fun. If we so much as look at one another in a way that suggests we are ‘together’ we could be in a lot of trouble.”

 

“Okay. Nothing we haven’t done before on tour. It’ll be tough with you being so sexy and all but I can handle it.”

 

Brian could not help but smile a little in response. “Shut up you freak. Rule number two is if we encounter any people please, please let me do the talking. I sound like I’m from here so they are less likely to question what sort of people we are and what we’re doing. I also want you to keep as many of the tattoos covered as possible.”

 

AJ shrugged, “Shouldn’t be too hard with how cool it’s been getting lately. I think you’re right about it being almost winter. It’s probably what, Early November?”

 

Brian gave AJ a sad look. “November 19th,” he replied. AJ gave him a shocked look to say he had not been keeping track like that.

 

Brian opened up his pack and pulled out a small booklet and handed it to AJ. AJ looked at it for a second in confusion but when he opened it up he understood. Inside were dates and city names starting from several months ago until the beginning of next year. Every date that had already passed was checked off. “You kept our tour itinerary. Why?”

 

“I don’t know, I guess I wanted to hold on to a piece of the past and it was the best way I could think of to keep track of the days. I kind of wish I hadn’t kept it though.”

 

AJ looked puzzled at Brian, why wouldn’t you keep such a useful tool? It was how Brian had known winter was coming. “Why not? What’s the harm in it?”

 

Instead of answering right away Brian pointed to the date of November 19th and the city name next to it; Sydney, Australia. “We would have been out of the country by now. Every time I look at it I’m reminded of how it was and what we’ve lost and all the what ifs. What if we had started overseas instead of in America last time? It’s depressing. I try not to dwell on it but it gets hard sometimes. Did you know our next stop after Chicago was Alberta? We were so close to being out, so close to escaping this.”

 

AJ saw how upset this was making Brian and pulled him in for a hug and gently kissed his forehead. AJ had never realized any of these things. He had just kind of gone into survival mode and never looked back. It was funny too because AJ had always been the type to dwell and get depressed about the past and present troubles, it had been a major factor in his addiction.

 

“Jesus Brian, why didn’t you tell me you were holding on to all this?” AJ felt Brian just relax into the embrace without a word. He knew it was just because he did not want AJ to carry the burden too but he did not want to say that.

 

AJ pulled back and looked into Brian’s eyes and knew exactly what he needed to do. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change," He started and saw Brian close his eyes to pray, He continued on and Brian joined him, “courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

 

“Amen,” Brian finished. “Thank you Alex. I think that is exactly what I needed to hear.”

 

AJ smiled in response, “Well I’m just smart like that sometimes.”

 

Brian laughed in response. “Alex it’s times like this that I know without a doubt that God always meant for us to be together. I think I would have gone insane by now if it weren’t for you.”

 

“And I’d be dead if it weren’t for you,” AJ replied very seriously.

 

They shared one more quiet moment of love and understanding. Brian leaned in and kissed the man he loved so much one more time before hopping on the scooter. “C’mon, we better go before the home owner gets back and finds we took a bunch of his stuff.”

 

AJ hopped on behind Brian as he started up the vehicle. As they pulled away onto the main road AJ let the little book in his had slip and fly away behind them. There was no time to dwell on what was and what could have been anymore. There was only now, one day at a time, trying to get to the next day.

 

*                                                          *                                                                      *

 

 The journey through Kentucky was uneventful and for that Brian was grateful. They had actually managed to acquire a truck somewhere around Paducah so it seemed their luck was actually changing. He had feared the worst and dared not speak his worst fears to his partner. Brian had seen and heard things around him as a kid that had literally scared him straight. He had never told the other guys about the harassment he had received as a teen for just being suspected of being homosexual. He knew firsthand the ignorance and fear that ran in this part of the country. 

 

He shuddered to think of what happened that one day after school. He’d never told anyone, too ashamed of what had happened, what those boys had done to him. He had been scared for years to look at another man, until AJ came along. Dear AJ who was so unashamed of himself that Brian could not help but feel more comfortable about his sexuality, at least in private, still never in public.

 

“Where’d you go?” AJ asked, turning from his driving briefly to question those haunted blue eyes. 

 

Brian smiled in return, “Nothing, just thinking about how you got me to admit I liked you, not just as a friend.”

 

AJ laughed at the memory. “Well I couldn’t just let you keep ogling me silently all the time. I was starting to find it more creepy than flattering.”

 

“I did not ogle you. I was admiring.”

 

“Potato, potahto. I could feel you undressing me with your eyes you perv.”

 

Brian smacked AJ playfully on the arm. “I’m not a pervert! Though I am glad you got me to feel more comfortable with myself. It was much more fun to openly flirt with you on stage and have people speculate ‘which backstreet boys gay,” Brian sang.

 

AJ laughed and Brian joined in at the memories of their stage antics and openly hidden relationship. This was the most relaxed they had felt in a very long time. Constantly being on the run or being held by one militia group or another had taken its toll on them both. Fear and anger and grief were constant companions for them and it was only in these rare moments that they remembered why they kept going. There was hope still, there was goodness. They could not be the only decent people left in this country.

 

Brian looked at the road ahead and saw something a little ways up. When they got a little closer he sighed as AJ said “Shit, fuck, damn, fuck, shitballs! I’m getting so tired of this.”

 

‘Well it was nice while it lasted,’ Brian thought as he looked at the group of people blocking the road with guns in their hands. As AJ slowed towards them the group rushed forward. AJ quickly stopped the truck and put his hands in the air as Brian did the same.

 

A man dressed in hunting gear with a grizzly beard pointed his gun at the driver side window while a younger looking man, possibly the other man’s son, pointed his equally intimidating weapon at Brian. Both men were significantly larger than the two former pop stars.

 

“Get out of the vehicle, now,” Grizzly man commanded.

 

“Look, we don’t want trouble,” Brian spoke, letting his Kentucky accent spill out to its fullest as he got out of the vehicle and stood before the man. “Y’all can have the truck. We’re just passin’ through.”

 

Grizzly went over to Brian and studied him for a moment. “Where you boys comin’ from?” He asked suspiciously, still with his gun raised, but less aggressively, seeming to recognize Brian’s accent as native.

 

“From Lexington sir,” Brian answered respectively. “My name is Brian and this is my friend Alexander. We’re heading towards Memphis to try and find family we have there.”

 

Grizzly and son exchanged a glance. Brian had to resist doing the same with AJ. The last thing he wanted was for these people to think they were conspiring.

 

Grizzly looked up and gestured the rest of the crew over. “Bobby get in the driver’s side,” he said to the younger boy. “Why don’t you two get in the back? I think this might be both our lucky days. You see we’re fixin’ to go to Memphis ourselves and could use a couple extra hands.”

 

Both boys sighed in resignation and moved to the back of the pickup, gun toting redneck close behind.

 

 “Let me take care of it AJ. Everything will be fine AJ. Let me do the talking AJ.”

 

Brian rolled his eyes. “Oh please if I had let you open your mouth you would have gotten us killed. At least we’re still going in the right direction. We’ll be able to cross the Mississippi and start heading west,” he whispered so the others would not hear.

 

“I don‘t like it Brian and I trust you have a plan to get out of this?” AJ replied as he jumped in the back of the truck, Brian following close behind as well as a few of the men with guns.

 

“I’m thinking ok! Geeze, have a little faith.”

 

“Have a little faith he says,” AJ mocked. “Oh and by the way, Alexander? My mother only calls me that when I’m in trouble.”

 

“Shut up! I don’t know why I said that! Alexander just sounds more respectable I guess.”

 

The two continued to bicker for a little bit before a voice interrupted them. “Would you two shut it!”

 

The two immediately stopped talking and looked at yet another six foot five, grizzly of a man across from them.

 

“Y’all bicker like an old married couple. Get enough of that from my old lady.”

 

Brian looked away with a blush as AJ busted up laughing. Brian elbowed his companion in the side to get him to stop but AJ just kept on laughing and soon Grizzly #2 was laughing right along with him and the rest of the people in the truck.