Living a life as a Backstreet Boy looks like a blast when you're not a Backstreet Boy. For me, seeing that I am a Backstreet Boy, life is lonely and depressing. Sure I have four friends and I have money and am constantly surrounded by people, but, that doesn't mean I am the happiest man alive. I am sad. I am lonely. What's worse is that not one of my four friends have noticed anything.

 

 

I could walk up to them and put a gun to my head and pull the trigger, but, they wouldn't see anything. They are all too wrapped up in their own lives that they just don't give a damn.

 

 

I am sitting on my bed in my hotel room holding a gun in my hand and there's one question going through my mind. Would any of them find spare time in their busy lives to attend my funeral?

 

 

I check to see if the gun is loaded. I smile seeing the silver bullets. As quick as the smile appears on my face, it’s gone. I look at the envelope that has the letter to the guys explaining how I am feeling and why I am going to do this. I can still feel the tear stains on my cheeks from when I cried as I wrote the letter.

 

 

I take a deep breath as I stand up from the bed and walk to the window.

 

 

"Goodbye guys. I'll see you on the other side." I say sadly.

 

 

I close my eyes and put the gun to my head.

 

 

"AJ, don't."

 

 

I spin around and see Brian.

 

 

"What the fuck do you care?" I snap.

 

 

"I care plenty, AJ. Please don't do it." Brian pleaded.

 

 

"Give me one good reason why." I say.

 

 

"Because I am in love with you." Brian cried.

 

 

"Bull shit. How the fuck can I believe you are in love with me when you're married?" I scream.

 

 

"I married Leigh to hide my feelings for you. I love you so much." Brian cried.

 

 

I stare at Brian for a long moment. I can see the tears rolling down his cheeks and the desperation and love in his eyes. He actually cares about me.

 

 

I drop the gun before falling to my knees, bursting into tears. I vaguely hear Brian rush over to me, kicking the gun away before kneeling down by me. I feel his arms wrap around me.

 

 

"I've needed you so bad for so long and you weren't ever there." I sobbed.

 

 

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'm here now and I'll never leave you again." Brian cried.

 

 

I believed him.