Reality returned to AJ all at one time. Not a gradual awakening, but like a bucket of water to the face. He shot up from the ground, instantly in defense mode. It had been a touch that woke him. He sought out what had made that touch, his hands held loose and ready to unleash whatever was necessary.
A faint pulse in his mind warned him second before a hand touched his. It was just enough to have him holding back his magic, though it ached to be released. But that pulse in his mind – that was Brian. He had seen Brian fall, though. Seen him take the magic that had been meant to kill AJ.
Fear was in his heart when he turned his head. Fear that it would all be a dream. A hallucination. But Brian was standing there, gloriously nude. At that moment AJ realized where they were. They were on their tower top, in their special bed of moss. Oh God. Had he died? Had he gone over the deep end at the loss of his heart song?
Almost hesitantly AJ lifted his hand, just barely letting his fingertips touch Brian’s cheeks. He choked back a sob at the feel of that warm flesh. Looking into those tri-colored eyes had his tears flooding. In those eyes was all the love in the world. “Gods above, have I gone crazy?” AJ whispered in his native tongue.
Much to his surprise, Brian shook his head. “It’s really me, song of my heart.” He used English, not knowing the words he would need in Greek to say what he wanted. But he had understood AJ’s words through their bond. “I’m alive, thanks to you. You healed me.”
Snatches of vision started to come back to AJ, starting out slow, and then flooding him in a torrent. He gripped the hand that was still holding his as his eyes closed. He remembered his grandfather telling him not to look at Brian. The feeling in his mind that had been total emptiness where that part of Brian usually was. The grief that had consumed him, followed closely by rage. A rage that had carried him out to the battlefield, so full of magic. More magic than he had ever known.
He remembered moving through them like the wind, taking down anything in his path, his mind set on getting to the center. Then some of the most powerful magic he had ever held, in a weave that was so complicated and yet he remembered it vividly. Everything evil around him dying, dying, and none of it made the pain any better. None of it took away the chasm of grief in his broken heart.
Then Tripha calling to him. Saying there was a pulse. AJ remembered feeling the hope in his chest flare to life. He remembered kneeling over Brian, healing him in a way that he had never healed another. Using magic that he had never used before. Bringing him back from the cusp of death to the world of life. Then, nothing.
“You almost died.” AJ whispered to him. His eyes opened again, locking onto Brian’s. The hand that had barely touched him now moved to cup that familiar face. AJ lost his ability to speak out loud. ‘You took that magic meant for me, and you almost died. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you.’
‘I saw your memories come back as you saw them, Alex. You saved me. Song of my heart, song of my soul, you are the reason I am alive.’
AJ felt the tears sliding down his face. ‘I lost myself in grief. But you’re alive, and you’re here, and I’m alive, and I can’t believe it’s true. I don’t know how I knew what to do to heal you. It was just there, suddenly a part of me.’
‘It was the magic of the trulion, love. That part of you that has barely begun to skim the surface. It is a whole other world of magic. I feel it in you now, where I didn’t before. It’s like this other power inside of you, quietly waiting to be called on. The elves said that it was as if the God and Goddess were walking in your eyes.’
For a moment there were no more words. AJ didn’t know who moved first, him or Brian, but suddenly they were pressed against one another, skin to skin. Just feeling that body against his, and the presence in his mind, was enough for AJ. He reveled in the sensation of having Brian with him after he had thought he’d lost him.
Other memories were intruding on his moment, though. Memories that he had tried so hard to push away. They crowded at his head so strongly that he had to step away from Brian. His head felt as if it would split apart. But it pushed its way through him, burning a path through his heart and soul. With a small cry, AJ dropped to his knees in the moss, his hands holding his head.
Oh Gods. Oh dear Gods above. Clear as day, AJ could see Howi in his mind. See him throw himself on Roth. See Roth dying. See Howie standing there, clutching his chest as the pain of holding Twyla inside took him almost to his knees. He could see the willpower that Howi used to keep on his feet. Hear his voice begging for AJ to kill him. Begging that he be allowed to die on his feet, before it knocked him to his knees. Howi saying that he had lost Isleen…
As that name echoed in AJ’s mind, he felt Brian drop down beside him. Then he heard the echoes of Isleen’s fate in Brian’s mind. The ocean of grief grew even more as he saw in Brian’s memories what had happened to sweet little Isleen. Before AJ could even think to stop it, he leaned over to the left, the opposite side Brian was on, and threw up everything in his stomach, which was really only stomach acid. It burned its way out, searing his throat, but he couldn’t stop.
Once the convulsions were done, Brian pulled him back over, pillowing AJ’s head in his lap. He was sitting cross legged, so AJ’s head fit perfectly against his thigh. Then he started to run his hands through AJ’s hair. The tears came then, burning up from that place inside of AJ that was grieving. He tried to hold it in; not out of shame of his tears, for they deserved those tears. Everyone who had died deserved those tears. But because he had just woke up, and he wanted to take the time to celebrate his lover being alive.
At the same time, it felt almost sick to be so deliriously happy that Brian was alive when he had lost two others who were so important to him. The grief and the happiness warred together, each fighting for room to be.
‘Grieve for them, song of my heart. Grieve for those you lost. You and I have all the time in the world to celebrate our love. I have had my grief. I’ve been awake longer than you. Uncle and Grandfather helped me through the hardest. I’m here for you, Alex. I’m right here. Let it all out. Later there will be time for us. Now, well, now is their time.’
Brian’s permission was all AJ needed. That wall that was holding his pain and grief back suddenly burst, and the tears and sobs tore their way from him. It seemed that he cried for hours. The tears wouldn’t stop, but just kept burning their way up and out. He relieved the moments that he had shared with Howi, with Isleen, and they made him cry more. Cry for the fact that they would never again share those memories.
He cried for the pain Howi must have felt to see his loved one taken that way. He cried for the fear that Isleen must have felt at the end, empath that she was she would have felt even more than the average person. Through the tears, memories started to come stronger and stronger, pouring from his mouth. He found himself telling Brian about times he had spent with Howi. About when they had spent a brief period of time living together as lovers. They had known they weren’t meant for one another, but nights can be long and cold, most especially when you don’t really need to sleep, even though you could.
Or about the times he had spent with Isleen. The way he had found her. About changing her into who she was, and helping her heal her heart.
The memory of Howi’s face at the end came back to him again, bringing on another round of crying that almost took his voice away. The pain grew stronger, enough so that AJ squeezed his eyes shut and told Brian “I can’t hold it in. Shield me, please.” What he didn’t say was that he was afraid his grief would rip apart the land around them. But he didn’t have to say that to Brian. His lover knew him. Easy as breathing, Brian made a shield to contain any magic that might come free. A bubble that went perfectly around them, made only to hold in magic.
Once that was in place, AJ just let go. He didn’t try to hold it in. Before the shield had gone up, his emotions had pulled rain overtop them. A split second of wondering about the hurricane he’d made came in, but it was washed away under the pain of everything else. The pain of Howi’s eyes at the very end.
“He made me k-kill him.” AJ sobbed out. His hands came up, gripping in his own hair. He would have pulled at it if Brian’s hands hadn’t settled over his. “I-I had to k-kill my b-b-best friend, Brian. Kill t-the man w-who made me w-who I am. I h-had to l-l-look in his eyes and w-watch the light l-leave as I took his l-l-life from him!”
“I know, baby. I know.” Brian’s voice shared AJ’s pain. But it was still soothing. It reminded AJ that what he was feeling, Brian would be feeling too. Not just his grief, but the echo of AJ’s inside of his own mind. That made AJ even more upset, knowing that he was hurting Brian with this. But he couldn’t make it stop.
“H-he begged me t-to do it w-while he could s-s-still stand on his f-feet, not on h-his k-knees.”
Brian bent down, pressing his lips to AJ’s temple. Then he was shifting him, laying them down again in the moss so that he could wrap his body around AJ’s. In response, AJ twined around Brian. The warmth of his lover’s body helped ease the knot just slightly.
Slowly but surely the hysterics faded away in the safety of Brian’s arms. Eventually AJ felt calm enough to raise his head and look Brian in the eyes. He saw the tracks of tears on Brian’s face. One shaky hand came up, wiping those tears away. ‘Thank you’ he thought to his love, his voice too hoarse from crying to speak.
‘Anytime, Alex. I’m always here for you. I love you.’ After that there was only the wordless feel of Brian’s love filling him. AJ let it fill every inch of his being. Let in shine in every dark corner until there was nothing inside of him but the light of Brian’s love. The pain wasn’t gone, but he could manage it now. It would take a long time to go away. There were still hurts, and fears. The worry in the back of his mind that wondered if Twyla was really gone, if his spirit had really carried over, or if he was still somewhere out there, floating without a body, waiting for a moment to strike. But AJ knew that with his lover by his side, with his baka, his heart song, he could do anything.
AJ leaned in, pressing his lips against Brian’s. Yes, the pan would take a long time to go away. But he would heal, that he knew. He would heal, and he would live his life with the man he loved. It was what Howi would have wanted for him. He thought back, remembering words Howi had said to him only a short time ago.
“I never imagined when I made you that you would one day become a legendary hero for all these races. I never even knew what a trulion was. But there’s been something special about you since day one. This is who you are, Alyck. This is what you were meant to do. I guess I just wanted you to know that I’m proud of you, and to be able to call you my friend.”
Lying there in Brian’s arms, AJ sent a quick prayer out to the spirit of his friend, his maker, and one of the finest people he had ever known. Thank you for giving me all that you did, Howi. I was proud to call you my friend as well. I was always proud of you. Maybe you rest in the peaceful embrace of the spirits my brother.
A sense of peace stole over him, almost like a smooth caress down his back. There was a soft presence to it that had AJ smiling. He knew, in his heart, that Howi’s spirit was with him for that moment, sharing in his love.
When it faded again, he looked up to Brian’s eyes and smiled. “Let’s get dressed, song of my heart, and go show everyone we’re alive.”
The peace in AJ’s voice had a smile curving Brian’s lips. On impulse he leaned in and kissed AJ, a kiss that went straight down to his soul. “I love you, Alyck Tuian, song of my heart, my Alex.”
“As I love you, Brian Littrell, song of my heart, master of my heart.”
Together the two rose, ready to dress and face the world, whatever came their way.