Reluctantly Harold looked up. Guilt and shame warred in his eyes. Even in the dim light the restaurant offered he could clearly see the outline of his fingers in the mass of bruised flesh. “Jesus.” He whispered to himself. “I never meant…”
“Intentionally or not, this was your initial reaction. Do you think that means that now you’re cursed in the eyes of God?”
“I’ll pray for forgiveness and hope that it’s granted to me. But the difference here is that I can honestly say I will do everything in my power to not let this happen again. You have no intention of stopping your sin. In fact, you revel in it.”
AJ couldn’t contain himself anymore. He put his hand on Brian’s shoulder and leaned forward, looking Harold in the eyes. “All of this posturing is pointless.” He said firmly. The sound of his voice had Harold flinching and Jackie wincing. He ignored it. “This all boils down to one simple thing; are you willing to lose your son because you don’t agree with what he does with his life? We can argue from dawn until dusk about the way the church views sexual preferences and how our souls will be viewed on the day of our Judgment, but right here, right now, none of that matters.”
There was a passion in AJ’s words that had them all listening to him. It was all the more powerful for the fact that he didn’t even raise his voice. “I love your son, and he loves me. Despite, or because of, our difference. What we feel for one another is not something that you’ll be able to change. No matter what words you say, or what you think you’ll do to us, you won’t change the fact that we’re in love, and that we want to be with one another for the rest of our lives. We can and we will be happy with one another. But ask yourself one important question. Is our happiness going to be with or without you?”
Leaving it at that, AJ slid out of the booth and stood. He leaned in, brushing a quick kiss across Brian’s forehead. “I’m going out to smoke. I’ll meet you at the car.”
To the surprise of Brian and Jackie, Harold gestured that he wanted out. Without a word he followed AJ outside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
For just a minute Brian stared after his father, wondering what he should do. Then his mother took hold of his hand and brought his attention back to the table. “Let them talk, baby. Your father won’t do something like that again, I promise you.”
“I never thought he’d do it the first time.” Brian said absently. His eyes drifted again before he brought himself back under control. “But you’re right. Either way, it’d irritate AJ if I went out there and stepped in the middle of it.”
Jackie smiled at her son. Not for the first time Brian thought to himself what a beautiful woman his mother was. But while they were here, and privet, he wanted to ask her a few things. No matter what he knew he would get honesty from her. “Mom, are you…well, what I mean is, are you really ok with all of this? With us?”
The look his mother gave him was one he was very familiar with. She was weighing her words and thinking about his question. It was something that he loved about her.
When she started to speak, her words were slow but sure. “Anyone can see that you two make each other happy. When you look at him you have the same look in your eyes that your father does when he looks at me. The way he looks at you is just as strong. That boy has his heart in his eyes each time he’s near you. It just shines from him in a way that makes me wonder how none of us noticed it before. I may not be perfectly comfortable right now with this, but it won’t change how I treat you two or how I feel about you, Brian. You’re my son. No matter what, I’ll always love you. Give me time and I’ll adjust to this.”
Tears pricked at the back of Brian’s eyes. He brought his mother’s hand up and kissed her knuckles. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, son. No matter what. He may not be what we always had in mind for you, but we can’t deny he loves you. Even if he isn’t the woman we always pictured.” The last part she said with a smile and a wink.
Humbled by the love his mother had for him, Brian held her hand between his own and gave her the smile he had inherited from her. “How could I find a woman for myself, mom? No woman would ever compare to you.”
“Oh, get on with you.” She pulled her hand back and waved it at him, but she was blushing as she did so. “I am happy for you, Brian. You two work well together. He’s a wild one, though. You’ll have a time of it with him.”
Comfortable again, Brian reclined back and sipped at his coffee. “You know, when I deal with AJ, I always think of that one song. Hold on loosely, but don’t let go. Cling to tightly you’re gonna lose control.” Brian grinned. “He’s a wild one, and sometimes I have to steer him just a little. But most of the time I just hold on for the ride.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AJ took a deep drag, dropping his head to rest against the wall. The sun was just starting to set in the horizon, casting the street in its twilight. He blew the smoke out and stared at the passing cars and people. Though he’d been in towns all over the world, Portland had come to feel like home to him. A part of him was connected to this town in ways he hadn’t felt anywhere else. Maybe it was the town itself, or maybe it was the fact that he was there with Brian. Either way, this was home now.
Footsteps echoed beside him, though he didn’t bother looking. He’d heard Senior following behind him. He wasn’t going to start this conversation, though. If Brian’s dad wanted to follow him and talk to him, then he was going to be the one to start things.
For another minute AJ smoked in silence. Finally Harold spoke, his voice pitched low so that no one else would hear them. “You say that you love my son. That his happiness is what you want. Right?”
Another drag, this time to stall for time as he wondered where this was going. “Yes.” It was the only word he could say; the only one he would until he figured out where Harold was going with this. The older man’s tone wasn’t quite right. AJ looked sideways at him, noticing how stiff Harold stood, and the angry set to his face.
“I’m convinced that he’d be happier without you in his life, and back on the path that God wants for him. That I want for him. As his father, I believe I still know what’s best for my son.”
It took everything AJ had to keep himself calm and under control. “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir.”
“I’m sure you are.” Harold’s voice was condescending. “I doubt you’ve thought about what it will mean for him to be with you. The ridicule that you’ll put him through. The way that this goes against his very faith, which is a part of him deep down in his core. Or how this affects his future. The life he should have. A wife, a home, children.”
“I have, Sir.” AJ interrupted him. He took another drag. “I may not be able to marry him, but we’re partners in every way that matters. We have a home. As for children, well, that’s to discuss between the two of us. You can’t say anything we haven’t already discussed and decided was worth the cost.”
“What will it cost me for you to walk away and leave him alone?”
The blunt question had AJ almost choking on his smoke as he inhaled. He had to close his eyes and force his breathing under control so he wouldn’t get in a coughing fit that would end up killing his already sore throat. “Excuse me?” he finally managed to gasp out.
“You heard me. Men like you always have a price. I’m asking what it is.”
Shock echoed through AJ. He stared at Harold in disbelief. A part of him wanted to deny that this man was even suggesting something like that. But it was evident on his face that this was all too real. “You’re serious.” AJ said. He couldn’t believe it. This man was really serious! “With all due respect, sir, you couldn’t offer me anything in the world that would make me walk away from him, and I resent the fact that you offered.”
Harold’s face was full of scorn. “You don’t fool me, AJ. You may think you love my son, but I’ve known you for years now. You have no idea how to be faithful to someone. Before too long something will happen and you’ll go running in the other direction. You don’t have it in you to be someone’s partner. All I’m asking is that you leave now before you end up hurting him too much. Like I said, men like you have a price. Tell me what yours is and I’ll meet it if it means getting you away from my son.”
The temper that AJ had been controlling was now boiling right underneath the surface. He raised the hand holding his cigarette and pointed at Harold with shaking fingers. “The only thing that keeps me from knocking your teeth out is the fact that you are the father of the person I love and it would upset him to have me do that. But how dare you stand there and talk to me this way?”
“I dare anything to keep my son safe and happy.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about. I have no plans to leave your son, now or ever. Nothing could chase me away from him. I stood by his side through open heart surgery. I was there for him every step of the way, and through the recovery afterwards. I’m still here helping him stay healthy. There is nothing that could chase me away from him. The sooner you realize that, the sooner that we can all move on with our lives.”
“You say that now. But I know your type. Give it time and you’ll start to get itchy feet. This relationship will lose its appeal when you realize that Brian’s the type to go for the long haul. That’s not who you are, AJ. No amount of money can cover up the fact that you’re a two bit guttersnipe who can’t commit to a single person in his life. You’ve always been a hustler, and you always will be.”
With deliberate casualness AJ dropped his smoke to the pavement and ground it out with his shoe. When he looked back up, his eyes were bright with fury. “Think anything you want about me. I don’t care. Nothing you can say to me will change what I feel for your son. I love Brian and I always will. There isn’t one God damn thing you could do to change that fact. What’s more, your son loves me. Me. The sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be.”
Before Harold could retaliate, Brian and Jackie walked out of the restaurant arm in arm, laughing with one another. Unwillingly to let Brian know what had just happened, AJ took a deep breath and forced his anger as deep as he could. Something in the air had Brian looking from one to the other the instant they stepped close. “Everything ok here?” he asked hesitantly.
AJ forced himself to smile and nod. “Just peaches. Your dad and I were just straightening a few things out.”
“That’s right. Think about what I said, AJ.” Harold threw in. He stepped forward and gave Brian a quick hug before he took Jackie’s arm and headed down the street toward their car.
Brian didn’t say anything to AJ as they walked to their own car. He stayed quiet as they walked through the empty parking garage, and over to the corner where their car was parked, and even as they climbed inside. Once the doors were closed he turned, intending to speak, and instead found AJ there, and he was kissing him, hard and full of passion. Brian forgot everything he was going to say and instead lost himself in his lovers kiss. He found his hands coming up, gripping AJ’s shoulders, and he was kissing him back just as hard, just as passionate.
When they finally broke apart, both men were panting. AJ rested his forehead against Brian’s for a second, his eyes closed. “I love you.” He said softly.
The grip he had on AJ’s shoulders loosened. Ever so gently he brought his hands up to cup the face he loved so much. “I love you too, Alex. Tell me what’s going on, please. What did my dad say to you that’s got you so upset?”
“Don’t ask me that.” There was hurt in AJ’s voice that had Brian wanting to soothe him. “Please, Bri, don’t ask me. Ask him. What we said, well, I won’t be the one to tell you about it. I won’t be responsible for that. Please.”
It was the real distress in AJ’s voice that had Brian agreeing. He kissed him softly, a few quick kisses that were meant to soothe and reassure. When they pulled back, Brian was still worried, but he knew better than to push the point right then. Later he would ask. Later, AJ would tell him or his father would. One of the two. Right then, Brian wanted to do something for them. Something as a couple.
“You still up to hitting that tattoo shop?” Brian asked him suddenly. The surprised look on AJ’s face had Brian’s smile growing. “I have an idea I’m thinking about for one of my own.”