Brian managed to keep his cool as he walked into the kitchen. He even managed to stay calm as he made a pot of coffee. At least, he stayed calm on the outside. Inside he was still seething. He had worried the entire fucking day and the whole time AJ had been out walking. Walking!
“You don’t have to make coffee, Bri. I’m fine. Just come sit with me.” AJ spoke softly behind him.
“To be honest I’m only making coffee so my hands are busy enough that I won’t walk over there and hit you, AJ.” He explained. It didn’t surprise Brian to hear AJ scoff behind him.
“Hit me? Jesus, Brian. You act like I deliberately hurt you. I walked, ok?”
Turning around, Brian slammed the mug in his hand on the counter. “All day? They said you checked out at sunrise, AJ! Are you trying to say you walked all fucking day long?”
AJ met him glare for glare, not one to back down. “You’re damn straight I did! I got your messages and I listened to them, and I sat up thinking, but I couldn’t think in that room. Not like that.” Some of AJ’s anger faded. He took one of the mugs that Brian had slammed down and moved to pour a cup of coffee.
Concern cut through Brian when he saw the way AJ curled his fingers around the mug. If he’d been walking all day, he was probably frozen straight through. He didn’t even bother with creamer but sipped straight at the coffee. Once he had a fortifying drink in him AJ looked back up. “”It was way too tempting to drink. So, before I ended up breaking down, I just grabbed my bag and checked out. Once I started walking it was like my head cleared out. I could think again. So I walked until everything started to make sense “
“But…” Brian took a deep breath, clearing his throat out. “If you listened to my messages, it means you got them.” Fury lit Brian’s eyes again. His grip tightened on the last cup, holding it so tightly he was surprised it didn’t shatter. “You could have taken two minutes to call me and let me know you were ok. Or text me, even, if you weren’t ready to talk to me yet.”
“I didn’t think about it, all right? I was a little preoccupied!”
“Too preoccupied to even take a minute out of your day to let your boyfriend know you were ok?”
“I wasn’t thinking like that-“AJ started to say, but Brian cut in. “You weren’t thinking at all!”
For a second AJ’s grip on his mug tightened and his eyes shut. When they opened, Brian could see the rage that was simmering underneath the surface. AJ was livid. Well, right then he didn’t really care. AJ could be mad all he wanted. Brian was livid too. How dare he scare him that way? Make him worry all fucking day long?
“You want to talk about being inconsiderate?” AJ seethed. “Where the hell were you when your dad took all his pot shots at me? You didn’t even fucking notice them! So don’t you fucking preach to me about being considerate!”
“I noticed some of them, but I was taking my cues from you, Alex!”
Now it was AJ’s turn to look shocked. “You noticed and you didn’t say shit?”
“Like I said, I was taking my cues from you!” Brian explained. He couldn’t help noticing the hurt that had been in AJ’s face, or the reaction it caused in him. Part of his temper faded a little under the urge to soothe. “You always let it roll off your back like it was nothing, so I figured either that was how you wanted to deal with his snide comments, or they didn’t bother you. If you’d said something to me I would have talked to him, or spoke up.”
The coffee cup in AJ’s hand flew sideways, shattering against the wall, sending shards and coffee everywhere. But Brian’s eyes were focused on AJ’s face.
“How dare you?” AJ shouted at him. “You should have known without me telling you! Not bother me? I hurt, just like anyone else! I feel, just like you do! If you cut me I’ll fucking bleed. How could you think that it wouldn’t hurt me? Just because I’m strong doesn’t mean that I don’t feel things like other people do!”
AJ pushed away from the counter, his hands going to feel in his damp coat pockets. “I’m sick and fucking tired of people taking advantage of me being a strong guy. I’m tired of the assumptions that just because I may be tougher it must mean shit doesn’t get to me. But you of all people….how dare you? Well fuck this shit, and fuck you too!”
Temper started to slide from Brian. He always had such a hard time holding on to it in the face of someone he loved. It faded from him enough that he stepped around the counter toward his lover. “Alex…”
AJ’s head shot up. “Don’t go sweet and soft on me, dammit. I’m still pissed at you. Say shit like that to me. Fuck.”
“You scared the shit out of me today, Alex. I couldn’t help feeling angry. I didn’t know what happened to you. If you’d been hurt, or if a fan had tried to get at you, or you’d been mugged. You were alone. No friend, no family, no security. Anything could have happened. Can’t you look at it from my shoes and have some understanding?”
“Can’t you see it from mine that it was what I needed to do?” AJ shot back. “I wanted to be clear minded when I came back to you. Instead, I got this shit. Maybe this was the wrong time. Maybe we need a little more time apart.” As he said that, AJ moved toward the sliding door. His expression was devastated. “This is why I left. I can’t let this happen to us. Not to us.” His hand was on the door.
Brian touched the case that held the gun for the backyard. “I swear, AJ, you walk out that door and I will pick this gun up and shoot you this time. I hit what I aim for.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
More to make a point than anything else Brian picked the gun up and pumped it. “Test me.” He didn’t know where this courage came from, but he knew that if the idea made AJ stay, it was worth it. He couldn’t have him leave again.
The look on AJ’s face was anguished. “I can’t fight with you like this. Not today. Not now. Especially not over this shit. Not when all of it boils down to this bullshit with your dad. I won’t let it poison my life. I do this because it’s what’s best.”
“What’s best for who? You? I don’t want you to leave, and I won’t let you leave me again. We’re going to stay here and have this out, AJ. No matter the outcome, we’re not running from this again.”
With a growl that Brian had never heard before, one that was full of pain and anguish, AJ reached forward and grabbed the shotgun. He pushed the barrel against his chest, right over his heart. “If you’re gonna shoot me, shoot here. It’ll kill me faster.”
Brian jerked the gun, trying and failing to pull it out of AJ’s hands. “I’m not going to shoot you, Alex!”
“Staying here and fighting all the time until we hate one another would kill me anyways. This way’s just faster.”
“AJ, this isn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to fight.”
AJ let go of the gun and stepped away. “Well pointing a gun at me from the front porch wasn’t the best way of saying that.” He pointed out. Any sign left of temper in his expression now faded away, leaving him looking tired. “I came up here to tell you that I’m sorry for leaving. It was stupid, but it was all I could think of to do. But I should have talked to you instead. I can see that.”
“I was stupid, too.” Brian said gently. He put the gun back into its rack and stepped up to AJ. “I should have spoken up sooner, and paid more attention. Nothing means as much to me as you do, Alex. You leaving made me look at everything. I mean, really look at it. Soon as I figured it out I told dad he wasn’t allowed back in my house again. He may be my partner, but you’re my heart. My life is with you.”
AJ dropped his head enough for their foreheads to touch. The familiar gesture spoke volumes to Brian. His heart filled with love until it overflowed. With that gesture, Brian knew that AJ wasn’t going to leave again. They would work this out.
“Can you forgive me for being stupid?” Brian asked him. He looked straight into AJ’s eyes and felt his heart grow more at the love that looked back at him.
“So long as you can forgive me being an idiot.”
Both their lips curved into smiles. Brian leaned enough to lightly kiss AJ’s lips. “I love you, Alex.”
“I love you too, snuggles.”
They didn’t say anything else for a few minutes. Their eyes closed and they just stood there. AJ brought a hand up, cupping Brian’s cheek with it. Brian wrapped his arms around AJ’s neck loosely. Even without words they spoke to one another, their bodies doing the talking. Using that language that couples get when they’ve been together long enough. A touch, a sigh, speaking volumes. Reassuring one another of their love.
It was Brian who finally pulled back. Who took AJ’s hand in his and led him up the staircase and to their room. He checked to make sure Nina was still sleeping her kennel before he shut the door behind him. Then, still not speaking, the room lit only by the small amount of moonlight, Brian started to take his clothes off. He could see AJ doing the same thing.
Silently they slipped into bed with one another. The moment was too powerful for words. Skin brushed skin as they sighed together and used their bodies to celebrate their love.