The entire group settled down in their practice field to enjoy their morning breakfast. AJ fought to keep his spine straight as he sat there. His mind and body both were exhausted. His magical energy was still running strong, but it felt almost turbulent. Not quite steady. Logically, he knew it was in response to the problems he had inside his own mind. Until his emotions were totally stable, his magic wouldn’t be totally stable.<?xml:namespace prefix = o /><o:p> </o:p>
But none of that showed on the outside. He didn’t have time to deal with it yet. What was most important was starting the education with this group that he had so badly failed in providing before. If he had provided that education than they wouldn’t be in the mess they were in.<o:p> </o:p>
Shay had outdone himself with gathering breakfast. There were plenty of the berries that elves favored, as well honey cakes and some freshly made rice. For drinks, there were two pots of tea. It was the kind of breakfast that AJ had shared on many occasions with Shay back in a time much different than this. It was one set to remind AJ of good times and fond memories and to set him at ease. <o:p> </o:p>
It didn’t surprise him when Tao lifted the teapot, offering and pouring first for him, than for Brian and finally for Shay. When she set the pot down, AJ gestured her to sit back in her seat. “Child, I know the customs of the land you’ve been raised in. Please understand that you are not required to live up to them all when you’re with us.”<o:p> </o:p>
“It is an honor, Shifu.” She said solemnly. “I do not see it as a burden.”<o:p> </o:p>
He could see that she was honest about her feelings. That was how she truly felt; honored to be a student of his. If he ordered it, she would stop treating him with the standards that student treats their Shifu. But it didn’t feel right to him. It felt wrong to tread on her beliefs that way. Not only that, but he had worked as a Shifu before, training during his time in China, hundreds and hundreds of years ago. He knew the benefit to both teacher and student for that kind of training.<o:p> </o:p>
“I trained and taught during my time in China, child. I have been told I am an exacting teacher, but I will never ask more of you than I think you may give. I also take my role very seriously. It is not just a teaching on my part, but a responsibility to you. To your soul. Even more so with the titles I already hold.”<o:p> </o:p>
“I understand.” She bowed her head respectfully. “I will not complain about standards that may confuse me or seem strange, for who am I to question one such as you? The things you know, I cannot even begin to fathom, Shifu. Though I may not understand your instructions at times, I will strive to broaden my mind and learn the lessons you put before me.”<o:p> </o:p>
He met her gaze and nodded, sealing the pact between them. With a smile he looked to the others, dispelling the formality of the situation. “Eat, eat.” He told them when he saw that no one was eating. “Trust me, I understand the feeling of hunger even if I don’t feel it anymore. Nourish your bodies. You’ll need it once we start the days training.”<o:p> </o:p>
Slowly, the entire group but for Ubayy began to eat. He sat with a cup of tea cradled in his broad hands, eyes downcast to his lap. Even without the empath skills that Isleen had possessed, AJ could almost feel the emotion leaking off of the man.<o:p> </o:p>
AJ was on his feet before he’d really stopped to think about it. He stepped around the breakfast spread and moved until he was standing behind Ubayy. Gently he laid a hand on his shoulder. “Ubayy.” His voice was soft, gentle.<o:p> </o:p>
The man lifted his head but didn’t raise his eyes. “Yes, trulion?”<o:p> </o:p>
“Look at me, son.” The endearment slipped past AJ’s lips without him noticing. To him, they were all his children.<o:p> </o:p>
At first Ubayy didn’t seem to want to move. But then he lifted his eyes until they latched onto AJ’s face. In that gaze, AJ saw what he had feared. The night had been almost too much for Ubayy. Guilt, pain, heartache and a great deal of self-hatred was evident in those swimming depths.<o:p> </o:p>
In that single moment, AJ forgot all the others. He forgot the punishments that he’d meted out; he forgot everything but the pain of the one before him. “Do not sorrow so, Ubayy, son of Alfuay. Your sorrow makes my heart sing a song of sadness. I do not wish you to hurt so.”<o:p> </o:p>
“I can’t help it, trulion.” Ubayy whispered to him. His voice broke slightly on his words. “The punishment you endured, the pain in your body and mind that you felt, it is because of me. Because I was foolish and hotheaded. You should not have had to endure that pain. It should’ve been me.”<o:p> </o:p>
“Ubayy, the fact that you recognize the foolishness of your actions and the downfalls of your temper is a positive thing. But it is as I said; here, you are but a child. You did not know better on the customs of this land. That is my fault. I take my job, my responsibility, very seriously. I would not have had you whipped because I didn’t teach you right. Where would be the understanding in that?”<o:p> </o:p>
“Your words make sense to my head, trulion, but my heart doesn’t listen to reason. It aches for the pain you went through. Pain that came at my foolishness.”<o:p> </o:p>
“My pain, child, comes not from what you’ve done.” AJ took a deep breath, extending his magic toward Ubayy. He sent a tendril of thought, asking permission nto enter his mind. When permission was granted, AJ linked them together. He showed Ubayy, in both words and images, what was in his heart. ‘This pain is not from you. Do not try to take this on yourself.’ He told him gently. ‘The pain in my mind and heart is not your doing. It was caused by others, others that were evil. If you seek to blame anyone, blame them. Blame Rothalo. Blame Twyla. But do not blame yourself. Your actions caused me to suffer physical pain, but I am not boasting when I tell you that I have had worse physical pain than this, many times in my thousands of years.’<o:p> </o:p>
‘How can you not be angry with me for hurting you this way?’<o:p> </o:p>
‘Because I truly believe that you are all my children and it is my job to guide you in the ways of the world. Would you punish a small child for making an error in judgment in a situation they knew nothing of? Or would you call to task the parent of that child?’<o:p> </o:p>
His words set Ubayy to thinking. Some of the grief on his heart lifted a little. ‘What you say makes sense, but I cannot fully relieve my guilt, trulion. I would not if I could. It seems right that I feel guilt over this. How else am I to learn from it?’<o:p> </o:p>
Pride filled AJ. Those words were exactly right. They proved to him that he’d been right in doing what he’d done. It had helped gain at least one of them some wisdom. ‘You grow wiser, Ubayy. That is good. But remember that, to learn, you must accept your emotions and the lesson and move beyond it. Do not sit and dwell and let it swallow you whole, or the lesson I taught will mean nothing. I did not want you to sink into a depression over this, but to feel the lesson down to your soul and to learn from it.’<o:p> </o:p>
‘I will do my best to honor you. Both now and in the future, trulion. I am your man.’<o:p> </o:p>
AJ pulled back from Ubayy’s mind, opening his eyes again to smile down at a face that looked more peaceful than it had moments ago. Impulsively he bent and kissed Ubayy’s forehead. “I am proud of you.”<o:p> </o:p>
“Thank you, trulion.”<o:p> </o:p>
Rising, AJ looked over his small company. He could only hope that the lesson had settled well on the others. His gaze passed over Brian, who smiled at him and sent a pulse of long along their bond. AJ sent love back to him. He looked over, watching as Shay rose to his feet, Donnelly by his side. When had Donnelly arrived?<o:p> </o:p>
Even more confusing, Shay looked to Donnelly and told him “Remember what I said.” But before AJ could question it, Shay’s white eyes locked onto him. “Alyck, I would have words with you.”<o:p> </o:p>
The formal way that Shay spoke had AJ quirking an eyebrow at him. Still, when Shay gestured for him to walk, AJ followed respectfully. He walked alongside Shay through the grass, saying nothing, waiting for his friend to speak. Magic seemed to quiver in the air suddenly, permeating AJ’s thoughts. He easily located the source; Tadhg and twelve other spell casters were standing on the top of the castle’s outer walls, all of them holding a shield of some sort. Moments later, AJ felt as he and Shay entered the shield. His curiosity peaked even more.<o:p> </o:p>
“I asked them to shield us.” Shay said suddenly, stopping to turn and face AJ. “Nothing that we do here will escape, even with powers such as yours.”<o:p> </o:p>
“What’s going on, Shay?” Now there was a slight worry to go with the curiosity. What did Shay have planned? There was such a serious expression on his face that it had AJ’s guard going up. He felt defensive without knowing why.<o:p> </o:p>
Shay seemed unperturbed. “Your magic is trying to control you, Alyck Tuian.” He said bluntly. “You think you’re in control, both of your magic and of your emotions, but you’re not. Plain and simple. This madness that lurks in the corners of your mind is trying to consume you. What you did yesterday, it was just the final stone in what has the potential to be a very dangerous catalyst.”<o:p> </o:p>
“Look, Shay, I admit that I’m shaky.” AJ said slowly. “But I know better than to let my magic control me.”<o:p> </o:p>
“I have seen what will happen. If you do not deal with this, here and now, I’ve seen what will happen to you and those around you. I’ve seen the death and destruction. The bodies of those you love lying slaughtered around you as they tried to reach you in your pain.” Shay spoke in a voice that commanded attention, freezing AJ in place. But he wasn’t done. “I’ve seen the body of your lover, lying at your feet, his life’s blood pouring from him as your magic rips its way through you.”<o:p> </o:p>
AJ felt his heart start to throb. “I would never….”<o:p> </o:p>
“You would and you will if this wound you carry in you is not lanced so that it may finally heal. You’ve tried to block away the madness, lock away the pain in your heart, and still it sits there, poisoning you from the inside. You need to let yourself heal, Alyck. You need to stop holding it in and just let go.”<o:p> </o:p>
“What would you have me do, Shay?” He snapped at his friend. He felt himself growing angry. How dare Shay call him out here and do this to him? Make these demands, these predictions, with such a calm face and tone! “Am I to scream? To cry and rant and rave against the injustice of it all?”<o:p> </o:p>
“I want you feel, Alyck!” Shay shouted back.<o:p> </o:p>
That had AJ quivering. “You think I don’t feel? I feel, dammit! But I don’t have time to feel like this! I don’t have time for any of that! There’s too much work to be done.”<o:p> </o:p>
“Then you doom us all. Because, if this isn’t dealt with before a month’s time has passed, you’ll kill us all.”<o:p> </o:p>
AJ stepped back as if he’d been struck. “Shay…” Pausing, he had to swallow before he could force the words out. “I don’t know what you want me to do. I don’t know how to heal this. If I did, don’t you think I’d have done it already?”<o:p> </o:p>
“Stop holding it back!” Passion leaked into Shay’s voice. He marched forward, looking furious. “Stop locking away that part of your mind and your heart! Mourn your pain, damn you! Accept it!”<o:p> </o:p>
“I can’t.” Those words were wrenched from deep inside of him. Deep in that place where he felt the throb of pain and madness. “It terrifies me.” Ashamed, he looked to the ground.<o:p> </o:p>
A fist suddenly bunched in his hair, forcing his head up. “Then you’ll die in madness and pain, along with the rest of the world. Your lover will be lying at your feet as your magic tears him to shreds. Is that what you want, Alyck? Do you want to kill everyone? You’ve killed a million times before, what’s a few more, right?”<o:p> </o:p>
“No!”<o:p> </o:p>
“You’ve killed enemies, friends. It was right here, right in this spot, where you killed Rothalo, wasn’t it? A man who had once been your friend. Who had been your lover.”<o:p> </o:p>
Images flooded AJ’s mind. Roth, the expression on his face only seconds before AJ killed him. “I had to kill him!” He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing back the pain that he felt. Even with all the evil that had been inside of Roth, it still pained AJ to kill a man who he had once shared pleasant conversation, good company, and the warmth of one another’s embraces. “He was bringing Twyla back. I had to!”<o:p> </o:p>
“Wasn’t it here that Howi died as well? Possessed by Twyla. He stood here and begged you to kill him while he could still stand on his feet. He didn’t want to die on his knees. Another friend, another lover, you killed. Not only that, but your very maker. The man who made you who you were and showed you all you needed to know in this life. The man who made your partner for you.”<o:p> </o:p>
Tears built in AJ’s eyes, spilling over to his cheeks. He could clearly see Howi’s face. The agony in his eyes. It had taken so much willpower for him to stay standing on his feet. But he had been strong. He’d stood there and held his own, clenching Twyla to him so that AJ could do what needed to be done.<o:p> </o:p>
Shay used the hand in AJ’s hair to wrench his head so that he was forced to look toward the cliffs. “Over there, that was where Isleen died, devoured by a beast she’d never even heard of. The only thing she’d been guilty of was trusting in you. One of your little children that followed you and trusted in the all mighty Alyck to keep her safe. But you didn’t. She died in blood and pain and terror, because of you.”<o:p> </o:p>
Words wouldn’t come to AJ’s throat. Pain was ripping him apart inside, tearing him to pieces. It was true. All of what Shay said was true. He didn’t resist when Shay forced him to look toward the castle gates. “Over here is where your lover lay, dying. You almost lost him because he too chose to follow you. You let him be a part of all of it. Let him be there, in harm’s way, to fight a man you should have killed long ago. Brian took a shot that was meant for you and it almost killed him. Then, assuming he was dead, you laid waste to so many, seeking not to save your comrades, but seeking revenge. Isn’t that right?”<o:p> </o:p>
“Yes”<o:p> </o:p>
“But Brian wasn’t dead. You almost couldn’t save him because your bloodlust for revenge got in your way. You almost let the one person you love the most die for your pride.”<o:p> </o:p>
“Oh God.” AJ felt his tears come hotter and faster. That part of him that was so dark and broken was starting to swell. “Yes, yes!”<o:p> </o:p>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~<o:p> </o:p>
The group of friends sat together, eating their food as they chatted quietly. Brian didn’t pay any attention to them. His eyes were on AJ, wondering what was going on between him and Shay. It looked like they were talking. He’d felt AJ’s surprise as they’d entered a magical shield, and he’d been in AJ’s thoughts enough to get the gist of it; that Tadhg and the other spell casters were shielding them. But he hadn’t wanted to intrude, so he’d pulled back before finding out more.<o:p> </o:p>
It didn’t keep him from worrying, though. What on earth was going on over there? A small flash of pain echoed over the bond, catching Brian’s attention even more. That pain grew stronger; strong enough to have Brian standing up. He paid no attention as the others went quiet around him. All of his attention was focused on Shay and AJ.<o:p> </o:p>
When he saw Shay step forward, grabbing a fistful of AJ’s hair, there was an echoing heartache and a soul deep pain that welled up from AJ. It was enough to have Brian deciding that enough was enough. He started to move forward, determined to find out what the hell was going on.<o:p> </o:p>
A swell of magic behind him was the only warning that Brian had. Suddenly he found a shield slammed over him, a net that was seamless and oh-so familiar. Terror was the first sensation to hit him. On the tail of that was anger. He recognized the ‘feel’ of the magic and knew who it belonged to. His head moved, the only part of him that could, to glare at Donnelly. “Let me go.” He hissed.<o:p> </o:p>
“No.”<o:p> </o:p>
Fury built in Brian. “You have no right to do this to me. None!” In his center he tried to rally his magic, to search for something in the net to break free. But Donnelly’s net wasn’t like Roth’s had been. There was no flaw in it. It was perfect in every way. “Let me go, Donnelly, right now!”<o:p> </o:p>
“I can’t, Brian. I’m sorry but I can’t. I’m just doing what I’m told.”<o:p> </o:p>
“What you’re told?” Brian screeched. “On whose authority?”<o:p> </o:p>
“That would be mine.”<o:p> </o:p>
That voice was unmistakable. Even in the middle of pain and anger, Brian knew that voice. He looked over to his right where Flreu was walking toward him. The King had on an apologetic expression. “I authorized this, Grandson, so that I might guarantee that you stay here where I need you to be.”<o:p> </o:p>
“But…Grandfather….why?”<o:p> </o:p>
“Shay and Alyck need to have this conversation. I can’t afford to have you interfering with this. Shay has Seen what will happen if this pain that Alyck carries is not dealt with here and now. If Alyck continues to let the madness and the heartache fester inside of him, all of us will die in less than a month’s time. Tore apart by the magic that he will lose control of. Shay is forcing him to deal with that pain. It is our only hope.”<o:p> </o:p>
Brian lifted his chin, still angry, even if he did see the logic of this. “So you have Donnelly put this net on me instead of just explaining it to me and asking me to stay back?”<o:p> </o:p>
“Only until I could explain. If you vow to not interfere and to allow this group to hold a magical shield over you so that Alyck’s pain cannot backlash through you and cause your magic to spew forth, then I will have you released.”<o:p> </o:p>
It grated against everything inside of him to make that kind of vow. Stay away from Alex when he was hurting like this? Brian could feel AJ’s pain swelling as each moment passed. He could feel the madness in AJ’s mind. The guilt and fear and agony. Could he make a vow to stay over here while AJ hurt that way?<o:p> </o:p>
He had to. Shay’s visions were never wrong, according to AJ. That meant that this had to be done, for the sake of the one he loved and for all others. “You have my vow, Grandfather.” He whispered hoarsely. A moment later the net was gone off of him, replaced with a shield. Even as Brian shifted his body, relishing in the feel of being back in control, he felt Donnelly drawing the others into a link with him so that they all maintained the shield. As a unit, they all moved to stand alongside Brian, looking out to where Shay was turning AJ, one hand still holding his hair.<o:p> </o:p>
Flreu reached out, taking Brian’s hand in his and squeezing. One look at the King’s eyes showed Brian that this wasn’t easy for Flreu either. He hurt, standing and watching. Brian knew he could block off the bond enough that he wouldn’t be forced to feel AJ’s pain anymore, but it didn’t feel right. So instead he stood there, gripping his Grandfather’s hand as the two silently watched one that they loved break to pieces.<o:p> </o:p>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<o:p> </o:p>
The tears in AJ’s eyes seemed to be spilling hotter and faster. The bonds he’d put inside of himself felt as if they were splintering. He tried to grip tight to it, to hold on to his control, but it was slipping through his fingers. “Why are you doing this to me?” Past all shame, he begged his friend. “Please, just let me go.”<o:p> </o:p>
“I won’t, Alyck. You have to deal with this. You can’t let this eat away your whole life. Grieve, dammit!”<o:p> </o:p>
“You want me to grieve?” AJ shouted at him. He dashed at the tears on his cheeks. “You want me to hurt? What, do you think I don’t feel?” All of his emotions welled up inside of him, consuming him until he could see nothing past it. That final thread snapped inside of him. “I feel, dammit! I feel too much!” The ground trembled underneath his feet with the force of his emotions.<o:p> </o:p>
Shay didn’t falter. “Then quit hiding it! Show some feeling, dammit!”<o:p> </o:p>
“Show feeling?” Beyond reasoning, beyond caring, AJ screamed at him. “What do you want me to do? Scream? Throw things?”<o:p> </o:p>
“Anything!”<o:p> </o:p>
With a roar of rage, AJ spread his hands and gathered earth on either side of him. Two solid balls of earth formed in the air on either side of him. Without hesitating, he flung them at Shay, not caring if he hit him. He paid no attention as Shay countered, sending the balls back down into the ground. “How’s this?” AJ shrieked at him, tears streaming from his eyes. “How do you like that? Is that enough for you?”<o:p> </o:p>
The air around him startled to sizzle. It almost crackled as he grabbed more earth, throwing ball after ball of it at Shay. “I feel, dammit!” He shrieked. More earth flew, deflected by Shay’s magic. “I feel too much! It hurts! I don’t want to hurt!” More earth flew. “I’m tired of hurting! Four thousand years and that’s all I do is hurt! I lose everyone around me!”<o:p> </o:p>
“I’m still with you, Alyck. Brian is with you. Geoff and Richard too.”<o:p> </o:p>
“It’s not fair!”<o:p> </o:p>
The ground trembled underneath AJ yet again. Now that the dam had broken there was no holding anything back. All the grief he’d held in tight, all the heartache, the fear, the terror, it spewed from him, slicing his insides like razors. All around him the wind blew, safe inside the shield that still held over them. HE didn’t care if it set free. Rain gathered above him, pouring over them like tears.<o:p> </o:p>
AJ grabbed another chunk of earth, flinging it forward. “They shouldn’t have had to die!” Another piece, this one barely making it past him. He couldn’t see past his tears. “It wasn’t fair. They didn’t do anything wrong but trust me!”<o:p> </o:p>
“You didn’t do anything wrong either, Alyck.” Shay said softly. His voice was barely able to be heard over the tempest. “It’s not your fault.”<o:p> </o:p>
“It is! All of it is!”<o:p> </o:p>
“No, Alyck, it’s not. You made them do nothing. They chose to follow you.”<o:p> </o:p>
“And they died for it! My friends died, my lover almost died! You have no idea the things I’ve put people through.” AJ raised his hands, gripping into his own hair. “My friends lost their lives. My heart song was tortured. Tortured, Shay! Because of me!”<o:p> </o:p>
Shay took a step toward him. “No, Alyck. Because of Roth. He was tortured because of Roth. The others died because of Roth.”<o:p> </o:p>
“Because he was mad at me!” AJ slammed a hand into his chest to make his point. “Because he was pissed at me, he hurt those I care about! So now I have to live with the knowledge that Howi died, fighting to hold himself upright, because I brought him there. Isleen died in the mouth of a beast because she trusted me and followed me! My aunt was killed by Roth, trying to protect me!”<o:p> </o:p>
The pain of it was enough to almost send him to his knees. He barely managed to keep himself upright. “I live with that every single fucking day. I have to look at my hands and see the blood on them. And you ask me to feel?” His gaze whipped up, razor sharp, locking onto Shay. “Every day I look at the sunrise and think of those that will never see it again because of me. I look into the eyes of my heart song and wonder if he ever resents me for the pain I’ve caused him. I live with the knowledge that, if I’d left Brian alone, he would be living happily right now with friends and family. Kevin and Nick would be home right now instead of being tortured by an evil that wants to stop me! How many people are going to hurt because of me? How many more will die?”<o:p> </o:p>
It was too much. He couldn’t handle it anymore. Couldn’t stand it. Waves of agony washed over him, sending him to his knees. It wasn’t fair! It wasn’t right! None of them should have had to die. He dug his hands into the wet soil, clenching his fingers. His hair cascaded around him, a curtain against the world. As everything in him overflowed, he started screaming before he even realized it. They ripped out of him with violent force.<o:p> </o:p>
A pair of arms closed over him. AJ didn’t have the strength to fight them. He let Shay cradle him there as the tears and the screams tore from him, purging the pain from his body. “I’m so sorry.” He managed to gasp out. “Goddess above, I never meant this.”<o:p> </o:p>
“I know, Alyck. I know.” Shay whispered soothingly. He held his friend in the midst of the magical made storm and wept his own tears.<o:p> </o:p>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<o:p> </o:p>
The agony that AJ was feeling was flooding the bond, breaking Brian’s heart. He listened as AJ screamed at Shay, letting out all the fears that he had been holding in for so long. Brian recognized what Shay had done at the start, saying the things that AJ had been thinking, forcing him to think of them. Then, he had turned around and showed AJ how wrong they were.<o:p> </o:p>
When AJ dropped to his knees, the pain that filled him echoed over the bond. It was strong enough that Brian staggered, letting out a soft cry. Hands were on his arms, holding him up, holding him back. Flreu clung to him, breathing raggedly. “I know, grandson. But it has to be done.” He whispered through his tears. “Goddess help him, it has to. This is the only way for him to heal.”<o:p> </o:p>
“How can one live with so much pain?” Nura asked breathlessly. “Look at the agony he lives in. How has he survived with that inside?”<o:p> </o:p>
Richard was the one who answered. Until then, Brian hadn’t realized that Richard and Geoff had joined their silent vigil. “Because he’s had to.” He told them all. His heartache for his friend was written on his face. “He’s had to be everything for everyone, except with Brian. He hasn’t had the time to feel for himself.”<o:p> </o:p>
The brothers made a gesture in front of themselves. “To live with so much.” Bayani whispered.<o:p> </o:p>
“What have we done?” Crisanto added. “We have added so much pain to what he already had.”<o:p> </o:p>
Tao muttered a soft prayer in Chinese. “We have shamed ourselves and failed him. We looked at the figure, not the man.”<o:p> </o:p>
None of them could deny the man now. They stood as a unit, watching as the leader they had all come to rely on finally gave up his fight and shattered before their very eyes.
STORIES<o:p> </o:p>