Brian woke only a few hours after going to sleep. Years of being in a band had taught him to fall asleep at the drop of a hat. But everything that AJ had told him was praying on his mind so that he couldn’t manage to stay asleep. Instead he now lay awake, staring at the ceiling and thinking about everything he’d been told. His mind organized the thoughts, lined them up so that Brian could see AJ’s whole downward spiral from start to finish.
How could they have not noticed, in those few days from when the incident happened until they all went home, how hadn’t they seen AJ’s fear of being touched? Or how hesitant he was to let someone within a few feet of him. As his friends they had dropped the ball big time. He was going to help fix this, though. There was no way he would abandon his friend now. Not now that he knew the situation and the circumstances.
The first order of business would be cancelling the tour. There was no way they were going to be able to do their tour with AJ broken the way that he was. Their first show was in a little over twelve hours, and so much needed to be done to cancel it. Tickets all over would have to be refunded. Fans were going to be furious, but there wasn’t much they could do about it. Brian loved the fans, he really did. But their peace wasn’t worth the life of his friend. Brian had no doubt that if they continued on tour, AJ would never live to see the end of it, and if he did, he would be just a shell of his former self. They’d lose him anyways.
Ever so carefully, Brian climbed off of the couch and fetched his phone from the end table. He kept his eyes on AJ with a prayer that he wouldn’t wake him. It sounded as if AJ was whimpering in his sleep. The thought broke Brian’s heart. He now knew, very vividly, what it was that AJ was dreaming about.
It would be so much easier to go down to Kevin’s room, but Brian didn’t feel comfortable leaving AJ alone for any length of time. He knew in his heart that if he did, AJ would try again. That wasn’t something that he was going to allow to happen. So he stole AJ’s coat and wrapped it around himself before stepping silently onto the patio.
Once there he shut the door just as quietly, and positioned himself so that he could see into the room. The rain had stopped by then. Brian forced himself not to look at the railing as he dialed the number to Kevin’s cell. It took almost seven rings before Kevin answered with a groggy “’Lo?”
“Kev, it’s Bri. Can you wake up a bit, we need to talk.”
The seriousness of Brian’s voice must have come across loud and clear. Kevin’s voice was suddenly more alert, and Brian could hear him rubbing at his face as he always did when trying to wake himself up. “Come on down, I’ll make some coffee or something.”“I can’t come down, Kev.” Brian said. That seemed to draw Kevin’s attention even more. His voice was sharp when he asked “Why? What’s going on?”
“I’m down in J’s room right now. Shit’s bad, Kev. Worse than we thought.”
“Did he talk to you? God, it’s about time he opened up to someone. What’s going on with him?”
“Kev, I’m gonna tell you some stuff that AJ won’t want me to tell you. I wouldn’t, but I need you of all people to understand why I’m going to ask what I’m going to ask. But I need you to swear to me first that you will never tell another soul, not even AJ, exactly how much you know.”
The other end of the line went silent for a minute as Kevin digested what was being asked of him. He always thought things through before he spoke and never promised something unless he fully intended on keeping it. Finally he said “I promise.”
Brian sighed and rested his head against the glass door for a minute. He looked in to make sure that AJ was still lying in bed. “It’s bad, Kev. God, I feel like I could throw up.” Kevin already knew about the incident at AJ’s house, so Brian didn’t need to catch him up on that. Kevin was the only one that he had shared it with. “I decided I was going to make him talk to me, no matter what, so I broke in to his hotel room. I almost wasn’t fast enough. He was on the edge of the balcony railing. I barely made it in time to grab a hold of his hand.”
Brian stayed quiet as Kevin cussed a blue streak in his ear. Once his cousin ran out of steam, Brian continued on. He didn’t give him all the details, but he gave Kevin a general idea of what AJ had told him. Enough that he understood the seriousness of the situation.
When he was done, Kevin was silent. He was quiet for so long that Brian began to wonder if he was still there. “Kev?”
“Main office opens in an hour. I’ll call them first thing and get things rolling. I’ll have a statement prepared about rehab that we can go out and deliver to the media. You’ll have to smuggle him to your place, and maybe see if you can pay the shrink to come to your house so that AJ isn’t seen out and about. Otherwise the cover will be blown. I’ll try to get him as long as I can, but I don’t know what they’ll try to pull. You just let me focus on that and you heal our boy. How soon are you leaving?”
Relief washed through Brian. He had known that Kevin would have his back. Still, it was good to hear it. “When I’m done with you, I was going to call and get the earliest flight out. I’ve got that place in Washington, outskirts of town and such. I think we’ll be pretty safe there. I just don’t trust him alone right now, or in a city, really.”
“From the sounds of it he doesn’t need to be alone. Get your tickets set up, and text me your flight out, and then call me when you get there. Just, take care of him for us, ok? Keep him safe.”
Hanging up the phone, Brian prayed that he’d be able to.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
AJ was in a fog all morning long. The previous day’s events seemed to have drained him down to almost nothing. He couldn’t seem to focus on anything. It was as if telling Brian his story had left him hollowed out on the inside. This had taken so much from him, he was finally starting to lose energy. It was taking every last ounce of strength he had to maintain a semblance of calm. Without the drugs or the alcohol to assist, it was even harder. He could barely focus on the flight they took to Washington, or even the ride to Brian’s house.
Once they were inside, though, some things started to wake back up. It clicked with AJ that he was alone, completely alone, in a house with another man. Yes, it was just Brian. But he couldn’t stop the fear that started to build. Out in this little hick town with this house in the hills, anything could happen and no one would hear a thing. He was completely at Brian’s mercy here.
The logical part of his brain told him that Brian would never hurt him. Brian wasn’t the type to hurt anyone. But that other part of him, the part that was growing bigger by the minute, reminded him that you never knew what was inside a person. People could change, and not always in positive ways.
God, he needed to get himself under control! He needed a drink to take the edge off of things. If he just had a drink, he could mellow enough to stop thinking these things about Brian. “You uh, got something to drink around here?” AJ asked as Brian led him into the house.
Without batting an eye, Brian nodded. “Yep, probably should. Had a service come this morning and stock the house with food. We should have milk, and some OJ. There’s always water, too. Should be some Dr. Pepper in there.”
“I was thinking something a little more, well, a little harder than that.”
“Sorry. I had them get rid of the alcohol before we got here.”
That had AJ stopping. He turned to stare at Brian. “What?” he asked. Shock had his eyebrows winging upwards.
“I had them take it away. Last thing you’re going to get from me is a drink, Alex. You’re too dependent on the alcohol to live. That and the drugs. You’ve got to start facing this on your own, without being under the influence.” Brian said all of this calmly, as if it was nothing. AJ wasn’t quite able to believe it. Not a drop of alcohol? Didn’t Brian understand what he had told him? Without any of that he could barely manage to make it through the day!
He took a deep breath and tried for patience. It was hard to find under the fear. “Look, Bri, I appreciate it, really I do. I agreed to come here, and to see the shrink. That’s more than I ever wanted to do. But, I’m an adult, and I’m entitled to have a drink.”
Brian stepped away from him as if there was nothing going on. As if he hadn’t just taken away the one thing in the world that AJ needed. “Sorry, J. You’ll just have to learn how to cope without it, just like the rest of us.”
Panic slid its way in, giving AJ a bitter taste in his mouth. He could feel the trembling in his hands, always a bad sign. “I just need one drink right now, that’s all. It was a long flight, and I just need to unwind with a drink.” The tremors were now in his arms as well. AJ crossed them over his chest, trying to contain it. “Please, Bri.”
“No, AJ.”
AJ gave up all pretense of trying ot hide his drinking when he felt the tightness building in his chest. “I can’t do this without a drink, Bri. I can’t be here, alone, with someone and not have something to calm me down. Don’t make me do it, please.”
There was compassion in Brian’s eyes when he looked at his friend. “I’m sorry.” Was all he said. The panic in AJ grew until he felt like he would collapse underneath it. With quick, jittery movements he darted to the cabinet in the nearby dining room. Nothing. “There has to be some.” He mumbled to himself. He moved to the kitchen, rifling through cupboards. Nothing. Damn it! Ignoring Brian behind him, AJ opened the fridge and the freezer. No bottles hidden in there. If there had been people in to clean, and Brian had ordered them to get rid of it, then they might have thrown it away.
AJ abandoned his dignity and darted to the trash can. He started to dig through as his vision grew hazy at the edges and his air began to whistle. A pair of arms wrapped around him, pulling him back from the trash. “No, dammit!” he shouted, trying to lurch back forward.
Brian pulled backwards in an effort to get AJ away from the garbage. It took all of his weight to hold AJ back, but the force of their struggling sent them to the ground. AJ fought like a wild thing in his effort to escape; he kicked and clawed and twisted to try and get free. Even Brian could hear his wheezing now. He tried to whisper soothing things. Anything to calm him. But AJ continued to thrash.
God, he needed that drink! Didn’t Brian understand it? Didn’t he realize that this was important? AJ bucked his whole body, but Brian’s grip stayed firm. As abruptly as the mania had come on him, it left, and AJ found himself clutching Brian’s shirt instead of pushing away from him. The tears came and boiled over. He could hear this strange sound, and realized that it was him sobbing. Brian’s grip changed from restraining to comforting.
“I can’t do it!” AJ gasped out. “I’m not strong enough. I need a drink, Bri. The fear gets too much, I can’t contain it. Please!”
“I’m so sorry, honey. I can’t let you. I can’t. I wish I could, but it won’t help anymore.”
He cradled AJ’s head against him. In the middle of the kitchen floor Brian rocked his friend as they both cried.