It took most of the night for him to find control of himself again. When he did, he gripped to it tightly and held on. It allowed him to get some broken sleep, though it didn’t keep the dreams from coming. When he woke in the morning, though, he knew that he couldn’t continue this. It was time for him to go home. He had to get ready, catch his flight. When he was home, he could take all the time he needed to recover. But for now, he had to keep it together, had to keep it strong. He tried to hold that thought in mind as he climbed from bed and lay clothes out for himself.
Being as careful as possible, AJ stretched his body out. Some of the aches were fading, and the bruises were starting to change colors. He rotated his arm, pleased with how much movement he’d gained. Another week or so and the bruising would be gone as well. If only the internal scars would go as quickly. He had yet to sleep a single night straight through.
He was so scared, all the time. Scared, and tired, and tired of being scared. But he couldn’t erase it from his mind. Not when there was a reminder every time he looked at his skin, or anytime he shifted his legs or sat down. Late at night when he lay in his bed, he could hear their voices calling to him, the taunts they’d used ringing in his mind.
AJ ran his hands over his face, trying to calm down. He had to stop this. There was no time for this. If he didn’t stop, he was going to drive himself crazy. A small part of him wondered if he already had.
Out of nowhere, the front door to his hotel room opened, and Brian stuck his top half in. “J, Kev says to get your ass in gear…” His sentence cut off when he caught sight of AJ.
Panicking, AJ grabbed his button up shirt off the bed and pulled his arms in it. Before he had one arm in, Brian was inside the room and striding towards him. It took everything that AJ had not to flinch back from him when Brian grabbed the edge of AJ’s shirt and lifted it out of the way. “What the hell is this, AJ?” he demanded, his eyes moving from the bruise on AJ’s shoulder to the one on his side.
“It’s nothing.” AJ mumbled. He jerked backward, trying to get out of Brian’s reach. He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. Just being that close to someone, to any male, had AJ’s heart racing and sweat popping out on his skin. Once he was back a few steps, he made quick work of buttoning his shirt up. “I got in a fight a few days ago, no big deal. It’s almost healed now.”
“When the hell did this happen?”
“Just something that went down, all right? I told you, it’s nothing.”
When Brian took a step forward, AJ took an involuntary step backwards. He saw the surprise on Brian’s face at that, and then the curiosity. “What’s the matter, Alex?”
Why oh why of all people did it have to be Brian? The one person who had taken the time to get to know him more than anyone else. The person that he had been falling for, and who had been falling for him. Anyone else, AJ would have been able to brush them off. But this was Brian. How could he be rude to him? Yet at the same time, there was no way he could tell Brian what had happened. But Brian was so intuitive.
As if to attest to that, Brian asked “Is this what’s been bothering you the past few days? I knew something was up, but Howie said you sent him a text about food poisoning and I thought that must be it.”
“I haven’t been feeling well.” AJ said, praying that nothing would give him away. He couldn’t bring himself to outright lie to Brian, so he settled for half-truths. “I haven’t since that night at the club. Something there didn’t agree with me. I’ve just needed my bed and quiet.”
“Did that happen at the club?” Brian persisted. He was like a dog with a bone between his teeth. He wasn’t going to let this go until AJ answered everything satisfactorily for him. Realizing that, AJ felt nauseous. He didn’t know how long his will would hold out with Brian standing there, looking so sweet, that protective glint in his eyes. He was always protective when it came to AJ.
“Look, Bri. Please, can we drop this? I swear, my body is going to be just fine.” He made sure to add the body so that he still wasn’t actually lying to Brian. His body would heal. His heart, his mind, his soul, that was a different story. “Now, what did Kevin send you down for?”
For just a split second it looked as if Brian was going to keep at it. But, as always, his manners kicked in, and he let the topic drop. “He says your cars going to be here in ten minutes to take you to your plane. He said to tell you to get your ass in gear.”
AJ took a deep breath and pasted on a smile. He moved to grab his bags, never noticing how he skirted around Brian or the look in Brian’s eyes as he watched him do it. “Well I better get down there before he comes in and drags me out of here.” AJ said, forcing a chuckle. He pulled his coat on and took the shades out of his pocket to slide them on his face. Behind their cover he felt safer, more capable of handling himself.
“Alex.” Brian started to say something, but he stopped himself. He took a deep breath and switched what he’d been about to say. “You want to get together at some point during break?”
Picking his bags up, AJ slung one over his good arm and took the other two in his hands, ignoring the pain in stomach as he did so. “Naw, I think I’m just gonna chill round the house, you know. Good stuff like that. See ya later, Rok.” With that brusque comment he was out the door, not bothering to look back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The flight home was pure torture for AJ. He ordered himself a drink to try and steady his nerves, and then another one. He had a slight buzz when he finally departed the plane and caught a cab to his place. Walking into the dark, empty house was more difficult than he had thought it would be. After tossing his bags on the floor, he turned on the living area lights, before he spun and dead bolted his door and set the alarm. Two things he rarely did when he was home.
That still wasn’t enough. He grabbed a bottle of jack from his cupboard as he went past, taking his things up to his room. Once in there, he turned the overhead light on, as well as the bedside lamps and the bathroom light. He was trembling, he realized. Inside of his own home, the fear was still there. He had been so sure that being in the safety of his home would ease some of that fear! But it gripped him, threatening to turn into a panic attack.
Something creaked out in the hallway, sending AJ about flying out of his skin. He turned to stare at the door. Every inch of him was shaking, his mind thrown back to the dark hallway of the club. Rushing forward, he grabbed the dresser by the door and started to push, grunting as his shoulder protested. But he didn’t stop until it was completely blocking the bedroom door. Only then did he back away from the door.
Was that feet out there? Did he hear footsteps? No, no. No one was here. The house had been locked and secured while he was gone. There was no one in there. Still, he watched the door as he backed over to his bed. The bottle of Jack was still in his hand. As he sat against the head of his bed, he unscrewed the top and took a swig from the bottle.
He drank steadily as he watched the door, waiting for the rattle of someone trying to open it. It was there he passed out, still sitting upright, the bottle tipped sideways in his hand. It was the first night he slept almost straight through since the attack had happened.