The effects of the anesthesia were wearing off pretty quickly for Brian. The back of his throat was slowly starting to regain sensation again. The procedure had been done now for almost an hour, but they had wanted to give him time to relax and get his body back to normal. Having a TEE left him feeling anxious, despite their medication. They had wanted him to calm down before they let anyone in to see him. If his throat hadn’t been numb he would have told them that AJ would calm him down.
But now that feeling was returning and his blood pressure was back to normal, the nurse was going to fetch AJ for him, and Dr. Lorry was gathering things together to come tell them what he found. Brian was dressed and sitting up in bed waiting when AJ came in. After a quick glance around the room, AJ rushed over and took hold of Brian’s hand. His smile was bright and full of love. “Hey there, lover. How’s it feeling?”
“Like I swallowed a giant sensor.” Brian rasped out.
AJ chuckled as he leaned in, letting their foreheads press together. “Any nausea? Pain?”
“Nope. Just the start of a killer sore throat. It’ll be gone in the morning, though.”
“Well, good. Don’t want any damage done to that beautiful mouth of yours, now do we?”
Even though it ached a little, the chuckle that built in Brian felt good for his heart. “Keep your mind out of the gutter, Alex.”
“I can’t help it!” AJ said innocently. His voice dropped down to a husky whisper. “I’ve been waiting all by myself, and my mind keeps wondering what kind of bed you bought, and how soon before we can break it in.”
A door opened and the two jerked back guilty. Brian felt a blush heat his cheeks. There was no way Dr. Lorry could have guessed what they were talking about, but still, that was beside the point. All mirth faded, though, at the look on Dr. Lorry’s face. Brian found himself gripping AJ’s hand tighter as the doctor came to stand at the end of Brian’s bed.
“We measured the hole in there, Brian. It was 3.7mm the very first time it was found, and I’ve never seen anything to suggest that it would be growing. What’s caused its growth, I can’t say. Most likely your previous surgery. But it’s 8mm now.” Dr. Lorry said bluntly.
Brian felt it like a physical blow to his chest. His eyes grew wide. Jesus. Oh, Jesus. That was too big. Way, way too big. They were going to have to do open heart again. Oh, fuck. Another open heart surgery. The last one had been bad enough, and now he had to have a second one! AJ’s hand was clenched tightly in his. Without that connection, Brian wasn’t sure that he’d have been able to stay upright.
He turned to look at AJ, feeling like a child who was seeking comfort. His lover met his gaze squarely, and there was no doubt there, no fear. Just a strength and belief that amazed Brian. “I’m right here.” AJ said softly. His words weren’t loud enough for even Dr. Lorry to hear. “I’m right here, baby.”
Brian watched as AJ turned back to the doctor and asked “How soon does he need to get in for surgery?” They both knew that this size meant the open heart surgery again. Oh, God, not again.
“With the size of the hole as well as the symptoms he’s been exhibiting, I don’t want to wait too much. I’d like him in day after tomorrow, ready to stay a few days here first so we can make sure he’s healthy and ready for surgery as best as possible, but no more than a few days of sitting here. I want to get in and get this fixed as quickly as possible. So all in all a week before the surgery date.”
“A week?” Brian practically squeaked.
Dr. Lorry’s eyes were sympathetic when he turned them to Brian. “I’m afraid so. If your symptoms weren’t present, we could wait. But, without the symptoms we wouldn’t know about it, so. The point is, the combination of all this is very dangerous. You have until the day after tomorrow to do all the notifications that you need to, and plan for your stay here. If I could, I’d keep you here starting today.”
“Is that necessary?” AJ asked him. “Because I can take care of the rest if you think he should really stay here today.”
“No. This needs some time to sink in first. Better for the anxiety to be under control. Brian, I want you here 6am the day after tomorrow, ok? You make sure he’s here, AJ. Now you two head on home and you take care of him, you hear me?”
“Of course. He’s in good hands.”
Brian didn’t even notice as the doctor left. He was staring off into space. Everything in him seemed to have shut off. He couldn’t order his thoughts together. There was so much that needed to be done. Things that had to be planned for. Notifications made to his family. He’d have to extend the car rental for AJ so that he could go to and from the hospital. But each of those thoughts were like smoke. He could see them, but try to grasp them and they slipped through his fingers.
A pair of hands settled on his arms, grounding him slightly in reality. Only slightly.
“Bri?” AJ said gently. “Come on, snuggles, let’s get you home. You’re all dressed and ready, so you don’t need to get nothing. Just hold on to me and I’ll get you home, ok?”
“I love you, AJ. So much.” Brian found himself whispering as AJ helped him from the bed. He allowed AJ to wrap an arm around his waist, and he put his own around AJ’s when directed. It allowed his lover to help keep him walking straight as they headed out into the hallway.
“I know, snuggles. I love you too.” AJ’s voice was quiet, pitched so that no one else could hear them. Together they made their way to the parking garage. None of it registered with Brian. He couldn’t seem to focus. Everything was happening around him but he couldn’t bring his attention to it. It was as if his body had shut down; blocking out things that he didn’t want to deal with.
The roar of the engine cut through the fog a little, as well as the wind in his hair, but not for long. For the life of him, Brian couldn’t remember any of the ride home, or of even getting out of the car. All he knew was that once they were at the house, AJ put Brian’s arm over his shoulders and practically carried him. He knew, vaguely, that he should step away and walk on his own two feet. But AJ wasn’t protesting. Just simply helping him upstairs to the master bedroom.
The bed that dominated the room, a bed that hadn’t been there earlier, was apparently AJ’s goal. Brian didn’t even bother looking at the bed to see if it looked as good as he remembered. He felt himself being sat on the edge of the bed, and someone was removing his shoes, then laying him down and taking his jeans as well.
A rustling sound, and then something soft was being spread over him. A comforter. AJ was putting blankets over him. Then he felt his lover climb into the bed beside him. Their foreheads pressed together, and AJ’s hand was on his face, stroking his cheek. “Sleep, baby.” He said in that voice that always cut straight to Brian’s heart.
He found himself drowning in AJ’s eyes. The sheer weight of everything had been bearing down on him and his mind wanted only to shut down. But there was so much to do. So much to think about.
Softly AJ began to hum. A wordless lullaby that had Brian’s eyes growing heavy. Maybe he’d just rest his eyes for a bit. There was so much to do. But AJ’s fingers were running up and down his arm now, and he hummed that lullaby. Within minutes, Brian was asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once that AJ was sure Brian was asleep, really asleep, he climbed from the bed and quietly moved out of the bedroom. He shut the door gently behind him before heading off down the hall and down the staircase. There was a lot that needed to be done, and he was going to make sure that it got taken care of. Here in Portland it was 6pm, and AJ knew that time zones would be off, but phone calls had to be made.
First and foremost he checked the kitchen. He’d taken Howie’s idea and called a company who had come out, put away what food they could save from Brian and AJ’s shopping trip, and had brought more replacement meats and such. They’d also disposed of the other food. Once he saw that everything was in order, AJ grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and went to the back patio.
The yard was almost dark as the sun was setting. It gave it that twilight feel that he loved. Since there was no patio furniture, he sat right on the steps. After looking around, he sighed and drank down half his water bottle, then set it next to him on the steps to work as an ashtray.
As he lit a smoke he dialed Howie’s number first.
Again, Howie answered rather quickly. He’d barely said ‘Hello’ when AJ said “Go get the others. I’m only saying shit once.”
There was a pause first, and then the sound of Howie running down the hallway. A knock, muffled voice, and then that beep that let AJ know he was on speaker. “Ok, J, I got Kevin and Nick.”
“The hole in Brian’s heart is 8mm.” AJ said without preamble. He heard Kevin moan but rolled right on over it. “Day after tomorrow he’s going into the hospital, and a few days after that he’s got to have open heart again. They’re worried that the size and the symptoms he has are a dangerous combination and don’t want to wait too long. So, round about a week it looks like.”
“We can be there tomorrow night. Is there anything we can do?” Kevin asked him. It almost sounded as if someone was crying in the background. Whispers confirmed it as Howie led Nick away to comfort him and Kevin picked the phone up, taking it off speaker. His voice was louder. “Anything that we need to bring, or do?”
“No, I’ve got things here covered. If you want to take care of management and press, that’d be cool. I suck at that shit. Or, you can call your family. It might be weird if I’m the one to call.”
“I’ll do that as soon as we’re done. How’s he doing, Age?”
AJ gave a sigh as he tapped his ashes into the bottle and took another drag. “He zoned out on me, but I got him home and tucked into bed. He’ll probably sleep for a while. I think it was just a little too much for him to take in all at once, you know? But we’ll deal with it.”
“He’s a strong guy. I’m sure he’ll be fine once he sleeps for a while.”
For just a moment AJ could see what Brian had meant by dealing with people thinking him weak or telling him to be strong. “Do me a favor, Kev, and when you’re here, don’t tell him to be strong, or how strong he is. Just treat him like normal. It’s all he wants. This has nothing to do with strength, and if you guys push that on him, he’s gonna try to be strong, and really, that’s the last thing he needs to do. He just needs to focus on him.”
“Sure thing, AJ. I can understand that.”
Another few minutes and they wrapped their call up. AJ was lighting another smoke as he called his mother. Where she was it was only nine at night. “Alex!” she answered with a laugh. “It’s about time I heard from you!”
“Hey to you too, Ma.” He said with a smile.
Instantly his mother’s mood sobered. “What’s going on? Are you and Brian ok?”
To AJ it was a sign of his mother’s love that she always asked about Brian as well. She knew about them and had from almost the beginning. She’d also always been firmly in their camp. She loved seeing her son happy, and with a man like Brian in his life she always felt that he would be.
“I’m fine, Ma. It’s Bri. They found another hole in his heart. We’re in Portland right now.” He told her everything that had been happening, straight up to tucking Brian into bed. “I know you can’t fly out.” He finished off. “But I wanted to let you know what was going on. I guess I just needed to vent for a minute.”
“You know if you need anything I’m here for you, sweetheart. You and him both. He’s become like another son to me. All of the boys have, but him especially. My son-in-law. I’m sure I could clear a few things and come on out if need be.”
“It’s ok, Ma. You’re busy and I know that. I just, I needed to tell you, you know?”
“I’m always here, Alex. I love you baby.”
“I love you too, Ma. But I should probably finish getting ready for the guys to get here. Thanks for listening to me ramble.”
“Anytime. You have that boy call me tomorrow, you here? An you better keep me posted, Alexander James, or I will fly out there and kick your ass.” Denise said affectionately.
AJ laughed as he hung up the phone with her. The rest of the calls would have to wait until morning when places were open again. After putting his smoke in the bottle and sealing it off, AJ stood up. He put the bottle alongside the door before heading inside. Habit had him locking the door behind him before he went upstairs. The only thing to do right now was sleep. With that in mind, he stripped out of his clothes in the bedroom and climbed under the covers.
Instantly Brian rolled toward him, flinging an arm over his waist. AJ snuggled in and smiled. This was why he called Brian snuggles. Even in his sleep the man couldn’t resist. With his ear against Brian’s chest, AJ fell asleep listening to his lover’s heartbeat. He will be ok.