Hours later the couple set out for the airport. No one was awake at the hotel yet, and they were actually a little relieved by that. Everything that could be said right now had already been said. Anything more would have just been awkward. Together they went quietly down the elevator and out to a waiting car. Neither spoke to the other. For the moment, all words had been said between them as well. Brian was wrapped in his own thoughts and fears, so he appreciated the fact that AJ let them ride in silence.

 

 

Neither of them said a word as they boarded the plane, disguised so that people wouldn’t recognize them; and they stayed quiet through the flight as well. Each one was thinking about what was coming and what was waiting for them.

 

 

But when their flight landed and they were gathering their bags in the PDX terminal, AJ finally spoke up. “I never thought to ask before, but where are we staying at?”

 

 

Taking hold of his rolling suitcase, Brian pulled the handle out and pulled it behind him as they walked. “I have a house here that’s never used. One I bought when we used to take a lot of trips up this way. Last night I called a cleaning crew and had them come in bright and early and clean it out. We’ll have to run to the market to get food, though.”

 

 

“You have a house here?” AJ asked amusedly. His eyes twinkled behind his shades. “This ought to be interesting to see.”

 

 

Brian flashed him a quick smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “It’s a pretty big place, but it’s beautiful. I think you’ll like it.”

 

 

“If you’re there, it’ll be perfect.”

 

 

That had Brian’s smile growing until it did reach his eyes this time. They were right outside the car rental place, Hertz, so he couldn’t react as he wanted to, but he purposely brushed against him as they went through the door, whispering “I love you” as he went in

 

 

 As well as booking airfare he had also reserved a vehicle for a week. After paying and stepping outside with the keys, Brian got to enjoy watching AJ’s face as a dark black Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder soft top convertible was brought around for them.

 

 

“That’s the car you booked?” AJ asked in surprise. A grin curved Brian’s full lips. “Yep. Busy week, so it was either this or a minivan, or a compact. I don’t fit well in compact cars. You approve?”

 

 

“Approve? I wanna drive!”

 

 

The attendant who had brought it to them laughed to himself as he headed back inside. They were both ignoring him as they stood in the parking lot, debating over who was going to drive. “Come on.” AJ begged him. “I never get to drive anymore, and that car looks like it’s been barely used. Just a little while, please?”

 

 

“You don’t even know where we’re going, Age.” Brian pointed out. He kept his smile tucked inside so he wouldn’t give himself away. He had every intention of letting AJ drive. For the moment, he was just enjoying the begging.

 

 

“You can tell me! Or, hell, most of them have GPS anymore. Come on, honey, please, please, please?”

 

 

Brian pretended to think about it for a moment before faking a huge sigh and tossing the keys at his lover. He chuckled as AJ gave a loud whoop and raced to the driver’s side of the car. Their bags were tossed in the backseat, and though the sky was clouded AJ was opening the soft top. Brian didn’t protest to it, but smiled to himself as he got in the passenger’s seat and made a great show of buckling up.

 

 

It didn’t faze AJ any. He let out a laugh as the engine roared to life. Soon they were heading out of the parking lot and down the road. Brian leaned over to punch the address into the GPS machine, knowing that most likely it would still take them a while to get there. Very rarely did any of them get to drive, being on tour so much. When they were home they drove places, but then again, more often than not when they were home they didn’t want to go out that much.

 

 

Checking the GPS map, Brian punched in the information for a detour and set them up to hit a grocery store near the house before they went home. AJ didn’t care. He turned the radio on, fiddling with the dials as he zipped along with traffic. Brian sat back in his seat and just allowed himself to watch his lover. Focusing on AJ was a surefire way to take the rest of his troubles off of his mind.

 

 

He had made the right decision yesterday, telling everyone about the relationship he had with AJ. Though it had been spur of the moment, and he’d been terrified, he didn’t regret it in the least. Honestly, he wished he’d done it sooner. All that worry, all that angst, for something that had taken him two seconds to tell them, and fifteen minutes of talking to them.

 

 

Sure, Kev was still pissed. Probably would be for a little while. But he knew that in his heart, Kevin would get over it. They deserved to be open about their relationship. To touch and be touched. Hold and be held.

 

 

A horn sounded as AJ zipped past someone, laughing all the while. A local station, something called Z100, blasted loud pop music. Over the music and the wind Brian could barely hear the GPS. He had no idea how AJ did. But his lover was taking all the proper turns. AJ’s good mood was rubbing off on Brian. He found that the more they drove, the further behind his troubles seemed to be. Sure, there was shit ahead of them. But why shouldn’t he enjoy the moments he had right now?

 

 

By the time AJ zipped into the parking lot of Albertson’s, Brian was grinning just as wide as he was. They climbed out of the car, locking the doors behind them.

 

 

“Give me the keys.” Brian said, holding a hand out as they headed into the store. A pout took away AJ’s smile and he slumped his shoulders. “I didn’t drive that bad.” He complained.

 

 

“Tell that to the fifteen people who flipped us off and blared their horns.”

 

 

“Well you’d think people in the city would know how to drive better! They were going so slow, Bri!”

 

 

Brian just wiggled his fingers until AJ dropped the keys into his hand with a loud sigh. He stuffed them in his pocket and gave AJ a grin. It took everything he had not to kiss the pout off his lovers lips. Quickly, though, AJ perked back up. He grabbed a shopping cart and took off, causing Brian to jog to catch up with him.

 

 

“So, what do we need?” AJ asked, picking a random aisle and heading down it. He chewed on his lip, looking at the shelves. With a chuckle, Brian looked at the shelves. AJ had picked the canned food aisle. “Why don’t we start with the meats, Xander the Great. Build up from there.”

 

 

AJ bumped arms with him as they walked through the store. It was still early enough in the morning, only eight a.m,. that it wasn’t packed with people. They made it to the meats section where they grabbed some steaks, a roast, stew meat, chicken, and some ground beef. From there they moved to the produce.

 

 

Both men were fruit fanatics. So they picked through what was there. Brian found the kiwis, which he loved, and called to AJ “Hey!” He barely gave AJ time to pay attention before he was throwing them to him across three stands of produce.

 

 

Laughter echoed as AJ caught them, trying to hold them all in his hands as he caught the rest. He laid them down in the cart before turning to hold up two cantaloupes in front of his chest. “Like my melons?” he asked with a wink, cocking a hip to one side.

 

 

Brian had to hold his stomach as he laughed his way over to AJ. “Put those in there!” he gasped out, still chuckling.

 

 

Somehow they ended up down the candy and toy aisle. Unable to resist, Brian tossed a bag of M&M’s in the cart at the same time that AJ tossed in some Mounds. They moved to the other candy. Brian grabbed a candy necklace, placing it over AJ’s head. “You look beautiful!” he announced with a laugh. AJ grinned and they both turned back to the candy.

 

 

Within minutes both men were wearing Ring Pops, candy necklaces, and had moved down to the toys. They put on goofy hats and sunglasses until they were decked out like a couple of fools. It was impossible to look at one another without laughing.

 

 

AJ had two candy necklaces, five Ring Pops, a blue hat with a feather sticking out of it that was made for a kids head, neon pink sunglasses, and a pink feather boa as a belt. Looking at him had Brian laughing so hard he almost couldn’t stand up straight.

 

 

In return, AJ’s laughter was echoing down the aisles as he looked at his love. Brian had on seven Ring Pops, a plastic orange cowboy hat, a plastic gunslingers belt, and four candy necklaces as well as two candy bracelets.

 

 

Arm in arm the two pushed their shopping cart and gathered the rest of their items. Just as they were reaching the check stand, Brian’s cell phone rang. He laughed at the cashiers face when she saw them, and was still laughing as he answered his phone. “Brian here.”

 

“Mr. Littrell? This is Dr. Lorry’s office.”

 

 

Instantly all mirth faded from Brian. He licked his lips, staring at the cart as AJ loaded it onto the belt. “Hi. Yes. I mean, this is he.”

 

 

“We received your paperwork this morning, as well as the call that you and the ER doctor left for us. I was calling to let you know that Dr. Lorry has an opening in three hours. Are you capable of being there for this appointment?”

 

 

Brian was taking off his candy and toys as he listened, so that when she was done, he was back to normal. He gestured at AJ, pointing at himself and then outside, and tossed him his wallet before heading out the front door. “Yes. We actually just arrived in Portland about an hour and a half ago. Is there anything I need to bring with me?”

 

 

“We have your tests, and Dr. Lorry wants to run a few more tests. After your initial appointment with him you could expect to spend a good part of your afternoon at the hospital for tests.”

 

 

“The um, the tests I did at the ER aren’t conclusive enough?”

 

 

“They are, Mr. Littrell, but they’re only generic. They weren’t looking as in depth as we’re going to be.  Dr. Lorry will explain it all as soon as you arrive. So we can expect to see you at noon?”

 

 

“Yeah. Uh, yeah, I’ll be there. Thank you.”

 

 

“You’re welcome, sir, and we’ll see you soon.”

 

 

Brian was still standing in the front of the store when AJ came out pushing their cart.  He was staring at the parking lot, his mind racing. For  a short wihle he’d been able to forget what they were here for. It had almost felt like a vacation. But one phone call had it all coming back at him like a slap to the face. This wasn’t a pleasure trip. They were here for one very important, very terrifying, reason.

 

 

“You ok?” AJ asked softly, stopping the cart by Brian’s side.

 

 

“My appointment with Dr. Lorry is at noon.” Brian said slowly. Was that his voice? God, it sounded so hoarse. He cleared his throat, trying to get it back to normal. “Enough time to get home and get things put away, maybe a quick tour of the house. You’ll love it there, I know it.”

 

 

“I’m sure I will, sweetie.” AJ said gently, putting a hand on Brian’s shoulder. They moved over to the car, where AJ gently tucked Brian into the passenger seat. He sat there, staring at the dash while AJ put the food in the trunk. So lost in thought was he that he didn’t even notice AJ getting in, or the car starting. But the wind in his face caught his attention. “I need to tell you where to go.”

 

 

AJ’s hand left the wheel to take hold of Brian’s. “You put it in the GPS, honey. I’ll get us there.”

 

 

There was no music on the radio this time. Vaguely Brian noticed that AJ kept his speed under control, but he couldn’t bring himself to wonder about it. He felt almost like he was asleep.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

AJ glanced at Brian again from the corner of his eye and held in a sigh. It was easy to see that things were finally becoming real for Brian. The truth of their situation was sinking in. He’d wondered how long it was going to take.

 

 

They reached a long driveway, a straight shot up a hill and back behind a set of trees. AJ didn’t even glance at the house as he parked the car in front of it. Once the car was off, all his attention was focused on Brian. “Baby, we’re here.”

 

 

There was a slightly glazed look to Brian’s eyes as he glanced over at his lover. “I can’t do this again.”

 

 

“Yes, you can.” AJ answered without hesitation. He took both of Brian’s hands in his, wanting that physical contact for the both of them. “I’m right here with you, and I’ll help you step by step, baby. We can do this.”

 

 

“I’m not strong enough, Alex. It almost killed me last time. I can’t do this again. I can’t carry it all.”

 

 

“Then let me carry it for you.” AJ brought one hand up to cup the back of Brian’s head. He pulled them together until their foreheads were touching, their breath mingling. Both of them closed their eyes. “We’ll make it through this, Brian. No matter what, you hear me? I love you too much to let anything happen to you. If it feels like too much to you, then you just let me pick it up for a while. We’re partners. That’s what partners do.”

 

 

“I love you AJ.” This came out as practically a sob. “Stay with me, please.”

 

 

AJ leaned in enough to give him a soft kiss. In that kiss he tasted the salt of Brian’s tears. “Always, baby. Always.” Gently he rubbed their noses together. Usually that made Brian smile. This time was no different. The smile was small, but it was there. When they both opened their eyes again, AJ could see that some of the shock was gone. Brian’s eyes were clear again.

 

 

“Sorry about all that.” Brian whispered in a voice hoarse with emotion. But AJ was already shaking his head. Still pressed forehead to forehead, they were looking right into one another’s eyes. “Never be sorry for leaning on me, Bri bear. I want you to know you always can.”

 

 

“I do know that.” Brian kissed him again, still so soft and gentle. “Thank you.”

 

 

With a small smile the two moved apart. Brian brought a hand up to wipe his face. “Well.” He said, coughing to clear his throat. “What uh, what do you think of my house?”