Giggles tickled the back of AJ Mclean’s throat as he watched the love of his life blush while trying to fend off his best friends teasing. Nick was intent on trying to get Brian to hook up with a girl he had met. He was convinced that what Brian needed was a night of hot, sweaty sex to loosen his gears. “Seriously, Frick!” Nick said. He bumped Brian’s arm as they all five stepped into the elevator. “When was the last time you got laid? You’re getting boring! You need to release the tension before you go insane! It’s not good to hold it in this long.”
For just a split second Brian and AJ’s eyes connected. AJ had to look away, staring down at the floor until he could control the urge to laugh until he cried. It took everything he had not to grin at Nick and tell him that Brian had been getting laid, regularly.
“Just because I don’t choose to go out every single night with you guys doesn’t mean I’m boring, Nick.” Brian defended himself. “I just don’t feel like going tonight, ok?”
“But, Bri! It’s my job as your best friend to make sure that, when you’re in a funk, I pull you out of it. How on earth can you want to sit here at the hotel when I’m offering to hook you up with a smoking hot chick?”
“Easy, Frack.” The doors dinged open. With a grin, Brian patted Nick’s cheek as he stepped out. “I’m not interested in some random girl you know. That’s never been my style, and you know that.”
“Desperate times call for desperate measures!”
The two continued to bicker down the hall and into Brian’s room, Nick following doggedly behind. Kevin and Howie were both grinning, with Kevin shaking his head. “The blond menace has a point, though.” Kevin said to them. “It’s been a while since I saw Brian go out anywhere. He’s hiding out a little.”
“Maybe he’s just mellowed.” AJ piped up. He knew why Brian stayed behind. The same reason that he did. Though it was convenient for him to let the others think that it was his recovery that kept him from the clubs. That wasn’t it at all. Since having Brian in his life, he didn’t feel the need to drink or the need to use. Still, it was easy to let them think that way. Less questions were asked about why he stayed at the hotel then.
Howie dug through his pockets, trying to find his key card. “Does he ever come talk with you, bone? I know you two got close while you were in treatment.”
As he always did, AJ felt blessed to have a friend like Howie. One who was so understanding and caring, and didn’t feel that just because they were best friends meant that he could only talk to him. Howie understood that sometimes you needed different friends for different things. No matter what, he always had AJ’s back. “He comes down sometimes, watches a few movies with me. We play a bit of cards now and again.”
That was the story they had agreed on. That way, if anyone went to Brian’s room and found him missing, they wouldn’t worry and hunt him down. Because back in the early days Brian and AJ had played lots of card games through the night, and had often been found the next day passed out in one room or another.
“Well.” Kevin said. “At least he talks to someone. He’s ok, though, right?”
AJ’s smile was quick and devilish. “He’s fine, daddy. Quit your worrying. You guys go to the club, have fun, and don’t worry about Rok. I’ll go nag him into doing something, ok?”
The smile Kevin gave him almost made him feel guilty for the lies. Almost. “Thanks, Age.”
~~~~~~~~
Rolling his eyes, Brian kicked his shoes off in the entryway. He resisted the urge to laugh as Nick continued his stream of praise for this strange woman. If only his friend knew the truth. He hadn’t been lying when he said that nights like that weren’t his style. She wasn’t his style. He preferred something much different to warm his bed. His mind drifted to earlier in the day when his lover had caught him in his dressing room, away from prying eyes. Thinking about it made him shiver.
“Brian, are you even listening to me?” Nick’s voice snapped him back to attention.
Brian realized he was standing in the middle of his suite, staring off into space. He couldn’t wipe the silly smile off his lips in time, though. Nick caught sight of it, and his look turned speculative. Then his face lit up. “Holy shit!” he shouted.
Quirking an eyebrow, Brian crossed his arms over his chest and waited for whatever it was Nick thought he had figured out. “What’s got your chaotic brain running?” he teased.
“You’re…you’re dating someone!” Nick exclaimed. In mid chuckle Brian froze. He stared at his best friend while his mind rushed a mile a minute. Shit, shit. What should he say? Before he could recover, Nick was punching his arm. “You little shit, you are! Why didn’t you tell me? Who is she? Do I know her? What does she look like?”
Automatically he fell back on teasing to give himself time to think. “Keep your grimy fantasies off my relationship, Nicholas. I’m not giving you more info for your wet dreams.”
“Come on, Bri! Damn, you’ve been holding out. I just wanna know who the chick is!”
“It’s none of your business. You stop yet to think about why I haven’t told you?”
Brian’s comment had Nick pausing. His face grew thoughtful. “No. Why?”
Here he had to do some fast thinking and fast talking. They weren’t ready to tell the guys the truth yet, and Brian wasn’t even ready to admit to his best friend yet that he was gay. “Because it’s new, Nick. It’s nothing against you, or any of the guys. It’s just new, and I really don’t want to mess things up. I want to see if it goes somewhere before I start talking about it, ok? Can you respect that?”
“Can’t you even tell me anything? What’s her name?”
“Frack, drop it.” The hurt look on Nick’s face had Brian sighing. This wasn’t easy for him to do. But the prospect of telling him that he was gay, or that he was with AJ, was so much scarier. He wasn’t ready yet. AJ was. He didn’t care what people thought about it. But Brian worried what people would think of them. He worried how they would react, or what they would say. He worried that it would get out to the general public and create problems for the band. There was so much he worried about that AJ didn’t. He wasn’t as strong as AJ. He wasn’t a rebel like him. He had an image, and if he broke outside of that, there was no telling what his friends, his fans, or God, his family, would say or do.
“Look, Nick. I’m not trying to hurt you, ok?” Brian turned to him and put his hand on Nick’s shoulder. “This has nothing to do with trust, or anything like that. It’s me, ok?” Here at least he could be a little bit honest, even if Nick didn’t know the exact truth on what he was referring to. “I’m the one that’s scared. I don’t want to jinx things, or celebrate with the world only to have it maybe mess up later on. For once I’ve got something, and it’s just mine, no one else’s. I get to be me, and explore this without the pressure of friends, fans, or family over top of it all. For the first time in years I’ve found something that’s mine, and it feels big and right, and I want the chance to just enjoy it for a while. Can you understand that?”
The blatant honesty in Brian’s voice had Nick relaxing. The smile he gave him was genuine. “I do, a little. I can give you your space on it, Brian. I won’t bug you until you’re ready, I promise.”
“Thanks.” Running on impulse, Brian hugged this kid who had become his closest friend. “You’re a pretty good friend, Nick.”
“You’re not too bad yourself.” Nick teased him.
It took another ten minutes of casual chatting before Brian had Nick completely at ease again. When his friend left, he was grinning and bouncing all over again, ready to head out to the clubs. Brian figured he had about a half hour to forty five minutes before the guys left and he planned to use that time to get ready for his own evening.
Another shiver ran down Brian’s spine as he moved to the bathroom to hop into the shower. No, whoever this girl was, she definitely wasn’t his type. Maybe once upon a time it might have been. He might have gone out, at least met the girl. But that was before he’d admitted the truth to himself. Before he’d realized that women just didn’t do it for him.
It was a long road from admitting it to accepting it. But watching AJ go through hell, and end up in treatment, and then come out the other side. Well, that had opened Brian’s eyes. There was something about AJ that just grabbed at his heart and refused to let go. Not to mention his body. God, his body. As Brian stepped underneath the shower spray he let his mind wonder.
There was something about AJ that had always sparked his fire. He just hadn’t allowed himself to admit to it for a long time. But it had come to a point where he couldn’t deny it anymore. Every time AJ was on stage and he’d pull his shirt up to thrust his hips for the crowd, Brian would have to fight the urge to drool. Each time AJ got a new tattoo he found himself wanting to just go over there and … lick. Since he’d got out of treatment his style had changed slightly as well. Less pop rebel and more gothic. Sometimes when they were out and about Brian had to resist the urge to grab him and just start nibbling.
It had been AJ who had initiated their relationship. Naturally. Even when he’d grown comfortable, Brian hadn’t been brave enough to go to him. He had suspected what AJ felt, but he’d feared rejection even more. One night, the first month they were back on tour after AJ’s rehab stint, someone had knocked on Brian’s door. When he’d answered it, AJ had been standing there, looking sexy in just a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. His shades were gone, as well as his jewelry. It had looked like he’d been getting ready for bed and had suddenly decided to come find Brian.
With his usual comfort AJ had simply strolled on in when Brian had opened the door. A part of Brian had wished AJ hadn’t. It was bad enough that he wanted him. But to have him looking so sexy, and in his room to boot? He didn’t know how strong his self-control was. Yet his manners kicked in and he’d shut the door and followed him back in.
AJ hadn’t wasted any time. In his straightforward, no nonsense way, he’d put his hands on his hips and looked straight at Brian. “We need to talk about things.”
Fear had leapt into Brian. Had AJ figured out how he felt and was here to yell at him? Was he going to say he was disgusted? The fear of rejection had left Brian almost speechless. All he’d managed to croak out was an soft “Oh?”
“Yeah. I learned a lot of things in rehab, and one of which is that life is short. You never know what’s going to happen to you, or when, or how much time you have left before it does. There’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but I didn’t have the balls to do it.”
“W-what’s that, Age?”
“This.” AJ said and strode forward. With one hand he took hold of Brian’s shirt, pulling him close and kissing him with all the passion and love that Brian had ever dreamed of. He hadn’t thought about it, but simply brought his hands up to hold AJ’s shirt and kissed him back.
Things had quickly progressed from there. They’d decided to keep things quiet as they explored this thing between them. There was no denying the passion they felt for one another. A month after that kiss they slept together for the first time. It had been glorious. That was also the first time they’d exchanged those three important words. ‘I love you.’
Now, almost six months down the road, their relationship was going strong. In Brian’s world there was no one else for him. No one made his blood pound the way that AJ did. No one touched his heart as deeply or sweetly as his own personal rebel. They knew who they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with, and it was one another.
Brian smiled to himself as he stepped out of the shower and went to the mirror. He was still distracted as he carefully shaved his face. Any time the guys went out like this, Brian inevitably found a reason to stay at the hotel. It was the only time they were guaranteed to be left alone together. No one questioned why AJ stayed. They all assumed it was to avoid the alcohol.
Tonight, with the way the guys were feeling, they’d have hours of privacy. Brian loved it best when it was like that. Sometimes they snuck out and rented another room somewhere, just so they could be privet. Here they had to be quiet, to make sure that no one heard them. As he rinsed the last of the shaving cream off his face, Brian found himself grinning in the mirror. He’d enjoyed sex as much as the next guy, but sex with AJ was so much different. They did things that Brian had never thought he would try, let alone like.
He’d discovered how much he enjoyed being in the submissive role in the bedroom. Sometimes in the relationship as well. Being with a woman he had always been required to be the man. To be strong and tough and steady. Even with his friends he was considered the steadiest of the group. Unshakable. With AJ, he didn’t have to hold that illusion. If he wanted to be weak, or soft, he could. No matter what, AJ would always take care of him. He had so much strength packed into that compact body.
It was the strangest sensation for him at first to surrender control. He had been used to being the man. To taking care of a woman. But with AJ, they took care of one another mutually, sure, but Brian didn’t have to pretend to be strong. If he needed a good cry about something, like when his father had been sick and they’d worried and worried over him, AJ let him have that cry. He never ridiculed him for it.
To the two of them it was their own personal joke. Brian had been the one to start it. In their relationship AJ was most definitely the ‘man’. Oddly enough that was ok. Brian didn’t mind. It was like a counter to the rest of his life. Out there, around everyone else, he had to be easy going. He had to let things roll off his back, and be strong, and all of that. He’d been groomed to be that way from day one with all the problems with his heart. But in privet, with AJ, he didn’t have to put up that front. Actually, it drove AJ crazy when he did. “You need to just be yourself!” AJ would tell him.
While moving to the bedroom to get dressed Brian glanced up at the clock. Good, the others should be gone now. Knowing that, he hurried as he dressed. He could barely stand to wait for AJ to fulfill the promise his body had made earlier.